A/N: This is an idea that popped in my head and I wanted to write it. Kristen Stewart is still my Bella, but Gerard Butler with the semi long hair is my Marcus. Images on blog. Abandon all expectations. Thanks to ForksPixie & stephlite for looking over this.
All things Twilight are the property and ownership of S. Meyers. I make no money from my obsession.
A Six Foot Request
The sun was beaming down on me and I was glaring at my shadow. Jealousy. I wanted to be in the dark, covered and out of the light. But I had decided to move back to Phoenix. It had been a while, but I thought that maybe I could forget about the cold. However, it is hard to forget something that you crave.
I decided to go back into the house. Renee and Phil were nice enough to let me have it once they had finally settled in California. I had a little sister now named Shannon. Renee had decided to try to give it one more try. The past ten years had been a little rough on her, Charlie, and Phil. A little. Well okay maybe it was a little more than a little. I walked over to my couch and picked up the last picture I took with Charlie. It was the day I decided to move on. I was a fool. I couldn't let go. I knew I never could. His hold on me was forever and I was stuck in this pain.
Ten years ago my life altered, shifted in a way that fragmented my soul. I was in love with a vampire, an immortal creature that charred forever his image into my brain. Edward Cullen. Edward Cullen. E-d-w-a-r-d. Yes I could say his name comfortably now. Yet, when he left…. The mere utterance of his name sent me into fits. I was damaged goods, made unusable by one boy, one ageless boy.
"The incident," as I liked to call it, was the catalyst. Even though now I believe it was coming sooner or later. He was going to find a reason to be rid of me. I was not his mate. I was not enough for him. For if I was, he would have never left me in that forest. But I believed the words that he said to me. I believed them because it seemed right.
I was found in those woods still calling his name. I whispered them constantly till I could not even speak, but his name echoed in my mind. Charlie had no idea what to do. When he spoke with Renee about committing me, I knew I had to snap out of it. The doctors would end up keeping me there forever with the things I might say under treatment. Even though they had left me, I knew I still had to keep the secret. I hid my grief and the pain from Charlie as best I could. However at night, the nightmares flowed through me and there was no denying that I was not better.
School was not working out. The constant stares and whispering from the Forks High population began to wear on me. Angela was my saving grace. She suggested that I just get away from Forks. That there was nothing left keeping me and I was slowly dwindling away. I talked it over with Charlie and told him my idea. He felt like a failure, but I couldn't keep up the façade, not in this town. I was going to go back to Phoenix. Renee and Phil still had their house there and I knew the area well. Charlie was worried about me being by myself. However, the solitude was just what I needed.
The day I left, it snowed. I let the snowflakes fall on my face and shivered as they melted on my warm skin. It was like his fingers were touching my face, ghosting over every curve. That's when I realized how much I craved the cold. I would love to feel him touching me again igniting the burgeoning passion I had planned to discover through him. I couldn't help but smile at the thought and basked in the chill. An all too familiar voice had brought me out of my thoughts. Jake. He was another reason I was leaving. The constant hovering was agonizing.
"I haven't seen you smile like that in a long time Bells." I looked down at him and tried not to sigh. He had been trying so hard to get me to love him. My heart belonged elsewhere. Jake was warmth, light. He was false and my heart knew it.
"I'll miss the weather," I responded to him.
"The weather? Is that all you will miss?" He smirked and I definitely have to do this now.
"Once I leave here Jake, I will try to forget every single thing I have encountered here." His smile fell and it hurt to say that. It wasn't true as I would never forget this place, Charlie, Jake, or them. I had to because Jake was the type of guy to hold on forever. I could not let him do that.
"Oh well…I see." Jake looked down at his feet. Charlie came out with the rest of my bags. He was going to take me to the airport. I wish I could have gotten out of it, but he was very persistent.
And that was the last I ever saw or spoke to Jacob Black. The ride to the airport was silent. I was thankful Charlie wasn't a talker. He gave me more pepper spray and told me to call once I got settled. He hugged me tight and wished me luck. He didn't ask me to come back to visit because he knew I wouldn't come back. I hated him feeling like he did, like he had failed. It wasn't his fault. I was just too far gone to recover completely. I told him I loved him and gave him the biggest hug I could. He got a little choked up and squeezed me tight.
"Bells, I will always be here for you. No matter what. Please… please don't ice your heart. You're too young to let it ice up forever."
I just sighed at his words. I gave him one last look before I went through security and walked away to the sun.
