The Cleanest Kind of Dirt

A HariPo drabble

by mew-tsubaki

Note: The Harry Potter characters belong to J.K. Rowling, not me. A little sad, a little sad…but meaningful, nonetheless. Pardon some of the language, thank you. Read, review, and enjoy!

- ^-^3

James has the life, he has it all—but it won't fill the hole in his chest. He doesn't think anything ever will.

Long ago, he summed his backwards life as such: Remus has things Lily does not.

Isn't that how it always starts out? Thinking that rationalizing is the way to go? Remus might've always been the smartest out of the four of them, the Marauders, but James wasn't that far behind. He was a lot sharper than they gave him credit for.

It was how he thought he could reason Remus away…though Remus keeps coming back, because the one thing James isn't strong enough to do is permanently send him away.

Even now, as James lies awake in the crystal clear clarity of the early morning, he sees pink skin, slender curves, flaming red hair, and the same color eyelashes hiding emerald gems for eyes…and his mind throws back to last night's…

white skin, softened edges marred by scars, lanky brown hair, and the same color eyelashes hiding molten globes of sepia for eyes. The same eyelashes that flutter open and allow those brown eyes to rest on him as the broken smile on that face smiles—just for him.

So what does it mean? James loves a nice, tight…box, but occasionally prefers a nice, tight…arse? Or does he have a thing for cocks versus pussies? If that were the truth, then would he really have a kid with Lily?

At some point, James told himself, Lily doesn't have a rod. That's that. So Remus became a plaything.

But that wasn't right either. It wasn't right to Remus; hell, it wasn't even right to Lily. Lily had his love; Remus had his passion…but James knew that wasn't it. It couldn't be it, because if that were the case, then why did Lily get the wan grins and Remus, the cuddling after a bout of lovemaking?

There used to be lines when James could distinct Lily as his love and Remus as his lover, but what does James do now that one of them is both?

He's sickened with himself for playing them…so he knows something's got to end. So…he'll do it.

He'll do it tonight. He knows he and Lily are in hiding and this is just another case of "James Potter's Worst Timing Ever," but it shouldn't be too bad, telling Remus that he's picked…he's picked him over his family. After all, it's just another night in hiding.

What's the worst that could happen?

- ^-^3

D: Yah, I can't believe I ended it there, either… I was not expecting to place it on the night… *sigh* If you didn't catch it, the implied night is the night Voldemort came for Harry. Dx Soo sad! Anyway…

Thanks for reading and please review!

-mew-tsubaki ;)