Title: Tony's drunken visit.
Summary: Tony shows up drunk at Gibbs house, talking about a bad break-up and being in love with someone he can't have. Will Gibbs put the pieces together?
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Thank you, Thank you, Thank you to Cookie62 for beta reading!
"I have known you for over a year and I have never been to your house." She grinned. "I didn't even know where you lived."
"Now you do." He smiled.
She let her hand caress his chest. "And I'm intrigued."
He pushed the door open and let her step in first. As he followed her in she took his hand.
"The first thing I want to see is that boat you always talk about."
"Then the boat it is."
He suddenly stopped as he looked into the living room.
"Hey boss." Tony said as he tried to stand up from the couch and almost fell over, instead falling back down to a sitting position on the couch.
"DiNozzo." Gibbs sighed.
"Um, didn't mean to um interrupt, maybe I should just go." Again Tony stood, wobbling but at least he remained standing.
Great. Gibbs thought to himself. Tony's drunk and sitting on my couch.
"I can just call a cab and wait outside." Tony said his speech slightly slurred.
"Sit down Tony." Gibbs said the boss tone firmly in place.
"Right Boss." Tony nodded falling back down onto the couch.
Gibbs turned back to the woman still holding his hand.
"I'm guessing this night is ending very differently than I planned." She said seeing the look in his eyes.
He pulled her back towards the front door so they were out of Tony's view.
"I need to take care of this." Gibbs said.
"I kinda thought that." She nodded.
"Rain check?" He smiled.
"Oh, you so owe me." She smirked.
"Understood." He nodded.
She stepped forward and placed a quick kiss on his lips. "And I will collect."
Again he nodded.
She turned around and opened the door and was about to step out.
"Alex." He said. "Be careful going home."
She chuckled and nodded.
He watched her until she got in the car and pulled out of the driveway, and then he closed the door and headed back towards the living room. Stopping, he leaned his shoulder against the wall and looked over at Tony who was sitting there staring at an empty glass sitting on the coffee table. He looked sad, exhausted, and completely wasted. Tony hadn't been to his house in months and he decides to show up tonight of all nights. Leave it to Tony to have the worse timing ever.
"Sorry Boss." Tony said not looking at the man.
Gibbs let the sorry slide. "What was it?"
"Sake bombs and blow jobs shots." Tony answered.
"What?" Gibbs looked confused. Sake bombs he knew about but blow jobs.
"Sake bombs you remember it's-"
"Yeah I remember those but blow jobs?"
"Ah yeah. Irish cream and amaretto almond liqueur topped with whip cream. Have to drink it without using your hands. You have to push through the whip cream to get to the liquor, kind of like a real-"
"Yeah, I get it." Gibbs said making his way over and sitting in the chair next to the couch. He didn't even want to ask why Tony was doing blow job shots.
"Party, ended badly." Tony sighed. "Bad break up."
Gibbs nodded although he wasn't aware of Tony dating anyone. Usually that would have been the first thing Tony would have talked about at work.
"And I was really drunk which made it worse." Tony ran his hands over his face.
"Yeah, usually does." Gibbs sighed. "Aspirin?"
"Already took some." Tony answered.
Gibbs stood up and walked into the kitchen starting the coffee pot. He grabbed a beer from the fridge and came back to the chair.
"Coffee will be ready in a minute." He said as he opened the beer and took a swig.
"Thanks." Tony nodded. "I just needed to get away from it all."
Gibbs nodded again. Although surprised that Tony felt here was where he needed to get away from it all.
"Water heater is broke in the apartment, again. I've been staying with an old fraternity brother." Tony shook his head. "It was all getting to be a little too much. You think I'm immature!"
"He's...I just wanted some peace and quiet."
"Okay." Gibbs said and he heard the coffee maker beep telling him it was done. Going back into the kitchen he poured a cup for Tony, fixing it the way he knew the younger man liked it.
"Here." Gibbs said handing the cup to Tony.
"Thanks." Tony smiled accepting the cup and taking a sip. Gibbs knew how everyone took their coffee, not because he needed to know, but because he merely paid attention.
"I'll grab the pillow and blanket." Gibbs said as he headed down the hall, returning with the items in hand. He placed them next to Tony on the couch then sat back down.
"Didn't mean to interrupt your date."
Gibbs didn't say anything just took a sip of his beer.
"She's hot." Tony smirked.
Again Gibbs took a swig from his beer.
"Okay moving on." Tony said taking another drink of his coffee. When Gibbs didn't want to talk about something he made it painfully clear.
"Wasn't a date." Gibbs paused. "She's a friend."
Tony nodded. "Still didn't mean to get in the way."
"Let it go." Gibbs said giving Tony that look.
"Right." Tony did just that. "I appreciate you letting me crash here tonight."
"Doors always unlocked." Gibbs took the last swig of his beer.
"I know." Tony nodded.
"I'll be in the basement." Gibbs said standing up and disappearing down the hall.
Tony sighed and let his head fall back onto the couch. Why the hell did he come here of all the places he could have gone. He had avoided this place like the plague for months. Coming here drunk after a bad break-up was not the way to suddenly reappear. Tony chuckled to himself. You came here because you're an idiot and because you're a masochist. And seeing Gibbs with that woman had definitely satisfied his masochistic side. Nothing worse than seeing Gibbs with some woman he obviously brought back home to have sex with.
Sitting the coffee cup on the table Tony lay down on the couch his head propped on the arm and stared at the ceiling. He should just leave. It was painfully obvious Gibbs didn't want him here.
Tony awoke not remembering where he was, as he sat up the room spun and his head throbbed.
"Shit." He said as he put his hand on his forehead. As he looked at his surroundings he sighed repeating the word he had just spoken. His hope was that it had been a dream, that he hadn't actually come to Gibbs drunk and telling him of the break up. Tony glanced at his watch. Three am, way too early to be up. Cautiously, Tony stood up, there was no dizziness but there was a drum player beating away in his head. Making his way into the hallway he saw a dim light coming from the basement. Gibbs was either still working on the boat or he had fallen asleep.
Curiosity getting the better of him, Tony made his way to the basement door. As he took the first few steps down, he saw Gibbs lying in the middle of the boat's frame work sound asleep. He had his cell phone in hand and his gun lying within arm's reach beside him. Trying to be as quiet as possible Tony made his way to the last few steps and sat down. Then he just looked at the man, watching him sleep as countless thoughts raced through his mind. The break up, why he had come here, why he was watching Gibbs sleep, fantasies, and thousands of other things.
Realizing he was being watched, Gibbs grabbed the gun and pointed it at the man on the steps.
Tony put his hands up. "Just me."
Gibbs let out a deep breath and put the gun down. His head dropped back down and he ran his hands over his face.
"You should be asleep" Gibbs asked.
"Yeah, should be." Tony smiled. "And you should be in bed."
"Yeah, should be." Gibbs used Tony's words. He looked at his phone seeing the time and sat up running his hands through his hair.
"I was just thinking I should head out." Tony paused. "I'm sober enough now."
Gibbs moved his neck left to right hearing it crack. "Thought you wanted to get away from everything?"
Which is why I should leave. Tony thought to himself. He needed to get away from Gibbs. There was too much temptation here.
"Yeah guess I did." Tony said looking down at his feet.
"Tony you okay?" Gibbs asked the concern evident in his voice.
Tony nodded and looked up at Gibbs forcing a smile. It was only during times like this private concern that Gibbs actually used Tony's first name.
"The break up?" Gibbs asked figuring that was what had Tony acting this way.
"It wasn't working, we both knew that. Wasn't a big surprise." Tony explained.
"You never mentioned dating anyone."
"Yeah." Tony bit at his lower lip. "Something I wanted to keep private."
Gibbs raised an eyebrow. "That's new."
