Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass and/or Pokemon. Both of which would not make any sense if I did.

A/N: Had I known listening to Pokemon songs whilst doing laundry could produce such FABULOUSLY GENIUS crack ideas, I would have done it sooner! And yes, I do own two Pokemon albums and yes, I do love the songs to smithys.

Thank you Nilie, for beta-reading this so quickly even when it's so late at night and you had exams!

Song used: 'Two Perfect Girls' by Eric Stuart (Brock) - Pokemon


Two Perfect Girls


It is very much canon to this author's mind that Tamaki will cosplay and sing when he's utterly drunk beyond belief. Thus, it was inevitable that Tamaki would do something outrageous as soon as he and his cohorts stumbled upon Zero's cape, in the meeting room, drunk out of their minds from whatever party they were attending before they made their way there.

Thus, marked the day, where Lelouch learnt to never ever forget to fetch his cape after he threw it aside so theatrically during meetings.


"What's happening here?" Kallen asked as she was dragged into the meeting room upon entering the Black Knights' base. Was it a meeting? Impossible! The next scheduled meeting wasn't until tomorrow night!

"Tamaki called us here," Ohgi explained, "And by the sound of his voice through the intercom, he is completely drunk."

Kallen blinked, then slowly asked to confirm, "Drunk?"

Ohgi nodded. "Drunk."

Suddenly they were plunged into darkness, muffled cries of surprise were heard before… CLANK, CLANK and CLANK! The spotlights at the front of the room were turned on.

"We've got spotlights?" Kallen asked in surprise, but nobody answered, they were all too busy staring aghast at the man standing under the spotlights. "T-Tamaki-san…"

"What on earth is he weari….Is that Zero's cape?"

Tamaki smirked on stage and swished his cape magnificently to one side, atop his head he was wearing a very precariously balanced upturned bucket (complete with Zero's hastily-drawn-in-marker-pen-visor).

Ohgi facepalmed and looked around to see if he could find Toudou's group so that they could collectively drag Tamaki off his make-shift stage of tables and desks. But the music started and C.C. suddenly appeared, smirking like it was the most hilarious event she witnessed in the past century.

Oh God, Tamaki is that a mop you're holding? Are you going to… oh yes, he is! He is totally using the mop as a microphone stand!

Diethard flicked his camcorder open and eagerly pressed the little red button, gleefully recording it all.

Tamaki crooned into the stick of the mop with his best Zero impression, "A one-woman man's what I wanna be!"

A spin and a twirl of the mop, so Tamaki's now facing the right side of the room . "Stay by her side soooo faithfully!"

"I would if I could..." Twirl, pose, close eyes and continue crooning. "But it's just no good..."

Open eyes and look with an utterly serious face at the audience.

"Cuz there's two perfect girls for meee-eee...Hahaha! Alright!"

He skid a few steps, looking very sixties with such dance moves, when he spotted Kallen and C.C., way at the back of the crowd. Snap, went his fingers and then POINT!

"Kallen! Oh Kallen!"

"Wait-what?" was Kallen's very appropriate reply, but then Tamaki shifted his finger so it was pointing to the green haired witch beside her.

" C.C.! Oh C.C.!"

C.C. raised an eyebrow, more amused by the second.

"A one-woman man's what I wanna be!
But there's two perfect girls for me!"

Dance, swing those hips and AIR GUITAR! Slick back the hair…er, bucket. "Oh yeeeah!"

Point with the finger again.

"Ace pilot Kallen!
Oh, can't you see! "

Kallen gaped and flushed bright red as everyone turned to look at her. Tamaki seriously needed to get off that stage, right NOW!

"You can stare at me with your lovely eyes
Kallen! Not lovin you's a crime!
You're just so hot and smo-o-okin fine!"

Cue Tamaki eyeing her up and down very dramatically, then pretending to mop up his drool with the Zero cape he was wearing. Though fully clothed, Kallen couldn't help but attempt to cover herself up, shout for somebody to-

"My uniform beauty is simply the best!
She's got my heart in her Guuuuren claws!
But before that chick names me her boy..."

Tamaki twirled, flicking his cape out theatrically then snapped his fingers and CLANK, CLANK, more spotlights! This time to reveal a line of just-as-drunk friends, swinging and clicking their fingers like they were all Tamaki's groupies.

"I'm heeeead over heels!"

"He's heeeeead over heels..." Oh god, they really WERE his groupies!

"Head over heels for a witch named...C.C.!"

C.C. blinked then burst into laughter. Ah, it had been so many years since she'd heard or watched something so entertaining.

"Oooooo!" The Zero 'imposter' then did something that made everybody cringe. Yes, he started incorporating PELVIC THRUSTS into his dance moves! Why had nobody moved to drag him off stage yet?

Meanwhile, his groupies started chanting 'Kallen! C.C.! Kallen! C.C.' in the background, still swinging their arms and clicking their fingers. Tamaki spun the mop around the stage like he was dipping a very sexy maiden instead of a wooden pole with a flurry of white cloth at one end.

"Kallen! Oh Kallen!
C.C.! Oh C.C.!
A one-woman man's what I wanna be!
But there's two perfect girls for me!"