I arrived in Phoenix with the sun blaring down on me. I thought that would be just great. It would help me forget the cold I desired. I hopped in a cab and headed to my old home. Renee wouldn't be out until two weeks to make sure I was okay. So I had some time to myself, to have my nightmares without her talks of committing me. She had left her car there, so I could get around when I was ready to. Phil was even nice enough to transfer some money into my account. I didn't have to worry about much for at least a couple of months.
When I crossed the threshold, I remembered that I was still screwed. There were memories here as well. James had been in my old house. Edward had saved me in Phoenix. The entire family minus Esme and Rosalie had come. Still it was not as bad. I could avoid the hotel and the ballet studio had been burned down. I could do this. Well I thought I could anyway.
I was sadly mistaken. The first couple of days I worked hard clearing off the sheets off the furniture. I dusted and picked up a few essentials from the store. As the week ended, all the utilities were back on, the car was registered in my name and I was a resident again of Phoenix, Arizona. I stood back and looked around proud of my hard work. I had another week till Renee visited, seven days. I didn't know what else to do. The panic set in as I worried I would start to remember how shitty my life really is. I tried to take some calming breaths and then leaned against the fridge in the kitchen. The chill against my back soothed me. I wanted more of it, but hated the need for it. I stayed there all night, stiff once the sun rose. I knew I couldn't live my life in front of the fridge, but I wasn't ready to escape.
So I thought of other ways to keep the cold and function. Cold showers became my new obsession. It was the only thing that would help me sleep. However, as the week wore on, it wasn't enough. I couldn't live in the shower either. I couldn't take trying anymore. It became too much and I cried till my tears wore out and my sobs tired. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, and my spot in front of the tub became my living grave.
Renee showed up right on time to find me curled in the fetal position on the floor of the bathroom. I had let the memories consume me and take over my mind. For almost three days, I had been in the same spot because I lacked the courage and the strength to try to live. I could only imagine what Renee saw when she arrived. I feel bad about it now, but then, I didn't give a shit.
I woke up a few days later in what I thought was a hospital. It was a hospital, but for the mentally ill. Renee betrayed me and had me committed. When I was finally seen by a doctor, I was told I was in St. Mark's Behavioral Health Facility in Phoenix. Dr. Albertson seemed like a nice guy, but I didn't want to talk to him about my problems. I couldn't talk to him about my problems. "Oh doctor, my vampire boyfriend just couldn't man up and change me, so he left when his brother tried to have me for dinner." Yes that would have given me a permanent seat there.
Albertson, as I said before, was nice. However, he didn't know the human mind no better than he could see the bald spot on the back of his head. I felt sorry for his patients who could really use the help. I stayed for just over a year. I made friends, superficially of course, and did my group therapy just the way they all wanted us to. Albertson played right in my hands as I used my grief of moving, dejected by the boyfriend, parent's divorce for the reasons behind my behavior. I used whatever I could as my root issue. The problem was that I just missed the cold.
When I was released, Charlie and Renee were worried about me going back to the house on my own. I assured them that I just needed a fresh start. So I continued to bury it down. I got a job at a rare books store and even attended college courses at night. They thought I was fine and left me alone. Charlie visited me once, but my standoffish behavior only distanced him from me. It didn't matter as the following year, he and Sue Clearwater got married. He didn't bother me too much after that. I don't think he gave up, but he just didn't know what to do anymore.
That was year two. I call it the "Year of Denial". The year I tried to act like the Cullens never happened. Year three I had a revelation, I can't forget about them. I will never forget Esme and her motherly ways, Jasper and his easy going nature, Emmett and his boisterous laughter, Alice and her pushy personality, Rosalie and her beauty, Carlisle and his need to take care of his family…. and finally Edward. I would never forget Edward and the love I knew he had for me. At one point in all of this, he had to have loved me. It may have ended, but he loved me dammit. And since they left me, abandoned me, I would not let them forget me so easily.
So year three, "The Stalker Year," I searched for them, googled them. I needed to find them again to at least find out why they abandoned me. I spent the first few weeks on the internet trying to track them down. I was obsessed and I ended up losing my job at the bookstore. It didn't matter. I had saved some money. Plus I had yet to touch the money Phil had setup. Renee paid all the house utilities and the mortgage was paid for. I did decide to eat and clean myself up. You can't search if you're dead.
When the internet failed me, I went to taking notes. I tried to remember every location the family had ever said they lived in. I tried to remember last names other than Cullen that they might use. Masen. McCarty. Hale. I doubt if they would use Esme or Alice's and I couldn't remember Jasper's. After I gathered all the information I could remember, I went back to the internet and searched databases, real estate, and other public records. I called hospitals to see if there was a Carlisle Masen or Cullen or Hale. I tried everything from emergency clinics to private practices. I even searched school records. It's amazing what you can find on the internet. Learn how to hack a database 101. It all resulted in nothing. I searched the entire year and no results.
