It's not like I planned this. It's not like a year ago that I saw myself wanting Jay. I didn't. I never wanted him. I never saw myself wanting him. I was perfectly happy with Stacy. No one else had ever made me feel so special, so wanted and loved. Even today, I know Stacy was my true love. He was perfect. I was just too stupid to see it then. It's not like I can go back and tell myself what I've learned. Experience comes from mistakes, we all make them.

But I wish I could have saved him the heartbreak, it would have saved me from mine. But that's ruining too much of the plot for you isn't it? Let's take you back to the first night I let my libido do all the thinking...

-xxxxxx;

When Stacy and I pulled up outside of my house, the last thing I expected was a fight. I didn't feel it coming on. He hadn't been in a bad mood, neither had I. My Dad was at work until very late tonight, practically in the morning... I knew Tony would most likely be having a party. It wasn't out of the usual. Stacy knew that too. He was part of the group. We were part of the group. But sometimes... Stacy was more reserved than I liked him to be.

"Stacy,"

I said softly and wrapped my arms up around his neck after he opened the car door for me like a true gentleman. I could hear the music from up in the house... the door was opened, letting it be blasted down here to the sidewalk and the street. I could feel my hips start to move instinctively. I just wanted to have fun. I wanted to get 'down and dirty' like my brother did with his girlfriend; whoever that happened to be that night. I wanted to be felt up like Jay feels up his gals' in front of me every now and again, not like I enjoyed watching him do that or anything...

did I?

"Kathy... no."

Stacy said softly and started push me away from him lightly, I pouted.

"Come on, stay for the party. You know Tony and Jay want you to,"

that was truth. I took his arm and tried to drag him towards the house but... he was stronger than me. They were all stronger than me. He easily pulled away and she shook his head, a rather serious look upon his face.

"No.. I've got work tomorrow.. I'll just... I'll call you tomorrow. I promise."

I couldn't believe he was leaving. I couldn't believe, he knew that I wanted fun... I wanted to take this year of a relationship to the next level... and yet, here he was still treating me like a kid. Sometimes I wondered if I was the kid or if Stacy was.

"Yeah, whatever."

I said quietly and lent against the tree in the front yard, watching his beat up car disappear into the night. It hurt. My heart stung. My eyes watered. All I wanted was some fun. Was that so hard to ask for? He was my boyfriend after all! When this relationship had started it had been as innocent as ever. I wanted it that way; he wanted it that way. It blossomed so genuinely over time but... these feelings...I was growing up and I wanted more. I needed more. We could be careful... they invented protection for a reason. Even if I was Catholic. I was a teenager, I didn't want a baby... I just wanted a fun night.

I heard something drop down beside me, someone is what I realized when I turned my head. Jay had jumped from the front porch, down to the lawn, and off the front yawn which was around four feet above the sidewalk, down to it and walked up beside me. I could smell the alcohol on him... Jay was eighteen; just like my brother Tony, just like Stacy. I was fifteen. I was going to be sixteen soon, though. Stacy kept forgetting that. My birthday was in like, two weeks.

I had been pondering on the thought that maybe he wanted to wait to go all the way until that night...but...my hormones were just surging. Electricity I'm telling you! I couldn't wait two more weeks. I just couldn't. But Stacy was the only man for me... isn't he?

"What's got you down chica?"

Jay asked and I couldn't help but laugh. Tony and I were the Mexicans, not Jay. But, somehow, he still managed to pick up the language and talk filthily in it to girls occasionally. I'd overheard. I'd always disliked it...but...I guess people change.

"Stacy's just... he's got work tomorrow."

I answered Jay's question and he mimicked me, circling around me and the tree, like a buzzard wanting it's dead food already.

"Yeah, he's got work tomorrow,"

he said all in a sad voice... I knew he was doing it taunting and teasingly. Jay hadn't worked for a damn thing in his life... well, that wasn't true. Jay had honestly worked for everything in his own right...Tony and I had a Dad, unlike Jay; we were given everything on silver platters compared to him. But we were the products of a hard working Mexican father... who most certainly didn't let Tony and I let anything go to waste. Talk about strict.

"Stop Jay, he's your friend,"

I nudged him a little and the Z-Boy, as they liked to be called, Z standing for Zephyr; pretended to fall back and did a back flip, then looked up at me from the ground. I couldn't help but think he was rather sexy, looking up at me like that. Any girl would have. Hell, he was Jay Adams. My brother and him, well, they were sex on legs pretty much. Of course I didn't see my brother that way, that was sick; but all of my friends did. It's all SWOON, Tony this... SWOON, Tony that... I got sick of it.

But Jay... well... he wasn't my brother and he definitely wasn't boring ol' Stacy. Did I just refer to my boyfriend as, boring ol'? I seriously need to just go inside and go to bed. I need to just leave before my other brain, my hormonal brain, starts doing more thinking than it needs to be allowed. I started to the steps that would lead up to the house but Jay stopped me, taking my arm and starting to dance like a rather crazed buffoon. But it was...fun. Spontaneous and well, that's what I had been wanting from Stacy. So why not?

It was my house, it was my brother's party; hell yeah I'm going to have some fucking fun! Sólo se vive una vez! (You only live once!)

"You're so fucking drunk,"

I commented as he twirled me around and stumbled about a bit, Jay laughed.

"Who cares? Soy lo suficientemente sobrio para el rock de su mundo. (I'm sober enough to rock your world.) That's all that matters baby,"

Jay winked at me and I couldn't help but giggle... he didn't have the Spanish accent down whatsoever, but I knew enough of what he said to understand it... I realized he was flirting and well, it never hurt to do it back. It wasn't like I was cheating on Stacy. I was just...flirting.

"Well, Jay, these girls talk so big about you but... I haven't seen much proof,"

I winked and giggled, he acted as if he was hurt and gasped pretend-like, I could hear a growl in his throat as he lent into me, I was back against the tree once more, whispering into my ear,

"Well come inside chica and you'll get all the proof you need,"

it was almost a smooth, perfect purr that came out of his lips. I couldn't help but feel myself get excited in more ways than just one. Just that one little purr and already Jay was starting to make everything I had ever stood for disappear. I was a good daughter, I was a good sister, I was a good Catholic. I had never thought of sex out of wed-lock before... I had always wanted to wait until marriage but that was before I got a sexy boyfriend on a skateboard team...and watched my brother have sex with a different girl every night.

No, I didn't watch intentionally. We share a bedroom and well... when Dad's home, I can't just go sleep somewhere else and say "Tony's having sex with another girl and I don't wanna be in there", so I lay there and I listen... that's all I can do; Tony knows that and he apologizes a hundred times a day. But Dad doesn't let him stay the night anywhere... it's not like he can go to the woman's house. They've got to come here... Though I do think Tony can cut back on the sex already. Getting laid several times a night throughout the week should be enough for any teenage guy.

I took Jay's hand and when I did, I felt as if everything was going to be alright. I felt all my worry disappear. All the worries I had just been thinking of for the last five seconds since he purred, they were all melted away. Something about his touch. Something about feeling it for the first time, it was static. I liked that feeling. It felt different. It felt right. Maybe... Maybe I could do this and not feel guilty. Maybe what Jay and I have could turn into love? It could, couldn't it? I could tame this bad boy? Make him mine? I had to try at least.