So Right But So Wrong
I would just like to start by saying a massive THANK YOU to all who took the time to review. Made my week, you did. Now to answer a question. Some of you are wondering why, if Edward and Bella are partaking in oral sex and other forms of intimate touching, why they are not just having full-blown intercourse. We all know they want to. This is Bella's way of denying, for the want of a better word, that they are doing anything wrong. Her position as his teacher is eating away at her, and if they do not have a full sexual relationship, she feels this is something that will be taken into consideration if they are found out. Doesn't make any sense, I know, but hey, this is fan fic.
Also, some of you want to know how the shy, quiet, introverted Edward can be so bold and confident with Bella. All I can say to that is 'love gives you wings.' Being around someone you love gives you a confidence you maybe have never felt before. Edward is uncomfortable around other girls, because they desire him only for his looks. He knows they're not interested in the real Edward. He has never had things in common with a girl before, and his only previous contact with a girl has been whilst he was drunk, so he would have lost at least some of his inhibitions.
I hope this explains a little of the characters, and I'd love to hear all your thoughts on where and how Edward and Bella's relationship should go.
As always, grateful thanks to SM, who owns Twilight, and Dollybigmomma, who makes it pretty. Me, I own dog-eared copies of all four books and all the DVDs.
I didn't move…I couldn't. I stood frozen, my mouth open in shock. As Edward turned to address the owner of the voice, I peeped out from behind him. Just as he said their names, I saw who it was. Shit...busted again.
My eyes followed as they each in turn spoke.
"Edward, what the hell are you doing?" Alice said trying to restrain her voice.
"Mind your own business, Alice. It has nothing to do with you. My life, my business, so back off."
"Back off? How can I back off when my boyfriend tells me he's given you an alibi for the weekend, and I find you here, miles from home, grinding into your teacher up against a car in a public car park? We need to talk, Edward, and I mean now! Follow us back to Jazz's place."
Then they were gone. Jasper Whitlock was being dragged in the opposite direction, I presumed back to their car. Taking my keys out of my hand, Edward ushered me into the passenger seat.
"Come on, Bella, get in, I'll drive. We'll sort this out like we did with Emmett. She's all wind and water, she won't tell."
He sounded so confident. How, I really didn't know, because right now, I felt like a quivering wreck. We headed toward what I presumed was a familiar destination to Edward, following Alice in her bright yellow Porsche 9-11. How the hell did a girl her age afford a car that cost in excess of one hundred thousand dollars? It made me feel even more intimidated.
She set off at speed, and we struggled to keep up, even with Edward driving. Some twenty minutes later, we followed her into the underground garage of a building deep in the heart of downtown Seattle. Nervous, I got out slowly; feeling underdressed in skinny jeans and my hoodie.
Edward took my hand and gave it a little squeeze, looking at me for clues of how near to freaking out I was. We walked behind Alice and Jasper, all of us then waiting in uncomfortable silence for the lift. It did not go unnoticed when Alice saw our hands joined and rolled her eyes.
Jasper opened the door to his apartment and ushered us all in.
"Nice place, Jasper," Edward said taking in our new surroundings.
"Cut the bullshit, Edward Cullen, and tell me what the hell you think you're doing?" Alice said, really shouting now.
I cringed into Edward's side and closed my eyes. He stood his ground.
"Alice, I don't have to answer to you. I'm eighteen, I love Bella, and we're going to be together. If you'll calm down, I'll speak to you about our relationship like rational adults, but I will not allow you to shout or cheapen what we have. I won't, Alice, I mean it!"
Jasper's calming tones filled the air. "Alright, everyone, let me make us some coffee, then we can talk about this calmly. Alice, come with me and help me in the kitchen. Bella? Coffee?"
"Anything, thank you, white, no sugar."
"Edward, what about you?"
"Same," his tone was curt, and he sounded really pissed off. We sat on the plush leather sofa, and I tried to distance myself, but he wouldn't allow it, pulling me close into his side and wrapping me in the safety of his arms.