Tony chuckled. "Guess so." He so wanted to explain but that would just make everything worse. And he knew Gibbs wouldn't push for an explanation. Gibbs listened, interjecting only when he felt it was necessary.
Gibbs finally stood up and walked over to the bench grabbing a sanding block. Walking back over to the boat he touched one of the beams, then started sanding. If Tony wanted to talk about it he would. Gibbs wasn't going to push it.
"Ever been in a relationship with someone just because they remind you of someone else?" Tony asked, already knowing the answer. All of Gibbs ex-wives were just reminders of Shannon.
The question made Gibbs stop in the middle of his motion. He swallowed hard then started moving again.
"Yeah." Gibbs answered.
"It's just this poor substitute for what you really want and." Tony paused. "You know it, and eventually the other person knows it. Or at least realizes something isn't right. "
Gibbs nodded not looking up.
"But what are you suppose to do when what you really want can never be yours?" Tony sighed and ran his hands over his face. "I've turned into Jimmy Stewart in Vertigo. Trying to make someone else into the person I actually lov-" Tony cut the thought off. "I'm sure you have no idea what I'm talking about. Vertigo is an Alfred Hitchco-"
"I've seen the movie." Gibbs chuckled.
"Really?" Tony looked surprised.
Gibbs looked over at him. "I have seen a movie or two in my life time."
"Right." Tony nodded.
Sitting the sander down, Gibbs leaned back against the beam. "Tony, I'm the last person that should be giving you, or anyone, relationship advice."
Tony smirked. "Right, three ex-wives." Tony expected the glare but it never came.
"That's part of it." Gibbs nodded.
"But how do you stop loving someone, even when you know they will never feel the same?" Tony paused realizing he shouldn't be asking any of this, especially of Gibbs. "I mean just asking for an opinion."
"I don't know." Gibbs sighed. "Have you even asked this person how they feel?"
"Um no." Tony said shaking his head.
"So how do you know?" Gibbs asked staring at Tony.
Tony looked deep into the icy blue eyes. "I know, believe me I know."
"But you don't." Gibbs shrugged. "You assume you know."
"Let's just say mitigating circumstances make me rather sure." Tony answered.
"She's not married is she?"
Tony laughed. "No."
"Then tell her." Gibbs said. "Which is worse just assuming she doesn't feel the same or actually knowing the truth? And possibly finding out she does feel the same."
Looking at the floor Tony nodded. "I have a lot to lose."
"And even more to gain if you're wrong." Gibbs added.
Tony looked up. "I'll, um, think about that." Tony stood up. "I think I should go get some sleep."
"Okay." Gibbs nodded.
As Tony walked up the stairs he paused halfway. "Thanks."
Gibbs nodded and picked up the sanding block.
Once in the living room Tony slumped down onto the couch. You really are an idiot. Tony said to himself. Why the hell did you even talk to him about this and Vertigo, seriously it would be one movie reference Gibbs actually knew. But it was the truth. Tony had been dating a man that could have easily been Gibbs brother. Daniel was an Ex-Marine, silver haired, gruff, distant, and quiet. A pale substitute for what Tony really wanted...Gibbs. And Daniel realized something was wrong, that Tony was looking for something that he couldn't completely give him. Tony had kept the relationship private because he always kept his real relationships private. Enough, he needed sleep. Tony tossed the pillow down and lay back pulling the blanket up around him, praying he wouldn't dream.
Gibbs stood in the kitchen drinking a cup of coffee and looking out at the man sleeping on the couch. He was still trying to figure out the conversation they had last night. The logical thought was he was trying to replace Jeanne; Tony truly seemed to love her. Gibbs knew all too well trying to replace someone you've lost never works. Yet he had said the woman didn't know about his feelings, that she wouldn't return them. Maybe it was someone else. The next logical thought was Ziva. The two of them always seemed to have some odd love hate relationship. But it could easily be someone Gibbs didn't know. All that Gibbs knew is he rarely saw Tony so shook up, even when he was drunk. And the mystery break up, again unlike Tony to keep any of his personal life personal.
Gibbs glanced at his watch, eleven. He debated if he should wake Tony. It was Saturday and he had no idea if Tony needed to be up. Walking into the living room he touched Tony's shoulder.
"Tony." He spoke with no movement. Again he spoke the name and Tony stirred rolling onto his back but didn't open his eyes. "Tony."
Opening his eyes Tony looked up to see the steely blue eyes that always made him shiver. His hand came up and caressed Gibbs arm.
"Dreaming." He smiled, truly believing he was dreaming.
"No." Gibbs said looking down at Tony's hand on his arm.
Tony jumped to a sitting position and pulled his hand from Gibbs' arm.
"Sorry." He said as he grabbed his forehead still feeling the dull ache of the hangover.
"Coffee." Gibbs handed Tony one of the cups.
"Thanks." Tony sighed as he accepted the cup and put his feet down on the floor allowing Gibbs to sit down on the couch. "What time is it?"
"Eleven." Gibbs answered. "I only woke you up because I wasn't sure if you needed to be up."
"That's fine." Tony leaned back against the couch. "I should get out of your hair anyway. Sure you have plans."
"No." Gibbs shrugged.
"Still sure you have better things to do than deal with a very hung over me."
"Tony, why do you think I'm so eager to get rid of you?" Gibbs asked. It wasn't like Tony. They were friends and up until a few months ago, it was not unusual for Tony to show up now and then, at least more frequently than he had been.
"I just, um." Tony was stammering.
"You haven't been here in months."
"Miss me?" Tony grinned.
Gibbs chuckled and shook his head.
"Yeah, then I show up drunk, rambling about bad relationships." Tony paused looking at his coffee cup. "Not the best way to make a reappearance."
"You're always welcome here. You know that."
"I do." Tony nodded. That just made it worse.
"Do you need a place to stay?" Gibbs asked. "I mean away from the immature frat brother."
Tony laughed. "I did say that didn't I?"
"You mentioned it." Gibbs smirked.
"I'll be fine." Tony smiled. "Although it is Saturday."
Gibbs chuckled. "Party night."
"Yeah." Tony nodded.
"Tony you can stay. It's not a problem" Gibbs said concerned as to why Tony felt so uncomfortable staying here. "I was just going to work on the boat."
There was no answer. Then Tony's phone rang from the coffee table. He grabbed it and looked at the caller ID. The name Daniel flashed before him. God he so didn't need this right now. He pushed the button to ignore the call.
Gibbs didn't ask, but he had seen the caller ID read Daniel. Not a name Gibbs had heard Tony talk about before. Maybe the frat brother he was staying with.
"I'm gonna take a shower." Gibbs got up. "Offer stands."
Gibbs headed up the stairs not realizing Tony watched him until he disappeared.
Picking up the phone, Tony dialed the number of the call he had ignored.
"Why did you call?" Tony asked and listened to the answer. "You were right last night."
Standing in the bathroom about to step into the shower Gibbs heard voices. He wrapped a towel around his waist and stepped out into the upstairs hallway.
Gibbs heard Tony's voice in a slightly raised tone.
"You know as well as I do it wasn't working."
Part of Gibbs wanted to walk away, this was a private conversation, but for some reason his concern overrode Tony's privacy.
"Just stop!" Tony said trying to keep his voice down. "I just can't keep doing this."
Must be the mystery woman. Gibbs figured.
"It's not fair to you or me." Tony sighed. "I've already hurt you and I don't want to keep doing that."
Definitely the mystery woman.
"Daniel please, it's not going to work."
Daniel? Did Gibbs hear that right? He had seen the caller ID earlier.
"I'm sorry too Daniel. You're a good man, just not the right man for me." Tony said.
