When Nowaki first disappeared without saying anything, Hiroki waited before moving to a place that could accommodate the two of them – though he only realized that after moving and heaved a huge sigh. He became very emotional after, only to come really close to hitting himself or throwing himself into the ocean after he found out that it was a mistake on his part – a very big mistake.
So when it happens again this time, Hiroki heaves a huge sigh and tells himself to calm down.
Nowaki never liked to get out of bed first, especially after nightly activites. He had said something about liking the way 'Hiro-san' woke up with the afterglow of such heated and passionate exercises once, something he always dismissed or hit the other with a pillow for.
But when Hiroki leaves the vicinity of their bedroom, blanket wrapped tightly around him and expecting the inviting smell of breakfast to welcome him once he enters the living room and a smiling Nowaki to greet him good morning and maybe give him a peck on the cheek, his heart sinks. Nowaki isn't there.
Confused, Hiroki waddles – because his hips still kind of hurt due to said nightly activities – and wanders further into the room. He sports Nowaki's phone on the dining table and he feels relieved, albeit a little bit confused that the other could even leave the mobile device behind.
He moved closer, finding a small piece of paper sticking out from under the phone. Giving in to curiosity, he walks closer to the table and takes out the note. His heart sinks even more.
I'm sorry? What does that mean?, he thinks and he nearly lets go of the blanket around him as he rushes into their room and hastily opens their closet.
Nowaki's clothes are gone and so are his other things. It wasn't like he had many of his own in the first place.
Hiroki walks backwards, legs hitting the edge of the bed and he falls on the mattress. He rakes a hand through his already messy hair and wonders if he should laugh or he should cry because Nowaki left a pile of scattered hangers on the floor of the closet. And when he looks around the room, he finally notices the drawers that used to keep both his and his supposed lover's other clothes open and half empty.
=== / ===
He goes back to the dining table, where the cell phone still is – fully dressed this time – and looked through it for the first time, choking on a sob when a candid shot of his sleeping face greeted him.
His fingers hover over the keypad, pressing the down button occasionally to scroll down through Nowaki's inbox. It is nearly empty if not for his own messages to the younger man and a few messages about work.
He skims through the contacts next. It wasn't that he doesn't trust the other. He trusts him enough to give everything he owned and leave him to make something productive out of it. But in his current state, it is hard not to think that way.
Nowaki's contact list isn't that long, having twenty names in it at most – most of which he hadn't even heard of, except for two – his own name and that obnoxious friend of his. He scrolls through it once more, trying to differentiate the female names from the males but gives up, marvelling instead on the number of important people on the list. Directors, professors, hospital owners – Nowaki sure is in high demand.
He looks through the 'calls' list, smiling for the first time that day when he finds that most of the entries are Nowaki's outgoing calls to him and a few ingoing calls from work. He laughs again when he sees outgoing calls to those missed ingoing calls from work several hours into the night and wonders if he didn't want to be disturbed when they are together.
Hiroki looks at pictures of the two of them in the phone memory, stares at them for a minute, smiling occasionally, putting thoughtful faces here and there and he closes it.
He runs a hand through his brown locks before heading into the kitchen to fetch himself some breakfast.
There is no evidence that his lover is cheating on him, therefore he is innocent, and therefore he decides to actually be patient this time. He decides to wait until Nowaki comes back to explain what happened himself.
The brown-haired man spends every morning checking his cell phone messages, the call list, the home phone call list and his e-mails to make sure that he doesn't miss anything from the younger man.
Everyday, there is nothing from his lover and he goes to work slightly dejected and increasingly worried
He goes home to do the same thing. He cooks for two people and hopes that Nowaki would come burst in through the front door and run to him to envelope him into a hug and shower him with apology kisses as he explains where he was for a week and why he didn't call. No such thing happens and Hiroki ends up not eating at all.
He sits on the couch, lights turned off, with a blanket wrapped around him, his knees folded against his chest while watching show after show blankly until he realizes that he didn't get any sleep at all when their alarm clock rings in their bedroom.
A week after Nowaki's disappearance, Hiroki makes more and more mistakes at work – simple and noticeable mistakes.
It doesn't take long for Miyagi to notice this negative in his friend and colleague and it doesn't take long for him to accurately guess what or who this is about.
"Why don't you take the week off?" he suggests when Hiroki ignores his paperwork and just stares out the window.
"It's much more lonely at home," Miyagi blinks at the answer. It is the first time Hiroki opens up to him. He only nods back even though the other isn't looking and hopes that everything will be alright soon. Though, he also realizes that Hiroki might not have even realized what he had just said.
=== xxx ===
Hiroki ends up taking the next week off anyway because on the Friday of the week before, when Miyagi suggested for him to take the week off, he collapsed from fatigue and lack of sleep right after he finished his last class for the day.
A small group of alarmed students had called for Miyagi and one called for an ambulance.
When the brown-haired man woke up again that day, Miyagi was on his left, Akihiko was on his right beside a kid he thinks is in his last class.
Miyagi sighed before shaking his head and Akihiko had called him an idiot. The kid, that he thinks Is named Misaki, just stared at him worriedly. He didn't think any of his students would care.
Akihiko continues to talk about idiots and carelessness, and as he did, Hiroki only wonders if it would have hurt more if he hadn't given up on this guy.
He quickly shakes off the thought, feeling that it wouldn't be right to think that way when Nowaki hasn't given him a proper excuse for leaving yet.
