Five Marriages in Oz

Author's Note: Okay, so I've been seeing all these "Five Things" stories on various fan-fiction websites, and I've decided to take a crack at it. The following five shorts showcase marriages between characters in the Oz series. These occur in chronological order.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Oz series or any of its wonderful characters.

1. The Odd Family

"Do you, Zebediah Hugson, take this Princess Ozma of Oz, our Royal Ruler, our Fairy Queen, our Dainty Sovereign..."

"That's fine, Oscar, dear," cut in the dazzling girl in white.

The genial Wizard of Oz cleared his throat in embarrassment as the assembled congregation tittered, clucked, barked and growled. "... take this Princess Ozma as your wife, forever and always?"

Zed blushed. "Well, that should be more than easy, seeing as how I'll never again age."

With a grand and rather unnecessary flourish, the Wizard whipped open his jacket and loosed a pair of doves that had materialized from his inner pockets. "Then I now take pleasure in announcing you husband and fairy!"

The animated humans cheered and the Cowardly Lion thumped the floor with his tail. Uncle Henry Blue smiled proudly at his newly married nephew. One person - if one could call this curious character a "person" - was rather perturbed, however.

"If Ozma is my dear mother..." wavered Jack Pumpkinhead. "And Zeb is now my brother-in-law... why that makes you my second-cousin-by-marriage-in-law!" This last he directed towards a bewildered Dorothy, who could do nothing but laugh and accompany the legendary procession as the citizens of Oz followed their married Queen and her Regent in their honeymoon ride on the Red Wagon.

2. No One Mourns the Lovers

It was done. As the Wizard packed away his portable altar and other religious paraphernalia, she caressed his face with one shockingly emerald hand. They had united in the Unionist fashion, of course, as a final nod to her dearly departed father.

He smiled at her sweetly. All the love and loss in the world was hidden in that smile. "Here's to looking at things in a different way."

Her eyes pricked with tears. He dried them away with his rough gloves before they could burn tracks down her dry cheeks.

"Have to be careful," she said as she composed herself. "Glinda's still working on that counteracting spell for my... condition."

He pulled at the flower Dorothy had hesitantly placed in her hair. "Speaking of which, pink really does go good with green."

Suddenly, the heartfelt moment was interrupted by an irate Patchwork Girl. The cotton maiden slid in between the burlap form of Fiyero and the surprised Elphaba, her button eyes gleaming in fury at the green-skinned western Witch. "Back off, Witch, he's MINE!"

In the pews, the Tin Woodman whispered to the Scarecrow. "Let me guess. She doesn't know that there's been more than one animated scarecrow walking around?"

"Not in the least. I was afraid she'd want us both."

3. Touch of Tin

Oscar Diggs was at a loss for words for the first time in living memory. "You are sure of this, Princess?"

"Yes! I have my father's blessing and my sisters' best wishes. I have found love and I wish to keep it, and I don't care if I never set foot on the Rainbow again!"

"Very well, then," accepted the befuddled Nebraskan. "I now pronounce you woodman and fairy."

The human Nick Chopper kissed his bride, reveling in the warmth of her skin against his own. Being a man of tin had its benefits, but there was nothing like the feeling of a pumping heart in one's breast... or that of a beloved's heart against one's own.

As he stared at his beloved's face amid cheers and congratulations, Nick wondered that he'd ever fought for a heart made of silk when having Polychrome's felt so much more wonderful.

4. Feline Appetite

The Wizard sighed. This was getting beyond ridiculous. Then again, what had he expected of people that had blindly accepted himself as a giant puppet head?

"I now pronounce you... er... tiger and... kitten?"

Eureka contentedly rubbed her petite pink nose against the wet black sniffer of the Hungry Tiger. Both cats purred with satisfaction.

As Eureka pranced off to gab with the Glass Feline-in-Waiting, the Hungry Tiger turned to the Best Lion, who was regarding the scene with genuine amusement.

"The Pink Kitten's a fine animal, my friend," began Cowy, stretching luxiourously. "But what, may I ask, persuaded you to tie the knot with her?"

The Tiger grinned, showcasing two sharp yet harmless sets of teeth. "I've finally found someone whose appetite matches mine."

5. A Match Made in Wickedness

The Gnome King smirked and cackled. At last, he had secured a suitable companion!

Mombi snarled as she ripped off her veil. The Wizard stared at his old enemy, fairly repulsed. "Well, now that that's over, let's make haste to your kingdom," screeched the wrinkled Witch. You gnomes have some minerals in your caverns that I'd like to cultivate for a certain witchcraft involving the humiliation of the Queen of Ix."

"Those minerals are not to be touched!" asserted Ruggedo, deeply offended at this demand. "Why, our materials are ours alone, to polish, to examine, to mine... they must never be touched by human hands."

"Oh, spare me the Rock Fairy spiel, I've heard it. Can't I at least have some limestone if I'm going to be staying at your place?"

"Oh, limestone is fine. Dime a dozen, really. You can have the stock we keep at the bottom of the underground lake."

"Water?" The old woman looked appalled. "No, thank you. I'll make do with some eggs, instead."

"Eggs?" screamed the Gnome King in outrage.

Dorothy watched the odd villainous couple depart in bemusement. "What do you think?" she asked of Betsy.

"I think they're in love," she replied, and then the assembled congregation collapsed into mischievous giggles.