"No, Bella, I won't let you pull away from me. I love you. We've had the most incredible weekend, this is nothing. Please don't sweat it. I'll talk to Alice."
He leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on my lips. It was not a passionate kiss, but it let me know he loved me and was not letting us go. He lingered, holding his forehead against mine. It was a very tender moment and one that would have been perfect, had we not been busted once again.
A clearing of throats behind us made me pull back. Edward's eyes cautioned me not to panic.
"So, you two, what are you doing in Seattle?" Jasper asked quietly, sitting down on the opposite sofa.
"We've spent the weekend at a B&B overlooking the Sound. We wanted to spend some time together, somewhere we didn't have to hide," Edward said truthfully.
"Hide, Edward? You have to hide, because this," Alice motioned with her hand, "is wrong. She's your teacher, and it's deemed highly unethical in the eyes of the teaching community. You may not be doing anything illegal in the eyes of the law now that you're eighteen, but if this gets out, she'll never work again. It's one of the biggest taboos there is, for a teacher to get involved with a student."
"Alice, we both know how it'll look if people find out, and that's why we're student and teacher at school and nothing more. We don't talk about anything other than school stuff there. Our personal relationship we keep for more private settings. We meet at Bella's place on an evening and hope to get away some weekends so we can be just Edward and Bella."
"I really don't understand, Edward, you just don't do this. This is not my baby brother. I've never known you to show any real interest in girls before. It's always been just you, your books and your music."
"Alice, you haven't lived at home for three years, so you truly have no idea what I'm interested in anymore. You're only three years older than me, but you have no idea who I am now, you don't know me. I agree that before Bella, other girls weren't really of any interest to me. The girls my age in Forks are all shallow and dull. They're only interested in being with the best-looking guy or the one who can offer them the greatest chances to improve their social standing. They hold no interest for me. Bella's different, she loves literature, music and she's so smart. She challenges me intellectually, and we talk, Alice, we really talk. She makes me feel whole, and that's something even the members of my family can't do."
"Edward, if you love her like you say you do, why would you put her career at risk? You graduate in June, just five months away, could you not keep things platonic until then?"
"Not that it's any of your business, but we aren't having sex. Yes, we sleep together and show our love in many ways, but we've not had intercourse, and I stress again, it's not any of your damn business, whether it's Bella or if I were screwing the whole Forks High Cheerleading squad." Now he looked uncomfortable again, so I decided to help him out
"Alice, everything Edward has told you is true. This is far more important to both of us than we could ever have imagined. I'm not experienced with men, at all. Like Edward, I prefer to keep to myself and avoid drawing attention. This is different somehow, it's real. We've talked and talked about how best to proceed. We've drawn up ground rules for school, and Emmett has helped, he knows about us and agreed to keep our secret, as long as we control ourselves at school and in Forks. We need to spend time as a couple, though, just us, and the only way we can do that is to get away from Forks and prying eyes. I'm sorry, really sorry, you've been drawn into this, but Edward had no idea you'd be here. It was wrong to involve anyone else, and we won't do that again. I apologise, Jasper, for asking you to cover for Edward this weekend. We're still learning how to do this, and yes, we'll make mistakes, and yes, we'll learn from them, but we will be together, and we both mean that with everything that we are."
I hung my head, waiting for the storm.
"So, Bella, did you know my older brother, Emmett, had a massive crush on you when you were at our school? He wanted to ask you to the spring dance, but couldn't pluck up the courage to do it. Isn't that so, Jasper?"
Bright red once again, Edward told her of Emmett's description.
"She knows now, Alice, I told her about the conversation at dinner with our parents, and then when they met again, he said it to her face. It wasn't a good thing to hear about, my brother lusting over the girl I'm in love with," Edward said shaking his head.
"Alice, please believe us about being serious, Edward and I will do anything necessary to make this work. I'll even sacrifice my career if that's what it takes to be with him. We'll both leave Forks and start afresh somewhere else. Edward will be going off to college in September, anyway, so I'd just go with him and get a job doing something else."
"That won't be necessary, Bella, we'll get through this. Please have faith," Edward kissed me once again, to Alice's chagrin.
