(and how Matthew Williams and Gilbert Beilschmidt mastered it)

. . .

Chapter one

Name: Matthew Williams
Age: 16
Current class: Child development
Current mood: Stressed
Status: So late...!

"I-I'm here!" Matthew Williams gasped, stopping himself in the middle of the doorway to the classroom, his elbow banging painfully against the frame. His other arm was curled securely around an armful of books.

As usual, the whole class ignored him, only a few stopping in their conversations to glance at him with mild interest. His teacher, Ms. Braginskaya, looked over with a smile. "Nice of you to join us," she chirped. "Go ahead and pick a seat, I'll be telling you your assigned seats later."

Matthew nodded quickly, breathing slightly labored as he took his seat in one of the desks in the far, far back. Ms. Braginskaya was already starting to introduce herself to the class.

"Dude, already late for class on the first day of school?"

Matthew visibly slumped in his seat. "Not in the mood, Al," he said gloomily, trying to focus his attention on the teacher. He reached up to run his fingers through his hair and tugged on a knot irritably. The fact that he was late was completely his bear's fault - not that the secretary believed him when he told her. And for once, his adoptive brother Alfred was earlier to school than he was.

Alfred snickered before leaning over to slap him on the shoulder good-naturedly. "Chill, I think the teacher will let you off the hook. She looks pretty nice..." The blond trailed off, eyeing the older woman up front.

Rubbing his shoulder, Matthew sniped back, "You only think so because of her boobs." It was true: Ms. Braginskaya was a rather...large woman, in terms of bust.

Alfred nodded solemnly. "You're probably right," he said, not once taking his eyes off of Ms. Braginskaya.

Matthew sighed in resignation, still unable to undo the knot in his hair. He dropped his hand rather loudly on his desk, creating a loud thump and effectively silencing the whole class. Nine pairs of eyes(they were a small class) landed on him, not including Alfred's, who was too busy trying to stifle laughs.

Ms. Braginskaya smiled. "Is there a problem, ah..."

"Matthew," Matthew supplied.

"Matthew," Ms. Braginskaya amended. "Is there a problem?"

The Canadian shook his head. "No m'am," he answered dutifully.

"All right then!" Ms. Braginskaya clapped her hands and smiled even wider, if that was possible. "I'm sure you're all just itching to do something else other than just sit there, so we'll start class off with your assigned seats!"

Matthew was glad that that meant he could sit away from Alfred. He loved him and all - they'd been in the same orphanage and was adopted at the same time by their fathers - but sometimes... Well, sometimes Alfred was a pain in the ass.

The students stood from their seats and lined up against the wall as the teacher called off names and pointed to desks. Matthew shifted his books in his arms a little awkwardly, half tuning in to Alfred's mindless babbles about hamburgers.


He jolted, blinking at his teacher.

"Right over there." Ms. Braginskaya gestured to a desk two seats away from the window and on the second row.

Matthew obediently shuffled over to his place as more names were called, looking around interestedly at who he would be sitting next to for the first semester. To his left was a long-haired brunette with striking green eyes. From what Matthew could see, she had bangs that were combed to the right and pinned in place by a clip. She wore a black-and-white polka dotted shirt and simple jeans and her attention was captivated by a book in her hands, except the occasional glances to the right. Matthew didn't remember seeing her before; he wondered if she was a new student.

On Matthew's right was a boy with neatly combed dark hair. He wore a light blue dress shirt, pants, and had rectangular, dark-rimmed glasses perched on the edge of his nose. Matthew vaguely remembered his name to be Roderich, only because Alfred often insisted on butchering his name and instead calling him 'Roddy.' Roderich was leaning forward on his desk, cheek resting on the palm of his hand as he stared somewhat dreamily in Matthew's direction.

A little perturbed, Matthew scooted back in his seat. To his relief, he figured out that Roderich was actually looking at the brunette to Matthew's left, who seemed oblivious.

