So Right But So Wrong
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SM owns all that is Twilight, and Dollybigmomma makes my words pretty. Me, I own dog-eared copies of all her books, the DVD's and music CD's.
Back at home, I sat and enjoyed my last drink, before I went to bed for the night. I replayed over and over my dad's conversation about Jacob. Could I sit down for an evening in Jacob's company and be pleasant and polite? The way Jacob had treated me over not having been able to have sex with him had decimated my already low self-confidence. No, I hadn't been in love with Jacob, and no, I hadn't felt turned on by him, but surely there had been no need for him to have behaved so rudely and spoken so cruelly.
"God, Bella, are you frigid or what? Damn it, I know it's not me. I've never had a girl cry on me before. Shit, girls throw themselves at me! My body has always attracted girls and women, but you, Bella, you make me feel inadequate, and I'm not. It's you there's something wrong with, not me."
"Jacob, I can't help that I don't feel like you do. I find the whole sex thing incredibly personal, and I can't just turn it on because you want me to. I think we're at different places within our relationship, and after what you've just said, I'm beginning to wonder if we should be together at all."
"Whatever, Bella, right now I just don't care. I'm as frustrated as fuck right now, and from where I'm stood, you aren't going to do anything to relieve that. I wonder why I even like you at all. You give me nothing, Bella."
…End of flashback
After that conversation, I had only seen him once more, and that had been to end things. He had looked so mad that day, when I explained how I felt and how I wanted to us to break up, so that we could remain friends. Once again, he had been vicious, his words cruel and harsh. It made me realise we should never have even started seeing each other.
I blamed our dads. It had always been their ultimate goal to get us together. What Jacob and I had wanted hadn't even been a consideration. They had been brutal in there matchmaking and hint dropping. They had contrived situations, making sure we were stuck in awkward places together, and when we had finally gotten together, all their dreams had come true. They'd never even considered we would ever break up. They thought we would be together forever and give them loads of grandchildren. Getting together with Jacob had been the worst thing we could have done. Now that we had dated, it gave our fathers more ammunition to keep trying, thinking we needed their help to get back on track. Knowing I could do nothing about it right now, I went to bed.
School was busy, assignments were due, which meant I had marking to do. I did not get the chance or opportunity to talk to Edward. I stayed behind after school to watch and support our school's baseball team. Coach Clapp had asked me, and I actually enjoyed it.
When I eventually got home, I had a message blinking on my machine. I made myself a salad and a coffee, before pressing the button to listen to it.
"Hi, baby, it's me, I missed you today. Just to let you know, I'll be at the library for a couple of hours later, and if it's possible, I thought I'd call in for a coffee. Let me know if anyone will be there, so I don't get busted."
I immediately sent him a quick text, letting him know I was on my own, and I would love him to call in for a coffee.
I busied myself with marking. I had all the senior assignments to mark, and their grades were important, as they went towards their final marks and SAT's.
It was a good couple of hours later when my intercom buzzed impatiently. It must have been Edward; he would want the door opened as soon as possible so he wasn't seen. He raced up the steps and into the lounge.
"What's the matter with you?" I asked laughing.
"I'm just eager to see my girlfriend. Do you have a problem with that, love?"
"No problem at all, it's nice to see you, too, and most unexpected."
"I only have until eight thirty, so we have about an hour. Is that coffee on? Mum's picking me up after the library closes. Can I have a kiss?"
I walked toward him and let him wrap his arms around me and kiss me. As usual, his kiss took my breath away, and my girly bits tingled in anticipation. I wondered if I would ever get tired of kissing him. I really could not ever see that happening, and after recalling my conversations with Jacob, I knew now it was all about being with the right person.
He deepened the kiss and allowed his hands to roam over my arse, pulling me into his now-hard erection. A groan escaped from us both as we pulled apart. Tonight was not about us having sex; it was supposed to be a quick visit for a coffee and to see each other and nothing else. He followed me into the kitchen and sat at the table. I placed the hot cup of coffee in front of him.
"So, Mr. Cullen, are you going to tell me where we're going on Friday?"
"Nope, I said Wednesday night, not Monday night. You'll just have to wait like I said."