Tamaki leapt on the stage, making the tables he was on shake precariously and the bucket fly off his head, only to land with a small skid on his knees as he started throwing his head back and rocking on the air guitar like his life depended on it. "Aaaaall Right!"

He picked up the mop and still on his knees, started singing again.

"Witch C.C.!
Won't you please!
Let me kiss your lips of cheese!"

From somewhere on his body, he pulled out a beer can and took a swig of its contents.

"You're drunk enough already!" Kallen screamed, mortified by the whole event and vowing to smash Tamaki 's face in until he could no longer vocalize his pain, ever again.

C.C., on the other hand, grinned wider and even found herself a seat to relax and better enjoy the show. "Leave him be. This is interesting."

"Oh C.C.!
The pizza fetish is sweet!
When I see your face...
I can't feel my feet!"
Well, I'm paying up!
I got your pizza!
She's my perfect lover!
And I'm jeeeealous of plushies!
Her mysterious ways has charmed so many!"

Ohgi and Kallen, finally knocked out of their horrified stupor, shoved through the crowd. "Get him off!"

Diethard climbed a chair (all the better a position to view and record the entire spectacle from) and howled, "Keep him on!"

"So why am I in love?"

"Why is he so in love?" echoed the groupies in a disturbingly well-synchronized drunken voice.

"Why am I in love?
With my Q-1 Kalleeeeen! Yeah!"

"That's not me!" Kallen screamed, pushing aside her fellow knights and blushing seven shades of red at once. "I mean, that's me but that's not Zero! Zero would never say something like that!"

"Kallen! Oh Kallen!"

Aargh! Shuddup already!, thought the poor girl desperately.

"C.C.! Oh C.C.!"

Hi there, Tamaki, said her casual wave of the hand, C.C was smiling good naturedly.

"A one-woman man's what I wanna be!
But there's two perfect girls for me!"

Air guitar, Tamaki! Air Guitar! Could the authoress possibly be enjoying herself far too much writing this? Why, yes. So it would appear.

"Hahahaha!"

He mimed bashing the keys of a piano then spun his mic-stand-mop around much like a clumsy cheerleader twirling a baton. "Alright! Swing it!"

And all the drunken men on stage (Fake-Zero Tamaki included) broke out their air saxophones, shimmy to one side of the stage in a very well rehearsed looking formation. "Aw, Kallen!"

"Stop sounding so turned on when saying my name!"

Aaaand… shimmy back to the other side, still blowing on the air saxophone before breaking into a collective air guitar session. "Ooo-oo!"

"A one-woman man's what I wanna be!
But there's two perfect girls for meeeee-eeeee..."

Tamaki dropped his guitar and mop, wrapping Zero's cape around him with his face contorted into one of anguish.

"Oh! I've tried...And I've tried...
And I've searched way deep inside...
From these two, I won't choose...
I can't stand the bad news...
About the name of the girl that I'm gonna looooooose!"

Insert here, a dramatic cape throwing, and hips rolling, then him bending to pick up that fallen mop he'd just dropped! Sing your heart out, Zero – er… TAMAKI!

"This can't go on! Enough is enough!
I've gotta pick one, no maaaatter how tough!
It's time for eenie-meenie-minie-mo!"

He mimed a doubletake.

"But wait a second!"

"Waaait a second!" the groupies echoed, all taking swigs out of the never-empty beer can Tamaki had been drinking from earlier. Oh, second hand kissing for everyone… wait, this isn't a yaoi fic!

"Wait a second!" Tamaki repeated.

"Come on and wait a second!" went the groupies again.

Tamaki waggled his eyebrows at the nearest lady in his audience, which just happened to be Lakshata, clutching her stomach for breaths in between her laughs, her cigarette and pipe fallen to the floor.

"What's her name?
I've just gotta know!
I've just gotta know!"

"Why is nobody stopping him?" cried Ohgi, still muscling his way through the crowd which, if anything, seemed rather unwilling for the man and Kallen to reach the stage.

"Oh Kallen! Oh Kallen!
C.C.! Oh C.C.!
A one-woman man's what I wanna be!
But there's 1."

Tamaki pointed at a new girl again, this time Futaba, making her burn turn to her giggling friends, Minase and Hinata, with her hands to face to hide her embarrassment. She decided to hide her face in her hands completely, her purple hair being the only thing left for anyone to see.

"No, 2!" Tamaki swivelled around quickly again, this time to point at almost all the others. "No, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, soooo many!" It didn't matter if he ended up pointing accidentally at guys anymore, not at this point in the song!

Twirl, slick locks back, POSE!

"Perfect girls for mee-eeeee!
Alright!"

And the room went black as Kallen found the spotlights switches and ripped all the plugs out in one go.


When Tamaki regained consciousness the next morning, with his head pounding at a regular rhythm, as if his heart had moved from his chest and made a new home in his brains, he blinked and wondered why his body felt and looked he had been beaten up by a hundred strong angry men.

"What happened?", he croaked to no one in particular.

The mop in a corner of the otherwise empty room ignored him.

Was it any wonder he never got a role higher than Internal Cleaning Supporter?


FIN


Beta-Note: Conclusion, old-school Pokémon songs own.

A/N: What did I just write? I have no idea either, I just know I had illegal amounts of fun writing it. And why is the Tamaki tag so underused? *tags*