Just a little idea that popped into my head, and I wanted to make sure I got SOMETHING in for Slipgate's Valentine contest. No idea if anyone's ever thought about this before. Legal notice AFTER the story, for a change.
THE SECOND JOB
By SHADO Commander
The ninjas were on her tail again, and as she looked up, she saw one of the tiny black camera-copters that had been following her. Whoever was operating those football-sized devices was getting way too good! The ninjas didn't need to track her themselves while the cameras had her in their cross-hairs, and as long as they had that edge, there was no way Kim was going to be able to lose them.
That didn't mean they could catch her though. And she couldn't let them, not with everything that was riding on this.
With a desperate leap, Kim flung herself blindly off the edge of the building and went hurtling down, stories flashing past as she desperately sought a place to…
With practiced skill, her arm flew out, flinging the tiny spinning wire and bola towards the protruding flagpole.
"Please don't be made in China," She whispered to herself and was rewarded a millisecond later as the wire drew taut with an audible twang and she was jerked from her death plunge into an arcing swing that merely threatened to rip her arm out of its socket instead. A quick intake of breath and she was perched on the ledge of the Heart-Mark Card Building's twelfth story, stepping lightly along the pigeon-waste scattered stones and disturbing an alarmingly large pair of Norwegian roof rats. That was going to be a strange image to have in mind when she remembered to buy a Valentine's Card later.
God, she couldn't believe she was doing this on Valentine's Day. She should be getting all dressed up, using the makeup and perfume she already used far too rarely, attempting to spell out naughty sentences with those little candy hearts…
Then her attention was pulled away by the "Fwissh! Fwissh!" sound of a rocket pack behind her.
Oh sure, of COURSE the lead ninja had a jet pack! Kim stepped up her sprint into a full fledged run and for the second time in less than a minute threw herself off a perfectly good building.
The roof she landed on was covered with that damned gravel and tarpaper combination, sprays of pebbles erupting from beneath her skidding feet as she slid an extra ten feet past her landing point. However, the dodge had worked and she glanced back to see the lead ninja frantically pivoting around, trying to throttle the jet pack down quickly enough to keep from completely overshooting the building. The camera-copters veered dramatically, almost, but not quite completely fooled.
But she'd done what she'd meant to do, and now her destination was in sight! Vaulting headfirst into a tumbling routine she'd first perfected for the Middleton Mad Dog's big game against Eureka Polytechnic, she flipped through a dazzling progression of gymnastics that brought her to the far edge of the roof where the fire escape awaited.
No time to use the stairs, though! Head over heels, she rocketed down the outside of the tubular metal frame, pulling on both trapeze lessons from the Flying Wallendas and even older skills first worked out in pre-K on a frighteningly dangerous set of monkey bars, she made it to the ground even as the lead Ninja dropped to Earth just a dozen feet in front of her.
"Hyaaaa!" Kim screamed, kicking out as she blitzkrieged towards the waiting ninja. Her leg impacted solidly, but the ninja absorbed it all and came back for more, black-clad arms instantly locking around Kim's ankles. There was a snap of pain and Kim found herself flipped backwards, but even as her head impacted with the concrete, Kim's other leg performed an impossible act of bending and made a hook that pulled the ninja on top of her.
"I'm the hero," Kim growled. "I'm supposed to win!"
Emphasizing that statement with three rapid fire noogies to the ninja's skull, Kim rolled sideways so that now her opponent was on the bottom of the pile, then shoved herself erect with a double-arm thrust that also pushed the ninja back down into the street's tar surface.
Attempting to hide the telltale limp in her right leg, Kim executed another tumbling run towards her final objective, a stylish convertible painted in a glaring shade of neon pinkish-purple, and slid neatly into the driver's seat… just as the main camera-bot dropped into place in front of her.