It was a few weeks before Christmas. I had told Renee and Charlie that I would not be traveling and that they should spend it where they were. They agreed thank God and I went back to my daily tasks. It was time that I went for a grocery run. I drove to the store and brought some notes with me to look over. I didn't want to waste any valuable time. I was face deep in papers and notes and not paying any attention where I was going. I ran smack dab into "The Year of Total Fuckups." He was gorgeous with his sparkling blue eyes, blonde hair that was cut short, and a smile… not a smirk… but a smile that was welcoming.
"Oh I'm so sorry. I wasn't paying any attention where I was going." I fumbled trying not to stare at him. I began picking up my papers.
"No it's okay I was tweeting and not paying any attention either. Let me help you." He said sweetly.
"Thanks… thanks so much…. ah…."
"Samael. Samael Shaw. And you are?" Another blinding smile and I was almost thinking I could just say screw all this and move on.
"Isabella Swan, but please call me Bella." I smiled back and stood up. He handed me back all my papers and I tried to sort through them all.
"Going on a manhunt?"
"Kinda sorta. Just looking for some old… associates."
"Oh well… okay… ah…."
"Well I am headed grocery shopping so thanks, have a good day." I had to get out of there. I was not willing to get close to anyone. This was not part of my plan.
"Would you like some company?"
"At the grocery store?" I was shocked. Why in the hell would he want to hang out with me?
"Yeah, maybe I could help you in your little search." He smiled again and he could have been selling corn and I would have bought up twelve bushels.
I had to smile as I thought back to Samael. He tried so hard to get me to love him, but it didn't work out. That day at the grocery store was awkward at best. I really had not been around people in a while. So trying to hold a conversation with someone was really difficult. Yet he tried hard and became my friend. We would meet weekly for grocery store runs and he'd ask me about my project. I began to learn that he liked homemade sauces and kung fu movies. He learned that I was pretty much alone and liked the color green. Blue was no longer a color I liked to wear. It was the day before Christmas that things changed. He asked me to be his date for Christmas.
"No one should be alone for Christmas Bella. No one." He was being so sincere and I could only nod. "Great I'll pick you up and we'll be at my brother's. His wife is a great cook and they love all my friends."
I had a friend. He called me his friend. I was so overjoyed with what he had just said that I didn't realize what I had just agreed to. I was choosing to spend the holidays with a family, with people I don't know. My revelation did not come to me until we were in his car, pulling into the driveway.
"Sam, I can't do it. I can't. What was I thinking?" All I was thinking was another family for me to get attached to. Another family to abandon me. I bolted from the car with Sam yelling behind me. I don't know how long I ran for, but it felt great. The slightly chilled evening air on my face reminded me of a time with… him.
I finally slowed down and found a cab to take me home. I didn't see or hear from Sam, well mainly because I was avoiding him. He was persistent with his calls, texts, and emails. He even came by the house, but luckily the car was in the garage. Plus since that night I made it back I had secluded myself in the house doing nothing.
"Bella please let me in. I know you're in there. I'm worried about you. Please… please." He begged against my door and it reminded me of myself.
I don't know what I was thinking, what I was feeling, but I could not have him begging. I would not make him me. I got up and opened the door to see him there looking exhausted and tired. I waved my hand to invite him in. He saw my notes, my map, my papers strewn all over the place. As I looked at it all again, even I was shocked. Had I gotten this far in my desire that I forgot how to live?
"Bella, what is all this?" He looked confused and a little worried. I needed to let it all go, but I didn't want to.
"I'll tell you everything, but I need whiskey." He smiled widely and nodded. I went over to my stash and sat down two glasses. I told him everything…. minus the vampire part, but keeping the gist of the story true. Even down to James and his "gang". By the time I brought him up to Cullen Stalkerfest, he was silent.
"I understand if you want to leave." I looked down not wanting to look at him. I felt his hand at the tip of my chin and pulled my face up to look at him.
"I'm not going anywhere." He leaned down and kissed me softly on my lips. I was in shock at first, but quickly caught on that a man was in my living room kissing me.
My fingers tentatively reached up and rubbed the back of his hair. He moaned in my mouth and I realized then that this was the farthest I had ever gotten. I had kissed Edward, but they were so careful and definitely had no tongue.