Gibbs eyes went wide and he stumbled back into the bedroom. Tony and another man? Tony chased everything in a skirt how could he, Gibbs thought for a moment. That was why Tony hadn't talked about it. But if Tony was with a man who was he trying to replace and who was it that he knew wouldn't return his feelings? Gibbs shook his head, this was insane and he had no idea how to handle the information. Walking back into the bathroom he got in the shower and tried to let the thoughts leave his mind, but they refused.
He didn't care if Tony was gay, it just seemed odd that he would hide it. There didn't seem any reason for him to. NCIS didn't care, they were a civilian organization, DADT didn't apply. If Tony were still a cop he could have understood. What really bothered Gibbs was that Tony had felt the need to hide it from him. They had know each other for eight years now, why wouldn't Tony tell him? Did Tony think he was some kind of bigot? He had to know Gibbs didn't care. Then again it wasn't like it was a daily topic of conversation. Although it was now extremely amusing that Tony had teased McGee all these years about being gay. McGee. The teasing, was McGee the one Tony was trying to replace? It made sense, and it would explain why Tony had hid it. Great! Gibbs thought, just what he needed.
Turning off the shower he stepped out and dried off. Then went into the bedroom and pulled on a pair of jeans and an old NIS t-shirt. He suddenly wondered if he should approach the subject with Tony. Then he would have to explain how he had listened to Tony's conversation. Still he felt as if he needed to do something.
"Just let it go." He said out loud as he walked out of the room and downstairs. As he reached the bottom of the steps Tony wasn't on the couch. Gibbs walked through the living room and saw Tony standing in the kitchen pouring another cup of coffee. Tony took a sip and stared out the window above the sink.
Gibbs watched him a moment seeing the sadness and melancholy in his eyes.
Tony suddenly turned and looked at Gibbs. "Hey."
"Hey." Gibbs replied walking into the kitchen and pouring himself another cup of coffee.
Tony leaned back against the counter in front of the sink.
"I thought I heard voices." Gibbs said taking a sip of the black liquid.
"Yeah, had to make a call." Tony nodded. "And um, I um."
"Spit it out."
"I think I will stay here tonight. Then head back to Rick's tomorrow night. No parties on Sunday night." Tony smiled.
"Are you sure no parties this Sunday?" Gibbs asked.
Tony looked puzzled.
"It's a three day weekend for most people Labor day."
"Shit." Tony said as his head dropped back.
"I'll decide what to do later but I need to go get a couple things, if I'm staying."
Gibbs nodded. Then realized Tony had taken a cab here.
"Need a ride?"
"That would work." Tony looked apprehensive.
"Is your car there? At Rick's." Gibbs asked.
"Car's in the shop." Tony answered. "If you want I could just drive over and pick the stuff up."
"Fine." Gibbs nodded. "Keys are by the door."
"Thanks." Tony smiled then took a large swig of coffee.
Gibbs smirked. "Travel mug in the cabinet above you."
Tony chuckled. "Right." grabbing the mug Tony poured the coffee over into it. "Should be back in about an hour."
"Not your father." Gibbs said. "You don't have to report in."
"Believe me I know that." Tony said without thinking. "I should go."
Gibbs watched Tony walk quickly out of the kitchen and heard the door as he left.
"This really is how you spend your Saturdays?" Tony said walking into the basement and seeing Gibbs again working at the boat.
"Usually." Gibbs smirked as he glanced at his watch. Tony was on the nose, it had been about an hour. He walked over to the tool bench and started rummaging through things. "I ordered some Chinese should be here in about twenty minutes."
"Sounds good." Tony smiled as he descended the stairs. "Need some help?"
Gibbs looked over at him. "Really?"
Tony had never offered to help work on the boat before, in all the times he had been here.
"Yeah." Tony looked at Gibbs puzzled. "Why? You don't let people help?"
"No. I do." Gibbs paused. "You've just never asked before."
Tony chuckled. "Yeah well I'm feeling brave today."
Gibbs nodded. "Okay." He picked up a sand block and handed it to Tony.
"I know this is sand paper but that's about it."
Gibbs shook his head and walked over to a beam. "Come here."
Tony walked over to the beam Gibbs stood beside and stopped.
"Biggest thing is go with the grain." Gibbs took Tony's hand holding the sand block and placed it on the beam. Then with his hand over Tony's moved the block across the wood. "Feel it."
Tony swallowed hard. "Sort of."
"Here." Gibbs pushed Tony closer to the beam, then stood behind him. Again he moved their hands in unison. "Just slow and steady."
"I think I got it." Tony said pulling his hand out from under Gibbs.
Gibbs looked a little taken aback. "Um okay."
"Thanks." Tony smiled trying to hide the fact that he couldn't handle having Gibbs that close.
Trying to do as Gibbs had explained Tony let his hand push the tool slowly over the beam. Gibbs watched for a moment.
"Good." Gibbs smiled. "That's good."
Tony smiled back, the honesty and praise in Gibbs voice causing Tony to feel the butterflies in his stomach.
Gibbs grabbed the hand drill and started working on another beam on the boat. A comfortable silence followed as the two men worked. Gibbs thinking about whether or not to bring up the conversation he had overheard and Tony lost in his thoughts of Gibbs.
Tony was the first to break the silence. "I can see why you do this."
Gibbs smiled. "Yeah."
They heard the knock at the door.
"Lunch." Gibbs said as he put down the tool and headed up the stairs.
Tony sat down the sand block and sighed.
"What are you doing Anthony?" Tony said out loud. He shouldn't be staying here. This wasn't playing house, this was him wanting something he couldn't have.
"Tony." Gibbs voice echoed through the house.
"Yeah coming." Tony said as he headed towards the stairs.
"So when I pick up my stuff Rick's all." Tony paused and put on a goofy face. "Tony, dude you are totally going to miss a kick ass party. Hot chicks, cold booze and rockin music. And everyone will be getting laid."
"It was like I was suddenly transported back to the eighties." Tony shook his head. "Don't get me wrong I like a party as much as the next person, but I don't know."
"I remember a day when you would have paid to go to a party like that." Gibbs smirked.
"Yeah." Tony chuckled. "Me too." He leaned back against the couch and glanced over at Gibbs.
"What?" Gibbs asked.
"Nothing." Tony shook his head.
"Didn't look like nothing. Looked like you wanted to ask me a question." Gibbs said then took a bite of food.
"Trying to figure out if you were ever the party type?"
Gibbs smirked. "I went to a few parties, usually for the free beer."
Tony laughed. "That I can see."
"There any other reason you don't want to stay at Rick's?" Gibbs asked.
"That easy to read huh?" Tony sighed.
"Just-" Tony paused. "A lot of things."
"He knows about the break up?"
Tony nodded. "He does and he wants to make it all better."
"And he can't." Gibbs said wondering if Rick knew everything about the break up.
"He can't." Tony sighed. "He means well." Tony stood up. "You need more coffee?"
"No." Gibbs shook his head as he watched Tony head into the kitchen. And involuntarily Gibbs was on his feet following him.
Tony filled his cup and turned around, surprised to see Gibbs leaning against the counter.
"I heard you on the phone this morning." The words came out without Gibbs consent.
Tony just stood there a moment not sure what to say. This wasn't possible and it wasn't happening that's what he told himself.
"I shouldn't have listened." Gibbs tried to explain.
"Yeah you shouldn't have." Tony said sitting his coffee cup down.
"But I was worried. You just seemed-" Gibbs stopped. "There's no excuse."
Suddenly Tony felt like his heart was trying to explode out of his chest. Did Gibbs have any idea that the man he couldn't have, that he was trying to replace was him.
"Tony you know I don't care."
"That I was dating a man?" Tony asked not exactly sure.
"Yeah." Gibbs looked confused.
"I didn't think you would." Tony shook his head.
"Then why didn't you tell me?"
So Gibbs didn't realize he was the one Tony was in love with.
