Author: Jasmin's Ninja (Formerly )
Rating: M for Sexual References, Abuse and language
Chapter 1: Getting Away
Story Summary: Bella has lived a life full of abuse being abused by the people meant to look after her. After escaping that to Forks she starts to question her sexuality, trying to attach herself to anything, wanting someone to love her. Moving to Forks proves to be hard, with her breaking down over things that remind her of the abuse she encounter and no one can predict what happens to her next. Not even Alice, the future-telling vampire with a dark past. Bella/Edward, Bella/Alice, Bella/OC.
Author Notes: I'm back! Sorry for the long time I was away. I've got a brand new story for you all.
The inspiration to write this story came from three songs.
Monster – Lady GaGa
Monster – Unter Null
Monster – My Ruin
It was primary focused on Monster by My Ruin with a line of lyrics before each chapter.
Destroy me as want turns to need; you murder me just to watch me bleed.
'Fifty two, fifty two, fifty two' I counted that number in my head over and over as I heard a drunken Phil stumble into my room. I knew this was coming. Like every other night but it still scared me, it still hurt me. I should be used to it by now, my own mother told me I should. Why aren't I? What's wrong with me? I shuddered as I felt the bed move. I had my eyes closed but I knew he was on the bed. What happened to when you were a child, where if you closed your eyes and hid under your covers nothing would get you? That you'd be safe? That isn't the case at all, he still did it. I was never safe.
I pretended to sleep as he started, as he abused me. If I struggled I'd just be hit over and over and over until I passed out. It took everything not to whimper in pain as he thrust into me, not to cry as I heard my mother laugh. 'Fifty two, fifty two, fifty two, fifty two. Just keep repeating that!' I told myself. I don't know why but keeping count of how many times he'd done this was a comfort to me. I wanted to forget, yes. But by remembering a number, not the actual act itself was a comfort of sort. If my mind wandered to thinking about it, I'd think of the number. Just the number and I'd keep myself from thinking of what actually happened to me. It was my way of not totally falling apart, so I kept at it. But he was so rough this time, it hurt so much. I started screaming the number in my mind, screaming it so I didn't cry.
I didn't realise I was starting to whisper it out loud until I felt the hand across my face, hearing him yell at me to "Shut the fuck up Isabella!" Then laugh sadistically.
Over and over the stinging increasing with every contact his hand made with my face until he was done with what he was doing and left me in my bed, my pants pulled down, my nose bloody and sobbing. I couldn't do this anymore. I knew I deserved it, they made me believe that with my full heart but I couldn't bare it anymore. Earlier in the day I was looking through my mums things and I found Charlies address and I took some money. She'd find out sooner or later, I'm surprised she didn't notice it was missing already. I hadn't seen him in ages, not after Renee took me. I packed some clothes, a map and the rest of the few belongings I had and sneaked outside when I was 100% sure the two abusers that 'looked after' me were asleep.
Isabella was long gone. Along with the keys to Phil's truck. I had taken them and now as I sat in the driver's seat. I thought about the exact steps to start the truck as quickly as I can just in case the abusers woke up from the sound of the engine.
'One. Turn the ignition on.' I thought to myself going through the steps.
'Two. Put the gears into Drive'
I went over the steps a few times. It was simple enough and I put them into action managing to drive onto the road, and towards my desired location.
It took two whole days but I managed to get there in the end, parking just in the trees next to the road I set the car ablaze, watching it go up in smoke. I made sure the foliage around the car was wet so I wasn't to blame for the whole forest burning down. As I watched I started to think about it. It was interesting really, how quickly something can be destroyed if you really want to destroy it. It's like a car you don't repair, it's suffering in a sense, getting tortured during a period of time until it just gives up, and then there's this. Destroying something so beautiful that was perfectly fine in a matter of seconds. If I was a car, I'd be the bomb that doesn't get repaired and keeps on going. I sighed walking out of the forest as the blaze died with my bag and hand out towards the rode to see if anyone was willing to give me a ride.
After a few minutes of walking someone pulled up behind me. I turned and saw a blonde haired teenager get out of his car calling out to me.
