Prologue: Convicted Felon

Alexis knew she probably shouldn't but she couldn't help glaring up at the judge, arms crossed and amazingly perplexed at how someone so annoying managed to get such a high status job. The guy was obviously a Grade A wanker and the way he kept pausing for dramatic effect was just plain annoying; she wasn't planning on being here ever again, so really, this whole act of terror was a major failure. Could he not just get on with it?

The judge coughed, leaning forward and gazing at her steadily before starting to speak, "Now, I've decided to be rather lenient with your punishment due to several illuminating factors but you must remember - should you break the law in any other way at any other time, you will be back here so fast your head will spin. And there is no chance your sentence will be so relaxed again, young lady. I'm doing you a huge favour."

"Cheers." Alexis drawled, pursing her lips and rolling her eyes. She really could be doing without this joker's bullshit... she was a hardly a criminal.

His eyebrows knitted together in annoyance at her blatant disregard just before he brought his small hammer down.

"The defendant is charged with two hundred hours community service."

The community centre was a dump, community service itself seemed a joke and the people she was doing it with, including the probation worker, looked like a bunch of bloody idiots. She glanced at each of them from the corner of her eye as she leant against the railings outside the building, arms folded and already changed into her ugly orange jumpsuit.

Counting them off one by one, she almost smiled. Yep, your bunch of typical, young ASBO offenders: a chav, a gangsta, a silent creeper, a fallen runner, a pretty diva and an arrogant dickhead. Oh, and there was herself – a not-so typical (convicted felon) grammar school kid.

"This is it. This is your chance to do something positive, give something back. You can help people; you can really make a difference to people's lives. That's what community service is all about. There are people out there who think you're scum. You have an opportunity to show them they're wrong."

"Yeah, but what if they're right?"

Alexis couldn't help letting out a chuckle because the fact was, judging from appearances, with this curly-haired guy they probably were right. He, however, grinned and glanced over at her, seemingly spurred on by what he must have thought of as amusement aimed with him, not at him. Retard.

"No offence, but I'm thinking some people are just born criminals." He started pointing to the gangsta on his right in what she could only imagine was his version of subtlety and a snort left her again.

"Ya lookin' to get stabbed?"

"You see my point there?"

The guy was, as much as it pained her to admit, hilarious in his stupidity. The girl to her left shot her a glare as Curly Boy shot her a lewd smile - and just as Curly Girl's mobile began ringing. Man, she needed to learn names ASAP or she was gonna have to think of some better nicknames. Either and or.


"It doesn't matter what you've done in the past-"

"-doing my community service."


"Boring as fuck."

"Excuse me. Hello, I'm still talking here."

"What? I thought you'd finished."

Alexis rolled her eyes, feeling surprisingly sorry for the probation worker. Who the fuck would wanna work with a bunch of dicks willingly? Bless, the guy must have mental problems along with 'Fro Boy… and probably the weird looking kid at the end of the line.

"You see my lips still moving, that means I'm still talking."

"Yeah, but you could have been yawning, or chewing."

Now she was getting fed up. For fuck's sake, she wanted this day to end already, ten minutes in. With an exasperated sigh, her glare met the gaze of Lanky who was looking at her a little too often for her liking. Man, she wished she'd stood next to Big Blue Eyes - at least he would've been quiet.

"End the call. Hang up!"

"My probation worker-"

"You all right there, weird kid?"

Bambi Eyes glanced away from Curly to her for a fraction of a second before he completely averted his eyes, a little tic going in his jaw. Shit. She was growing to really dislike the boy next to her.

"-Don't be disgusting. I'll call you later."

Finally, Diva put down her phone, only for Irish kid to start pulling kissy faces at Mr G who pulled a face of utter disdain in return.

"I'll rip out your throat and shit down your neck."

"I shouldn't be here, man." The tall black guy at the end mumbled.

"Me neither." Alexis growled, jostled by the pushing that was beginning between Ali G and Curly on her right, just as angry probation worker – what was his name? – started speaking again.

"Look, we need to work as a team here. Hey, that's enough!"

"Can I move to a different group? This isn't gonna work for me."

"Again, I agree." Alexis put her hand up, and Lego Hair shot her a look like he wasn't sure if she was taking the piss or not.

"Erm, what makes you think that you're better than us?" Chavvy to the right said.

Alexis wasn't sure if the question was aimed at her or the black guy but just as she was about to retort Curls did it for her.

"What is that accent?"

"Is that for real?"

A chuckle left Alexis again, which was probably not the best move seeing as she was closest to the angry looking chav.

"What? Ya trying to say somethin' now then, yeah?"

"It's… are you… that's just a noise. Are we supposed to be able to understand her?"

"Do you understand that?" She shot him the middle finger but instead of being insulted, or even a little scared like any other normal person, he dropped his arm over G Unit's shoulders.

"I think she likes me!"

The smaller guy was having none of it though and went for the lapels of Afro's jumpsuit; the Fresh Prince and Alexis both began chuckling while Probo-man jumped in to split them up and save him (she wouldn't lie, she was a little disappointed he did so). Pulling them apart, Shamrock exclaimed:

"It's love, man!"

Fiddy was being held back now but it didn't stop him shouting back in reply:

"Do it, man, do it! You're a prick, man, look at you!"

Alexis did indeed look at him, and nearly groaned aloud. The moron was now jumping around, antagonising the situation further by pretending to box and throwing pathetic punches in the air aimed at the other guy.

The chav girl began laughing now and by doing so, Alexis felt a little safer (or was that less like she was going to be mugged?) and finally, she could start laughing too, letting out the chuckles that had started to burn up in her stomach.

"You're a fuckin' pussy, bruv. He's taking the piss. Come here!"

Their words had now become incoherent, and the air was thick with laughter and angry yells, and yet Alexis couldn't deny the weird twisted feeling she felt in her belly. She wasn't sure what it was: mirth? Annoyance? Disappointment? Excitement?

All she knew was that this was definitely going to be the longest – most life-changing - two hundred hours of her life. But, at least with a group of misfit tossers like this, it was gonna be anything but boring.

'Leave while there's still hope for escape.

You got to take what you can these days:

There's so much ahead and so much regret.'

Kill – Jimmy Eat World

So here you have it: the prologue to 'tick tick tick tock' - my first ever fanfiction.

I'm still a little nervous about posting this but what the hell? For the love of Simon (and Nathan and Kelly and all the other Misfits) I thought I'd brave the internet and I'm hopinghopinghoping you enjoyed it.

Reviews are greatly appreciated. See you on the flipside.