Title: Setting the Record Straight

Summary: Set just after 'A Diplomatic Incident'. Hacker is not happy about how the Soviet diplomat tried to touch Humphrey inappropriately. Hacker/Humphrey

Disclaimer: I do not own and never will. T_T

Warning: Slash. Don't like don't read.

A/N: My word! I found a huge file full of Yes, Prime Minister fiction. However, I wrote them well over two years ago so the writing style is very disjointed. I'll have to upload them one at a time after I've transformed them into my current, more fluid style.

If you're reading this, then thanks! Moving into a new category is always a fearful experience.

Hacker was not pleased.

Not pleased at all.

However, he could not confront the Soviet diplomat. He couldn't afford a war with the Soviet Union. He was scared of them as it was. All this talk of conventional forces and how they currently could only hold the Russians for 72hrs tops terrified him. No, better not to go near him for the time being until his temper simmered down. He couldn't let on that something was wrong. For some reason, diplomats seem to take offence really easy. Who knew …

'Mingling', as Bernard had put it when he started to look like a fish out of water, was kept in mind as he smiled and took part in small talk whilst keeping his eyes open for Humphrey, who, its seemed, had disappeared entirely. The only reassuring thing about the whole situation was that the Soviet diplomat never left his sight. Hacker made sure of that.

Eventually though, he spotted Humphrey. Hacker was taken aback at first to see a nervous expression of his face, and when he watched him dart (with a lot of elegance) out of the room, Hacker realised he was keeping out the Soviet's way.

Humphrey had just unwittingly earned some brownie points.

Hacker moved into the empty room Humphrey had removed himself to. Humphrey, upon hearing the door close, jumped up from his chair, believing to have been followed by the Soviet diplomat and was preparing to make his escape when he realised it was Hacker.

"Oh, Prime Minister, I didn't realise it was you." He smiled weakly. He too knew that they couldn't afford to upset the Russians.

"You look worried, Humphrey." Hacker spoke rhetorically as he watched Humphrey trying to get his breathing back under control. "It doesn't have anything to do with what happened a short while ago does it?"

"What? Oh, nothing happened. I assure you Prime Minister."

"I wouldn't say that having a certain Soviet Diplomat trying to touch you, like I have heard he has tried to, constitutes nothing." Hacker looked sternly at Humphrey, seeing that he had taken a blow. Normally, Hacker would delight in watching Humphrey suffer and thrash around in his embarrassment; but not tonight.

"How did you even hear of that?" Humphrey paled as his eyes went wide in shock, not that he looked too different at present from what he did when Hacker had originally walked in. He still looked shaken. How he pulled it together to deliver the decisive blow against the French President Hacker would never know.

"I heard through the grapevine." The sides of Hacker's mouth turned up slightly, but distinctly enough that Humphrey noticed.

"Grapevine?" Humphrey queried, the colour still not returning.

"Yes, the prime ministerial grapevine."

"Ah, Bernard."

Hacker smirked before pushing Humphrey back against the wall, kissing him deeply. "I'm not happy with that Soviet trying to touch you." He growled as his lips moved along Humphrey's jaw, making Humphrey swallow hard, trying not to moan. There were too many people too close nearby for him to feel secure. He supposed what made the situation even more exciting for him was the prospect that they could be discovered. Considering the proximity of all the foreign delegates for the funeral, if they were discovered, it was going to be the talking point around the world within the parameters of an hour.

"Prime Minister, we really must consider our position." Humphrey tried to reason, his brain systematically shutting down. Jim was a pain in more than one way. "Consider the prospect of being discovered. You presently hold the required influence over the French president concerning the desired sovereignty of the tunnel that, if I am not much mistaken, and taking all stipulations into consideration, the delightful interlocutor which has manifested into affirmative expectations in relation to your prospective, and somewhat guaranteed success, one really must take precautions against the possible calamity and forfeit of such a monumental dominance."

Hacker stood and looked at Humphrey with his head tilted to one side, a frown present on his face. "You know, you really don't speak in riddles enough, Humphrey."

Humphrey sighed and shot Hacker what he hoped was an annoyed look. "If we get caught and the French find out, they can hang it out to the media like a kebab to a drunk unless you back down on the tunnel."

"A kebab to a drunk?"

"Drunk people like kebabs." Humphrey shrugged his shoulders. "Not that I should have any personal experience of this fact though."

"Oh yes, because they are all philistines to you." Hacker smiled. "Fair enough; point made; but before I do release you …" a glint came into Hacker's blue eyes, "I think that I need to remind you who you belong to."

Humphrey pressed his lips together hard to stop himself from smiling. His dark eyes gave away everything he sought to hide though. "I believe I do need reminding, Prime Minister."

Hacker leant into close so he could whisper into Humphrey's ear, sending cold shivers down the permanent secretaries spine. "I heard your wife is away on business."

"That is true, Prime Minister." Humphrey answered, making a mental note to have a word with Bernard and remind him what the definition of confidentiality was. "Do you wish for a formal invitation?"

Hacker smiled before kissing him one last time. "I'll be around about half eleven. You now need to go patch up diplomatic relations and I need to go and convince Annie that I need to work late. Government stuff."

Humphrey smiled as he straightened his suit once more.

"Yes, Prime Minister".