Disclaimer: I don't own the guys from DBZ... strange that... Also I don't own Play School, Humphrey or Fat Cat either... I do. However, have a fat dog of my own if that's any help ...
Rating: PG 13
Warnings: attempted humor, destruction of children's icons.
Summary: When the cast of the childrens TV show: Play School gets sick, Goku volunteers himself and Vegeta to fill in.
AN: I was discussing T.V. shows with friends on the ICQ network when the idea for this fic was born. I somehow got to wondering just what would happen if the DBZ guys were suddenly thrust into a totally different scene... the following is the result of my warped imagination and watching kids television...
Fic 1 in the "Preschool Arc"
"SAIYA - JIN SCHOOL"
Debs-dragon Nov 2001
*Play School Music springs up*
"There's a bear in there... and two Saiya-jins as well.
There's Goku with games and Vegeta's stories of hell.
Roll on up... Step inside... It's Saiya-jin School...
Camera comes into focus, Vegeta and Goku are standing in a studio. Goku smiles and waves at the camera.
Goku: "Hello there boys and girls."
Vegeta scowls and folds his arms.
Goku: "I'm Goku and this is Vegeta."
Goku: "Now be nice and say hello to all the boys and girls out there."
Vegeta: (growls) "Hello."
Goku: (frowns at Vegeta) "I suppose that will do."
Vegeta: "I really don't care."
Goku: "Lets take no notice of Mr Grumpy, children. Now, do you know what day it is?"
Camera swings across to another part of the studio where there is a large drawing on the wall of the universe with planets, stars and suns etc all dotting it. Goku walks over and removes Saturn's 'rings' to reveal...
Goku: "Tuesday. Today is Tuesday in Saiya-jin school, boys and girls."
Vegeta: "Are you sure?"
Goku: "What do you mean?"
Vegeta: "Well how do you know for sure that it's Tuesday?"
Goku: "Cause that's what the sign says."
Vegeta: "The sign could be lying."
Vegeta: "Someone could have put Tuesday up there just to confuse us."
Goku scratches his head.
Vegeta: "For all we know it could be Friday."
Goku: "Hmmm. But who would want to do a thing like that to us?"
Vegeta: "Could be any one of thousands. Kami knows we have enough enemies!"
Goku: "Speak for yourself!"
Vegeta: "Well I don't believe it's Tuesday."
Goku: "Well I do. The sign says so!"
Vegeta: (sighs) "Thats your problem, Kakarott, you're too trusting."
Goku: "Can we please just get on with this show?"
Vegeta: "If you really must, but I'm sure I would be checking out exactly what day it is before going any further."
Goku: "I really don't see that what day of the week it is is going to have a lot of influence on what we do."
Vegeta: "Yes it will."
Vegeta: "You're saying it's Tuesday which is pets day in Saiya-jin school, now if it's really Thursday then that's dress up day. So how can we play with the pets if all we have is dress up clothes?"
Goku: "Errr... I think I follow you. How about we play it by ear and say that it's Tuesday and then see what we have to play with."
Vegeta: "I suppose we could."
Goku: "Thank you. Now that we have that sorted out let's see... What do we normally do on a Tuesday in Saiya-jin school, children?"
Goku moves across the 'set' followed by Vegeta . They stop at a table that has a 'mouse house' and a bird cage on it.
Goku: "See, I told you it was Tuesday."
Vegeta: "Lucky guess if you ask me."
Goku: "Why don't you just relax, let go of the hostility and enjoy yourself, Vegeta?"
Vegeta: "What! And spoil my image? I don't think so."
Goku: "Well it's up to you."
Goku walks up to the mouse house and lifts the lid.
Goku: "Tuesdays on Saiya-jin school is pets day, isn't it, Vegeta?"
Goku: "Of course it is. So let's say hello to Minnie and Mickey."
Goku reaches in to the mouse house and lifts out a white mouse.
Goku: "Hello there Minnie."
Vegeta: "That's Mickey."
Goku: "No it isn't."
Vegeta: "Look, Kakarott, I think I have been around enough vermin in my time to know the difference between Mickey and Minnie."
Goku goes to lift mouse's tail
Vegeta: (smacks head) "NO! No! No!"
Goku: "What are you going on about?"
Vegeta: "That's not how you tell. Minnie is the one wearing the pink bow."
Goku: (scratches head) "He, he, he, so it is."
Goku puts Mickey back into the house and lifts out Minnie, another white mouse, but this one is wearing a pink bow around its neck.