"Let's slow down Bella. I don't want you to think I'm taking advantage of you. I think you've had enough of that already." He stood up and I assumed he was leaving. I gripped his hand tighter.
"Please stay. We don't have to do anything, but please stay. Maybe you can help keep the nightmares away."
"I will, no worries. Just note that I snore. And Bella, they don't deserve you. You are too special and anyone would be a fool to leave you." I looked up at him teary eyed and smiled.
"Let's sleep and in the morning we start "Operation Moving On."
He held me that whole night, squeezing me tighter and whispering caring words when the nightmares would try to start. Samael always joked about his name, it being one the angels of death, but he certainly brought me to life.
We brought in the New Year with his brother and sister-in-law. Now knowing the clusterfuck that was my life, he saw that I needed to be integrated better with people. They were nice and we would hang out with them more come the following months. He also survived Renee. She happened to visit Valentine's Day in hopes of cheering me up. What she found was a sleeping Sam and I in bed together. We had yet to do anything as he had the patience of a saint. Renee was happy to see me moved on and somewhat happy. It was okay. I was learning to know what it was like to be me again.
I had stopped looking altogether for the Cullens. It seemed easier that way to forget. Sam helped me get my job back at the bookstore and it made me feel human. No more searching, no more wondering. Sam and I had been spending everyday together. He was practically living at my house by that April. It was great. I was filled with him, consumed with him. Then that May he said those three words:
"I love you. I love you, Bella, so much." I didn't know what to say so I just kissed him and he understood that I felt something, but couldn't say the words.
"Show me." I answered back to him in reply.
Sam swept me up into his arms bridal style and carried me to our bedroom. He laid me down on the bed and I told him that I had never gone as far as our very heated make out sessions. He smiled and I knew it was because he had already known. Slowly he undressed me and brought me to great pleasure… repeatedly. I felt closer to him, but doubted if I could ever get any closer.
Still I never could reply to him. I could never say the words, even though I tried to in my actions and with my body. I just couldn't. I wanted to say it back, but the words choked up in my throat. He was saddened by this, but tried to brush it off every time he said it. All I could give him was a smile.
Then one day he snuck up behind me and placed his very cold hands on the exposed skin. I knew he was defrosting the freezer earlier, yelling and cursing all morning. He had even offered to buy me a new one, but I liked my old one. It had character. I froze in place and the memories came flooding back…every touch, kiss, song serenaded, dance, laugh, growl. It flowed over me and I was in a trance. He had made his way back into the forefront of my mind and I needed him again. "Edward."
I whispered his name lowly, but still loud enough for Sam to hear. He said nothing, but just walked away. By my birthday of that year I had ruined the potential for something great. We ended up arguing more. He was saying I was still caught up on someone that didn't want me. I lied and said I wasn't. Sam argued that I'd rather live in the darkness of my past than move on to the lighter side of my life with him. I lied and said it was stress. He said that I would never be able to love him the way he loved me, that I could never be able to say those words. I looked at him and told him that maybe someday I could.
"That someday needs to be today, Bella. Please…I love you…tell me. I know you do." His please were soft and filled with passion. I wanted to give him this, but the hunger for the cold was too much.
"I can't…I'm sorry, Sam."
"I'm sorry, too. Goodbye, Bella. Happy Birthday."
I should have ran after him and shouted that I loved him because I as I looked at it now, I did love him. It just wasn't enough. I had sat there with my presents and balloons in the restaurant until they closed. I made it home to see all his stuff gone and the key to the car and the house on the table. I crawled into bed and laid there till morning. I got up, ate, showered, worked, and came home. That became my routine. I didn't fully shut down, but I wasn't out socializing either. I had started going to the grocery store by my job instead of my house. I couldn't risk seeing him.
The New Year came and went and I did nothing but do what I needed to survive. That was all I could afford to do now. I stopped calling Charlie and asked Renee not to visit. They of course got worried and Charlie threatened to send me off to a Monastery if I didn't live a little. I told them to back off and let me live my life. They backed off and I shut them out completely. I did not visit them, nor them I and that was fine. That is how the next couple of years went. I would check in via phone call or email and leave it at that.
Then Renee told me she was pregnant again. In less or so words, she was trying to have another chance to get it right as a parent. What the hell? This time maybe she could make it work, I guess. It only hurt me more when I found out it was a girl. I wanted nothing to do with Shannon or Renee or even Phil. I have not talked to my mother since. I was bitter and she wanted to move on. Charlie had tried, but I pushed him on out as well.