"Please, Alice, all we ask is that you don't tell anyone anything, we're not asking to double date, at least not yet, but we need our relationship kept a secret for the next five months. Can you please do that for us?" Edward asked sincerely.
"I can't make a decision on this just like that, Edward. I'm not Emmett, I think more rationally than him, he always goes with his heart, and he's just a big romantic deep down. Me, I'm more of a thinker, and this is big. I don't think either of you realise just how big. I mean even after graduation, how do you propose to come out, Edward? Do you not think people will wonder about that? You really haven't thought this through at all."
She went on and on, rambling to herself, and so Jasper, Edward and I stop listening. I knew that sounded awful, but it was almost like she had retreated into a world of her own.
"How long have you two been seeing each other, Jazz?" Edward asked, diverting our attention even more away from Alice. It surprised me a little that he did not appear to know his sister was involved with his brother's best friend.
"About three years, just before she left home and headed for WSU. Em and I were already into our second year, and we just sort of grew closer, until one day we both realised we were more than friends," Jasper said shrugging his shoulders.
"So how come Mum and Dad don't know, how come you've never come with her to celebrate the holidays?"
"Argh, it's not as simple as that, Edward. You see, I'm engaged to someone else. Old story, family arrangement, made between my parents and hers, back when we were small children. Maria and I have known each other since we were babies, and it's all our families want, irrespective of what Maria and I want. At holiday time, I have to go play the devoted son and fiancé. Alice and I hate it, but there's nothing I can do, at least not yet."
"Does that not make you two sneaking around as bad as what Bella and I are doing? Worse even, I mean at least we aren't hurting anyone else."
"The only people getting hurt in this are my parents and Maria's parents, and maybe Alice for having to keep the secret, too. Maria doesn't love me, any more than I love her. She's my oldest friend, and I respect her, but that's all. She feels exactly the same. She has a secret relationship, too, and we all spend time together occasionally."
I could see Edward was getting frustrated at Alice's lack of understanding. She had wandered off, still mumbling to herself. Come to think of it, she always was a little strange, even back in high school.
Time was getting on, and we needed to head off, since we had a long drive ahead of us. Edward had to be back to coincide with the arrival of the last bus. We had four hours with which to get home. Alice did not show her face again before we left.
"Thanks, Jasper, and thank Alice for us, too. Ask her to let Edward know what she decides, so at least we'll be prepared."
In the car, I let out a huge sigh of relief.
"What are you sighing for, love?" Edward asked.
"Well, I didn't expect to get out of there alive, actually. I thought your big sister might kill me for preying on her baby brother."
"She needs to realise I'm not a baby anymore, and I make my own decisions, including who I fall in love with. She needs to take a step back. I'll talk to her tomorrow, after she's had time to calm down. She's really quite reasonable. She always chooses my side, always has. We were very close until she left, given she was the only one who got me. She liked my music and would listen to me for hours. We were each other's support I suppose, because she was never going to win any popularity contests. Her exuberance put people off getting too close. As you saw today, she often gets so involved with what she's thinking about, she goes off into an almost trance. She means well, it's just that she doesn't know how to deal with things like you or I would. She'll keep our secret, Bella, I know she will."
The trip was tiring, so we swapped off halfway to share the driving. After a quick sandwich and a bathroom break, we were on our way once again. We were quiet, neither one of us needing to speak, our hands joined over the centre console. That was enough for now.
I dropped Edward at the municipal car park, and he waited in his car for the bus to arrive from Seattle. The weather was horrid, so the streets were empty. I sat and waited with him, knowing this would be the last time we would be together until at least Tuesday night.
Under the cover of darkness and heavy rain, we said a long goodbye.
"Bella, this weekend has been the best two days and nights of my life. No matter how this goes, I'll always remember this weekend, the love we shared, the time just spent being together. I love you, Bella. I wish we could be together every day and every night, but I know it's not possible, not yet, but someday we will, I truly believe that, love. I hope you do, too."
He kisses my tears away with such tenderness. How could something so right be so wrong?