"Hey you need a ride?" he asked looking over at me with a smile planted on his face. "Yeah that'd be good." My voice whispered quietly once I was within range he could hear me. "Well, hey you're lucky I stopped by! I'm Mike by the way" he stuck out his hand towards me and I looked at it like it was a foreign object before taking it and forcing out a smile at him.
"Isa—"I choked, trying to tell this boy my name. That name… The memories.. "Hey, I'm Bella" I smiled and with that, I left my old name behind. Bella… I liked it. Mike looked at me with a little bit of hesitation before replying "well, come on then" and giving me the biggest grin out but even his enthusiasm didn't make me feel better. I got in the car with him and he asked me where I was going. "Oh, I want to see my father Charlie Swan"
"Chief Swan?" He quizzed, "yeah I know where he lives. Almost everyone does. Why do you want to meet him?"
"I'm his daughter. Bella Swan" I replied in a mutter looking out at the window, there was nothing but trees. I didn't really pay attention to anything in particular for the rest of the trip and Mike had to say my name a few times to get my attention to tell me that we were there. I thanked him and left but he called me back and whispered in my ear "if you ever need a tour guide or anything, I'm here" and then proceeded to give me his number. For some strange reason I don't think 'tour guide' was quite as innocent as how he meant it. I sighed. I really didn't like guys, I never have. Sure some are hot, but I hate how they act with their emotions and whatnot. And there were too many men like Phil.
I looked up at the house I had vague memories of. I had not much of an idea how my dad looked after being taken away when I was 4 years old. But here I was and it was now or never. He was always kind to me, wasn't he? I had no idea. I took a gulp and like a scared little lamb, I walked up to the door and knocked waiting nervously as I heard footsteps nearing my position. The door opened and I think Charlie was as shocked as I was nervous. "Bells!" he pretty much yelled due to excitement as he picked me up in a hug "you have no idea how much I've missed you."
I could safely bet he recognised me "hey… Dad" It felt weird calling him dad, not that he wasn't my father, it's just I hardly remember him. I do remember the moustache though. "Where have you been baby? It's been so long" he said in between sobs. I took it upon myself to rub his back. It was a bold move for me with the state I was in at the moment but nonetheless I felt compelled to console my crying father but I couldn't answer him, I didn't want to even think about the answer.
"It doesn't matter, I'm here now" I whispered loosing track of time as we stood there for what it seemed hours until he stopped crying.
That week I got to know my father, he got to know a little bit about me but I still never divulged any information about the things that has happened to me. I learnt he couldn't cook at all and I also learnt that he was going to make me go to school which I wasn't too sure about. He learnt that calling me Isabella resulted in me sobbing from the pain I felt from the memories. He hasn't called me that since. I thought about all the things I learned about him as I packed my bag for school. My first day. I wasn't all too thrilled about it especially with Charlie driving me to school. The drive to school was silent after he stated "you've lost the shine in your eyes."
I didn't want to tell him what had happened to me.
"I've already organised everything but I think that I should introduce you to the receptionist so she can help get you on your feet" Charlie didn't want to seem bossy, he was just worried about his daughter. The fact that the bruises were still on his face made him feel sick with guilt. He wasn't there to help his baby even though there was no way he could. He still didn't know what happened and it didn't seem like he was going to find out any time soon.
I didn't bother trying to argue with him. I just followed him to the main office in full awareness of the eyes staring at me. Why were they staring? I started to worry, nervousness whacking me in the face making me feel like I was going to hurl but then I remembered the police cruiser and the fact my dad was the police chief of this town but when we walked into the room away from those eyes all piercing into me I was glad, to say the least. I sat in the chair as my father talked to the receptionist not really listening at all. Everything was happening so suddenly, though I was glad I went a week without being hurt I felt like something was missing, the abuse was missing. The abuse I felt I deserved. The abuse that I wanted, but didn't. It was all so confusing and I had no idea how I was going to move on. At least I was smiling and with that thought I smiled thinking about how Charlie said I was still stubborn after all these years. It felt like he knew me better than my mother who raised me my whole life. I felt like things were slowly going to get better but at the same time I was afraid of that, I was afraid of it getting better and I had no idea why.
