knock knock knock "Penny?"

knock knock knock "Penny?"

knock knock knock "Penny?"

"Um.. Who Is it?" She stalled. It had sounded innocent enough at the time,even fun,just fill out one of those goofy valentines questionnaires, and yeah, maybe she'd only had one glass of wine, so she couldn't blame the alcohol, but she'd just gotten that part in the commercial...

"Dr. Sheldon Lee Cooper." He called through the door. "Your neighbour."

There was no where to hide... Why on earth had she agreed to go on a date with whoever was 'scientifically proved' to be her closest match?

She opened the door. "Hi Sheldon."

He held out a large brown envelope. "The results came in."

"And what are they?" She smiled,trying not to wince. Not Leonard, Not Howard, please god not Howard... Actually, after that symposium, she'd rather go out with Howard, the gall of that man thinking they were getting back together when all she'd been offering was a one night thing for old times sake..

"I have no idea." Sheldon replied, pushing the envelope towards her. "I could care less, I only took the exam to satisfy Leonards pipe dream of getting to date you again, and he promised me I could have the city of Kandor back."

"So you havn't opened it yet?" Penny took the envelope, curiosity taking over. Maybe she could just tell them that they had all been equally not compatible with her, and get out of it somehow...

"No. It just arrived, and while Leonard and Howard were both all for opening it and making sure they won, Raj and I agreed that in the interest of being fair that you should get to open it and read the results, to us."

"Read the results.. To you?"

"All of us." He nodded, clarifying.

Damn. She sighed. "Ok, well, let's go get this over with then." She chirped.


Sheldon had guided her in through the door and then sat down at his computer desk, tapping on his keyboard.

The other three men in the room were sitting in the living room, staring at her, each wearing a smug look on their face.

Why do I do these things to myself?

She cleared her throat, and pulled open the envelope, reading the top page. Her nose wrinkled. "Who is Mary Sue?"

"Oh, we had to send in even numbers, so we invented her." Leonard explained, his eyebrows moving, and his smile getting bigger.

Don't laugh Penny, don't laugh...

"Well, in that case congratulations Leonard." She paused. "You're a 88 percent match with Mary Sue."

His smile froze. "What? That can't be right?" He blustered.

"Wait," Howard cried out, "let her finish." He grinned. If he won, maybe she would trade their "date" with something of his and somehow get Bernadette to go...

Her eyes scanned down the list. "Howard, your highest match was with... Raj?"

Raj squeaked, and whispered furiously in Leonards ear, because Howard was glaring at him. "Well, Rajesh does SOUND kind of feminine." Leonard shrugged. "I guess they made a mistake?"

Penny tried not to laugh, she really did, but her shoulders were shaking slightly.

"Next?" Howard asked crossly.

"Oh, right." Penny smoothed a strand of hair back behind her ear. "Um, Sheldon's highest match... Oh my god." She paused. "That's not possible."

No way..No freakin way..

"What's not possible?" Sheldon mumbled.

Oh god...

"Well, the way they graded it, Leonard's highest match is Mary Sue, but Mary Sue's highest match is Howard, and Howard's highest match is Raj, and Raj's highest match is Mary Sue," She paused. "And your highest match is me... And my highest match," She paused again. "Is you."

Sheldon grabbed the paper from her. "At what percentage?"

Penny blinked. "A hundred. Both."

A hundred percent match with Sheldon? Breathe Penny, Breath.

The whole room was silent as Sheldon stared down at he paper.

"Utter balderdash." He said weakly. "Hookum. And Phooey, too."

Oh crap..

"Breathe Sheldon!" Penny shouted suddenly, and Sheldon sucked in a gasp of air, and the colour returned to his face.

He coughed., then cleared his throat. "So, apparently we now have to go on a date, as per the agreement you signed three weeks ago stating you would go on one date with whomever was your closest match."

"Apparently." Penny repeated.

A date? Sheldon? Apparently?

They stared at each other awkwardly.

"Right." Penny smiled. "Well, I'm free on Friday, and pick me up at six, and we'll go do somethin." She said quickly, backing out of the room. "BYE!"

Before her apartment door was even closed, Sheldon was gone, his bedroom door slamming shut.

"So Leonard." Howard smiled evilly. "Who did you base Mary Sue on."

Leonard put his head in his hands. "My MOTHER."