A/N: Little Britain and Hetalia. It was bound to happen sooner or later. For those of who aren't familiar with the series Little Britain, you don't exactly need to be to enjoy this one-shot. One, because i make the scenario pretty clear, but here is a short summary anyway. Little Britain was a show with many different characters, I'm focusing on Sebastian Love an aide(assistant) who has a pretty unhealthy crush on the Prime Minister and gets wildly jealous at anyone who talks to him. It's really hilarious, and I really miss watching the series.
Sebastian Love was giddy with a bubbly high that would just not go away no matter how he hard he tried to force it down. He attempted to be as professional as possible, but when sitting next to you're country's personification it becomes a slightly difficult task not to jump him then and there.
He was used to having control himself however, what with being the aide for his beautiful Prime Minister for so many years. Though now he was playing a whole new ball game, aiding England himself to a world summit in New York City. He felt like jumping in his seat at that very moment.
Sebastian took a long glance over at his country and purred, my oh my was he a lovely Brit, with those emerald gemmed eyes, creamy pale skin, tousled blond locks, and dare he say it quite pronounced eyebrows, ahh…like a true British gentleman. He wanted to pet them, maybe just a little touch wouldn't hurt.
He slyly tilted his hand closer until it was a few inches from his country's face, unfortunately England caught the hand rather aggressively, "What the bloody fuck do you think you're doing?" He shot the aide a venomous look sending him to back off immediately.
England was beyond aggravated, he had no bloody idea why he even needed an aide to come with him. When his Prime Minister first brought up the idea he thought he was being punished for some unknown reason. Apparently however, the President had given America an aide (that was probably a legitimate punishment), and he supposed it was monkey see monkey do. It was like having a damn babysitter, and it didn't help that there was just something a little off about Sebastian. He couldn't quite place it, but it was… something.
"Excuse me England sir, its just…blimey I'm so happy you chose me out of all the aides to come with you to the world summit. I wasn't sure if I was dreaming or not." He gave a twinkling smile for good measure as he brushed his bangs out of his face.
England scoffed and crossed his arms, "Well I was going to have Gregory come, but the Prime Minister has taken a rather strange shine to him. Besides…you'll soon realize this place is no dream. Now wake me up when we get there." He sneered, resting his head by the side of the limousine window.
Sebastian growled at the name Gregory, damn that sexy new aide who always trying to steal his Prime Minister and now his own country. What an outrage! He'll show Great Britain that he is the best aide in all of Great Britain!... Hmm strange, he just made a paradox.
Twenty minutes later the limousine stopped and Sebastian ceased softly caressing his sleeping country's face. He patted the Brit on the shoulder gently and whispered into his ear, "England, sir, we're here at the meeting. Would like me to get you anything, anything at all?" He batted his eyes innocently enough and grinned.
England awoke with a groan and a sore neck, "Aspirin, and gin…but not in that order." He grumbled, sitting up.
Sebastian nodded flamboyantly, "Right away England sir, oh my…you're tie is a bit crooked, please let me…aide you." He hummed, already setting to work on the island's tie.
The nation roughly batted his hand away, "Sod off and get me what I asked for. What time is it?"
Sebastian grabbed the gin and had already gone to pouring it, "I believe 12:15 England, sir. And may I ask what this meeting is for?"
England grumbled, as the limousine driver opened the door for him, "Bloody world…come along and bring the aspirin." He muttered, ungracefully stepping out of the vehicle.
Sebastian only giggled delightfully, "Whateva you say England sir!"
Inside it looked like any other building in New York City, but not like Sebastian cared for architecture or the likes of such. He walked dutifully behind his grouchy country with a skip in his step, and a heavy heart. He only met England a few days prior when the Prime Minister finally introduced the two for the first time, and he was already head over heels. Who wouldn't be? The country was absolutely gorgeous, not spoken for, and he was everything that made Sebastian proud to be an Englishman.
England stopped in front of the elevator and turned to Sebastian, "Now before we go in…I must go over some ground rules and warnings with you."
Sebastian stood at attention, "Whateva you say England sir, I'm an excellent listener of course….I'm also good at back rubs."
"What was that?"
England eyed him suspiciously, but ignored it, "All of the countries here are off their nut, by no means do you converse with them unless I allow it. Also try not to embarrass the good British name by acting foolish, I'm trying to uphold a certain reputation here. If you have questions do not ask me during the meeting, only during breaks, do I make myself clear?"
Sebastian only bit his lip and purred, "Has anyone ever told you how ravishing you look when you're all commanding like that?"
The country rolled his eyes, "Several, now come along." He bit out as they stepped into the elevator together.
When they had arrived at the meeting, majority of the countries had already been seated and were already starting arguments from across the large oval table.
England felt a migraine the moment he stepped inside, but chose to ignore it for the sake of his sanity. Sebastian however looked at the room in wonder, wide eyed, and full of excitement.
He was at a loss of words until he felt a large hand creeping down his spine, and unto his buttocks. He yelped, causing plenty of attention to himself, "England sir, that's not very appropriate right now!" He squealed in delight.
