A/N: Yes, yet another extremely out of character and off the mark character analysis from I, SuprSingr, the empress of all evil. *Evil laughter*
XD Well, anyway, as I'm sure a few of you have noticed, I ship my OC Astrid and Brainy together. I believe I've mentioned her in at least two of my fics, and I have BrainyxAstrid listed as one of my favorite HA! couples. Astrid is of my own design, but she is extremely underdeveloped. All I've really got down is her appearance, that she's from England, has a bit of a Helga-esque (but not quite) way about her, she's very outgoing, but she becomes a total clutz and blushing mess when she likes a guy. So, in order to remedy the situation, I am going to be writing a BrainyxAstrid fic. Doi. I've been threatening to do so for several months now. But, as I've stated before, I cannot write romance for a pairing if I am not in touch with their characters. Hence, this. It's as thorough a Brainy analysis as I could write, I hope. I'm basing a lot of this off of the book "Arnold's E-Files," where Brainy not only has one of the main parts in, but he TALKS (SORTA). And in the book, he is shown with a very wide vocabulary, excellent grammar, very down to earth (I... think), and he loves poetry and speaks in a very poet-esque way (as in, he talks poetry constantly ("I am lashed by the furious tides of love, dancing like a cork on the waves, held up only by hope.")) often... and he's allergic to cats. But anyway, I'm basing most of how he is here off of that. So yes, Brainy is a catch, and if I could, I would marry his wheezing butt... Yes, I am attracted to very odd people. But anyway (again), after this, I will be writing a short character analysis for my OC, Astrid Baldric (I think that's what I made her last name, anyway). So I can get in touch with her underdeveloped keister and hopefully write up some decent romance for these two (Why can't he love ME? !). I know that people hate OC's usually, and trust me, I can relate, but I'm going to try and make this NOT a pathetic attempt at forcing two people with no chemistry whatsoever together (Like all you warped HelgaxBrainy people O_o). And now FINALLY... Oh, forget it. This A/N has gone on long enough. Just freaking read already, if you haven't already started.
Disclaimer: I wish to own it, I long to own it, my every dream is focused acutely on what it might be like to hold the deed to it in my hands, but alas... The rights to HA! and I can never be together, for Nick has them chained up and rotting in their dungeon. But perhaps, one day... *Crosses fingers*
It had been... six years...
Of pining, of heart throbbing, of poetry writing, of stalking, of gazing, of... wheezing...
But we won't get into that just yet.
No, instead, let's just begin by talking about Brainy as a person himself.
He knew there were theories brought about by his classmates. No one usually paid too much attention to him, since he was simply classified as one of the 'geeks.' He wasn't anything special to think about. But kids would be kids, and kids were blabber mouths. He'd heard the whispers, the giggling. He was no fool. He was the quiet shadow lurker. He heard all and knew all. He was a keen listener, though not much of a speaker... but he'd heard, alright...
There were the people who said he was an asthmatic, and those would be correct. But then that brought on the question of why he simply didn't get a blasted inhaler (not to say he didn't already have one). Then there were the more outlandish theories; the ones about how he'd supposedly 'lost his voice' back when they were younger and never quite got it back; the ones about how he simply didn't speak because he was insane; the ones where he was depressed, saddened, too lost in his own misery to even think of speaking of his woes, for they were too deep; the ones about how he was just weird. And then, of course, there was the much simpler conclusion that he was just mentally retarded.
Yes, there were many stories, theories, brought on by the simple fact that he didn't talk too much and preferred to stay hidden and quiet. But the simple truth of the matter was that he simply didn't have anything to say. Oh, sure, like any other person, he had things to talk about, interests and goals and a life, but no one was ever interested enough to want to talk to him about them. Yes, he knew he never really tried too hard to gain anybody's interest in the first place, but why should he? He was the guardian over everyone, and he liked to keep it that way. Ever watching, eyes everywhere, always seen but never heard or concerned with. Like that bit of fuzz on the sleeve of your sweater. Sure, you know it's there, but it's not bothering you, so why bother with it? It had never occurred to anyone that that little bit of fuzz had a brain... even if his name was Brainy.
But he didn't mind it. He wasn't depressed, or insane, or even deaf or dumb. He just didn't care. He was perfectly content with being the quiet, pale boy at the back of the classroom. Some would call this indifference, disinterest, but he knew that wasn't true. He was actually very much interested, in every one of his classmates. They were all... charming, in their own rights, and he respected each one of them, some more than others. He kept tabs on them all, and he considered himself on friendly terms with each one of them. He had no reason not to.