"Tell me again why I love you so much?"
"Because I'm hot and good in bed, and I happen to love you, too."
"Hmm, is that so? Who told you that you were any good in bed?"
"Um, I think she was called Tan..." I slapped his arm, not allowing him to finish the name he was about to say.
"Do you have a death wish, Mr. Cullen? There will never be anyone in your bed but me! Understand?"
"If you insist, Miss Swan."
"I do, now come here and kiss me before you go."
We spent the next few minutes kissing and holding each other. My lips felt swollen from being devoured, and I knew from the feel that they would look red and huge. As we parted, we held hands discretely, until he had to go, in case Esme drove around the corner.
As I closed the door, I placed my fingers on my lips and smiled. Those kisses would get me through tonight, and tomorrow night I would see him again for dinner. While I wouldn't be able to kiss him or touch him, I would be able to see him, talk to him and spend time with him and his family.
When the intercom buzzed a little while later, I wondered who it could be.
"Hi, Bella, it's Esme and Edward, we were in the neighbourhood, and I thought we'd call in to say hello, if you aren't busy that is."
"Oh, of course, I'm just doing some marking. I'll come down and let you in. Do you want a coffee?"
"That'd be lovely, dear, if you don't mind."
"I'll put the coffee on and come let you in."
Edward had the smuggest look on his glorious face as he walked in past me. His hand touched mine, and I felt his index finger stroke along the back of my hand. Bastard, he was driving me crazy. He knew any contact would have me aching for him…and in front of his mother for god sakes! I felt like killing him as well as jumping his bones at the same time.
"Do sit down, please. Have you been to the library, Edward?"
"Yeah, busy time with study, I'm here most nights."
I blushed furiously at his double meaning. I really was going to kill him.
"Are you sure we aren't disturbing you, Bella? You look a little flushed, and your lips, well, they look like...never mind, if you're sure."
"Really, I wasn't busy, just sat marking. As you probably know, all the seniors had to hand in an important assignment today. I'd just started marking them. It'll take me a couple of weeks to get the result back to you all."
"No worries, Bella, I can wait. What do you fancy for dinner tomorrow night? Alice told me you're coming around again. I think you should be allowed to choose, since you're the guest."
"Oh, no, I'm happy to go with whatever your mum has planned. I don't want to put anyone out. I meant to ask, I was going to speak to you at school tomorrow, what time do you want me to come over?"
"I think Alice plans on picking you up about six thirty if that's okay?" Esme asked.
I noticed she was watching me intently. Nervous, I looked away, trying to think of what else I could talk about that would include them both. I headed into the kitchen and immediately saw the miniature rose Edward had given me on that first day. I couldn't let Esme see it. She would want to know where I'd gotten it from.
Back in my lounge, Esme stood up and asked if she could use my bathroom before they took their leave. I showed her the way and headed back to where Edward had now stood up, and he went to stand by the door.
He gestured with his finger for me to come to him. I whispered in his ear, "I'm going to take great delight in killing you when I have you to myself next time. Do you understand?"
He nodded his head smiling, and then he lowered his head and kissed me gently but properly on the lips. My breath caught at his daring behaviour. The kiss lasted only a moment or two, but in that time, I became so aroused I could have quite easily dragged him to my bed and made love to him right this minute.
The unlocking of the bathroom door drew us apart, and I leaned against the back of the sofa, trying my best to look relaxed and in a casual conversation with Edward.
"Oh good, you're ready, Edward. Come on then, let's get you home and leave poor Bella to whatever we interrupted. Thank you, Bella, for the coffee, and I'm really sorry we disturbed you."
"Really, it was nothing. It was lovely to see you both, and I'm looking forward to tomorrow evening. Tell Alice I'll be home from school by four thirty, so if she just gives me time to shower and change, she can come at any time."
As they left, I could hear through the door Esme saying to Edward, "Oh, my god, Edward, we disturbed her with a man, did you see her face? She was so obviously flushed, and her lips, well, she looked well and truly kissed. I'm so embarrassed."
I wondered for a minute where she'd thought I'd hidden my mystery man.
