This fiction is just snapshot from 'The Iron rose'. It's not exactly fit in the main story so I wrote a new for entertain myself. I can't say if it would be one shot or series. Nah, don't rely on me too much. I rate this M because I'm not trust myself.

Disclaimer: Dragon age belong to Bioware. I own nothing but some queering idea.

I come undone

Used to be calm, used to be cool

But something about you

Changed all the rules

I kept to myself, I guarded my heart

But that all fell apart


Now just like a fool

I've fallen in love with you, oh

I got these crazy feelings

All over you…

(I come undone - Christina Aguilera)

Ferelden was a cold place. Even though someone said it's warmer in the south, I still couldn't tell the different. For Thailand's native, this country is just cold and damn cold.

(Sigh) I miss my motherland.

Tonight is my first night in Ostagar. I spend the early of the night to warm myself with the bonfire. Truly, I knew the temperature would be colder in the night, but I really have no warmer cloth. Wynne gave me some cloths and smallclothes but none of them could warm my body. Exactly, I felt a bit… bare because I hadn't worn a bra beneath my shirt. Well, my lovely mage tried to fix it but she couldn't find any bra in my size. So, I had to enfold my bosoms with bandage until I had proper thing to wear.

It's not that bad, really. My breasts look smaller within this packet. I hate it when those lecherous idiots ogling at my too big boobs. Men like Daveth made me nauseate. I prefer to not attract their affection.

So to speak, I don't think I need any kind of affection from man. From my experience, men were untrustworthy creature. However, it doesn't mean I prefer woman. I might found a man who worth to trust and love someday, who would know?

Oops, who turn off the light? My world went dark as something dropped on my head. I tried to fight it and found that was a blanket.

Someone laughed. The familiar warm tone made my stomach did summersault. I hurried hide my red cheeks beneath thick fabric as a tall, muscular and… ahem, gorgeous frame was sitting down on the log near me.

To be honest, Alistair wasn't the most gorgeous man I ever see. His silly humor also made me want to fondle his mouth with my feet. Although he never ogled at me, something in his eyes never fail to make me blush. The ex-templar was dangerous but I don't know how to handle him. Fuck, can't he stop be adorable for once?

"We will go to the wilds in the morning. You ought to sleep early." The young Grey Warden spoke. Those words cut my chain of thought.

"I can't sleep." That's all I could reply while most of my mind wondering about his body. He donned only simple tunic and breeches. I could feel his warm that radiating from his tan skin. My cheeks hotter as my naughty mind sang the old song.

Blanket cold skin with skin…

Fuck it! I mentally kicked myself. What wrong with me? Why it's so hard to control my manner around this guy? No-no-no, it can't be the fate. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

"What's wrong with your head?" Alistair asked innocently. And then I found myself was shaking my head, my hands holding it like an idiot.

Damn my hyperactive (and hypersensitive). I just showed him my stupidity for unable to hide my emotion. Could I hide beneath this blanket till tomorrow?

I heard him chuckle and murmured something like 'you're adorable when you're blushing'.

Bewildered, I popped from beneath the thick fabric. Too bad, it just amused him more. "You know? I begin to love my eyesight. In my eyes, you have bigger eyes and…" His voice faded out as his cheeks glowed redder. I almost couldn't hear the rest of sentence. "…adorable dimples,"

"Oh…" Great, now I lost my glibness.

It was awkward moment. We sat near the bonfire, looking the flame danced with the wind. Neither of us dared to speak nor move, only sound I heard was the cracking firewood.

One of the Buddhism monks said: mind is naughty thing, it never stop wondering from there to there. My hyper mind was wondering in my memories, trying to find some word to break this uneasy moment.

"Can I ask you something?" I carefully asked.

His sand color brows arched. His lopsided grin made my stomach did summersault again. Holy Buddha… had he ever realize how gorgeous he was? "What do you want to know?"

"I… well, where did you come from?"

That was strange question, really. Because Lillian was his childhood friend, she must know his origin. But he must believe my lie about my amnesia, so he didn't mention it. "I was raised in Redcliffe before Arl Eamon sent me to the Chantry when I was ten. We used to meet in the winter, because you and your family would come to the castle. As I recall, you told me that was because you hate the frosty winter in Highever."

I never taste the real winter of Ferelden, yet. But if the Ferelden's native couldn't stand it, the winter surely able to kill me. Ouch, why the demon didn't send me to somewhere warmer?

"So… what's about the life in Chantry?" In the old time, Buddhism temple could be the sanctuary, school or even the orphanage. I understand about the idea of the Chantry, though I never like it.

"It used to get so quiet at the monastery that I would start screaming until one of the brothers came running. I would tell them that I was just checking. The look on their face was always priceless."

His laugh was the best sound I'd ever heard. It was the sounds that remind me of brighten sun… and well, his heat was also tempting. What's feel like if I step closer to share some warm? Oops, what the hell I'm thinking about?

Stop it! You're acting unladylike. I was almost hear my grandma chide me from her grave.

It's a good thing that he unable to read my mind. All he could see was a deadpan girl who was nodding her head dumbly. (Sigh) I hope I always could control my expression like this. My bipolar is always made it harder to stay calm. To be honest, I love to live in solitude because I don't want anyone to know how silly I could be.