"Not sure I can answer that." Tony wanted out of this conversation.
"The man you can't have, it's someone at work. That's why you kept it from me." Gibbs paused. "Because of rule twelve."
"Gibbs I really don't think I want to have this conversation." Tony need this to stop. It was to close.
"And he's straight." Gibbs added.
"Yes." Tony nodded. Why the hell had he answered that.
"And you're positive about that?" Gibbs asked.
Tony laughed. "Oh no question."
"Well sometimes people change their minds."
"Not him." Tony ran his hands across his face.
"McGee seems pretty open minded." Gibbs said wanting to see Tony's reaction.
Tony shook his head then hit his ear with his palm. "McGee?" He started laughing uncontrollable. "You think I'm in love with McGee." Tony was holding his stomach.
"It just seemed like the obvious."
"God, it's so not McGee." Tony said trying to control his laughter. "I do love the guy even though I give him a hard time, but he's like a kid brother. The one you always annoy."
"Right." Gibbs nodded.
"Can we just let this go now?" Tony said as he picked up his coffee cup and took a drink looking away from Gibbs.
"Sure." Gibbs said pushing off the counter. He shouldn't have pushed Tony to talk about it.
"Thanks." Tony said forcing a smile but never truly looking at Gibbs. Tony turned to leave the room.
Gibbs brow suddenly furrowed as he knew the smile Tony had given him was fake. That wasn't like Tony.
"Tony." Gibbs grabbed his wrist before he could walk away.
Tony didn't move, he couldn't, his body unable to respond knowing full well what was about to happen.
"Tony." Gibbs paused. "Look at me."
It took all of Tony's strength to force himself to turn his head and meet those blue eyes. As he did, Tony saw the understanding in Gibbs face.
"God, Tony." Gibbs voice was a sigh as the thought that had suddenly crossed his mind was confirmed.
"I never wanted you to find out." Tony said afraid of how this was going to end. "I never would have told you."
Gibbs let go of Tony's wrist as he ran his hands through his hair and down his face.
"Then why come here?" Gibbs said shaking his head. "Why tell me all that shit in the basement. About being in love, being involved with replacements for the person you can't have. Jesus Tony."
"I didn't expect you to overhear me on the phone." Tony didn't want this. He didn't want Gibbs to hate him. "I wanted you to just keep believing it was some woman."
"But it's not. You're dating replacements for me." Gibbs was suddenly pacing. "How long?"
Tony was staring at the floor.
"How long?" Gibbs growled as he grabbed Tony's arm and jerked him forward.
"My god." Gibbs released Tony continuing to pace. "Daniel was one of those replacements."
"And all the woman?" Gibbs asked.
"Um, woman are fine and a good cover when you are hiding your real feelings." Tony answered.
Tony was surprised to hear that name. "I loved Jeanne. She was someone I needed and gave me what I wanted at the time."
Gibbs stopped pacing and leaned back against the counter.
"I don't know what to say Tony." Gibbs sighed.
"I already told you, I knew you could never feel anything for me." Tony paused. "I know the kind of man you are."
Tony looked at him and chuckled. "Believe me if I knew, I would have stopped it. I never wanted to fall in love with you. Why would I?"
Gibbs raised an eyebrow.
"You know what I mean." Tony rolled his eyes. "Why would I want to fall in love with my boss, a Marine, a straight man, someone who can never love me back? I didn't choose this." Tony sighed. "It just happened and I didn't mean it to and-."
Gibbs saw the tears pooling in Tony's eyes.
"I wanted to stop it, wanted everything I felt for you to just go away, but it didn't." Tony paused pulling back the tears. "And I couldn't stop it. I prayed every day for it to all just go away."
Tony shook his head and chuckled. "You're sorry. For what?" he said sounding annoyed.
"For handling this badly."
"Yeah." Tony nodded. "Me too. But it doesn't change anything."
Gibbs was lost for words again. He had no reference point to pull from of how to handle this.
"I should go. I can't stay here." Tony said, still fighting back the tears as he again turned to leave.
"No." Gibbs grabbed Tony's arm. "I don't want you to leave like this."
"I don't know what to do to make this better." The tears were now falling down Tony's face. "And I never wanted to lose your friendship."
"Tony." Gibbs sighed and pulled the man into his arms. "You're not going to lose my friendship."
The tears fell as Gibbs held him and just let him cry. That was the only thing he could do.
At some point Gibbs had moved them into the living room and Tony now sat on one end of the couch sipping fresh coffee. Gibbs at the other end drinking his own coffee.
"This is why you haven't been around in months?" Gibbs asked. "And why you were so reluctant to stay?
"Yeah." Tony nodded.
Gibbs chuckled. "Lot of reasons why you didn't want to stay went through my mind but never that-" Gibbs paused not sure how to phrase this. "You were in lo-."
"I know I shouldn't have come here last night, but I really did just need to get away from everything." Tony said
"And I didn't mean to make it sound like you had an ulterior motive."
"How could you not think that after what you just found out? And to be honest." there was a long paused.
"There was an ulterior motive." Gibbs nodded. "Wow."
"It's not exactly like that. It's not like I thought we would fall into bed together. There's just always this…you can always hope it's just going to take the right circumstances to make someone take that one step."
"I get it." Gibbs smirked.
"But I would never cross that line with you, unless I thought-" Tony stopped.
"Unless you thought I wanted it, wanted you." Gibbs said finishing Tony's thought.
Gibbs leaned forward his elbows on his knees. "Tony, I've never thought of any man that way, and you. I mean you're my friend and I value that friendship."
"I know." Tony nodded.
"Do you?" Gibbs looked at him with furrowed brows. "I know I don't tell people how I feel but I did miss you not being here the last few months."
"And you are more than just an agent I work with." Gibbs chuckled. "God I don't want this to sound like a come on."
"Nervous all of a sudden about what you say?" Tony grinned.
"I just want you to understand." Gibbs smiled his blue eyes shining. "I do care about you."
"You're right. You never tell people how you feel. And it means a lot hearing you say it."
Again Gibbs looked at him questioning. "Is this why you always want my approval so badly?"
Tony laughed before he could try and answer. "I don't know. Maybe."
Gibbs shook his head. "You know this does explain a few things."
"What things?" Tony looked puzzled.
"Why I catch you staring at me sometimes."
"Right." Tony tried not to look guilty.
"Why you always push yourself so tightly to the desk when I stand behind you and look over your shoulder at the computer. Like you don't want to be that close to me." Gibbs smirked. "That bothers you?"
Tony put his fist in front of his lips trying to hide the smirk. "It doesn't exactly bother me. It um-"
Gibbs looked puzzled for a moment then his eyes went wide. "Oh, OH." Gibbs sat back on the couch. "Wow. I'm flattered."
Tony cocked his head. "Did you just tell me you're flattered that you can give me a hard on?"
"No." Gibbs looked shocked. "I just meant. I'm flattered that you would-"
"You might want to stop talking now." Tony smirked.
Gibbs ran his hand through his hair. "Yeah that sounds like a good idea."
"And I'm just teasing you. Doing it poorly but none the less teasing." Tony smiled. "I just don't want this to make us uncomfortable. I mean I know it has to in some way, but-"
"It will be fine." Gibbs smiled. "I promise."
"Good." Tony smiled back.
"And you're staying. Understood?" Gibbs said the boss voice firmly in place.
"How about the boat?" Gibbs asked.
"Ah yes, I forgot we left the boat and I have more sanding to do." Tony grinned.
"Come on." Gibbs said as he stood up. Tony followed and they headed towards the basement.
Tony had started on another beam when Gibbs' phone vibrated from its place on the boat.
Gibbs put down the drill and grabbed the phone when he saw the caller ID he paused trying to decide if he wanted to pick it up. His indecision caused the phone to go to voice mail. Sitting the phone back down he went back to what he was doing.