As he gets out of his stupor, he finds himself looking at a calendar that is stuck to the fridge by a magnet, shaped like a cloud with a happy face that he bought long ago because it reminded him of Nowaki. He looks at the present date, finding it to be enclosed in a red heart and below it is 'Special Day' written in Nowaki's neat script.
He narrows his eyes at the writing, it is definitely Nowaki's, and he quickly gets lost in thought as he tries to remember why the day is special.
His phone rings once, twice and again while he is deep in thought and he groans, thinking that It's just Akihiko or Miyagi wanting to annoy him.
He reaches for his phone on the dining table, wondering what exactly the texts are because the sender isn't registered in his phone. Curious, he opens a message, gasping when he reads 'Happy Anniversary. I'm sorry…' on the screen.
Hiroki's eyes widen and he immediately skims through the others nineteen messages, finding the same five words written in them.
Different emotions flooded through him; anger, hurt, loneliness. His eyes start watering. He goes through the message details, pressing call when the number is highlighted and, at the same time, tries to stop his hands from shaking.
There are so many questions that wants to ask the other, 'Where are you?', 'When are you coming back?','Why did you leave?','Are you doing okay?','Why didn't you say you were leaving?','Do you still love me?'.
He feels tears roll down his cheeks and he can only pull his hair in frustration when the call cannot connect.
Frustration takes a toll on him and he goes to the small framed picture of the both of them placed in the living room on a shelf close to the TV and flings it at the direction of the front door, only to run to it and caress the broken glass surface, sharp edges cutting into his skin, as he whispers 'I'm sorry' over and over.
He cleans the mess at around dinner time before going to eat a small sized cup of instant noodles because he doesn't have much of an appetite and because he feels like he needs to change how he's been living for the past few days.
Even if he feels that, however, he sleeps on the couch for he doesn't know if he can sleep on the bed without crying himself to sleep.
He still cries against the pillow he brought from their bedroom anyways.
He goes to school the next day, telling Miyagi that he had rested enough for three days and that he doesn't want to come back with a pile of paperwork on his desk.
The brown-haired man sighs as he sits at his desk, feeling the most energized that he has been in weeks and he finds a new, temporary lifestyle consisting of cup noodles, late night TV soap operas – that never really understands – and the couch.
=== ;;; ===
After two more weeks, Hiroki is standing in front of Nowaki's things, thinking if he should leave them in place, move them somewhere else or throw them away.
He moves to the kitchen, he can't decide at the moment.
The door opens suddenly, slamming against the wall, as he scoops rice into a second rice bowl. He places the rice bowl on the counter. Old habits die hard, he thinks.
There are 'thuds' and 'crashes' from behind him and his face stays emotionless when a pair of arms wraps him in a hug. Sloppy kisses are placed on his cheeks, more down his neck as the arms around him hugs him tighter.
"I'm sorry," Nowaki whispers against his ear and the urge to cry is back again.
Instead, Hiroki wriggles out of the embrace and walks into the dining room with his rice bowl and his chopsticks.
"Hiro-san," Nowaki calls for him when he doesn't even spare him a glance.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't think you were talking to me again," Nowaki's face falls at the statement and guilt strikes him in the face.
The younger man moves closer and Hiroki pulls his chair away when Nowaki sits right next him.
Nowaki sighs. "I'm sorry, alright. I should've been firmer when they came for me. I should've looked for other means of communication just to tell you where I was and that I was doing just fine without you," he pauses then and inspects the expression on the other's face.
When Hiroki still doesn't meet his eyes, he sighs again. "Do you even think about me? Did you think of how I felt? I was taken, by the hospital's president's demand, to a branch in Karuizawa because they were under-staffed and I don't even hear a word from you. Did you even try to look for me?" Nowaki's voice rises on impulse and Hiroki flinches.
The brown-haired man moves away from the table, not finding any words to respond with and not wanting to acknowledge his fault.
There is movement from behind him and he expects to hear a door slam close. Instead, arms wrap around him again and he is turned to face the taller, younger man.
"Thank you for waiting for me. I didn't know what to expect before I opened the door," another kiss on his nose. "You don't know how happy I am right now. Thank you very much," the arms around him squeeze him tighter and he debates whether he should say anything.
"I missed you," the younger one starts again and Hiroki only hums in reply. He gives in and hugs the other man back.
They release each other after a good five minutes and Nowaki's stomach starts to grumble.
"There are leftovers in the fridge. Just heat them up yourself. It's not like I cooked especially for you," Hiroki waves Nowaki off, hand immediately covering his mouth when he thinks that he said too much. And he runs for their bedroom door when he sees Nowaki's head peak out from behind the open fridge door and looks at him with those irresistible child-like eyes when he's excited.
Nowaki catches up easily, pulling the shorter man closer to him and twirling him around to give him a deep, passionate kiss.
They break apart for air and star at each other's eyes, Hiroki nearly fainting when Nowaki repeats "I missed you," in a deeper voice.
The younger man closes the door behind him as he leads the other to the bed. "I'm not going to leave you like that anymore, I promise."
Hiroki smacks him on the head. "Shut up and hurry, you idiot!"
"I love you, too."
And though the brown-haired man doesn't answer, Nowaki understands and Hiroki feels that his life – though he won't say it- is, once again, complete.
A/N: Okayy… I've been experiencing major writer's block lately… and I can't finish the drafts of the other's that I'm writing… It's somewhat painful. So here is a completed draft that I wrote sometime last year. I think.
I feel like I've somewhat made Hiroki's emotions too exaggerated. I don't know. I hope you guys like it anyways. Thank you for reading. And reviews will be appreciated!
Thanks again~ Blackxxcat013