It was the end of Round One of the Federation Intramural Games. Sulu and Chekov were behind by 10 points in the Federation Cartography Bee and each had their own theory as to why. Spock and the Captain watched the argument increase in volume in Rec Room 2.
"How can I expect better from you, Pavel?" Sulu teased. "Yo mama's so stupid she tried to read a holo-novel."
"Hikaru!" the young ensign launched himself across the table at his teammate.
"Why would Lt. Sulu say such a thing?" Spock wondered out loud. "I am sure Ensign Chekov's mother is extremely intelligent to have raise a veritable genius.
"It was just a joke, Spock." The two men continued to grapple on the floor.
Should we intercede?" Spock asked.
Scotty and Keenser were always getting into arguments, but as First Officer, staffing issues fell under his authority so Spock was on his way to Engineering. By chance, he met Kirk in the corridors en route.
"Where's the fire?" Kirk asked, falling into step with him.
"There is no fire, Captain." Spock answered. "All fire suppression protocols are in effect."
"I meant, where are you headed with such alacrity?"
"Scotty and Keenser going at it again?"
The doors to Engineering opened allowing the Command Team to hear, "Yo mama's so fat you need a wormhole to get from one end of her arse to the other."
"Lt. Scott," Spock interrupted. "That is highly unlikely given the small stature of Ensign Keenser's people."
"It's a joke, Spock," Kirk laughed.
"Are you sure this attire is appropriate?" Spock asked Kirk.
"Yeah, Bones said it's some dive, no one's going to care what you're wearing."
The two men walked into the bar and some one yelled, "Hey, freak! Who made you that sweater, your mama?"
Spock turned to reply that his mother had indeed made him this sweater, but was interrupted by his Captain.
"No, yo mama made him this sweater after she sucked him off last night!"
Spock blushed green at the crude language, "Captain, I am 90% sure, I have never made his mother's acquaintance."
"Nah, Spock. That's just something you say when people give you shit."
Eyebrow raise, "Fascinating."
Dr. McCoy, it seemed, like to engage him in verbal battles and though he never admit it out loud, he enjoyed them immensely. It made him think quickly to come up with just the right retort to put the man in his place, it was exciting.
"If you had done a better job watching the Captain's back, I wouldn't have to waste my time patching him up."
Spock raised his eyebrow and looked around to ensure that no one was within hearing distance except for the Doctor and the Captain.
"I had no complaints about my performance from "yo mama" after we engaging in mutually satisfying bed play last evening."
The doctor was speechless as Spock exited Sickbay with a small smile on his face.