And then the ninja was on her again, pulling up her black mask to reveal a pale green face with bewitching black lips that were suddenly locked upon Kim's own! And for once, Kim had no intention of fighting back… though she WAS able to execute a neat little maneuver by hitting the seat release that suddenly had herself and Shego spread out in a more advantageous horizontal position!
"CUT!" yelled the director. "Shego! She was supposed to say her line before we stopped rolling!"
"Aw… But look at how dark it is! You were going to have to relight and cut to a different angle anyway," the green woman pouted, wiping a generous donation of Kim-saliva off her lower lip as the former teen hero fought to keep the 'cat that ate the canary" smile off her own face.
"Yeah, well…" the director admitted. "Okay, you're right. Let's take ten while we get the next set up lit and YOU two try to get back in character."
Shego huffed, but didn't say anything as they walked off the set to let the grips and gaffers do their thing. And of course, even if she had been planning on saying something smart, her mouth was far too busy for the next few minutes as she and Kim took the time to explore some serious osculation in the privacy of their trailer. It wasn't until they broke apart for air that they ex-villainess had the grace to finally look to look a little embarrassed about her faux pas.
"Sorry about that Princess. But it IS Valentine's Day and this new look of yours is just unbelievably hot."
"You think so?" Kim smiled, unconsciously running one hand back through her new short-cropped hairstyle. The skin-tight black outfits that left absolutely nothing to the imagination had been surprisingly easy to adapt to, but dying her hair in vivid pink and purple cartoon tones that matched the car had been a big step.
"Oh, yeah!" Her green skinned lover purred. "Now if I could just convince you to FINISH the dye job…"
"Geez, you are such a pervert!" Kim giggled. "But I'll think about it, okay?"
"Just remember. A wife's duty is to honor and obey," Shego reminded her in growling tone, waggling a pale left hand so that the ring that matched the one on Kim's own caught the light just so.
"I prefer the Love and Cherish part," Kim retorted, snagging the hand and covering it with light butterfly kisses. Shego didn't know it yet, but Kim already had completed the aforementioned dye job this morning… along with a judicious trim to create a special heart shape that she hoped would, um… go down nicely.
"Come to think of it, so do I," Shego snarled with pleasure, not knowing exactly what Kimmie was thinking of but definitely liking the full body blush it seemed to be inducing. "Rarrrrrrr…."
And then they were at it again until the commercial's second AD arrived with word that they needed Kim back on the set.
"Sorry love," Kim sighed as she pulled away and began running her lines through her head again. It was a strange way to make a living… well, a second living, since she and Shego still did the mission thing and that did occasionally pay. Still, that's what they loved to do and this is what they had to do in order to make ends meet. It was much more crassly… and literally… commercial than anything Kim had ever envisioned herself doing, but in the end, the benefits of this gig were simply too good for a young married couple to pass up. Even if it meant working on Valentine's Day and putting their own personal celebration of the day off until tomorrow.
Because what married couples did, after all, was take care of each other. And while presents, flowers, fancy dinners and candy hearts were all very nice, there was a practical side of love that had to be taken into account as well. Some things would endure forever, but others had to be helped along… and really, with the past history that she and Shego had, how else were the two of THEM ever going to be able to get affordable insurance?
"Okay Erin… I mean Kim," the director ordered, "Let's take that last line one more time! For great insurance, call eee-surance…"
So, yes, this was partly inspired by the fact that Erin has been retired; not because the ads were unsuccessful, but because the character was too successful. Apparently, big insurance companies have problems with look-ups of their company mascot turning up mostly fan-drawn porn. However, it also reflects all those who work jobs they really don't like all that much in exchange for the salary and benefits that they need to support the loves of their lives.
That said, Erin E-surance is still the property of E-surance, while Kim Possible and Shego are are the creations of Mark McCorkle and Bob Schooley, and those names are all trademarks of the Disney media organizations.Use in use in this context is probably considered fair under parody law, but just in case: this work was not created for profit, no money changed hands etc. Also, this story takes place at a time at which all sexually active human characters are over the age of 18 and are legally consenting adults.