A/N: I'm not really sure about the result of this fic, so I would really appreciate review, even more than usually! Maybe the characters are a bit OOC, but you'll have to livw with it!
"Dexter, for fucks sake, you can't do this!" Debra was yelling, but the wind and the rain slurred most of her words. He did hear her anyway though, but he didn't answer her. He didn't have an answer.
"Your sister is right, amigo. Come here, and then we'll go home, back to the kids." But Batista's words didn't do anything for him, not even the mentioning of his kids. They were better off without him. The only reason he hadn't stepped over the edge was because Deb had found him here. He didn't want to hurt her. "No" He said firmly, but then he realized that Deb probably hadn't heard it, and repeated it, nearly yelling this time.
"Dexter, what the fucking fuck is it that you don't understand? I can't fucking live in this shit world without you, and what about the kids?" She was desperate. Typically Deb, to tell a suicidal person, that the world was shit. A smile flickered across his face.
But it was quickly washed off, when he heard Debs heart wrenching half-scream and half-cry. He wasn't sure for how long Deb had made that sound. Sound wasn't a reliable thing in this wind. He hadn't heard her like that since Lundy died. He turned around to face the two.
"You'll live without me Deb" He said, and he meant it. All of him, even the monster was with him on this one. It took a moment before she got the meaning of his words.
"No I fucking shit won't!" She was angry. He didn't blame her, he'd been angry at Harry as well when he discovered the truth behind his dead.
He'd always thought that suicide was pathetic, and he still thought so. But he needed to do this – his family needed to be safe, and he couldn't wait for the real truth to fall upon them one day, and hit them harder than his dead ever could.
It would only be a matter of time before someone like Arthur would come into his life again if he kept living on, but he hoped, that in killing himself he could hide the truth from them. Forever.
Obviously his plan hadn't included Deb and Batista finding him just as he was about to do the deed. He had killed far over 50 people, but the day he decided to kill himself was of course the day he was caught. They did saw irony was a bitch.
"You have to let go Deb" He said. He didn't need to say as loud as before as Deb and Batista was coming closer. He wasn't worried though.
"Stop scaring your sister, and get away from the edge Dex." Dexter only smiled as reply. He was letting his monster out, but he was sure Deb and Batista would only write it off as grieve speaking.
"Stop fucking smiling Dex, this isn't funny!" The hysteria was there again. "I know you're sad, but this isn't the fucking way! I know what you're going through; I went through the same fucking thing with Lundy, thinking I was alone, that there was no purpose in life. But I had you, for fuck sake! Where would I have been without you?" Dexter had never heard this before.
It worried him; that thoughts of suicide had even stroked his sister. Foster sister. "And with Rudy – Brian," She stopped for a moment. "It isn't because of him, is it Dexter? Please tell me it isn't, it makes no difference, you know that-" Batista was confused of course. He didn't know anything about his brother. It was best to clear it all up.
"Brian Moser, better known as the Ice Truck Killer was my brother" He said, addressing Batista.
"Your br- Your brother?" He was still confused, but at least he knew the facts now. "No Deb, it isn't because of him" Deb looked unsure and suspicious for a moment – and in that moment he wondered if he should have lied instead – but then she accepted his answer.
"Well whatever the fuck it is Dex – I am there for you too" Her voice broke halfway through the sentence, and she said the rest in a whisper. "I know that Deb" He said and smiled softly again. But as she again broke into sobs, Batista supporting her, Dexter realized that she would never forgive herself if he went through with it, and killed himself.
She would blame herself for not being there enough for him, not being there as much as he had always been there for her. He'd thought this would be the easiest way to go, with no one getting hurt. But it seemed he had been wrong. He needed her to understand. "I'm not doing this for myself Deb"
He said, trying to make eye contact, but she had her head buried into Batistas arms, soaked to the skin in rain and tears. Batista and Deb were sitting a few meters from him. They obviously didn't dare to get any closer. She mumbled a reply into Batistas just as wet shirt, but he didn't manage to catch it.
"Can you repeat that? It's not exactly easy to hear anything up here" he said and made a gesture towards the nearly black clouds which dominated the sky. She turned his head towards him. Her eyes were red and swollen.
"Then who the hell are you then doing it for?" She asked slowly, "Rita? She would have wanted you to live on Dex!" Dexter looked at her for a moment before answering. "Also when I'm the reason she's dead?"
There was even less emotion than normal in his voice. "Dexter, you aren't the reason that she's dead. If it was anyones fault it was mine, for not catching that bastard of a killer sooner. For still not having caught him." Bastista's voice was harsh, but kind at the same time.
It was easy to see what Deb was thinking.
"It was me"
He still remembered those words which had been so easy to deny afterwards.
"It was my fault entirely. You're all better off without me here. I'm a monster" He only just finished his words, before Deb was over him like a hawk. "A monster! How can you call yourself something like that? You're the most kind, sweet, loving-" Dexter interrupted her.
He couldn't lie to her anymore. He just wished the truth wasn't so harsh. "I've killed over 50 people Deb. I'm a serial killer. Don't say I'm not a monster."
She looked at him blankly for a moment, before the protest he should have known would be coming, came. "It's not funny Dex,-" Her voice was weak, and Dexter didn't let her get any further.
"I'm not joking around. All those times I've said that I was finishing up work – even at Halloween, you remember that, don't you Deb? When I was late." He didn't need to say more. The rest was hanging in the air. Of course she didn't want to believe him, but she trusted him too much to lie, if that even made sense. They were both starring at him, and not a word came over their lips. It wasn't raining anymore.
"How… How can you be a killer?" It wasn't Deb who asked the question, but Batista. "I was as good as born this way. My brother and me, we watched our mother being killed. It made us who we are- were in Brian's case." Silence came over them, and then Debra screamed.
Not the heart wrenching sob-scream that Deb had uttered before, but the raging, furiousness he'd never really seen fully. Before now. "So back with Brian, you knew he was a fucking killer? You were both fucking laughing behind my back, you –"
She stopped, clearly not having words to express her feelings, "BASTARD! FUCKING BASTARD, HOW COULD YOU? AND RITA! HOW- ? ALL THIS FUCKING TIME!"
Her scream echoed everywhere, and Dexter was sure that even people down at the street would be able to hear her. "Deb, I killed Brian. I've only – nearly only ever killed other killers. I didn't kill Rita." Surprisingly, His voice didn't break.
"Do you fucking promise?"
Her voice was the voice of a real cop. He nodded. He hadn't expected it, when she began crying again.
Batista held her closer, but his eyes were still locked upon Dexter, only expressing blankness and utter disbelieve. Dexter was guessing he felt just like Deb – he knew that it wasn't a lie, he just couldn't believe it. More than a couple of minutes went by, and it wasn't just because it felt like an eternity. He had his watch on.
"Then I forgive you"
She whispered. He looked at her. It was probably him who was uttering disbelieve right now. "I forgive you, if you'll fucking get your ass away from that fucking edge!"
Dexter's eyes found Batista's, not really knowing what to do. It seemed Batista was as lost as he was. But finally, after a moment of silence, Dexter finally stepped away from the edge. Debra threw herself at him, still crying and completely soaked, hugging him tightly.