Years past and I was just barely living. I felt unwanted, but still had no one to blame but myself. I alienated people and couldn't move on. I tried, but I had a feeling that I should not let go, that I should keep holding on. It just felt like my fate was attached with the Cullens and I just needed to find them to say what I needed and find out why. Then maybe I could let go.
I was sitting down watching the History Channel and there was a commercial for Canada. Then it all clicked! The reason I couldn't find them anymore was because they had gone international. I thought I remembered them mentioning property there. I rushed to the box I had put away. Hoping to find a clue to something, but I didn't. I knew they had been in Alaska, maybe they weren't too far in Canada.
So like a fool I bought a ticket for a Western Canadian tour. I was going to visit the Yukon. My boss, Ms. Finster, loved me at work. She let me have a month off to do what was needed as long as I could find someone to replace me. That was not a problem as someone was always looking for a job. She ended up hiring two of the people I found. I was glad and made plans to start my trip.
I had no clue how I would start, just that I would. Plus I had never left the US, so this would be interesting. I arrived in Whitehorse and just fell in love with the place. I checked into the small inn that would be home for the next month and decided to explore the city a little. I went shopping for a while and had dinner at this great Indian restaurant. I was having such a good time I almost forgot why I was there. I went back to my room and decided to map out a plan. I would drive some places and do private snow dog tours to others. For a minute I thought this was some pretty fucking desperate shit. Yet I needed this.
So for the next three weeks I went all over the Yukon asking if anyone knew the Cullens or the Masens. Had the Hales frequented the area? Of course I found nothing. Those sneaky little vampires were pretty good at hiding. I should have known. I only had a week left on my funds, leave, and patience. I finally decided to just give up and go back.
I went to go back to that Indian restaurant I fell in love with. I didn't even enjoy my food, so I had my leftovers boxed up and left to go back to my room. I was lost in thought while looking down and ran right into a wall. I thought I was walking straight. I remembered that moment as the last turning point. The day it went to shit.
"Damnit! I really need to watch it. I'm getting too old for this shit." I grumbled and looking up to see that it wasn't a wall, but a woman. I tall, beautiful, strawberry blonde. And she was a vampire. Fuck me. When I looked closer I calmed a little. She had golden eyes. Jack-fucking-pot!
"Are you alright?" Her eyes squinted at me and reached out a hand. I took it immediately and was flushed. That touch… it was like I was fucking junkie and I just got a taste.
"Ye…yes. I am. Thank you." I stared at her and she at me. There seemed to be a small flicker of recognition in her face. Did she know me? Did she know the Cullens? Could she sense I wasn't afraid?"
"I know you, little one." She had not let go of my hand and her grip had gotten tighter.
"Excuse me?" She pulled me in closer.
"You are the scent I sometimes pick up on certain things." She looked down menacing at me. I wanted answers and I was not going to punk out to this Rosalie reject.
"Who's things? And would you mind letting me go." I pulled as hard as I could and may have sprained my wrist a little.
"Oh you know. You spilt my family apart. One little human. I could kill you now, but I think the thought of you living and knowing they don't want you will be good enough." She sneered and I wanted to rip her hair out.
"I already know they don't want me. I came to find out why." I growled out to her.
"Fierce little kitten are we. Hasn't it been long enough? Don't you think it's time to find your own life? They have forgotten about you. You were too much of a liability. Ya know, I found pictures of you in a box labeled 'junk'. My husband certainly doesn't need you anymore. Edward is rather happy."
Edward. Her husband. No… that's my cold… that's my forever. My goodbye.
"You are lying!"
"Oh my God! You are still carrying the torch after nearly a decade? Puh-lease!" She laughed and again I wanted to smack her.
"I just want to know where they are. I just need to close this… this pain." I looked at her pleading now.
"I can help you with that." We locked eyes and for a brief second I wanted her to give me that death. Yet for some reason, I just couldn't do it. I looked away and she laughed softly. "Figures. Weak pathetic human." She turned and gave me one last look and walked away.
"I am not weak." I mumbled under my breath, but I knew she could hear me.
"Oh Isabella…then why are you here?" She gave me one last pitiful laugh and walked away amongst the crowd.
"I am not weak." I said again.
I left that same day and came home defeated, broken and in need of a slap in the face. I needed to wake up and smell the coffee. I wiped the tears that were now flowing down my face. I promised that I wouldn't cry again. Yet it seemed that everyday since I left Canada, I couldn't get myself to function. I went to work, cried, ate, cried, slept, well tried to sleep and I cried. I was pathetic.