"Oh, Edward, I love you so very much. I never even thought feelings like this existed. I want you day and night, even if it's just to talk or hold hands. I need you like I need air to breathe. You're my everything, and I'm going to miss so much until we can be together again, but I know that Tuesday night at eight o'clock will soon be here, and then we'll just be Edward and Bella again. I'll clear all my marking and planning so we can have the evening for us. How does that sound, baby?"
"I just wish it was tonight, Bella. I don't know if I'm going to be able to sleep without you in my arms. It seems strange, love, because I've never shared my bed with anyone before, not even as a child. Em, Alice and I always had our own rooms, and if we had friends over, we always crashed on air beds in the den. Being with you this weekend was so right, nothing and no one will ever convince me otherwise."
We shared more tender kisses, before the bus finally pulled in empty. Now it was time for Edward to go home to his parents and for me to go home alone.
"Hey, I've just remembered, how did your music exam go? I was frantic when you weren't in school. I even visited the music block at lunch looking for you. I know you don't want to share your music with me yet, Edward, but I'd like to hear how you think the exam went."
"Bella! Is that what you really think, that I don't want to share my music with you?" he shook his head before turning to face me. "The exam was as I expected, it shouldn't be a problem. I do want to share my music with you, love, I do. I'll prove it soon enough, you'll see. Please believe me, it's really something I want to share with you."
I had to get out of his car, or he would never get home. Watching him drive away from me tore me apart. I felt pathetic. I'd just spent the most wonderful weekend with the man I loved, and now I was getting all morose because he had to go home for the night. Slowly, I walked back to my car and drove the short distance to my apartment.
The red light was flashing on my answering machine when I walked in. Charlie wanted me to ring him when I got back. I'd do that after a quick shower and getting my stuff ready for school the next day.
Charlie answered on the second ring; he must have been desperate to hear from me.
"Hey, Dad, I'm back. Did you miss me?"
"Hi, Bells. I was getting worried. It's after nine, and I know you have work tomorrow. So come on and tell me, how was it? What did you get up to in the big city?"
"Dad, it was unreal. The hotel overlooked the Sound, and I went to museums and galleries and even the zoo. I had the best time. I loved it. I've decided at least once a month, I'm going to get away somewhere and see places I've only ever dreamed about. I've got plenty of savings put by, so I'll live frugally and enjoy my time off."
"That sounds great, baby, I'm glad you had a good time and that you're home safe. Still on for dinner tomorrow night?"
"Wouldn't miss it for the world, Dad, be here at half six. That gives me plenty of time to prepare."
"Okay, Bells, see you then."
"Night, Dad, love you."
When my phone rang a few minutes later, I assumed it was my dad, and he'd forgotten to tell me something.
"Who've you been talking to? Should I be jealous?"
"No, silly, just my dad, arranging our dinner date tomorrow. To what do I owe the pleasure of your voice again so soon?"
"I miss you already, and I thought I'd just say goodnight before I turn in. It all makes sense now why I can't come around tomorrow night. You need to see your dad. I understand, love, I do. I just wish I could see you, too," he said with a small sigh.
"Oh, Edward, you knew I had to see him, not having seen him over the weekend. Did I tell you how much I loved being with you this weekend? I want to do it again soon. I know it'll be harder for you than me, because you'll have to get your parents okay, but I'd like to get away at least once a month if we can. What do you think?"
"I think that sounds perfect, and don't you worry about me. I can pretty much come and go as I please, and I don't need to ask my parent's permission. They just like me to let them know what I'm up to. So I dare you to let me arrange our next weekend away. Do you trust me enough to let me do that for us?"
"Of course I trust you, Edward. The only thing I don't trust is that you won't bankrupt me within a few weeks," I laughed knowing my meager savings would be small change in comparison with the Cullen's fortune.
"Good, then let me get on with that. I love you, I'll see you tomorrow in class, and I'll miss you like mad until Tuesday night, when I can hold you in my arms again."
"I love you, too, Edward. Goodnight."
So did Alice react like you would've expected? Where should the would-be lovers go for their next romantic weekend away? You know the drill. Press the button and review.