Matthew was about to take out his own book to read when something small and yellow was thrown over his shoulder. It landed on his desk and rolled around a few times before stopping. Matthew picked it up curiously and studied it. It was a small eraser in the shape of a baby bird.

He twisted around in his seat with the intentions of returning it. "Is this-" he began, only to stop when his eyes locked with ruby red ones, voice dying out with a small squeak.

The red-eyed boy was smirking, platinum blond hair shining slightly from the rays of sunlight coming through the window. He cocked his head to the side, still smirking, eyes gleaming with what seemed like amusement.

"I-I th-think this is y-yours!" Matthew said, though he said it so quickly that he doubted he was understood. Then he practically throwing the eraser back at the other and turned hastily back to face the front, cheeks burning bright red.

He was stuck often in front of their busty teacher, flanked by two students with high sexual tension, and in front of a creepy person he'd later come to know as the boy who would 'invade his vital regions.' At least Alfred-

Oh, wait, his brother's seat was diagonal to his. Fantastic.

As if the situation couldn't get worse, he felt a pencil slowly drag itself down his exposed neck, almost teasingly. He regretted forgetting his hoodie at home.

Yes, things were just perfect.

Name: Gilbert Beilschmidt
Current class:
Child development
Current mood:
First day at a new school... Everyone, get ready to have your minds blown by the awesome me!

Gilbert wasn't too fond of constantly moving and switching schools. The only thing he ever liked about the idea was that he got to introduce himself to a lot of new people in different ways, and their reactions was always worth the trouble that he'd get into almost everytime afterward. He was especially liking this 'Matthew's' reaction.

The red-eyed boy took one of his pencils and reached forward so that its tip rested on Matthew's bare neck and dragged it down, taking his sweet time. Gilbert prided himself in the way the blond shivered. When Matthew did nothing to confront him, Gilbert only smirked more and repeated the notion, this time tracing letters on the skin: Hey there.

Through wavy blond strands, Gilbert saw his ears turn red. Only encouraged, Gilbert started tracing down the nape of Matthew's neck to the spot where it met his shoulder, pushing the neckline to the side slightly in order to get farther.

"Now that everyone's in their respectful seats, we can get started," Ms. Braginskaya said, beaming around at the room. "In this class, you'll have only one assignment." There was a bout of cheers. "There will be no tests or quizzes either." More cheering. "The only thing you'll have to do in this class is, of course, learn about a baby's stages of development...and actually take care of a baby yourself!"

At that last sentence, Gilbert paled. The rest of the room had matching reactions; there was silence.

Ms. Braginskaya seemed deterred by the sudden change of atmosphere, but she continued. "Don't worry, it will be fun!" she assured. "You'll get to pick one other person to take care of the baby - which will just be an infant simulator - and, here's a deal, I'll let you pick your partners yourself." When two blond males holding hands gave her a death glare, she added, "Same gender partners are allowed, too!"

After another tense silence, she laughed nervously and said, "You guys can even pick your partners today, if you'd like..."

The whole burst into activity as students paired up with the person they found most bearable. Gilbert straightened in his seat and was about to reach over, tap Elizabeta on the back, and ask her to be partners(aside from his brother and Feliciano, she was the only person he knew in this class) when another kid beat him to it. Gilbert watched as the boy with glasses cleared his throat before asking politely if she'd like to be partners.

Gilbert suppressed a snort and turned, hoping Feliciano would want to be partners, but of course, the Italian had already paired up with Ludwig. Gilbert snickered fondly when he saw his younger brother blush but accept Feliciano anyway.

When Gilbert started to contemplate just sitting there and waiting until someone asked him to be partners, he got a very bright idea, which involved a certain blond with glasses and went by the name of Matthew. He caught sight of him standing with two other people and bravely strolled over.

"Sorry Mattie, Kiku and I are already-" What was his name? Oh right, Alfred. Alfred grinned when he saw Gilbert. "Hey, you can pair up with Gilbert here!"