"You are pathetic Bella." Well thank you. I appreciated the notification the first five hundred times. Talking to myself again was also not a good sign. I placed the picture I had been clutching to my chest back on my end table and thought of what else to do. I couldn't function anymore because I didn't want to be without his touch. Even though I know the truth. Why couldn't I let go? I wanted to let go. But his very essence had frozen my heart to him. Why? He is married to another.
I decided to leave the house and head to the grocery store. I really didn't know why. I had lost twenty pounds over the last year. I ate, but I couldn't keep it down for the most part. I sighed and headed out to the car. The grocery store was packed, as usual, for I always seemed to wait till the peak times. I was going through the aisles when something small smacked right into my leg.
"Hi!" There below me was the smallest and cutest little girl I had ever seen. Her blues eyes sparkled and I swear they looked familiar. Her blonde hair hung down straight and her smile was huge.
"Hi are you lost," I asked her.
"Mommy!" She squealed and hid behind me.
"Isabella? Where did you go?" Was her name the same as mine? "Oh thank God! I am so sorry. Three year olds get quite fast at times. I'm sorry." Her mother, I assumed, came over and lifted the darling Isabella to her hip.
"It's okay. It's been a while since I had any fun." Little Isabella was smiling and hugging her mother's neck. I felt torn and lost. I wanted that and didn't want that. I needed what that Isabella had, but knew I didn't deserve it.
"Her father is probab…." She was cut off by a face I had not seen in a long time.
"Grace, Isabella! Thank God!" Samael came rushing over to them and hugged them. Insert knife and twist.
"Sam…" I couldn't believe it. Just when I thought my life could not get any worse.
"Bella…um…hey." He was turning red and his wife, girlfriend, whatever was beginning to put two and two together.
"Bella… as in THE Isabella?" She looked up at Samael and he nodded. "Well…this is…yeah. I'm going to take my Isabella here and let you two catch up. Thanks again, Bella. Take care." She smiled at me and walked away. I was left there with Sam, shifting from foot to foot.
"Glad that you're happy. Glad that you found someone to say it back." I couldn't take it just standing there. I had to leave. I turned and walked away. He grabbed my hand and tugged me into a hug.
"Get help, Bella. I can tell you are not happy. Go to the root and cut it loose. Let go, please. I will always hold a place for you in my heart. I always want what makes you happy." I could only nod. I wanted to tell him I loved him, but I couldn't. One, it wouldn't be true. Two, it would just mess with his mind.
"Goodbye, Sam." I turned and walked away, leaving everything behind. There was no need to keep any of it.
I made it back to my house and tried to calm down, but Sam's words just stuck with me. The vampire's words in Canada rang over and over. I just became angry. I wanted my life to be okay. I wanted my life back. FUCK! I threw the statue I kept for peace into my TV. My bookcase was swiped by my fist, knocking all the books over. I grabbed my Grandma Marie's small, antique chair and slammed it into the wall. I tried to kick over my sofa, but fell over in the process. I was a mess. A complete and utter mess. I stayed there on the floor and cried. I wailed till my heart could not do anything else any more.
I was empty, but not healed. I was broken and there was nothing and no one that would ever be able to fix me. I was pathetic and undeserving. Everyone had given up on me and I was alone. Seeing Sam today just put the nail in the fucking coffin. I didn't want to do this anymore. I didn't want to be here anymore. I needed to disappear completely. I couldn't do it here. I couldn't do that to Charlie. Renee has Shannon, so she wouldn't care anyway.
"Go to the root and cut it loose."
Sam was right. What was the root? So I sat and pondered it. And it slammed into me like fucking lightening. The Cullens, when it all came down to it, were in fact vampires. Who ruled them? Who told them when they were wrong? The Volturi. If I waned to disappear completely, then I knew who could help me do that. I shouldn't be alive anyway as humans should not know the secret. They might get in trouble, but at this point, I plan on taking all those bastards down with me.
I looked at the mess I made and just said fuck it. I sent a quick email to Charlie and Renee to explain that I would be moving out of the country, to not worry about me and that I don't plan on contacting them. I was going to take all the money I could out the bank, but first bought my plane ticket and had a rental car waiting for me. I grabbed my big suitcase and laughed my ass off when I looked at it. I was going to die…pack light Bella. I grabbed my backpack, enough clothes for a week, and my passport and was out to the door to face my fate.
I had to laugh at myself on the plane. In my head I was thinking of what I was going to say. 'Hi, I'd like to be your lunch. Thank you very much.' The man next to me must have thought I was nuts. I was giggling and snorting like a mad woman. I was certainly loosing it. We finally landed and I made my way over to the car rental and picked up my car.
