a/n; a short drabble on lenalee, loosely follows 'ivory' and 'millennium puzzle' on the way it's written – no pairings, angst, standard disclaimer applies. leave a review on your way out!
One day, she's going to look back, beyond the horizon.
She's going to observe the rising sun like it was always intended to be viewed, with the specks of orange shading her dark hair beneath the puffed clouds and breaths of life echoing from her scarred mouth.
I'm sorry. You know that, right?
But until that day, she can only imagine what it feels like to be beneath the spectrum and overtop of the sea, wasting her days away because she can, because she is not limited anymore, and she will not be forced to battle the life of death every waking minute.
(Every moment her eyes are closed.)
No, she is no longer that helpless little girl who cried and begged to be freed from the literal chains that bound her; who ran out of tears because they had leaked into her blankets and her clothes, had soaked into her skin. She will always be herself, but she's changed – the Innocence that bound her no longer controlled her.
She controlled her Innocence.
Perhaps I used to be the girl who always needed her older brother to protect her…
When her hair had been shortened, the ties between her and her weapon were inevitably cut loose, crystallized in a way she never thought possible.
But now, let me protect you, because isn't that why I'm an accommodator?
She will always detest the Innocence; she will always hate her God, her creator and her destroyer. Eternally grateful, forever condescending. She casted away her past and let if flow with the infinite waters of the earth; she searched endlessly for the world, when it was always at the tip of her fingers, in the palm of her hands. And when the great void that had been her heart finally filled with the undeniable feeling of comfort, love, acceptance, belonging –
You're my home. They're my home. I see the world when I see you all.
– she finally let go, before holding on.
And you know, even though the memories of China still insist on interrupting my thoughts…
Oh, she imagined those scenes so many times, so many uncountable times.
And now, she anticipated being underneath a setting orb of glowing light as it bathed her skin in a way she never thought she'd be able to enjoy in her lifetime.
…that's all they are. Memories. And I'll always hold them dear, brother, just as I hold you.
Her reason for accepting the bloody hands and tainted skin, and the scars that will forever hold a reminder of the war, even when it's over and all is either peace or Hell on earth.
(She will conquer the current.)
You know what? I'll always love you.
(One day, they'll go home.)
Wherever we are –
(She does not need to be saved. She will never be a savior.)
That's our home, right? I mean, even when we're all apart.
(But she will always be sorry, because this was a life that was not chosen by any of them; not her, not her brother.)
So, I'll help end this, because I do not want to see anymore tears. I'm tired of the pain.
Imagination will only get her so far.
Lenalee casts away her childhood when she calls upon her emotions, and she fights with all the strength she possesses; she fights for her brother, her friends, her family –
I love you all.
– her world.