Goku:" Hello, Minnie."
Minnie: "Squeak... squeak..."
Goku: "Now, children, as you know pets need more than just playing with. They need to be cleaned out, fed and watered..."
Camera swings around to Vegeta who is sucking on a finger.
Vegeta: "The rotten sod bit me!"
Goku: (suppressing a smile) "That's unusual. They are normally quite friendly."
Vegeta gingerly puts his hand back into the mouse house.
Vegeta: (wheedles) "Come here you rotten little rodent."
Goku: (coughs and mutters under breath) "We are being watched by lots of youngsters, Vegeta."
Vegeta: (hisses) "I don't care, if this rat knows what's good for it then it wil... Ow! Shit!"
Vegeta pulls his hand out from the mouse house with Mickey firmly attached to his index finger.
Goku: (giggles) "Now boys and girls you all know that you shouldn't pick mice up by their teeth."
Vegeta is in the background trying to remove Mickey from his finger.
Vegeta: "Last warning mouse, Let go or you will be history."
The mouse looks at Vegeta and then with a squeak lets go, drops to the floor and high tails it out of the studio.
Goku: "Oh. So where did Mickey go?"
Vegeta: "As far away from me as he can get if he has any brains."
Goku places Minnie back into the house.
Goku: "Never mind Minnie, I'm sure Mickey will be back very soon."
Vegeta: "Not if the cat gets him first."
Goku: "But we don't have a cat."
Vegeta: "We do now."
Vegeta points to where a rather large orange tabby cat is sitting.
Goku:" Where did that come from?"
Vegeta:" I have no idea."
Goku: "Well it has got to go. We can't run the risk of Mickey getting caught by that cat."
Vegeta: "Oh I think it could be quite entertaining."
Goku: "Well I don't."
Vegeta: "No you wouldn't, Mr Nice guy."
Goku: "Sticks and stones..."
Vegeta: "Yeah.. yeah...yeah.. We have heard it all before."
Goku: "You didn't by chance let the cat in here did you?"
Vegeta: "Who me? Now why would you think I would do something like that for?"
Goku: "'Cause it's the sort of thing you would do."
Vegeta: (scowls and folds arms) "Well for your information, Mr Goody two shoes, this time you are wrong. I didn't let in that fat orange cat wearing red pants and a stupid hat with candy striped socks and overgrown feet."
Suddenly the studio door bursts open and in rush a group of 'trendy' looking channel 7 employees.
Vegeta: "What the?"
Ch 7 Employees: "Hey, you haven't seen a fat orange cat with red pants, stripey socks, funny hat and yellow shoes?"
Vegeta: (points) "That him?"
Ch7 employees: "Yes, Thanks. Do you mind if we take him?"
Vegeta: "Feel free."
The channel 7 employees all jump on the orange cat who fights back valiantly but never utters a word. Subdued, they manage to drag him away.
Ch 7 Member: "Thanks mate. After Humphrey got the axe I'm afraid our Fat Cat kinda took it really hard and, well you know the story.. One day you're the King of the world then the next thing you know you're sunk."
Vegeta:"Yeah, tell me about it."
The channel 7 crew leave taking Fat Cat with them. Vegeta sighs and turns back to Goku who is standing wide eyed and mouth open.
Vegeta: "Your catching flies, Kakarott."
Goku: "Err... well... I guess I'm sorry for thinking bad things about you, Vegeta."
Vegeta: "Yeah, well, I'm kinda used to it."
Cameraman: "If you two have quite finished we have a show to do."
Goku: "Oh yes... sorry."
Goku and Vegeta move back towards the pets 'set'
Goku: "Now boys and girls as I was saying before pets need to be cleaned out, fed and watered."
Goku: "Say hello to Bobby, Vegeta."
Goku stands by a bird cage which has a blue budgie in it.
Vegeta: "Say what?"
Goku: "Vegeta, this is Bobby. Bobby, this is Vegeta."
Vegeta: "It talks!"
Goku: "Now if Vegeta will kindly look after Bobby I will show you how to clean out the bird cage."
Vegeta opens the cage door and puts his hand inside to 'catch' Bobby.
Bobby: "Squark! Pretty boy."
Vegeta gets hold of Bobby and brings him out of the cage.
Vegeta: (strokes feathers)" I didn't realize that birds were so soft."
Bobby: "Who's a pretty boy? Chirp..."
Goku: "Birds make lovely pets, don't you think, Vegeta?"