Laughing, I went to bed. I slept well, knowing that tomorrow night, I would see him again, and I could not wait.
When I was getting ready for Alice's arrival the next night, I recalled the sly looks between Edward and me at school that day. I had nearly had a heart attack when he looked at me and licked his lips. I was really going to kill him.
The intercom buzzed as I was drying my hair, and I stopped and pressed the button to let in who I thought was Alice.
When I finally walked out of my bedroom and into the lounge, I was surprised to see not Alice, but Edward.
"Surprise, love, Alice is in the car. I asked for five minutes to ourselves, if that's okay."
"Always, Edward. God, I've missed your lips, and I have several bones to pick with you, which I'll hit you with tomorrow night. You're very naughty, but I do love you, so I guess I'll forgive you." I kissed him and lay my head on his chest.
"My mum nearly gave me heart failure the other night, when she suggested we call in to see you. I'm sorry by the way about that, she thinks we disturbed you with a bloke. She told me you looked flushed and thoroughly kissed. I could hardly argue with her, now could I? I know you were thoroughly kissed."
We spent the next few minutes kissing and holding each other. I could never get enough of him, and it would appear he felt exactly the same.
"I won't be able to stay over tomorrow night, and I'll probably have to go home quite early to make it look like I've only been to the library. So how about I come straight after dinner and miss out on the studying for once. Is that okay with you?"
"Of course, Edward, if you get here at, say, half six and stay till about half eight, I know it's not long, but it'll be just us. It'll be enough for me just to get to see you."
"I love you, Bella."
"I know, me, too."
Like always, Alice was so excited that she rambled on and on, and I just let her excitable chatter go over my head. Alice was driving, and Edward and I sat in the back holding hands, just looking at each other, until we reached the Cullen's street, where we all switched seats, before we proceeded down to their house and into the driveway.
Esme was waiting for us when we walked through the door. Carlisle wouldn't be able to join us tonight, as his shift at the hospital this week did not end until ten. Poor Edward was teased and bullied by us girls so much, so he took his leave after dinner and disappeared up into his room.
We laughed at his reaction, and Alice told us stories of how he had always had to put up with her teasing ways. Esme asked me about any boyfriends, and I blushed, not knowing how to answer.
"There is someone I really like, Esme, but it's not a two-way thing yet. I don't want to put the spoilers on anything, so I hope you don't mind if I keep it to myself just now. I have no experience with relationships, so don't hold your breath for an update anytime soon."
"You sound like Alice here, keeps her cards very close to her chest, too. With her being in Seattle, I never get to find out who she's seeing. She tells me I will when she has something or someone for me to know about. I swear Edward will bring home someone before she does. Have you seen anything at school, Bella? I wonder, because he's been so different lately, almost in another world. Several times, I've had to speak to him and repeat myself."
"Nothing that I could say stands out as different, sorry," I said, swallowing my nervousness.
"What about the girls at school, Bella? Is there a particular one Edward seems to spend time with? His behaviour began to change when we all started having trouble with him and that bloody mobile phone. It must be someone from school or the library. That's all I can think of. Although, saying that, he did go off to stay with Jasper in Seattle."
"Mum, leave Edward alone. For years, you and dad have moaned about him being a recluse, and now that he's started to go out, you're questioning it. It seems he can't win."
"You're right of course, Alice. It's just that he's my baby, and I just want him to be safe. If he's entered into a relationship, I want him to know he can talk to me about anything."
"Yeah, like that'd happen. Look how long it took Emmett to bring Rose to meet you. If you weren't so over the top, Mum, maybe we'd be more likely to talk to you. Give Edward some space, stop trying to force girls down his throat, and maybe he'll open up to you more."
"Has he said something to you, Alice, Bella?"
We both shook our heads. I kept looking down, as I knew my face was bright red, and it would be a dead giveaway.
"Okay, Bella and I are going up to my room, we'll be down before she goes home to say bye."
In Alice's room, I collapsed on the bed.
"I'm never going to able to avoid these sorts of questions for the next five months, Alice. I hadn't realised Edward's behaviour had changed so much and was being questioned. Even my dad has started asking me questions about where I am and who I'm with. Forks is a small town, and I get the feeling it's going to be hard to remain invisible."