"Bella, I'm going to leave now. Are you sure you're going to be okay?" my father asked as I looked up at him. His face looked like he wasn't sure what to do. Wether to leave me here or take me back home. "I'll be fine" I forced a smile patting the front of my backpack which was in my lap, "what's the worst that could happen? I'm all set for school."
"Alrighty then, I've asked Mike to keep an eye on you today. I know that young boy… I trust him."
I nodded as a gesture of my thanks and got up seeing the blonde haired kid come into the room. Oh. Right. Mike. I forgot.
"Well fancy meeting you here again" he grinned again, his classic cheesy smile but he seemed friendly enough so I walked out the door, seeing him follow.
"We have all our classes together too, so if you just stick with me it'll be fine girl!" he said as he put his hand on my shoulder. Wrong move. I instantly imagined Phil holding my shoulders down and groaned in emotional and physical pain jerking away from him. Keeping the tears at bay I just pretended nothing was wrong and kept walking with him to our first class and by the look of the classroom it looked to be English. My eyes scanned the room and a certain face made me froze. His eyes were burning into mine, piercing right into my soul. A look that resembled how Phil used to look at me right before he…
I forced my eyes away from that boy and onto Mike grabbing his hand leading him to empty seats, so I couldn't see that boy with the coal eyes staring at me but even if I couldn't see them, I could feel them on me. I felt like I was in imminent danger. Like cows off to the slaughter house. I just wanted to get away but I couldn't so I just focused on everything and anything, even Mike as a distraction. I had to admit, I looked into his eyes a far while. The blue was that really strange light blue, not the strong blue but it made me feel at ease. Of course he thought he was the shit for me doing that, his little smug smile told me that but I didn't care.
As soon as the lesson ended and the bell rang that strange boy was right past my desk, not looking at the time which I was pretty sure was a good thing but I wanted him to look at me, to feel that fear I was meant to feel. I craved it yet feared it. "So, hey Bella we have a spare next, what do you say we go outside and just talk.. Or, you know something?" Mike was clearly nervous but I agreed. I knew he probably liked me by now but I'd rather be with just one person instead of in a place with a whole group of people I didn't really know.
Well, I thought we'd be by ourselves but he met a group of friends. Great. I tried to be polite and smile as I took in their faces and hoped I remembered their names.
I got greeted to each of them and the long black haired girl named Angela seemed the nicest trying to make the most conversation with me. Normally I'd find that slightly irritating but she only was talking to me so much because she was genuinely interested in what I had to say unlike Jessica, the brown haired girl who seemed like the gossip type. I tried to be blunt with her, but in a nice way. Kind of like "Hahaha no' or 'haha yeah' answers until she asked me a question that I couldn't ignore.
"Did you see Edward in English! He's just a babe" she said with unneeded excitement and the last part of that sentence she sounded like she was going into dream land.
"Yeah he was staring at her the whole time. What a creep" Mike muttered moving a little closer to me making me even more uncomfortable. I closed my eyes holding in shuddering realising the boy I feared so much it felt natural was who they were talking about.
"Oh, him" I muttered.
"He's never stared at me" the brown haired girl named Jessica said a little envious just as the bell went for lunch "I'm starved!" Eric, the Asian boy said, "let's go get lunch, eh Bella?"
"What?" I asked as I looked up at him then realising what he said, "oh yeah" I got up and followed them all to a table in the cafeteria. I looked around at my surroundings over to a group of people who were much paler than everyone else. Then saw him staring, his eyes burning into me. I felt like I deserved the hatred in his eyes but I was over this. What was his problem?
I got up, not listening to anything in particular, only focusing on him until I reached the table. I felt frightened. Like I was in danger but I went on with it. "If you're going to look at me with so much hate when I haven't done anything don't look at me at all." I muttered to the boy with the golden brown hair. What I noticed most though was his eyes. They were a golden brown colour now, not black or was that just my imagination. He looked taken back, like no one had ever done this to him before. He seemed up himself. I was still looking at his eyes… They looked like they were getting darker and darker. He got up from his chair so he was stood up and because he was taller than me he looked down at me. "Maybe you should mind your own business if you know what's good for you" he said, his voice slick with hatred as he kicked his chair back and walked out of the cafeteria. I took a glance at the other people he said with. One looked like a model with her long blonde hair, next there was this bear of a man who smiled softly at him which you wouldn't have expected, then there was this honey haired boy looking as if he was in pain, staring at me but not with the hatred Edward looked at me with, his eyes looked like they were just full of pain and worry. I felt close to him, like I could relate and then I followed his arms to the girl who he was holding. I was a bit taken back by how beautiful she was, I mean the blonde haired girl was beautiful but this girl with her short-but-not-too-short black hair, different lengths everywhere and her eyes. The colour, they had to be contacts. I'd never seen such a strong green as a natural pupil colour in my life. It made her look exotic.
