I woke up that morning and wished that I was dead. My head was pounding away for yet another night of drinking. No matter how much I drank I could never get his face out of my mind. His face haunted me night and day. I saw him everywhere I went. I just wanted it all to stop. I wanted to let him go but I couldn't. I could let go of Dean Winchester. He was my sole mate. I told him that after but he just said there was no such thing. He was never much of the romantic type but maybe that's why I loved him so much. We were so different but we seemed to fit perfectly together.
There had been times in the last year that I would go to the top of the mountain where we first met, where we first kissed, where we first made love, and I would stand there looking over the edge. I wanted to jump and end my pain but every time I got ready to take that final leap I would hear him behind me telling me to step away, to take his hand. Just like he did the first time we meet. I remember that day because it was the day the voices were so loud in my head that I felt like I was going to explode. Just as I was about to jump I heard someone say, "What can be so bad that a beautiful girl like you would want to jump?" That is when I turned around and saw his face, the face that would save me from all my fears. He was my hero and he would always be that.
His presence frightened me and I slip but he was quick. He caught me by the hand and looked down at me and said, "Don't let go of me." And from that moment on I never let go of Dean. Any time I found myself scared he was whisper in my ear, "Don't let go" I was safe with him.
I rolled over in my bed and looked at the clock. It was just after six in the morning. I had gotten all of four hours of sleep. It was more than most night so I could complain. I forced myself out of bed. I knew that he would want me to go on living. Damn you Dean for making me live the rest of my life alone but I had to keep going. It was his last request that I keep moving on with my life and that I would never give in so that's what I did. Every day was the same. I would wake up, take a shower, get dressed, and head out the door. I would then sit in my car wonder where I was heading next. I had no family, no friends or at least not any I would talk to. I had Bobby and Sam out there somewhere but I haven't talked to them in months.
Bobby would call from time to time to check on me but I never picked up. I did want to get a lecture from him. I knew he was worried. Maybe I owed it to him to stop by and let him know I was still alive. After all he had been like a father to me.
I had not been back to Singer Salvage in a year. I will never forget the last time I was there. It was the day my life ended.
I walked through the front door with a smile on my face. I hadn't seen Dean in over a month and I missed him. "Dean? Bobby?" I called out. "Where is everyone?"
"In the den." I heard Bobby say.
When I walked in I saw him sitting on the sofa with a bottle of liquor in his hands and tear in his eyes. I knew something was wrong. I could feel it. "Bobby." I said. "Where is Dean?" I asked.
He looked up at me and I will never forget that face. He walked over to me and he didn't have to say a word. I new something had happened. "Dean is…he's….."
"No." I stopped him, "Where is he?" I yelled. "Dean!" I called out.
"Haley, listen to me. Dean is dead."
"Don't say that. He is just fine!"
"No baby he's not. He died a few weeks ago. I'm so sorry." He said and pulled me to him and I sobbed.
That was one year ago today. It had been a little over a year since I last looked into Dean's eyes, felt his skin against mine. The last time I felt safe. I put the car in drive and took off to the one place I said I would never go again. I headed to Bobby's.
When I got there, I looked up at the house and it looked just the same as the last time I was there except for the very familiar black impala parked in front of me. I knew Sam must be here. I closed my eye and thought about the last time I was in her.
I looked into Dean's eyes and smiled at him, "How long will you be gone for?" I asked.
"I don't know, baby." He said to him. "But I just want you to know that I love you. Meeting you was the best thing that has ever happened to me."
"I love you too, Dean." I smiled. "You sound like you are saying goodbye."
"There is no goodbye for us. Just….see ya later." He smiled.
"I like that." I said. Dean cupped him face and gave a sad grin before giving me the most perfect kiss.
Little did I know that I would never feel his lips on mine again after that day.
I opened my eyes and took a deep breath before getting out of the car. I breathed in the cool air and looked at the house once more before walking up the stair and up to the door.
I knocked twice, "Bobby, Its-Its Haley." I said with my hands in my pocket. I saw smoke coming from the chimney so I knew he was home. I waited for what seemed like forever and then finally I saw the door swing open and I smiled, "Hey Bobby."
He looked at me and opened the screen door, "Haley?" he asked looking at him. I knew what he was thinking. He was thinking about how different I looked. That's was little sleep, a lot of drugs, and too much alcohol will do to you.
"In the flesh." I said. "How are you?" I asked him. He was looking a lot better than the last time I saw him.
"Where the hell have you been, girl?" he asked me.
"All over God's green earth." I smiled. "Can I come inside for a little while?" I asked. I didn't have a lot but I still had my manners.
"You know you don't have to ask." He said and opened the door for me. I walked in and everything looked and smelt the same. This was the only home I ever had. Bobby was once like a father to me. "How have you been?" he asked.
"You know….I've just….been I guess." I smiled. "How are you doing?"
"I can't complain." He said. "Can I get you something? You want a coke or something?" he asked.
I hade a feeling is coke was different from mine, "I'll take whiskey if you got it." I said.
"When did you start drinking?" he asked me.
"To be honest with you….about a year ago." I said with a straight face and he knew exactly what I mean by that.
"I see. Well I will be right back." He said and walked into the kitchen.
I closed the door and walked into the den. I walked over to his desk and saw books piled up. He was after something. I just didn't know what yet. I didn't even want to know. I have given up hunting the day I found out Dean was dead. I wanted no part of the life that took him from me.
I heard the front door slam shut and assumed it was another one of his hunting buddies stopping by for a visit until I heard that voice say, "Hey Bobby, I think we need more salt."
I froze when I heard those words. I knew that voice all too well. I slowly turned around and was shocked by what I saw.
The man at the door looked over at him and his face dropped and he whispered, "Haley."
I thought I was dreaming. There was no way I was standing there looking into the eyes of the man I had lost. There was no way I was looking at Dean Winchester.
*So new story. This one will be a little bit of angst. You will learn more about Haley, the voices, and her addictions in the next chapter. Reviews are loved!