"Go on up to see Edward, I'm going to make a call to Jazz. I'll come and get you when it's time to leave. I'll make sure Mum doesn't come up."
I walked up to the next floor quickly and quietly. Edward was laid on his bed with his eyes closed and a wry smile on his face. As I closed his door quietly, he said, "I've been waiting for you."
I walked over to the edge of the bed, and he pulled me down on top of him.
"Hmm, you smell so good, baby. I wish I were brave enough to make love to you right here and now, but knowing my luck, Alice would barge in and find us in a compromising position, and then you'd be all upset, and I can't afford to risk that."
"I suppose I'll just have to make do with cuddling up to you and kissing you a little then won't I?"
Our kisses were long, passionate and made my toes curl. Pulling away from him so I could catch my breath and regroup my thoughts, I told him, "We have to stop, Edward, she saw last night how my lips were swollen. I have to go back down soon and say goodnight, and she's bound to pick up on the swollen lips again."
"Okay, but I just love kissing you."
"I love you kissing me, too."
We talked a little, but mostly just lay with my head resting on his chest. It felt so right, I wished we could be together like this always.
Alice bounded through the door a little while later and announced it was time to go home. Edward was not coming tonight, as we didn't want to arouse more suspicion. I kissed him goodnight in his room, both of us reluctant to let the other one go.
"I love you."
"I love you, too," he said dropping my hand, as Alice dragged me out of the door.
On Wednesday, I spoke to my dad. He went on and on about my agreeing to a dinner with Jacob and Billy. I told him I would not be pushed on the subject, and I was still considering it.
"If, for one second, I detect that you and Billy are playing matchmakers again, I'll refuse to go. Jacob and I are over, finished. We should've never even tried to be anything more than friends. Now it's quite possible we may have ruined our friendship for good. Do you understand me, Dad?"
"Yes, Bells, I hear you loud and clear. So where are you off to on your next trip, and who are you going with?"
"Mind your own business, Dad. I told you the other night, when there's something to tell, you'll be the first to know."
I said goodbye and hung up, when the intercom buzzed with Edward's arrival. Alice had dropped him off, pretending to be visiting with me, while Edward was at the library. She would collect him after the library closed. Alice had a rendezvous herself with Jasper in Port Angeles for the next couple of hours.
"Hi, love," he said dropping a kiss on my lips.
He dragged me over to sit next to him on the sofa. We cuddled up tightly, enjoying just being close and together.
"Edward, where are we going this weekend, please?"
"No chance, Bella. You will, however, require your passport, as I previously mentioned, and clothes for walking and for eating out on an evening. Your camera will come in handy, and yes, we'll be flying to our destination."
"Flying? I thought we were maybe taking the ferry to Victoria."
"Nope, not this time. I'd like to do that, though. Maybe you could arrange that one time?"
"Edward, flying wherever it is we're going will eat into our time away, and it'll also cost more than I can afford."
"It's my treat this time, no arguments. We fly out of PA at half six. The flight is a little over six hours, give or take. We fly back home at eight o'clock on Sunday night, so we won't get back home till the early hours. I hope you're okay with that? The hotel is booked and paid for, and so is some of the stuff I want us to do. I just want you to enjoy it, Bella, please, for me?"
"I don't like it, and I'm going to be in charge of the next three weekends away as a penalty."
"Good. Now I want to talk to you about something. You know my dad is best friends with Billy Black from down on the res, right?"
"Yeah, I guess so. I've seen them going fishing together."
"Right, well, Billy has a son, Jacob."
"As in Jacob, your ex?"
"Yeah, we grew up together and had always been friends. As we grew up, Dad and Billy got it into their heads we should be a couple and give them loads of grandchildren."
"Okay, so since you aren't together, what's the problem?"
"The problem is that Dad and Billy still want the dream. Jacob is coming to visit his dad in a couple of weeks, and Dad and Billy want us all to go out for a nice family dinner. They think they can get us back on track."
"Oh, I see, what about you, Bella?"