She was looking straight at me. I knew I should apologize or something and leave but the feeling of comfort and fear I felt around this group of people was nice. I opened my mouth and took a breath to say something but nothing came out and I just looked down, turned around and retreated back to Angela, Jessica, Eric and Mike. A couple of other people had joined them now who I didn't recognise but they were nice enough to move when I came back.
"Oh. My. God. You did not just do that!" Jessica exclaimed in her gossip talk voice. "No one has ever gone up to them before. What did you do? What did you say?" Jessica was way too excited. It was overwhelming.
"Um, I was fed up of him watching me so I told him not to" I muttered looking away at her gaze.
"What! Any girl wouldKILL to have that hottie staring at them!" She almost yelled incredulously.
"I don't really find him that attractive" I whispered hearing some giggle from behind that made me turn around to see where it was from. I saw that girl with the magnificent green eyes with her hand over her mouth giggling. Had she heard me? I was so far away it would have been impossible but there she was looking in my direction giggling.
"Are you blind?" She said loudly not believing that someone could find that man not attractive. "I don't really find men… men attractive" I exposed not thinking about what I had said until after I said it. "You're a lesbian!" Jessica just about shouted to the whole cafeteria. My mouth just hang open unable to answer. What worried me more than the fact everyone in the vicinity probably heard was that I wasn't sure if I was or not. I never really thought about it. "I've never thought about being a lesbian" I admitted in a mutter, "and so what if I am? Are you homophobic or something?"
The whole group looked taken back and Mike looked disappointed. "No, no I just.. I.." Jessica stammered and I couldn't keep the smug little smile off my face.
"Uh so, who are those other people who sit with Ed.. Edward?" I asked looking uninterested but in all honesty, I was extremely interested.
"They're all the Cullen's. They're all adopted children from Dr Cullen and his wife. But, what's strange is that they're all together. I mean, I kind of wish he'd adopt me and maybe then I'd have a chance with Edward." Angela laughed. "Well, the blondes Rosalie and the guy next to her is Emmett. The guy who looks like he's in pain is Jasper. I feel sorry for him a bit. And he girl in his arms is Alice. She's interesting in her own way." Angela continued.
"If you mean weird when you say interesting then she is" Jessica said in a bitchy tone. "Who cuts their hair that short except lesbians?" she laughed. Okay. She was starting to get to me now. "It isn't that short. It's longer than Eric's, just not as emo looking" Angela laughed looking over at Mike leaning over to mess up his hair, "now it looks a bit more like hers." She grinned.
I looked over at Eric, seeing his fringe all messed up now and over to Alice and noticed his hair was a few centimetres shorter than Alice's, but the back of her hair hung about 5 centimetres from the bottom of her hair line, down her neck reaching above her shoulders. 'Beautiful' I thought looking at her. Wait what? I pulled my eyes away from her looking down at the table.
I then realised that each of their eyes were the same black colour Edwards had been with the exception of Alice… Why was that?
"Excuse me?" Turning around to see who said that I saw green eyes I immediately connected with to with Alice. "May I have a word Bella?" How did she know my name? My eyebrows pulled together in confusion hearing her ask that. I didn't reply and soon after staring at her I totally forgot she'd even asked a question. "Bella?" Her voice jolted me back to reality and I finally replied.
"Yeah, here or…?" I asked quietly.
"Come with me" She grabbed my hand helping me up and leaded me into the empty hallway. "I'd just like to apologize about my brother. He has certain personality issues. But God, you do smell good like he said." She grinned adding, "don't worry; we're going to be really close." 'Really close'? What did she mean by that?