"The good looking red-head from last night?" Tony asked.
"Um yeah." Gibbs said not looking at Tony but staying focused on the hole he was drilling.
"You ignoring her because I'm here?"
"No." Gibbs rolled his eyes.
"Right." Tony smirked.
"I'm not." Gibbs barked.
"So why are you ignoring her?"
Gibbs glared over at him.
"Okay none of my business. I get it." Tony said as he continued sanding.
Gibbs dropped the drill onto the boat and walked over to the work bench pulling down the Bourbon. "Drink?"
"God no, not after last night." Tony said making a sick face. "Especially not that rot gut."
Gibbs poured some into his coffee mug and took a sip. Drink in hand he walked back over to the boat but stopped when he saw how close Tony had his face to the beam.
"Need more light?" Gibbs asked.
"No why?" Tony looked puzzled.
Gibbs smirked. "Because you practically have your face against the board."
Gibbs laughed as he looked at Tony's face. "Well you're face is covered in saw dust."
"Figured that was normal." Tony shrugged.
"Some is normal. But your face shouldn't look like it needs to be sanded." Gibbs sat down the cup and started to brush some of the sawdust from Tony's face as he shook his head. "Seriously you are covered."
"Sorry." Tony smirked.
"Yeah right." Gibbs said as he tried to remove at least some of the saw dust from Tony's cheek. Without realizing it, his thumb was gently rubbing over Tony's cheek as Tony's eyes suddenly locked with his own. Tony's hand came up touching Gibbs as if wanting to hold it there forever.
Gibbs' eyes glanced down at Tony's lips and it caused him to lick his own. His mind screamed for him to stop, that this was not right, not because it was another man, but because he knew how Tony felt about him. To Gibbs this was probably just some sudden desire or need for exploration because of what had happened. But it was so much more for Tony.
"Sorry." Gibbs hand dropped from Tony's face. He swallowed hard trying to clear the knot that had suddenly formed in his throat. He couldn't kiss Tony as much as he had felt the need to.
Tony's hand touched Gibbs chest, his palm resting there. "It's okay."
"No it's not." Gibbs sighed as he placed his hand on top of Tony's. "It's not okay."
"Why did you want to kiss me?" Tony asked.
"I don't know." Gibbs shook his head, a sadness in his voice. And it was the truth, he didn't understand any of it.
"You honestly don't do you?" Tony said surprised.
"God I wish you knew." Tony forced a smile. "I would love to understand it."
Tony patted Gibbs' chest before pulling his hand away and picking up the sander and continuing.
Gibbs ran his hands over his face feeling the sawdust heavy on his hands. What the hell was going on? He walked back over and picked up the drill going back to what he had been doing before. Still all he could think of was the way Tony's lips looked, how much he had wanted to kiss them, wondering how they would taste. He glanced down looking for the Bourbon and realized he had left the glass over by Tony. Putting the drill down, he walked back over to the cup. He reached for it but stopped his hand balling into a fist as he stood there.
"You okay." Tony asked turning and looked at him.
Gibbs didn't respond.
"Gibbs?" Tony said touching his arm.
Gibbs looked at Tony. "I'm not alright."
"What is it?" Tony was concerned.
"It's." Gibbs looked at Tony's lips again then back into his eyes. "It's this."
Leaning forward Gibbs let his lips brush Tony's just for a moment, it was little more than a whisper of a touch, but it was so intense that Gibbs' eyes closed involuntarily for a moment. He should have let it go at that. Should have just apologized and walked away and forgot about it. Instead Gibbs' lips pressed back to Tony's this time harder truly tasting and feeling the soft skin of Tony's lips. He wished he hadn't gone further because now he wanted more, so much more.
Tony's hands were now balled into fist in the side of Gibbs' sweatshirt.
Harder still, Gibbs pressed his lips against Tony's, his lips so much softer than he had imagined and sweeter. So sweet that Gibbs wanted to taste what was behind those lips. His tongue reached into Tony's mouth meeting no resistance. Tony's mouth was even sweeter than his lips and Gibbs found himself devouring the man. It felt so good, Tony's lips against his, his tongue exploring the warm and soft inside of Tony's mouth. And as Tony let his tongue meet Gibbs' it was heart stopping.
Tony pulled back, the need for air, forcing him to stop a kiss that he never wanted to end. He laid his forehead against Gibbs as he licked his lips. Not knowing what to say or do about what had just happened.
"I needed to know." Gibbs said his breathing erratic. "I wanted to taste your lips, I couldn't help it. I'm sor-"
"No. Don't say it, please." Tony sighed. "Don't say you're sorry."
"I'm not sorry about the kiss.
"Then what?" Tony asked.
"I don't know what this is?" Gibb took a deep breath. "Or what I want."
"I don't care." Tony looked at Gibbs. "Just tell me that you want to kiss me again."
There was no verbal answer only Gibbs' lips dropping back to Tony's. The kiss had the same desire as before, the only difference was Gibbs' hand now resting on Tony's hip. The hand clutching tighter as the kiss grew more intense. It was Gibbs who pulled back this time and looked at Tony as if searching for something.
"I can't give you the answers." Tony smiled. "I wish I could."
"No you give me more questions." Gibbs smiled.
"I think you need to finish drilling that hole in the beam." Tony nodded. "And just forget about the questions."
"Yeah." Gibbs nodded.
Tony stepped back. "And I'm going to finish this beam. With my sander thingy."
Gibbs chuckled. "Right."
Walking back to the beam Gibbs picked up the drill and went back to work. He tried to keep his eyes on what he was doing but now and then he would glance at Tony who seemed completely lost in the act of sanding. Gibbs moved his neck left to right trying to relax the muscles that were now knotted. Again he focused on the task before him and finally he was lost in what he was doing. The questions still nagged at his mind, but he held them at bay. It wasn't until Tony spoke that Gibbs realized how lost he had become.
"It's starting to get late. You want some dinner?" Tony asked.
"There's nothing in the house."
"I was thinking pizza." Tony grinned.
"Yeah. My wallet is upstairs in my coat pocket." Gibbs said. "There's cash in it."
"I can get dinner." Tony smirked. "Although I'm not sure how to take this sudden acceptance of letting me in your wallet."
Gibbs shook his head. "I don't even know how to answer that."
"I'll go order. You keep working." Tony headed up the steps.
Watching him go, Gibbs stared for a moment at the empty doorway. Then he chuckled, what the hell was he doing? He really had no idea. It was just easier to work on the boat than think about it.
"Let me guess pepperoni, sausage and extra cheese." Gibbs smirked as he looked at the pizza box sitting in the middle of the boat between them.
"If you wanted something else you should have told me." Tony grinned.
Gibbs flipped open the pizza box, grabbed a piece and took a bite.
Grabbing his own piece, Tony started eating. He looked over to see Gibbs grinning and staring at him.
"What?" Tony said with a mouth full of pizza.
"Never thought I would see you covered in sawdust, in your probably five hundred dollar shoes, eating pizza in the middle of my boat." Gibbs smirked.
"Yeah well, I can be handy." Tony said trying to swallow his bite.
"Sure." Gibbs nodded.
"I can!" Tony acted hurt at Gibbs disbelief. "I'm sanding aren't I."
"Sanding is not being handy." Gibbs chuckled. "Sanding is part of building."
"Well I'm a damn good builder then!"
"You're getting there." Gibbs smiled.
"Then when we are done with this pizza you are going to show me something else about building this boat." Tony said. "Like that drill thing, or something else you do."
Gibbs shook his head. "Yeah we'll see about that."
Tony took another slice of pizza and ignored the comment.
Working on his second slice, Gibbs wiped at the sawdust on his pants.