"I'm sorry ma'am, but there seems to be some type of mix up." I sighed. Didn't he know I was slowly loosing my mind and needed the peace I knew was only a few hours away?
"What seems to be the problem?"
"We gave away our last car in the style you wanted." Even at this I will fail.
"Is there something similar?"
"No ma'am, but we can give you a free upgrade since it was our fault. Enjoy."
I went out the doors to await the rental and a little canary yellow sports car pulls up. The guy driving got out and looks at my paperwork. He finally hands it back and I read what it says: Porsche 911 Turbo. Nice.
It took me three hours to get to Volterra. It would have been shorter, but of course I kept getting lost. Upon arriving I really didn't know where to go. I began walking around, taking in the sights. What a beautiful place to start over or to end. There was so much sun around, so I knew the usual suspects would not be around. I bid my time and made my way towards the castle. That had to be where they were. I noticed a fountain that sat in the center of the plaza. I couldn't help to be drawn to it. In a happier time I could see myself jumping in it with the one I love, splashing about. Yet I was not. I was here for a request.
It began to get dark and I decided to begin walking around. After a while, I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. One must be nearby. I went towards the feeling and I was drawn to it almost. Down some stairs, through a walkway, and around and alleyway I went. Whomever was my dark savior seemed to be luring me and I was not about to deny it. I was ready and wanted this. There was no turning back now.
"I know someone is here. You might as well show yourself."
"A woman that does not fear death? Oh this is a pleasure."
"No I welcome it." He was still lurking amongst the shadows. His voice was low and deep, yet soothing. It sang to me and I wanted to hear more.
"Well let me introduce myself." He walked out from the darkness and our eyes caught each others, his, the darkest crimson and mine, the murky brown. "I am Marcus."
"One of the brothers. Then I am certainly honored." I curtsied and he gave a devious chuckle. It was odd as he didn't seem like one to chuckle. If I remember correctly, he was the one who looked rather morose and bored in Carlisle's painting.
"Someone has been very naughty. You know a great deal of me and yet I know nothing of you."
"Yes, someone has been. Yet I know the rules and I am here to take my punishment. I request a sentence of death." I said confidently.
"Bravado. It suits you. Someone so beautiful expects to die? Shame." He was so close to me, his breath tickling my skin. I could smell him and I was intoxicated by it.
"It is what I want. However, I must ask what a King would be doing here away from his castle? Isn't your food served to you?" I kept my eyes locked with his as he circled me. I couldn't the smile that appeared on my face. Death had made me bold. His long, dark brown hair hung around his face in waves and that same boldness urged me to touch it.
"That is a good question…" He paused.
"How fitting. As I was saying, I really do not know." I looked at him curiously. "I hardly ever leave, but something compelled me to leave this night. I am rather delighted that I did."
"As am I. Again, I find it be honorable to be ended by one of the brothers." We both laughed at my sarcasm. I found that I liked his laughter and wanted him to do it again. Snap out of it Bella. It's how they dazzle you.
"You would not want this immortal life?" He asked me and I knew the answer immediately.
"Not if I can't have my soul mate by me forever."
"I understand. It would be a lonely and worthless immortality." Marcus looked away, saddened. I knew that feeling. He picked me up and swiftly moved us. I felt us heading upwards, but I did not look. He was fast, if not faster than Edward. So I just nuzzled my face further in his chest and tightened my arms around his neck. I thought I heard him sigh, but I was not sure. We finally stopped and when he sat me down on my feet, we were in a lavish room.
"Where are we?" Marcus swept my hair over my shoulder and his fingertips ghosted over my skin. My eyes closed and I couldn't stop the moan from my lips. My eyes popped open and I stare at him in embarrassment.
"No need to feel that way. We are in a small area, secluded away in the castle. The others know about it, but they dare not bother me here." He traced his fingertips across the exposed skin along my chest and I shivered.
"I'm sorry…I miss…I miss that feeling of cold against my skin." Marcus moved in closer and this time his lips were at my neck and I thought this was it. My heart started to race and I knew he could hear.
"Would you like that? Would you like to feel me over you before I drain you?" I moaned again and I didn't know what had come over me. I was here to die…not be loved up on. Marcus leaned in to lightly suck on my ear and his breath was softly playing across my neck. I was in a daze, I wanted the cold of his touch, craved it. The need was taking over me, unlike it had ever before. If I'm going out, why the hell not.
"Yes. I want to feel everything before…." He nodded and began to bring me so close to him that my body was a perfect mold. I fitted right in every nook of his curves.