"Who wouldn't want to be partners with the awesome me?" Gilbert agreed, though he had no idea how the fuck Alfred knew who he was. He smiled like a Cheshire cat, wrapping an arm semi-casually around unsuspecting Matthew. "You'll be my partner, right?"

Matthew squeaked and turned a bright shade of red. "Eh? I-I don't know you!" he exclaimed.

"My name's Gilbert," the red-eyed boy said, still smiling. "Now you know, and we can be partners."

Matthew seemed to look over to Alfred for help, but Alfred was already dragging Kiku up to the teacher's desk, where, to Gilbert's amusement, Ms. Braginsky had pulled out a box of infant simulators and begun passing them out.

"Well, it looks like I have no choice," Matthew mumbled.

Gilbert shook his shoulder. "That's the spirit!" he crowed, steering the smaller boy towards Ms. Braginskaya. "You look like you're about to pass out, so I'm going to take this moment to let you know that I'm not going to perv on you." Lie. "And since I like to plan ahead," Lie, lie, lie, "whose house are we meeting up at after school?"

Matthew's head shot up to give Gilbert a half-terrified, half-shocked look. "What?"

"We're taking care of a baby, right?" Gilbert said with a frown. "I want it to have a good environment, thank you very much, and have it grow up with both parental figures!" Yes, he had no shame indeed.

Matthew seemed to stunned to reply to that. After they received their very own infant simulator(which looked like an average baby doll) Matthew muttered, "We can come over to your house, I guess..."

Gilbert grinned again and ruffled Matthew's hair, earning a I'm-pissed-at-you look. "Great! I hope you use the bus, 'cause I'm driving you home with me. Luddy won't mind."

"Luddy?" Matthew questioned.

"My little brother over there." Gilbert gestured to the tall blond man and Matthew nodded. "Hey, we should name our baby," he said suddenly, turning his attention to the fake infant in his arms.

Matthew flushed adorably(well, in Gilbert's opinion anyway) before saying, "We don't have to go that far."

"You're right babe, we can wait until you're ready to go all the way," Gilbert said coyly, slinking an arm around Matthew's waist.

Matthew squealed in indignation, ducking out of Gilbert's hold. "I wasn't talking about that!" he said.

Gilbert laughed. "I know, you're just fun to tease." He winked. Matthew pouted and defiantly looked away. "I wonder what kinds of things this does, though..." He looked down at the infant simulator thoughtfully. He turned to the nearest desk, lifted the baby, and slammed it down.

Immediately, recorded cries of a baby was heard.

"Gilbert!" Matthew shrieked, snatching the doll from the laughing albino and cradling it in his own arms, rocking it back and forth soothingly. When its cries died down, the blond glared at him. "Asshole," he said simply.

"Gilbert, that wasn't very nice, ve~" Feliciano said.

"Gilbert..." Ms. Braginskaya shook her head disappointedly. "Please remember that these dolls record a surprising amount of information, and when you turn it in at the end of the month, you'll get graded on how well you took care of it."

A full month of this? Gilbert thought, glaring at the robot baby currently in the center of Matthew's attention. His eyes traveled up to the blond and he softened at the sight. I guess it wouldn't be so bad if it's with Matthew here...

"All right, class is dismissed!" Ms. Braginskaya announced. "Please put your names on the dolls and put them in the box. You can pick them up at the end of the day!"

Gilbert couldn't wait to get started.

Name: Matthew Williams
Current mood:
This is all Alfred's fault.

Name: Gilbert Beilschmidt
Current mood: Pumped!
Status: This lucky baby has the two most awesome-est people on the planet for its parents!

Name: Alfred F. Jones
Status: Wonder if I should be worried for Mattie...

A/N: This idea's been on my mind for some time. I decided to type it up and...this is what happened. ^^ By the way, some Hetalia characters are going to be teachers and some are going to be students and some are going to be...parents. Depends on what I feel like doing. I'll always put a key at the end of each chapter though, so. =\

Ms. Braginskaya - Ukraine (thanks to Raining Sun for the correction on spelling!)

Unbeta'd, so any and all mistakes are mine. =)