"That's not me you wanker! France, get your disgusting frog hands away from my aide!" England scolded at the man behind Sebastian.
The British aide screamed, and hid behind England, "He touched me in dirty places England sir! Only you can cleanse it now!"
The French nation brushed back his long wavy locks, and chuckled, "My Angleterre, you brought yourself a little rentboy for the stay over? If you were that desperate all you had to do was ask your mon cherie, me of course." He smirked, sending both men a wink.
Sebastian still hiding behind his country sent the French a glare, "Whateva!" He rolled his eyes making an impressive hair flip.
"All right countries, the meeting has begun, please take your seats!" The masculine German nation shouted from the head of the table.
England and France both ceased fire, and took their respected seats, "You stand behind me Sebastian." England informed as he took his seat.
"Yes of course, England sir. I love being behind you!" He saluted with a wink.
The meeting had already been five minutes in when the door swung open to reveal a tall, well built American who looked no older than a teenage hooligan, behind him stood a pudgy man who eyes beamed with excitement.
"No worries world, the hero has arrived! Oh and my assistant, aide guy Marvin here. Sorry we're late, I was at the drive-thru for Mickey D's and there was this hobo-"
"Enough America please take your seat!" The German interrupted with a cough and irritated twitch.
America gave the biggest grin possible as he looked for his seat, "Righto! Marvin, you can stand behind me dude, but not so close this time, kay?" He said to his aide.
Marvin saluted thrice, "Sir! Yes, sir! Mr. America, sir!"
Sebastian glared evenly at both Americans. He already knew Marvin since he was the aide for the United States President and they already developed a sort of rivalry, but now there was this country who was stealing away his England's attention. He looked down to see his nation fully engrossed in the American's stupidity while playing with a loose strand of his hair.
He needed to put a stop to this nonsense and whispered into the shorter man's ear, "I don't like him." He spat.
England shrugged, obviously used to the American's antics, "No one really does, just ignore him and time will go by quicker."
America's eyes beamed taking the only available seat next to the Brit, unfortunately, and hummed a patriotic tune.
He turned to the island nation and grinned, "Sup Iggy!"
England bristled and shook his head dismissively, "Late for a meeting in your own territory, though I'm not surprised in the least."
America rolled his eyes, "Yeah, yeah, if Germany just let me finish my story about the hobo-"
"Quiet you two! That is enough chit chat!" Germany interrupted once again. Both men remained relatively silent after that. Sebastian on the other hand stuck his tongue out at Marvin who responded with a middle finger and a raspberry.
The meeting went on without too many mishaps, Sebastian found himself completely taken when England went up for his speech on fossil fuels, but noticed he was probably the only one.
He heard a light munching sound and turned to find America taking excessive bites out of his burger, and yet no one did a thing about it. He glared at the American; stupid pig can't even appreciate the wonder that is England when he makes his speech. However he did notice the country hadn't taken his eyes off the other, while the nations mostly dozed off or had conversations of their own, he had his all his attention on the Brit…hm...Sebastian definitely didn't like him.
The meeting went on for another couple hours, including breaks and so on. During the last break he was introduced to the American who had yet to stop shoveling food down his throat.
England gave an exasperated sigh as he introduced the two, "America this is Sebastian Love, my aide for the time being."
America swallowed a large chunk of his burger and held out his hand, "Hey there Sebastian!"
The aide crossed his arms childishly and flipped his chestnut brown hair, "Whateva!"
"Uh…ok… Hey Iggy, we still up for that private discussion thing our bosses set up for us after the meeting?" He asked turning to the other nation.
Sebastian's eyes nearly went out of their sockets, 'private discussion?' meaning alone? Oh not if he could help it!
England shrugged carelessly, "Well we should get it over with, I'm exhausted from the plane ride and would like to get some sleep early." He stated.
America gave the thumbs up sign, "Cool, see ya in the private meeting room. You know where it's at!" He grinned and then turned to talk to a few other nations.
Sebastian figured now would be the best time to speak up, "England sir, what's this I hear about a private discussion? The Prime Minister stated clearly that I have to be at your side at all times!"
The shorter man rolled his eyes, "Our bosses just hope to strengthen our strained special relationship, nothing new."
The aide faltered considerably, completely bothered, "S-Special relationship? Please, reconsider England sir! I don't like the way he looks at you!"
"What the bloody hell are you babbling about?"
"He looks at you like you're one of his blasted burgers he can eat, like a dog in heat, how else do you want me to put it exactly?" Sebastian questioned with another bothered hair flip.
England shook his head, "You're being ridiculous."
"Look if its just sexual tension then fine, but if it's something deeper-"
"Enough Sebastian! Shut your trap and listen to your country's orders, understood?" England barked with reddened cheeks.
"Yes England sir." He swallowed a lump in his throat and backed off.
The meeting ended ten minutes later, and every country filed out of the room in complete disarray, pleased that the hell was over and done for the day. England led Sebastian to a room not far from the one they were just in. Marvin was already standing outside and rolled his eyes at seeing Sebastian.