"I can do that." Marcus grabbed me tight to him, laid me down on the huge bed and kissed me. He was passionate and it was over-powering. "Amazing how a little human can excite me so. It has been quite a few centuries…" He ground his very hard erection into me, "…but I think some things just don't change." Marcus was kissing down my neck again and I was done. There was no turning back. Yet I had one last request.
"I just ask one more thing. When I die, send my body to the Cullens." I tried to hide my face, but he had me pinned there.
"What?" Marcus' head whipped up and looked at me in shock.
"They will know what to do." Marcus eyed me speculatively, but I didn't want more questions. I wanted him to give me the best orgasm of my life, kill me and then lay my body at their feet. That would certainly give me a nice pat on the back. Job well down Swan. My soul was damned either way, so I didn't care about my last minute actions.
I just kissed him. I needed to get on with this. I felt Marcus tongue push softly into my mouth. Years of experience I guess. The venom was doing all types of tingly things to my mouth. He stopped and I thought he would not finish, but he then leaned up and removed his jacket and shirt. I was drawn to his chest and I ran my fingers and hand all over it.
"So warm…" He muttered.
"So cold…" I said at the same time.
We both had needs and they would be met tonight. Marcus then leaned down and began to caress me over my clothes. I did not beg for more because he was certainly doing me the favor. Yet I knew in some way I was helping him as well. I began to pant and my breath was flowing over his body. For every pant he would growl. Next thing I knew my shirt was ripped off and then my pants. I laid there bare for him and was beginning to blush.
"We have no time for shyness, Isabella."
He leaned up and captured my breast into his mouth. My hands immediately went to his hair and I loved the rough, yet soft control of his touch. He gave the other the same treatment and I was on fire. I had cherished the chill of Marcus' touch, but it was so cold that it burned deep within me. His cold fingers made their way down my stomach to my aching clit. He was not wasting time.
"I'm going to make you come, Isabella and I really want to hear you say MY name."
He began to swirl his finger around my clit and I was in ecstasy. I had only ever been with Sam, but I sincerely doubted if I could ever find anything close the feeling of his fingers. He took his middle finger and gently pushed into me. I moaned and began kissing him again. He added another and the icy seduction was breaking down every functioning piece of me. Marcus' thumb circled my clit as his pushed another finger into me.
"Ugh…feels…so good." I managed to get out.
"You're so wet for me…" He pulled out his fingers and put them into his mouth. I was about to be upset that he stopped. However seeing him taste me, drove me crazy. "…and you taste as good as you smell."
He plunged his fingers back into me and I was again set on fire. I was close…so close. It was feeling so good that I knew this orgasm was going to feel beyond…
"Yes, Isabella, come for me."
And I did and it felt like it would not stop. Before I was even coming down from my high, Marcus' pants were off and he was lining up to enter me. I moaned out as I felt him ease it to me. It was ridiculously perfect. I loved the way he felt and I was so turned on that there was no way in hell I would be numbed by his cold.
"Marcus yes, please more."
"Yes Isabella….you feel so warm, so good." It was great to hear that he was feeling the same, that I was able to give him this feeling.
He pushed deep into me and I felt so full. He began to rock back and forth. I started to meet him thrust for thrust with my hips. There was a tinge of pain, but I was really starting to like it wrapped up in the pleasure. I threaded my fingers in his hair and gripped his waist with my legs tighter. It didn't matter if I was going to bruise. He was panting in my ear when my next orgasm crashed into me unexpectedly.
"That's right Isabella. Again and again."
He then lifted us so that I was sitting on his lap. Marcus brought me up and down on him. I was going to loose my mind before my death even came. His grip was getting tight and I knew he was coming close to his end as well. In that moment I did not want to do this, I wanted to be in this moment forever with Marcus.
"Now Marcus please!"
Marcus then pushed my head to the side as he continued to bury himself into me. He licked up my neck and then bit into it. The sharpness of the pain had me coming hard. It was a great intensity all over. I could not stop screaming his name. Upon his first gulp I felt him climax as well. He pushed deep within and gripped my hip with his other hand as he sucked. I felt my bone pop in his hand, but I could not stop the orgasm and the pain that was tingling from my neck.
His name was nothing now but a whisper. I felt myself slowly falling back down on the bed and I was getting less and less coherent. I could feel nothing, I was slipping. This was my end and I would finally get the rest I wanted. With my last breath I said what I could.
"Your promise. Goodbye Marcus."
And with that there was darkness.
A/N: I wrote this all with this pressure to get it out. It was a desire to tale this story of Bella had she been forgotten. It is a one shot, but who knows. Hope you enjoyed it either way.