She turned to walk away but I grabbed her arm keeping her here "hey wait, how did you know my name?" I asked my hand not leaving her arm. It was only then I realized how short she was. The top of her head reached just above my chin but it wasn't like she looked funny. She had a normal proportionally sized body. She was just smaller, and didn't look childlike at all. It was sort of cute. "You're the chief of police's daughter and this is a small town. News travels fast" She said smiling. I really liked her voice; it was so nice just to hear, comforting. "I guess that's a valid excuse but people normally refer to me as Isa…"I stalled saying that name and Alice almost looked worried. "People normally refer to me as my full name."
"Well I've heard you don't really like it and I wanted to make a good first impression" she grinned.
"You've done a good job there" I mumbled quietly flashing her an actual genuine smile. I started to lift my hand up to scratch my head but I felt some pain as I scraped my arm against the wall. "Ow" I murmured looking around and seeing I caught it on the edge of a notice board and then the blood and instantly as I saw the red droplets of pain forming I dropped onto my knees and started sobbing asking Alice to make it all go away… And she was worried about her making a bad first impression. That quick thought made me laugh a little as I sobbed, the pain returning. I hated the sight of blood. The memories I got from it. I looked up and Alice had a pained expression, even worse than what Jasper looked like when I saw him earlier. Her face was a mixture of sorrow and pain mixed with confusion and her eyes… they weren't green anymore.
"Bella I… I…" She stammered trying not to take a breath. Her hand then went up to cover her nose and mouth. "Please help" I cried help, "get rid of the blood!" She grabbed me and with almost inhuman strength she pulled me to the washroom and washed the blood away holding a paper towel to the cut and was that whimpering I heard coming from her? I didn't really have time to think about it as I stood there sobbing, breaking down over some silly blood.
"Bella, it's all gone. Trust me" Alice's' comforting voice told me but it wasn't enough. I was still sobbing. I didn't even know why she was here with me. She had no need to be here. I didn't even know her. "Bella please.." her voice was getting more worried and pleading, "Bella stop it please."
I didn't stop it not even when she grabbed my arms trying to get me to settle down, not even when I subconsciously pressed my face against her shoulder as my heartbeat was frantic, not even when I heard a quiet growling sound emitting from her but when I felt her lips on the top of my head. Yes I did. I was instantly comforted and then back into reality I pulled away from her. "I'm.. so sorry!" I said, my hand over my mouth. "I'm really sorry!" I kept apologizing. "Bella, Bella it's okay. It really is" Alice said pulling me into her arms. My cheeks got even more red, if that was possible.
Alice was cursing herself for not seeing this happen. She was mentally fighting with herself to keep from jumping on the human and she was surprised she had enough strength to take the bleeding girl to the washroom, be alone with her and console her. She almost lost control when she felt Bella's arms around her and her face on her shoulder. Why did she feel like this? Was it simple lust for her blood? Or something else? Why was Bella so upset about some blood? It made the smaller girl worry.
I pulled away after a while looking at the time on my phone. "Is class in yet?" I asked not knowing and not finding the will to get out my timetable to check. "Yes but I think it'd probably be better if you went home after this, don't you?" Alice asked me. It surprised me, I didn't think this almost total stranger would even help me much less be late for class to make sure I'm okay.
"Yeah but my dad isn't home and he wouldn't be able to pick me up" I muttered. Kicking the ground a few times at the thought of going to class. I knew Mike would try to ask me what happened, I mean everyone came over when they heard the show I put on.
"I could probably be able to get out of the rest of the day if you want me to take you home" she offered. Wow, was she really this nice or did she have some ulterior motive. My brain said the latter but my heart believed she was just the nicest person out there. "Uh, you really don't have to" I wanted her to but I didn't want to come across as selfish.
"Hey it's no biggie. I'll be back in a few. Just wait outside okay?"
I did what she asked and she was back in no time. "It's fine, everything's worked out. I'll drive you to your house in my car and we'll spend some time together" she grinned saying that as she grabbed my hand leading me outside to her car.
On the way she was asking me little questions about my life and all that and I found out that I was the most open with her than anyone else, even Charlie.