"I'm going to smell like you for a week." Tony said looking at his shirt.
"Excuse me?" Gibbs raised an eyebrow.
"The sawdust." Tony laughed. "You always smell like sawdust. Very manly."
Gibbs chuckled. "Hard to completely remove sawdust no matter how hard you try."
"I like it. Always makes me think of you." Tony smiled.
"Yeah." Gibbs smirked. He suddenly remembered a comment he had made to Abby about women he dated having to like the sawdust smell, and that was probably why he didn't date much. Leave it to Tony to actually like the sawdust smell and give new meaning to that comment.
"And Old Spice."
"Old Spice, you smell like sawdust and Old Spice." Tony paused. "It's uniquely you."
"Think about this a lot?" Gibbs looked at Tony with a slight smile.
"Yeah." Tony nodded looking down at the pizza. "The way you smell, the way you would taste, the way you would feel, how you would look when-"
Tony stopped and shook his head as if that would remove all the images racing through his mind.
"It's nothing." Tony forced himself to look at Gibbs and smile.
Gibbs was staring at him knowing exactly how Tony wanted to end that sentence.
"Just ramblings of an overactive imagination." Tony said looking away again.
"Right." Gibbs nodded. He had never had anyone be so honest about how much they wanted him.
"Sorry I didn't mean to um." Tony smiled. "You know me and my mouth. I don't know when to shut up."
"I know that all too well." Gibbs smirked.
"Yeah. Could you maybe head slap me. Might click the needle past this section of my brain." Tony grinned.
Gibbs laughed. "Seems a little inappropriate at this moment."
"Wow." Tony's eyes widen. "Never thought you'd turn down an opportunity to head slap me."
"Yeah." Gibbs looked just as surprised. "Must be really off tonight."
Tony took the last bite of his slice and wiped off his hands.
"Okay." He said standing up. "You are going to show me something other than sanding."
Gibbs just looked at him.
"Come on." Tony said motioning for him to get up.
Gibbs wiped his hands on his jeans and stood up.
"How about that drill thing?" Tony asked.
"Okay." Gibbs nodded. "Then over here."
Tony walked over to the beam Gibbs had been working on. Gibbs handed him the drill.
"Keep it straight and go slow." Gibbs took Tony's hand that held the drill and positioned it where the next hole needed to go. Then let go.
Tony glanced at Gibbs then slowly pushed against the drill trying to start the hole.
"More pressure." Gibbs said from beside Tony.
Tony pushed harder and felt the wood give slightly, but he still fought to hold the drill straight as he worked.
"Here." Gibbs came up behind Tony, his hands coming around and helping to hold the drill steady. "Now try."
Tony tried to focus on the drill and not on the fact that Gibbs body was painfully close. With Gibbs holding it steady the wood submitted and the drill slowly started to form a small indent.
"That's it." Gibbs smiled as he leaned closer his face beside Tony's. "Now bring it back and then start again."
Tony did as Gibbs said, again having trouble focusing.
Not realizing how close his lips were to Tony's ear, Gibbs continued.
"Just slow and steady."
Tony felt his body shiver as Gibbs voice echoed through his ear and into his entire body. This was not good; Tony couldn't take the closeness, especially after that kiss earlier.
Gibbs had felt Tony's body shiver, even though their bodies were hardly touching. Letting go of the drill, Gibbs spoke again.
"Now try without me holding it." Gibbs said his voice lower and closer to Tony's ear.
"Gibbs you need to-." Tony said his breathing already shallow.
"You know what." Tony sighed.
Again Gibbs wanted to stop, knowing full well what had started as a simple explanation of how to use the drill had now turned into something completely different. But his body was refusing to listen to him as he realized again the effect he was having on Tony. There was something about how quickly and easily Tony responded to every little thing that he did that made Gibbs' body unable and unwilling to stop.
"It's just, you respond so quickly." Gibbs' voice was almost a growl.
"That's because I want you and having you this close is just." Tony forced himself to take a deep breath. "It's too much, when I can't touch you and I can't." As much as he fought it a moan escaped Tony's lips. "I can't do anything when I don't know if this is what you want. I can't do anything but try and control it."
Gibbs licked his lips as they had suddenly gone dry.
When there was no response Tony let out the deep breath he had been holding.
"But this isn't what you want." Tony closed his eyes. "At least not yet."
"I-" Gibbs didn't know what to say.
"If you wanted this, me, now." Tony was trying to calm the desire within him. "You're hands would already be on me."
With Tony's words Gibbs realized his hands were at his sides not on Tony where they should have been. It was true, there was something holding him back.
"And you need to step back." Tony sighed. "Please."
Gibbs took a step back and Tony walked away, towards the work bench. Gibbs watched as Tony ran his hands through his hair and stared down at the tools on the bench in front of him.
He knew he should say something but he had no idea what that was. What do you say to the man who has been your friend, who tells you he is in love with you, that you kissed, and that you had now just shared a tense sexual moment with? Gibbs ran his hand over his mouth, there were no words. Sorry was both incorrect and condescending. And Gibbs couldn't honestly say if or when he would be able to give Tony anything more.
"There's nothing to say." Tony said as he slowly regained his composer. "I put myself in this position and now I have to decide how to deal with it."
"But I'm making it worse." Gibbs said suddenly finding his voice. Tony was still staring at the work bench.
"I'm still not sure if you're making it worse or just feeding into what I want." Tony chuckled. "Maybe I really am a masochist just here because I like the torture of it."
"Tony." Gibbs hated that this was his fault.
"I think I need to get out of here for awhile." Tony nodded.
"You don't have to leave."
"Yeah I do." Tony finally turned around and looked at Gibbs. "I'll call you."
Tony saw the hurt in Gibbs eyes.
"I promise I'll be fine." Tony forced a smile. "I will call you in the morning."
"Where are you goin-"
"I think I should just keep that to myself." Tony made his way towards the stairs. "I'll call a cab."
"You can take my car if-"
"No." Tony shook his head. "Cab."
Tony had already pulled his phone from his pocket and dialed. He was halfway up the steps when Gibbs heard him tell the taxi where to pick him up. As he finished and reached the top of the steps he looked down at Gibbs.
"They should be here in about fifteen minutes. I'm gonna wait upstairs." And he walked through the doorway.
Gibbs stared at the beam they had been working on and he knew if he had anything in his hands he would have thrown it across the room.
Gibbs laid in bed staring into the darkness at the ceiling. He had royally fucked this up and had no idea how to make it right. The last two days had turned into some bizarre surreal dream that he couldn't understand. Tony was in love with him and had been for years. If that was the only thing that had happen it would have been bizarre enough. But then add the kiss and that moment with the drill and it seemed unimaginable. He had never thought of another man sexually before, it had just never occurred to him. But then no man had ever showed any interest in him either or if they had he had been oblivious to it. And Tony, it was more of a surprise because of who he was not that he was a man. And why of all men him, there were so many younger, more attractive, more pleasant, more everything, men to want. Not that he was putting himself down, it was just, Tony was younger, very good looking and could have his choice of any man. And Tony had to want him!
The kiss, Gibbs still didn't know why he did it other than pure need. The need to feel, taste and touch Tony's lips against his. It had just overtaken him like some hunger that only Tony's lips could satisfy. Then the kiss itself, it was intense, demanding and all consuming. And it had been so easy to get lost in that kiss and the one after it. He had hoped Tony's kiss wouldn't move him, wouldn't affect him, but it did on so many levels. Maybe that was why he had kissed Tony to just find out if there was anything there, any feeling, any emotion. And when it was there, he had no idea how to handle it. Because there should have been nothing there, he should have felt no emotion, no need, no desire, but instead he had felt everything.
