Masks, Part 18:
The Outtake Reel
by Kim McFarland
[Scooter looks at a long list of names and telephone numbers on a clipboard. Most of them have X marks by them. He calls one that is not marked off yet.]
Scooter: Hello, I'm Scooter Grosse with The Muppet Show. I'd like to speak to.. [listens briefly] What? [listens some more] Well, a green jacket, blue jeans, and red sneakers. [listens] Nothing. Why? [listens some more, then, looking a little disturbed, hangs the phone up]
Scooter: [aside] I hate wrong numbers.
Scooter: MC Frontalot? Here's the script.
[Frontalot takes the script that Scooter offers.]
Frontalot: Thanks. Did you get the copier fixed?
Scooter: Not quite. There are still a few bugs in it. But don't worry, that script's okay.
[Frontalot begins flipping through the script. Between two badly-copied pages are photocopy images of rats smooshed against the copier glass, making faces, and of course one photocopy of a rat's butt.]
[Janken and Scooter are in a cave.]
Janken: [beckoning] C'mon, this way!
[Janken starts running. There is a strange whooshing sound, followed by the sound of bongo drums and electric guitar.]
Scooter: [startled] What was that?
Janken: Sorry. It's a Fraggle thing.
[Fleet Scribbler, camera ready, reaches carefully for Miss Piggy's glove. Without warning her hand turns into a fist and punches him. Hard.]
Kermit: Ah, Piggy, that was supposed to be a little subtler.
Piggy: Oops, sorry. Let's try it again, shall we?
[Fleet Scribbler, camera ready, reaches carefully for Miss Piggy's glove.]
Miss Piggy: HIIII-YAAAAAH!
[Miss Piggy karate chops Fleet halfway across the auditorium.]
Kermit: Still not quite subtle enough.
Miss Piggy: Moi is so sorry. Method acting, you know.
[Fleet Scribbler, looking rather shaky, reaches carefully for Miss Piggy's glove. She jabs him in the solar plexus with stiffened fingers. He collapses.]
Piggy: [exaggerately sweetly] Now, mister Scribbler, you weren't supposed to fall, just stagger back a little. Let's try it again.
[Fleet doesn't move.]
[The main Muppets, plus Janken and Skeeter, are all in the boarding house living room.]
Scooter: I've been seeing someone for a while now.
Gonzo: Someone has captured your heart...
Skeeter: And you never told us?
Gonzo: And you're always hanging around with Janken...
Scooter: [dramatically] Yes. Yes, say it! He is my... boyfriend!
All characters except Janken are copyright © The Muppets Studio, LLC. All copyrighted properties are used without permission but with much respect and affection. Janken and the overall story are copyright © Kim McFarland (negaduck9 at aol dot com). Permission is given by the author to copy it for personal use only.