"So, why'd you move to Forks?" She asked me looking at me and smiling as she did. It was like she knew I would have been looking at her.
"Well, I had a really hard time with my… my… Mother and her boyfriend.. Ph—yeah just him so I decided to spend some time with my dad" I replied. I never told Charlie I had a hard time.
"Hard time?" She wanted to know more about the said 'hard time'.
"Just bad things happened… It…" Oh no…. The memories were coming back as I thought more about it. Fifty two! Fifty two! Over in my head, that number and before I knew it I was saying it out loud again.
"Bella, forget I asked. I'm really sorry. How 'bout we talk about me?" Alice said trying to distract me.
I took off my hoodie I was wearing trying to think of a question but only One question instantly came to mind. "Why are your eyes a blue colour, well green-y blue colour when they were green before?"
"Oh, they do that when I'm hungry" She didn't smile or look at me as she answered that or say anything else to explain how that works. I didn't really have any other question.. That was a lie. I just didn't want to ask, well, that was a lie too I did want to but I didn't want to annoy her or anything. I saw my house in the distance and picked up my bag from the floor near my feet getting ready to get out and ready to ask the question that had been plaguing my mind, trying to force me to ask.
"Alice do you want to—"
"Bella, I'm not leaving you alone in this house. I'll stay" She interrupted me answering me as if she knew what I was going to ask. How did she know? I was about to ask her this when she did it again!
"I thought you were going to ask me to stay, I'm good at judging people" she grinned proudly getting out of the car and even though I opened the door less than a second after she opened hers there she stood at my side helping me out. "How did you—"
"I'm fast" She grinned and that alone made me smile and reach for the hand she was holding out to me. What was strange that if anyone else kept interrupting me like that It'd get to me instantly. Sure, it kind of annoyed me by now but I allowed her to for now at least. Maybe I subconsciously thought that I owed her something for helping me back at school and now she was going into my house… Wait oh god, she was going into my dad's house and I invited her!
"If you don't want me to go in and spend time with you I won't it's okay" Alice said looking at me with her green eyes. She mustn't be hungry anymore. I didn't want to refuse this pixie-like girl and I'm pretty sure I wanted to spend time with her. I opened to door and lead her in to the couch and scratched my head as I said "uh, It's not much but it's home" kind of nervous she'd think I'm not good because the house I lived in right now wasn't all that.
"It's fine Bella. What do you take me for? Someone who is going to think low of you because of how you act and all that stuff? That'd make me a snob." She giggled slumping down on the couch. "Well, your car looks like it's more expensive than this house and everything in it and I just thought you might.. I dunno" I trailed off, my cheeks going a light shade of red.
"Well, my life hasn't always been like that but that's a whole different story for another time" She sighed looking off at nothing in particular. I now felt an even bigger need to know more about this girl, this beautiful girl who seemed to care for someone she didn't need to care about. "It's sad mine has been worse than what it is now, way worse." I muttered realizing what I had said. "What? I didn't mean it was bad now, I mean this is the best time of my life really and I guess that's sad to say but I love Charlie and love it here even though I hate the cold."
"Well it's a good thing I'm warmer than my siblings" Alice laughed a little even as she realized what she just said she just tried to play it off cool. I sat next to her and reached out to touch the girls arm. "You are warm" I said plainly smiling at her before laying back against the couch. I was so tired all this new stuff was wearing me out. My eyes started to close just to rest my eyes for a while and when I opened them again I wasn't on the couch anymore. I was in my bed. Rubbing my eyes to try and get make the room look in focus I turned and almost jumped out of the bed when I saw Alice laid there, her small frame didn't seem to even move with the bed as it rocked from my earlier fright.
She then realized my shock of her laying there next to me and frowned "I shouldn't have done that."
I was still trying to register what just happened. "No! You shouldn't have! When I wake up the last thing I ever would want to see is some fucking stranger next to me!" I yelled at her getting off my bed, "now get out!" I added in a growl but she didn't move at all. "Get out!" I yelled again and finally she slowly got off, her head hung down and walked past me, down the stairs and out he front door. I watched as she left before finally shutting the door and going over to slump myself down on the lounge chair. Tomorrow was going to be an interesting day.
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