And then, the next biggest thing he'd hear gossiped about him was his name. Brainy. What an odd name. Surely, it had to be a nickname, right? No one could really be named BRAINY. Oh, sure, there was a kid that was legally named Stinky in the class, but that was perfectly normal. No, no, Brainy was the odd one, of course. He'd frequently roll his eyes over that one.
It may come as a shock, but his legal name was indeed Brainy. It was a funny little mix up actually. In the hospital, there was a bit of a typo. His name had originally been meant to be Brian, but it had been switched to Brain instead. Quite odd. But it had been right around the time after computers had freshly been installed into the hospitals, so it made sense that there would be a few errors initially. His parents hadn't noticed the mistake until a few days after having brought him home. Of course, they'd always meant to get it fixed, but they never quite did. After all, it was such a bother to have to get someone's name legally changed. But they'd promised they would... eventually...
The years passed, and soon young Brain was in preschool. And while introducing himself to the other little children, he'd wheezed out that his name was Brainy, like any child might when attempting to pronounce their name. The name had stuck. Since that point, his parents just hadn't had the heart to change it. It was as simple and as complicated as that.
You could get down to the more nitty gritty details and list out his full name, but what would be the point in that? Are you really that desirous to know the full name of the young, wheezing boy that always sat at the back of the class? Very well.
Not the most special name, but then again, he wasn't that particularly special of a person and he never tried to be.
Simply put, Brainy was what he was, and he had no desire to try and make it anymore complicated than that.
But of course, even the most simple of people had a 'secret,' something deep and dirty that they were perhaps hiding from everyone. Whether it was that they killed someone or that they'd broken their mother's prized, mint vase when they were younger, there was always something.
For Brainy, this supposed 'secret' came in the name of a girl. A cliché, he knew, but as stated before, it was what it was, and whom it was was Helga G. Pataki...
Oh, just hearing her name made him get all starry eyed.
His obsession with the pigtailed beauty had started as far back as kindergarten. It wasn't QUITE love at first sight, but it was pretty darn close. Surprisingly enough, when he'd first seen her, he'd felt absolutely nothing. She was just some girl. He saw her cry, he saw her frown, he saw her pout, and he felt nothing. Perhaps a bit of sympathy for her, but nothing more. No, his feelings sparked, ironically enough, right at the moment she went 'bad.' It was right when she pushed down Harold and yelled at him, when she stomped on his belly and yelled that she was the boss. Such fire in her eyes. He was immediately enthralled. But even then, he wasn't quite in love. She'd piqued his interest, at most. No, it was when he saw her look at him... at Arnold... after having put on such a dramatic show, to immediately go from tough as nails to soft as snow. Her eyes had gotten all loving and sweet, her fists uncurled, her shoulders slouched... then she ducked behind that trash can, and he couldn't help but follow and watch. How she'd looked at that picture, with such loving sweetness and such... poetry in her eyes. Right then was when he fell, when a million desires hit him all at once. He immediately found himself wishing she'd look at him like that, that he had the ability to make such a tough, hard girl melt into such a sweet, beautiful soul.
But blast his wheezing, she'd heard him. And she'd punched him out. But even that didn't sway him. If anything, it made him love her even more. So much passion and insanity... it was wonderful, beautiful, perfect. He couldn't get enough.
Since that point he found himself following her, trying to get a glance at her every chance he could, hiding in alleys and trash cans, not even caring if she spotted him. Heck, he looked forward to her punches. They were just another part of her magnificent lunacy. He'd take whatever he could get!
He didn't care if he was pathetic. He knew he was lovesick. He knew he was letting himself get led on, he was chasing after a dream that would never be reality, a forbidden fruit he would always salivate over but never get. It was irrational and crazy and made no sense to pursue... But good gravy, what a woman!
She was passionate yet could be so calm, like the ocean. Able to be so serene, yet possessed the power to shove you around in fury and crash full ships with one rough whip of her arm when irritated enough. She was shy yet outgoing, like a gentle flower unfurling it's petals. Shy at first, but with so much color and vibrancy and pleasant surprises to give. She was blunt yet convoluted, like sand. Simple and not all that eye catching, but so complex and vast at the same time if you looked hard enough. She was everything, but hid it all behind her more aggressive side. But there was so much more to her than just that, and he knew it, he'd seen it. He knew everything about her.
She was his poetry, and he loved it. It was simply how it was, and he was in love with her. He didn't try to deny it. It wasn't so much a secret as it just never got brought up, just as so many other things just never got brought up. If anyone had asked, of course he would have told them, "Yes, I am indeed in love with her." But no one ever had, and that was perfectly fine with him. It had never occurred to him to keep it a secret. After all, he just assumed Helga already knew. He wasn't exactly shy in his affections. He stalked her openly, he never tried to hide himself, really. Sometimes it would even be he who revealed himself to her in the alleys, be it to show off his latest suit or to propose with the most extravagant ring he could afford on his allowance, he openly pursued her. It wasn't his fault everybody was too dense to notice.