"I'm not even going to give that remark the dignity of a reply, Edward. As I told you before, things didn't end well with Jacob and me. The things he said will make any meeting between us more than awkward. He said some stuff about me, and it…it wasn't nice."
"Do you really want to hear what he thought of me?"
"I do, because then I can tell you how wrong he was."
"Okay, he said I was frigid, because I clammed up and scrambled away when he tried to have sex with me. He said the problem must have been mine, because he had girls falling all over him. He never understood that I didn't see him that way. I didn't fancy him one bit. There was no attraction on my part at all. I think we may have ruined our friendship by trying to please our fathers."
"Bella, you're not frigid, far from it. You're the most sensual woman I know! Damn, believe me, babe, I may be no expert, but you'd not be orgasming like you have been if you were frigid. I think he tried to deflect his own inadequate performance onto you."
"I know now, after being with you, that if you're with the right person, then everything will fall into place just fine. I've never felt about another person the way I feel when I'm with you. I know now there's nothing wrong with me, I was just waiting to meet you, that's all."
"So how do you feel about this meal, then? I'm not happy about it, but I'll defer to your better judgment."
"I've already told my dad what I think of what they're doing, and I've made it clear that if I do agree to go, at the first sign of any matchmaking, I'm gone."
"Okay, sounds fair, when does he arrive?"
"No idea, baby, and I don't really care. All I know is on that night; I'll need you here to be with me when I get back. Jacob can be quite hurtful and cutting in his remarks, and I'll need you to stroke my ego."
"Consider it done, baby, whenever and wherever."
Our time tonight was short, and our conversation had taken up more of our limited time than I would have liked. However, I was glad we had been able to talk about it like a proper couple. It made me feel like our relationship was one on an equal footing.
We kissed a while longer, before he left. I felt bereft when he was gone, lonely as hell, and I missed him like crazy. I longed for the day we would be able to be open in our relationship, when we could openly live together and spend all our nights wrapped in each other's arms.
Before going to bed, I sent him a text.
Thank you for talking to me
I really do love you
His response was almost immediate.
I love you, too, a lot
I went to bed, content that he knew he was the one for me.
Thursday came and went, and Friday was a ball ache. Students were pushing their luck. I should have given detention, but tonight of all nights; I needed to get home to finish my packing. I set detention for Monday for Tanya, Shannon and a couple of their cheerleading friends, as all I'd heard in class was giggling and whispers, and when I had intercepted a note from Tanya and read its contents, I very nearly blew a gasket.
Edward seems to be more chilled since he found himself a girlfriend. I wonder if he'd let me do to him what she's obviously doing to relax him. LOL!
Edward had raised his eyebrow in question, when I had made the girls stand up and read out loud what the note said. Tanya Denali was puce in colour, and the other three different shades of red.
"Well, girls, I think you owe Mr. Cullen an explanation, don't you? Please, share it with us all." They squirmed and looked at the ground, none of them willing to expound on the contents of the note. "No, really, you seem quite happy to gossip amongst yourselves, so why so shy now? Tanya, apologise to Edward right now, and consider yourselves all off the squad until further notice. I'll speak to Coach Clapp about it. You have detention on Monday, in here, one hour. No excuses. Now sit down and be quiet."
Tanya Denali turned to a now even more embarrassed Edward and said, "I'm sorry, Edward, truly."
I wondered if he would wait for me after school to confront me over my outburst. He didn't, so I guessed he, too, was anxious to get ready for our trip. He was driving to the airport today, and my car was being left in town. Charlie had agreed to keep an eye on it for me. He even offered me a lift to the airport, but I declined, telling him I was opting to take public transport.
Edward arrived right on time, and I slipped into his car, hopefully unnoticed. It was a while before either of us spoke.
"So, what was all that about in class today, Bella? I thought we were ignoring gossip and not drawing attention to ourselves."
"Did you not hear what the note said?"
"Did it make you jealous?"
"Yes, of course it did, but I hate that they talk about you like you're a piece of meat!"
"Words can't hurt us, Bella, only if we let them. I thought we were stronger than that."
