Drabblefile 1 How Cjon does a Self Insert
"Aaaaaaaauuuuuuggggghhhhhhh!" Lily Potter might have been in just a little bit of pain. Just a little bit.
"It's ok Lily-flower; I'm here, its ok."
"What the fuck good does that do me you DICKLESS BASTARD!" Lily yelled, breathing heavily.
Lily continued on in this vein for a while, James would have left to go hide in the waiting room if not for the death grip Lily had on his hand.
"... AND THEN I"M GONNA TURN YOU INTO A WOMAN, AND I'LL KNOCK YOUR SORRY ARSE UP AND SEE HOW YOU LIKE IT! WITH TWINS! AND AAAAAUUUGGGGGHHHHH!" and with a final push Harry James Potter was born into the world, and Lily reverted from the screeching psycho path she had been before("'I want to give birth naturally' my ass!"), back into the gentle, loving, intelligent woman he had fallen in love with.
"Oh my god he's beautiful, let me hold him, let me hold my son." James thought the wrinkly, squalling little bugger was as ugly as sin, but he wasn't about to contradict her. He had no intention of finding out what giving birth was like.
"Oh my god, look at him James, he looks like you, but he has my eyes. Hey there little
Harry, hey there little gu-UUUGGHHH FUCK."
James quickly turned over to the healer, "What's going on, what's wrong?"
"Apparently there's another one on the way"
"TWINS? Why didn't you detect this earlier?"
"WILL YOU TWO SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET THIS THING OUT OF ME!"
Then she screamed as a powerful contraction swept over her. She arched her back and out from her loins sprang... a hand... an adult sized hand. Which immediately grabbed the end of the table and began to pull on it as if trying to escape it's womb prison.
Lily seemed to open up wider and wider as the hand was followed by an arm, the arm was followed by a an upper torso who brought along it's good friends: the other arm and the head. James and the healer watched in horror as an overweight, twenty something year old man pulled his way out of Lily (who had mercifully passed out) and then (without the Healer nearby to catch him) fell to the floor.
"Oomph" he said, then he looked up, "Hi, I'm Cjon!"
They just stared.
"What do I have something on my face? Eeeeewww! I'm covered in afterbirth!"