Then being so close to Tony, speaking in his ear, realizing the affect it was having on the younger man. He could have stopped, should have stopped. But when he felt Tony's body shiver, it had excited him and he wanted more. How can you not be moved when you have such an effect on someone? Knowing that just his voice was causing Tony to have such a reaction, it was intoxicating. So why hadn't he touched Tony. Why didn't he grab his hips or wrap his arms around his waist and pull him closer? Or why hadn't he let his lips drop a kiss on his neck. He had thought about it. Had stared at the tender flesh wondering if it tasted at sweet as Tony's lips. So what had stopped him? His body seemed so willing to give in, yet his mind struggled and fought to hold him back.
Gibbs ran his hands through his hair and over his face. If he was honest with himself he knew why he hadn't touched Tony. It was simple really. He wasn't in love and Tony was. That changed all the rules. What if he had given in, let whatever this way go farther, and then couldn't go through with it. Or worse he could go through with it and realize that it wasn't what he wanted. He couldn't let Tony just be some experience to fulfill some new desire he suddenly had. For Tony this wasn't just about sex, maybe it would have been easier to give in, but this was about love. Tony had loved him for years and dated men like him to fulfill that love. So how could he be casual about it when Tony would be the one to get hurt? And their friendship, it wouldn't survive Gibbs giving in to what Tony wanted and then walking away from it. Hell he wasn't sure it was going to survive what had happened tonight.
Yet there was suddenly this huge part of him that wanted Tony, needed him, in ways that he had never imagined wanting a man. So how was he supposed to deal with that and not hurt Tony in the process? He shook his head. He had already hurt Tony. That was why Tony was god knows where, doing god knows what, and with god knows who. The thought instantly made Gibbs stomach knot up. He had no right to care where or who Tony was with, yet it made him sick to think Tony could be with someone else right now.
Gibbs chuckled to himself. Why the hell did he care? Because no matter what, he did care for Tony and because he was jealous. Jealous that maybe right now someone else was able to give Tony the love that he couldn't. And it drove him crazy inside. You are a bastard. He thought to himself. So what even if you don't want him, no one else can have him. Problem was he did want him, the issue was why and how. Did he want some kind of one night stand, which he would never put Tony through or did he want Tony to be a lover that was just there when he wanted him to be. Like Alex. Or the real question. Could he love Tony? Could he want a relationship with him?
He fell asleep with all those questions racing through his mind and they only succeeded in penetrating his dreams. Dreams filled with images of him and Tony locked in a lover's embrace. Tony writhing under Gibbs as he slammed himself into him, Tony naked in his bed while he explored every inch of the younger man's body, Tony with his mouth wrapped around Gibbs' cock as he gave in and came. It was a fitful night of sleep as between the dreams of making love to Tony were disturbing visions of Tony with someone else, someone that looked like him, but wasn't him. The visions haunted him and if anyone had seen him sleeping during the dreams they would have seen the internal struggle, the fighting he did within his sleep. And he wished someone had been watching and woke him up, because it caused him physical pain.
The ringing of the phone brought Gibbs out of his fitful sleep and his eyes flew open then closed against the assault from the sunlight. Slowly letting his eyes adjust he sat up and grabbed the phone opening it.
"Tony." He said.
"No." The female voice answered. "Alex."
Gibbs sighed and dropped back on the bed. "Alex."
"Don't sound so happy to hear from me."
"Yeah. I, um just woke up." Gibbs said trying to sound less disappointed.
"You actually slept this late? It's almost eleven."
"Really?" He glanced at the clock as if he didn't believe her.
"I wanted to see if you wanted to have lunch." She asked. "I thought maybe I could pick something up and come over. Since we were interrupted the other night."
"Alex. I can't." He sat up against the headboard. "I have to um, need to go into the office."
He heard her sigh.
"Do you ever really get a weekend off."
"No." He answered quickly. "I'll give you a call when I can, maybe in the next couple days."
"Okay. I know what that means."
"That I'll hear from you in maybe two weeks."
"Alex." He rolled his eyes even though she couldn't see it.
"I know, this is not a relationship but I would like to see you occasionally."
"When I can." He said suddenly annoyed with the whole conversation. "I need to go."
"Bye Jethro." She said as the line went silent.
Gibbs tossed the phone on the bedside table and shook his head. He so didn't need that to start his morning. What he did need was coffee. Slipping out of bed he grabbed a t-shirt and threw on with the sweats he was already wearing, then grabbed the phone and headed down stairs.
As the coffee brewed he leaned against the counter and stared into the living room. The dreams from last night flashed through his mind and he pulled the phone from his pocket. Opening it he looked at the screen and wanted to hit the button that would dial Tony. He could call, just say he was worried, wanted to make sure he was okay. It didn't have to be anything else.
Then as if he had willed it to, the phone vibrated in his hand, the caller ID flashing Tony.
"Tony." The name came out almost as a whisper.
"Are you okay." Gibbs asked trying to sound calm.
"Fine. That's why I called. I just wanted to let you know I'm good."
"Then come over."
"I'm not sure that's such a good idea right now." Tony answered
"We need to talk."
"I know, but not right now."
"No, right now." Gibbs said sounding harsher than he intended.
"Tony." Gibbs voice had softened. "We both said we weren't going to let this ruin our friendship."
There was silence.
"Lunch and some conversation. That's all." Gibbs said.
"Give me about an hour." Tony finally spoke.
"Bye." Tony's voice seemed cold.
"Bye." And Gibbs closed the phone.
Gibb sat the containers and plates on the dining room table. He had decided against delivery, instead running to a little Italian place he knew and grabbing something. Italian food for an Italian could never hurt. As he was grabbing a couple of beers he heard the front door open and waited.
Tony walked in through the living room. "Do I smell Italian?"
"You do." Gibbs smirked. "Beer."
"Sure." Tony smiled. "Are we actually eating at the table?"
"I just sat everything there."
"I'll take it in the living room." Tony said as he grabbed the plates and the containers.
Gibbs followed with the beers. Tony was dishing out the food onto the plates before Gibbs even sat down.
"In a hurry?" Gibbs asked.
Tony looked up at him and the softness of his eyes made Tony smile. "No, just, um."
"Yeah." Gibbs nodded as he sat a beer down by Tony.
Pushing a plate towards Gibbs, Tony took his own leaning back on the couch and taking a bite.
"It's good." Tony smiled before taking another bite.
Tony nodded. "Very good, I've never been there."
"We'll have to go." Gibbs smiled.
"Yeah." Tony said looking at his plate.
Then there was uncomfortable silence. Countless things ran through Gibbs mind but he was surprised by what came out of his mouth.
"End up staying with Rick last night?"
Tony glanced over at Gibbs. "Does it matter where I stayed?"
"Yeah it does." Gibbs said his eyes burning with the jealousy he knew he shouldn't be expressing.
Tony looked at him a mix of puzzlement and annoyance. He sat his plate down on the coffee table.
Gibbs pushed his food around on his plate. "Stayed with Daniel maybe."
"Seriously?" Tony chuckled. "Gibbs you have no right to know where I stayed."
"Because since I couldn't give you what you wanted, you just went somewhere else to get it."
Tony looked shocked. "Wow. You think that little of me."
Gibbs glared at him. "What am I suppose to think?"
"Obviously you think that I just wanted a good fuck and when you wouldn't do it I simply found someone that would." Tony shook his head. "Believe me if I had wanted to get fucked last night I would have."
"Yeah." Gibbs paused. "I'm sure you would have."
"Where the hell is this coming from?" Tony barked.
Gibbs practically threw his plate on the table. "Thinking maybe you cared enough to give me some time with all this, before moving on."
"Moving on." Tony was angry. "Not that I owe you this. But I didn't fuck anyone last night. I slept at Abby's. And I could have never run into someone else arms after you kissed me last night."
Gibbs stared at Tony.