There had even been a point when he'd asked her to go on a date with him through email. She'd accepted, thinking he was Arnold, and he'd shown up with a red rose and Arnold as his wing man... He honestly didn't know WHAT he was thinking.
Obviously, the day ended with a punch in the nose, a crushed red rose, and a very confused football head.
That was when he really knew for sure that she would never be his. His heart was broken, any bits of dreams he'd so foolishly harbored that she could learn to love him shattered in the undercurrent of her passion for another man, and yet another pair of glasses broken clear in two. He was so happy he had his father (the optician), or else he may not be deaf or dumb, but he'd certainly be blind. Of course, that didn't stop the questions from his parents each day when he'd show up wheezing, a lens in each hand, asking for another pair of glasses. But he'd simply wheezed something out about how it had to do with a girl, and the questions had stopped after that. He didn't know why or how, but they seemed to understand, his father especially.
But it was after that that he gave up completely and succumbed to his fate. Helga would never love him.
It had surprised him when that deep bitterness and jealousy and spurn he'd expected to come... didn't. Actually, the deepest thing he felt was something akin to being humbled, and that was when it was all finally put in perspective.
Helga loved someone else, and he was her stalker.
...That was it.
And surprisingly... that didn't bother him nearly as much as he thought it would. He couldn't exactly blame her. He respected Arnold, he could see the attraction. He was kind, trustworthy, loyal, moralistic, humble... dense as heck, but that couldn't be helped. Overall, he was a good guy, and he was the luckiest kid in the world, if he'd only figure it out. But Brainy had no doubts that with time he would. A personality as bright and shining as Helga's couldn't be hidden for much longer. Eventually, feelings would spill, and Arnold would be dazzled and charmed and smitten, just as Brainy had been so many years back. It was inevitable, and Brainy had no desire to try and change fate... at least, not anymore. Not since that one email catastrophe.
He'd tried to pull her in by telling her of all he knew about her; the locket she carried, the shrine in her locker, the love she held in her heart. He understood, and he cared. He'd dared to hope, though, and that was foolish of him. But he just... had to try. His love was deep and real, and any real love deserved to be given a chance, if only for a moment. He knew he had to try, and he had, and it ended up blowing up in his face. She was too deep in with Arnold, too much had already happened. They had met, chemistry had been sparked without either one ever having to initiate it, and the attraction was fantastic. It was ineluctable destiny that the two of them would end up together. For Heaven's sake, they crashed into each other nearly every day! It was more than clear that SOMETHING out in the cosmos was forcing those two together mercilessly and impatiently. And once they realized that, everything would be set in balance at last.
And Brainy... was happy for them. Oh, sure, he could get angsty, dark... he could cry a thousand tears or become a homicidal maniac if he desired so, but when you really got down to it... where would be the sense in any of that? There was no use crying over what was never meant to be in the first place, and Brainy was not an imbecile, despite what anyone speculated. His name was Brainy after all, and he was going to live up to his name best he could and live his life to the fullest, in the most logical way possible. And of course, if he was in love with someone who would never love him back, then the logical course of action would be to try and get over the girl and move on. But, Arnold had not yet realized Helga's true romantic potential just yet, and so there was no reason for Brainy to quit his favorite pastime just yet. He felt it was his job to try and make it as obvious as possible that he was following Helga because she was very much worthy of someone's time and affection and commitment, which was one of the reasons he always showed up randomly right when Arnold was around. He was trying to lead by example. Yes, he would teach the young idiot how to treat a lady that was actually worth his time, and not some pretty floozy that knew a few cheap tricks. No, Helga was the true definition of a woman, the one who possessed the rich love and romance he so desired; she was the type of girl that truly deserved to be chased. And until the football head realized that, it was Brainy's job to continue on with his sacred quest.
And then the little run-ins in the alleys just to hear a bit of her poetry and passion, well... nobody said he couldn't enjoy himself a little along the way, right?
So yes, it had been six years...
Six years of pining, of heart throbbing, of poetry writing, of stalking, of gazing, of wheezing... and he was enjoying every minute of it, despite any amount of heartache that tried daily to weigh him down.
'Cause after all...
She really was a knockout.
A/N: Yes, Brainy, Helga is quite the 'knockout,' you sick, sick boy.
And now, for the moment we've all (I've) been waiting for... *Drum roll*