"So did I, until I read that Tanya Denali wants to take over for whoever it is that's making you more 'relaxed.' I guess I'm dealing with feelings I haven't come across before. I hate it. You're mine, and I hate that all those insipid girls lust after you so much."
"But I only want you. That should make you able to rise above it knowing that, Bella."
When we arrived at the airport, we parked up in the car park and headed inside to departures. My mouth once again dropped open, when I saw the name over the check-in desk. New York...JFK. We dutifully handed over our documents, and I was astounded that we were flying first class, too. When I started to argue, he simply put his finger over my lips.
Once our bags were checked in, we walked hand in hand to the first class lounge.
"So, first class to New York, Edward, really?"
"I used some of my mum and dad's air mile points for the upgrade. They have thousands, so they'll never notice. It didn't cost me a penny extra, I swear. Please, don't kick up a fuss. This is my treat. I want you to enjoy it, enjoy us, miles from anyone we know. We can be together out in the open, just two young people in love, seeing the sights."
When our flight was called, we boarded first. I was amazed at the seats and space in first class. The air stewardess eyeing up Edward did not go unnoticed by me. When I took hold of his hand, she looked away. The flight passed without incident, the other stewardess friendly and attentive without being annoying.
Edward and I grabbed a cab from the airport to our hotel. He had booked us a suite at the Hilton Times Square. I knew from previously looking at hotels myself that a room here could go for up to six hundred dollars for the weekend. I tried my best to not shout at him.
We checked in and were shown to our suite, where the view was fantastic, overlooking the square itself. We were minutes away from Broadway, the Rockefeller Center, and we were central to everything you could have possibly wanted to do on a weekend in the Big Apple.
As I stood at the window, he came up behind me.
"Do you forgive me?" he said putting his arms around my waist and nuzzling my neck.
"Do I have anything to forgive you for? I love that you want to treat me, Edward, but I love you, not what you can give me. Yes, this is great, but it'd be just as great if it were you and me in a tent camping, or you and me staying at mine for the weekend like last week. All I want is to be with you."
"Really, you'd camp in a tent with me?"
"Yes, I would."
We laughed, the tension gone. It was very late, but the streets were still alive, and the bright lights of the big city still twinkled many floors below us.
"Come on, Cullen, time for bed."
I pulled him over to the massive king-sized bed and started to undress him. He helped me and was quickly naked. Now I felt overdressed, so I started to take off my clothes in front of him.
"Stop, Bella, please, let me," he said breathing deeply, clearly aroused at the thought.
He took his time, stopping to kiss every inch of me as he went. I was a quivering wreck by the time he had me naked. He pulled me over him, and I straddled him, knowing my desire would be evident. I was sat directly over his pulsing erection, and I could not resist grinding into him a little. A moan escaped from me, as I felt the overwhelming arousal of our bodies mingle together.
His hands found my breasts, and he fondled and tweaked my nipples until they were rock hard. He sat up under me and took them into his mouth, adjusting me at the same time, so his length slipped inside my hot, wet centre.
"God, Bella, so wet, so hot, and so tight. God, I love making love to you, baby."
"Ooh, Edward, you feel so good buried deep inside me, I long for this every minute of every day we're not together."
I rode him slowly at first, but built up a momentum as he held my hips, guiding me up and down his considerable length.
He was so deep, I could feel him bumping my cervix, and he found my G-spot with almost every thrust. I let myself go around him over and over, unable to stop the overwhelming feelings of pleasure and satisfaction coursing through my body. I collapsed on top of him, no longer able to do all the work. He flipped us over and was buried back inside me seconds later. His pace was fast, his thrusts deep and hard, and I was once again on the brink of yet another mind-blowing orgasm.
This time he joined me, and I could feel every spurt, as he thrust deeply into me with his release.
"Oh, god, Bella, I love you so much. That was...bloody hell, I don't know quite how to describe it, but WOW! Damn, it's like I've died and gone to heaven."
I laughed with him, agreeing that our lovemaking got better every time. We fell asleep, totally sated, happy and content in each other's arms. New York could wait.
So, guys, how was that for a trip? How many of you guessed New York? Come on, tell the truth now.
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