"And screw you for thinking that I could." Tony stood up, but before he could take a step Gibbs grabbed his arm. Tony glared down at him.
"Let me go or I'll rip your arm from its socket."
"Tony." Gibbs stare softened. "I didn't mean-."
Tony shook his head. "I don't understand where this is coming from. Why would you-"
"Jealousy." The word dripped from Gibbs lips. "I didn't want you with someone else."
"That's not how it works." Tony sighed. "I understand that you feel something, or just want to try, but I can't be your experiment."
"I would never ask you to be." Gibbs still had a hold of Tony's arm.
"Then what do you want?" Tony asked.
Gibbs slid his hand down Tony's arm and into his hand. "Time and you here."
Tony looked at him still confused.
"Time to see where this could lead, to see if this desire I have is as endless as it seems, and to understand if the passion I feel leads to making love to you." There was a paused. "And you, accepting that although this may take some time, and it may go slower than you like, that you are something that I feel I want and need and I want to know where that could lead."
Tony swallowed hard.
"I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you or use you as some experiment." Gibbs let go of Tony's hand. "But you also have to understand that one or both of us could get hurt if we do this. I can't guarantee anything, only that I want to try and see where this takes us."
"And if I don't want this." Tony paused. "Because I could be the one getting hurt."
Gibbs glanced at the floor and back up at Tony. "Then we finish our lunch and go back to how everything was before any of this happened."
"If I do want this." Tony asked. "And understanding you want to take this slow, then what?"
Gibbs took Tony's hand and pulled him towards him. "Then you come here." he said as he pulled Tony down onto his lap. Tony's knees went on either side of Gibbs' hips, Tony stared back into those cool blue eyes.
"And then what?" Tony asked.
Gibbs' fingers came up tracing over Tony's lips. "Then I kiss you, like I've wanted to since last night when you left."
Gibbs' lips crashed down on Tony's as his arm wrapped around his waist pulling him tightly against him. There was no hesitation in his touch, only the need to have Tony close to him. The kiss, full of passion, desire and need.
Tony felt the world spinning around him as being held in Gibbs' arms carried him away. Then those lips so greedy so demanding stirred Tony's body to an unbearable edge. He had to pull back, afraid of both suffocating and losing all control.
"You can't kiss me like that and expect me to be able to take this slow." Tony said breathing heavy.
Gibbs smiled. "I can't help myself."
Tony felt the tug of Gibbs pulling him even closer.
"I can't get any closer to you." Tony sighed as his arms went around Gibbs neck.
"I think you can." Gibbs said as his hands caressed up Tony's back and to his shoulders, then pushed Tony down hard against his lap.
"Oh God." Tony moaned as he felt Gibb's hard cock against his ass. "Gibbs you can't do this and not expect me to-"
"Is that all it's going to take?." Gibbs groaned as he placed his lips at Tony's ear. "Just me showing you that you can make me hard is going to make you come."
"Yes." Tony was losing control. He had wanted this for so long, wanted to be in Gibbs' arms, wanted to know Gibbs wanted him like he wanted Gibbs and now it was all too much.
"You do make me hard." Gibbs growled. "I didn't realize how quick it would happen. But as soon as you were in my lap my cock was rock hard."
"Gibbs." Tony couldn't breathe and his body contorted against Gibbs.
"All this from just holding you against my hard cock." Gibbs smirked as he pulled Tony down hard again.
Some sound between a moan and a whimper caught in Tony's throat as Tony started grinding his ass against Gibbs.
"Shit." Gibbs said through gritted teeth. He didn't expect this, such an insane reaction just from having Tony in his lap, against his aching cock.
"Gibbs." Tony's fingers laced into the back of Gibbs' head as he realized he was about to lose control.
"Come for me." Gibbs moaned. "Just like this, fully clothed, rubbing yourself against my cock."
Tony's body trembled as he forced himself hard down into Gibbs' lap, wishing Gibbs' cock had been buried inside him. He came as his head dropped down against Gibbs' neck.
Gibbs' hands ran over Tony's back sending little shocks of added pleasure through Tony's body.
"Tony." Gibbs whispered. "You okay."
"No." Tony said then dropped a kiss against Gibbs' neck.
Tony finally pulled his head up and looked at Gibbs.
"Not what I expected at all from you." Tony sighed.
"And what did you expect?" Gibbs raised an eyebrow.
"A little more um, hesitation and less um." Tony took a deep breath. "confidence."
"Really?" Gibbs nodded. "Because I haven't been with a man."
"Desire, want, pushing someone buttons." Gibbs smirked. "Doesn't change because you're a man."
"I see." Tony grinned. "So if I told you all I wanted to do right now, was to suck your cock. That would push your buttons?"
Gibbs tried not to let the desire show on his face. "Probably."
"And if I did this." Tony took Gibbs' hand and then sucked his finger into his mouth. His tongue licking the tip as he moved the finger in and out of his mouth. Then released it. "Telling you I was wishing that it was actually your cock. Would that make you want me?"
"I already want you." Gibbs said his voice almost a growl.
"Such a big change from last night." Tony smiled.
"I had some time to think."
"So did I." Tony again started grinding himself against Gibbs' cock. "After that kiss last night, it just made the desire unbearable and all I could think about was you all night.
Gibbs' hips were thrusting against Tony. "And what did you think about?"
"Your cock." Tony groaned grinding harder. "In my mouth and buried inside me."
"Tony." Gibbs groaned.
"And how good it would feel when you finally fucked me."
Gibbs was quickly losing control as he grabbed Tony's hips clawing at them.
"And what you expected me to realize I wanted you?" Gibbs said digging his fingers in deeper.
"I hoped." Tony moaned. "God I hoped."
"All that from a kiss." Gibbs sighed.
"You have that affect on me." Tony smirked. "You just made me come fully clothed and you didn't even touch my cock. What does that tell you?"
"That you are about to do the same to me." Gibbs growled as he felt the need to come over take him. "Tony." The name dripped from his lips as his body tensed and he thrust up towards Tony. Pressing his hands against Gibbs' chest, Tony felt the release through his hand and into his body. He felt Gibbs heartbeat thundering against his chest.
"I always wanted to hear my name on your lips as you were coming." Tony said licking his lips.
Gibbs' fingers suddenly knotted into the hair on the back of Tony's head and pulled him back
"What have you done to me?" Gibbs said his arousal filled eyes staring at Tony.
"Told you that I wanted you, that I wanted to suck your cock and have your cock buried inside me." Tony licked his lips. "Or maybe it was because I told you that I loved you."
"Maybe it was all of the above."
"Or maybe you're still trying to figure that out and hoping I will give you the answer." Tony continued to stare back at Gibbs.
"I get more and more answered ever time you're near me."
Gibbs came down the steps after a shower to find Tony already changed and sitting on the couch drinking coffee.
Seeing Gibbs Tony smiled. "I made some more coffee."
"I see that." Gibbs smiled back and walked into the kitchen to get a cup. Then came back and sat down beside Tony on the couch.
"Did you have big plans for today?" Tony asked Gibbs.
"No." Gibbs shook his head. "Why do you ask?"
Tony shrugged. "Thought maybe there was something you might like to do."
"I usually work on the boat."
Tony chuckled. "We really need to get you out more."
"What did you have in mind?" Gibbs asked.
"I'm still thinking about that."
"I figured you would want to see a movie." Gibbs smirked.
"Didn't think that was something you would want to do."
"So we're deciding on something I want to do?"
"Well hopefully something we would both like to do." Tony grinned.
"Something like this." Gibbs said his hand caressing Tony's face as he leaned in and kissed him.
"Yeah, something like that." Tony grinned.
"I think I have something that will work." Gibbs smirked.
"What?" Tony asked.
"Surprise." Gibbs said as he got up and grabbed his phone.