"You aren't religious man, I take it."

"Well, not exactly. I mean I believe in the Maker but I couldn't devote everything for him. Let's say I'm not exactly the Chantry's type."

He was looking to the fire, so I took a chance to steal some glance. The golden light suited him. Alistair looked so young and full of life. He must be doom if they trapped him within the cold, quiet and boring Chantry's wall. Well, he weren't the smartest or strongest Grey Warden, but he had something that I became to like. That night, I silently thank Duncan for recruited this wonderful guy.

Anyway, I still wondered. Why he hadn't existed in my world? We might able to be… ahem, good friend, without worrying about my quest.

Life never easy…

I sighed and glanced at him again. But I found him was looking at me with wolfish grin. "I just thought about your show this evening. It was… ouch, don't hit me!"

I didn't listen. Still hit him with my fists as my mind wondering back to the evening. The show he mentioned was when I thought I have some time to bath in the pond near the camp. I hurried take a bath and redressed but I still didn't want to go back to Grey Warden's camp because I needed some time alone. By some idle thinking, I encouraged myself with funny song. Before I knew it, I was dancing in the most stupid gesture I'd ever perform and… when I sway, I saw familiar brown eyes were staring at me as if he saw a ghost.

I made Alistair swear to keep this secret to his grave. He kept his word so far but it still hard to look into his eyes without blushing.

Damn! He was laughing. How could this stupid dare to laugh at me? Alright, you're dead man, Chantry-boy!

Pushed him to the ground, I straddled and tickled him. The young Grey Warden was laughing like mad. Other Grey Warden include Duncan chuckled in amusement. No one tried to stop me. In fact, some of them cheered and even handed me firewood. But no, I didn't want to hurt Alistair that bad, so I throw it away.

My grandpa taught me: in the battlefield, a quarter of second could change death to life. In a second I paused, the ex-templar did counterattack. He flipped our position, sent me to the grass and began to tickle me.

Phudtho (Buddha)-thammo (Buddha's doctrine)-sanko (Buddhism monk), he had nimble fingers!

I never recall the detail. All I know was the incredible pain in my belly. Damn my hypersensitive, I couldn't stop laughing as he tickling my sensitive spots. Well, I guess he took some advantage on me while he touched me there and there. But in that point, I couldn't think about it.

However, I never yield. Duncan stopped Alistair before I could say it. I thought they have some conversation while I was lying helplessly on the ground, try to unclench my ache stomach.

At last, the tickle fighting over. The ex-templar helped me get up but still glazed at me curiously. "You've changed, Lillian."

"Perhaps you just hadn't known me." Oops, my mouth faster than my mind again.

Judged from his expression, that answer wasn't something he expected. "I heard the amnesic might lost their character, but you've completely changed. I can't understand you."

"A little bit hyper and slightly bipolar; that's me." I knew what he meant. He must thought I was a nutty little bitch. "There's something within us that won't be able to change, which makes people hated themselves but I don't. No one could change the truth; all we can do is accept and live with it. I am a mad woman who is proud of my madness. But…you don't have to say it out loud, OK?"

Somehow, he chuckled. Yeah, I don't think anyone ever told him that before. Anyway, our mentor seemed to impress in my speech.

"It's true that there's something we wouldn't able to change but it's always hard to accept it…" Duncan said. His voice sounded strange, something between wonder and hurt.

My gift wasn't strong enough to read him, but the pain in his eyes was obvious. Nobody perfect; perhaps this Grey Warden had some painful history or just wondering. Either way, I didn't want to know the detail.

"Um… this is so late, I ought to get some rest for tomorrow." I was excused myself.

Although I knew he was a good man, I didn't trust Duncan. He was too secretive, and I never believe in his 'stop the Blight at all cost' idea. Blood couldn't wash blood. What's good if you won the battle but lose everything in the end? As the Buddhist, I always was looking for peaceful solution for everyone. There's always more than one way to solve the problem, no matter how bad the circumstance was.

There's always hope, if I try hard enough. My father taught me that.

Someone cleared his throat, so I looked up and found blushing Alistair. Oh man, he might have the problem with his blood pressure if he keeps blushing so often.

"I-I think I ought to escort you to…"

My tent wasn't far, just a few meters from the fire. Beside, Rabbit always eager to keep me company. So I saw no point to have bodyguard. "You're too kind, but I can take care of myself."

Perhaps I said something wrong, which made Alistair pull a wry face like a hurt-puppy. Alas, I never able to resist that look.

"Alright, you're welcome to my tent." Oops!

I realized what I just said when other Grey Wardens were shaking in trying to control laughter. And then my head was burning as if it was active volcano. Damn, why I had to act so strange or stupid around this guy!

Alistair's face turned to several shade of red. It's almost amazing if I didn't busying blushing myself. Neither of us knew what to do, just look into each other eyes until Daveth offered his smart comment.

"If he couldn't serve you, I'm always here if you want someone to warm your bedroll."

I knew I hate him.

The ex-templar opened his mouth, tried to say something that probably trying to protect me. However, I'm not a damsel in distress. Before the rogue could finish his laughing, I punched him and left the fire.