Heya, AbaratFox here with another D. Gray-Man story! I had this idea in my head and it wouldn't go away so I had to write it~ sorry~! It was too hard to work on I am Walker! With this floating around in my mind! (But I'm almost done with the next chapter of that too)
So anyway…Foxie here noticed that a good many Dark!Allen stories were also Noah!Allen stories. (What, can Allen not be evil if he's not a Noah?) And to that I saw, Allen can be plenty dark on his own, thank you very much! So this starts off just after Mana dies the second time but the twist here is instead of waiting around for Cross to show up and acting depressed, Allen runs away and goes back to living the way he did before he met Mana.
Still don't own D. Gray-Man. D:
"Mana!" Allen screamed but it was too late, he had already shattered Mana. He had lost his father for the second time. He lay on the ground, panting with tears streaming down his cheeks before he remembered the creepy man with the top hat. The Millennium Earl. Allen looked around then scrambled to his feet with his clawed hand at the ready but the Earl was gone. Allen was once more alone before his Father's gravestone.
There was a tugging feeling in Allen's clawed arm before it morphed back into a deformed human arm. It was numb again, and the stiffness felt a little unnatural after the power Allen had felt only moments before. He raised his hand carefully and held his hand under his face. Allen flexed his fingers but they could only move slightly and Allen snorted before he let his hand fall.
"I love you, Allen."
"I curse you, Allen!"
"Which one is it, Mana?" Allen asked and his voice came out strained. "If you love me then…why were you so much louder when you cursed me?" You didn't curse the people you loved, Allen knew that! Or at least he thought he did. But hadn't he hurt Mana too?
Allen wiped away his tears and sniffled. Mana loved him and hated him. That was why he had slashed Allen's eye then asked to be killed. But…wasn't hatred bad? Isn't that what Mana had told Allen? "Mana, what should I do?" Allen whispered but there was no response. "What should I do?" Allen shouted at the tombstone but only the echoes of his cracked voice answered him.
Allen's face twitched as he tried to stay composed but he couldn't manage it. He had just lost his Father again! He sank to his knees and covered his face before he let out a muffled sob. Mana had told him hatred was bad, it wasn't something a gentleman would do. But then why had Mana cursed Allen? Why would the Earl offer such a terrible thing if it was bad?
Because the Earl was bad. Only bad people did bad things. But that would also mean that Allen was bad too for accepting such a deal. He should have known that the dead stayed dead. He should have known better than to accept such a deal. Should have…should have… but didn't. A tiny part of Allen wondered if there was such a thing as a good person then. All people did bad things and all people did good things. So what was the truth?
What if everyone was wrong and there wasn't such a thing as good or bad? What if they were just title people gave things that didn't actually matter? The Earl must have thought that he was doing good things and that was why he did them. How many people had been killed because of the Earl's 'good'? The shaking of Allen's shoulders slowed and he tried to breath slowly to calm himself down. Good and Evil were just titles. Neither existed anywhere but in people's minds. But the human mind was a powerful and terrifying thing, if a person believed something strongly enough then it could become a truth for them.
Allen sniffled and he wiped away his tears again. Was he god or bad? Did it even matter? The only person that had ever cared about Allen was gone now and in the end he had left Allen in even more turmoil. What should he do? Why wasn't there anyone to tell him? Allen's mind was frenzied and he tried to gather his scattered and panicked thoughts. He had no one here to help him so he would have to help himself. If only he cared for himself then did he even care if he was good or evil?
His breath hitched slightly but other than that, Allen's fit was over. He lowered his arms and got back up to his feet. He stood there for a few seconds before he lifted his chin and looked defiantly up at the crescent moon. His eyes were no longer dull and empty but they were not the bright and happy things they had once been either. Instead, Allen's eyes gleamed and burned coldly. His naïve outlook on life had been shattered and in its stead was understanding. Good…evil…whether or not they existed was up for debate but now Allen knew that it didn't matter. He was lower than dirt. No one would care if he vanished or not.
So what did he have to live for?
He had himself. Allen didn't want to die and he would fight to survive. Allen turned his head from the moon and he started walking out of the graveyard without a second glance at Mana's grave. Allen would not allow himself to get close to anyone and he would not stop surviving. Even if that made him evil, Allen no longer cared.
There was still a part of Allen that did care though and he stopped at the gate. He felt a pinching feeling in his heart and he peeked over his shoulder but Mana's stone was indistinguishable from the others in the graveyard. Allen's heart tightened but he remained expressionless. If anything, his eyes only grew harder. He snorted and turned his head so he could stare out at the empty road. It was still snowing and Allen stuck is hands into his armpits to keep them from freezing. Only he would care if they did, though. There was no one else for him left in the world. And, now that he thought about it, Allen liked it better this way. Now he could live selfishly without caring about anyone but himself.
Allen bit his lower lip and then tossed his head before he ran. He ran down the street and continued from there, no destination in mind or plan as to where he should go. He just wanted to be far away from the pained feeling in his heart and with each step he took he could imagine that the pain lessened.
"Never stop walking forward."
Allen would move forwards and he would never again look back. He wouldn't live for anything honorable and he would never again worry about what was right or wrong. He had a goal now and that goal was his own survival. He would follow that path diligently and never stray from it. He was no longer the person he had been and he no longer cared what kind of person he would become.
So Allen ran and as he went he left his heart behind. He wouldn't need it again.
Well, that was short. But what do ya think? Interesting? Maybe~?