Vegeta: "Hmm they are kinda... ark! You swine!"
Bobby sinks his beak into the ball of Vegeta's thumb drawing blood. Vegeta in shock opens his hand and Bobby flies off around the studio.
Goku: "Now look what you have done!"
Vegeta: (sucking thumb) "But... but... but..."
Goku: "No buts. First you lose Mickey, then you take in a stray cat and now you let the bird go."
Goku: "I suggest you catch Bobby while the boys, girls and I clean out the cage."
Vegeta sighs, rolls his eyes and looks around. He spots Bobby in the lighting part and levitates upwards.
Bobby: "Chirp... chirp..."
Vegeta:" Come to me you feathered fiend."
Goku: "Now children we take out the seed container and empty it out. Then refill it with fresh seed before putting it back into the cage."
A couple of lights fall down and shatter on the studio floor. Goku ignores the noise. Vegeta is flying after one blue budgerigar.
Bobby: "Whistle, chirp, Who's a pretty boy?"
Vegeta: "Come here and say that."
Bird zooms past with Vegeta hot on its tail
Goku: "Then we take out the water container and give it a wash before refilling it and putting it back in the cage."
A rack of lights hits the deck.
Bobby: "Chirp... Whach'a doin'?"
Vegeta: "Trust me, when I get a hold of you, feathers will fly."
Goku ducks as Bobby dive bombs past followed by Vegeta in hot pursuit.
Goku: "Then we remove the tray from the base of the cage and empty the contents into the bin. We then put a fresh liner in and the cage is all clean and ready."
*thump* *bang* *crash*
Vegeta is still 'flying' after the wayward budgie.
Bobby: "Pretty boy... Pretty boy... Who's a pretty boy."
Vegeta: "Just you wait."
Goku: "Vegeta we are ready to put Bobby back into his cage now."
Vegeta: "Easy for you to say."
Goku: "Haven't you caught him yet?"
Vegeta: (folds arms, floats back to floor) "No."
Goku: "You mean to tell me that the all mighty, all powerful, prince, can't catch a little budgie?"
Vegeta: "I didn't say that I couldn't. I just said that at this point in time I haven't."
Goku: "Oh I see. There is a difference is there?"
Vegeta: "Yes. Especially when said bird is determined to make a run for it. "
Goku; "And what gives you the idea that Bobby wants to escape?"
Vegeta cocks his head towards Bobby who is sitting perched on top of the 'square' window.
Bobby: (chirps in tune to AC/DC) "Chirp... Jail break... Jail break... I'm gonna make a Jaaaiiilll break..."
Goku: "Okay, who's the person who's been playing AC/DC and teaching him the lyrics?"
Cameraman, sound technician and producer all look around innocently.
Goku: "Hmm, I get it."
Vegeta: "Look, Kakarott, we have to catch this brainless bird before it can get out of here."
Bobby: "Chirp... chirp..."
Goku: "And just how are we going to do that?"
Vegeta: "I have an idea."
Vegeta quickly explains to Goku. Goku nods in response. Vegeta disappears off camera , Goku 'flies' towards the jailbird.
Goku: "Ready, Vegeta?"
Goku chases Bobby through the air, around the set, before finally herding him towards Vegeta. Suddenly...
Vegeta fires up the industrial strength vacuum cleaner. Bobby screeches to a halt in mid flight, see's Vegeta coming towards him with the nozzle and back pedals rapidly.
Vegeta closes the gap. the hum of the suction can be heard getting louder. Bobby desperately tries to flee. Vegeta holds up the nozzle, the suction begins to draw Bobby in. Valiantly he beats his wings trying to escape the strong pull.
Bobby: "Squawk... squawk, ark! It got me..."
With a slurp, whoomph, thunk, the vacuum sucks Bobby in. The bird gives one last rueful look before its head disappears up the tube. Vegeta turns the power off.
Goku: "Now boys and girls I don't suggest that you try this at home, remember we are trained professionals. "
Vegeta: "Umm... Kakarott"
Goku: "Yes, Vegeta?"
Vegeta: "We have a slight problem."
Vegeta rummages around in the vacuum cleaner bag and extracts a rather limp Bobby.
Goku: (looks at Bobby then at Vegeta) "Well boys and girls its time for us to take a quick commercial break."
Vegeta: (hisses) "But this is channel 2. We don't have commercials."
Goku: (whispers back and kicks Vegeta in the shins) "Shut up! We do now."
Goku: (smiles and waves) "We will be right back boys and girls."