The island nation opened the door, "You wait out here Sebastian, and by no means may you come inside." He glared and slammed the door behind him.
Sebastian sighed after a second, "They've been in there forever! I have to know what's going on!" He whined stomping his foot.
Marvin rolled his eyes once again, "Don't tell me you like that scrawny caterpillar eyebrow guy. Ewwy, you got horrible taste in men." He scoffed.
"Shut your mouth, your filthy country probably has his greasy hands all over him!"
"Psh, yeah right, Mr. America is way too handsome. I mean just look at those dreamy ocean eyes, perfectly tan skin, and his package is probably as big as the state of Florida! So ha!"
Sebastian was silent for a moment or two, and then sprang into action, "I'm going in there!"
Marvin pressed his hand closer to the door, "Sir, step away from the door sir!"
Sebastian only pushed harder, "Let me in, I have to see what's going on!"
"You're causing a situation sir. Don't make me resort to physical violence, sir!"
Unfortunately for Marvin, Sebastian was already one step ahead and threw the aide a right hook which sent him tumbling towards the floor. He quickly swung open the door to reveal America and England both sitting at opposite sides of the table looking over documents.
England was the first to notice him, and slapped a hand over his face in frustration, "I'm going to count to ten Sebastian, if you're not gone-"
"Right, sorry, heh…excuse me!" He chuckled nervously, obviously embarrassed and ashamed with himself.
Marvin jumped into the room, holding his face, "Sir, Mr. America, sir, h-he punched me! He punched me!"
America only laughed at his aide's pain, "Man you Brits are violent."
England scoffed, "Leave you two. And I swear if you come back, there will be hell to pay!"
Sebastian and Marvin both saluted, and left with their heads down, completely defeated.
The private discussion went on for another hour with no breaks before both countries stepped out.
"Well that wasn't totally boring, haha. Anyway Marvin, can you take these documents over to the lobby?" America asked as he gave a pile of papers to his assistant.
The pudgy man saluted thrice, "Sir! Yes, sir! Mr. America, sir!" And left to fulfill his duty.
America stepped back inside the room, "I gotta get my stuff together, see ya later Iggy." He waved and shut the door behind him.
England didn't saying anything back and began to leave with Sebastian right behind him. The aide however had other plans and grabbed hold of the man's sleeve, "England sir?"
The nation growled, "What is it?"
"Please, please excuse my behavior this evening. It was completely uncalled for. Can you forgive me?" He pleaded with puppy dog eyes.
England sighed, "Oh alright. America got a right laugh out of the whole thing though…" He grumbled.
Sebastian smiled at the country's forgiveness, but then noticed a strange substance on the corner of his lips. Being the great aide that he was, he took out his handkerchief, "Excuse me England sir, you appear to have a little something on your mouth, here let me help." He smiled, happy to be of assistance as he wiped the corner clean.
England's face flushed an unhealthy red as he sputtered, "Ah no need for that, Sebastian. I'm tired, let's go!" He ordered, speeding down the hallway.
Sebastian stopped however, "If it wouldn't be too much trouble, could I apologize to America as well?" He called out.
England hesitated, but then kept right on, "Yes, whatever! Just be back in the limousine in five minutes!" He yelled as he briskly walked to the elevator.
Sebastian took one last look at England's oh so delicious arse as it retreated, before he went to knock on the door.
"Come in!" A cheery voice answered.
Sebastian stepped in and closed the door behind him. His eyes made contact with the oblivious American, and flared, "Hullo America…"
America rose an eyebrow, "Oh hey Sebastian, what's up?" He asked curiously.
"I don't like you. Now obviously you aren't much of a threat to me since you don't seem to have the balls to make a move on my England, but it's just a warning. Got that, Bitch?"
"Uh excuse me? Do you know who you're talking to?"
Sebastian did another hair flip and opened the door, "A right pussy of a nation is who I'm talking to. Cheerio!" He laughed and slammed the door.
Later that Night
America was not pleased in the slightest, that damn little British aide did not know who he was messing with! Lying down on his king-sized bed, he turned to his cellphone and went to call the only person he could rightfully complain to.
Unfortunately the man's cellphone was off, so he called the hotel instead and got the room number. Finally after four rings the Brit answered with an aspirated sigh.
"What the bloody fuck?" He mumbled.
The other country groaned, "Oh Jesus, how the-, why the-, didn't I tell you I was turning in early tonight?"
"Yeah, yeah, but I gotta problem."
"Your aide. He's a douche! You better fire him. At first I thought he was just a little bit campy, but he's like super obsessed with you, it's so obvious and creepy!"
England shifted under his covers, "That's not my decision to make. He's not really my aide, plus he was honestly sorry for barging in like that. He told me he apologized to you."
"Psh, as if! That wasn't an apology! He said I didn't have balls! Me, The United States of Fucking America doesn't have balls? No one says that and gets away with it! I mean there's free speech and whatever, but secretly the FBI takes care of people like that…"
"Riiighht…Well, I can't really talk. He's actually sleeping on my couch at the moment. I don't want him to hear."
"Well, it's not just what he said about my balls, but how are we gonna… you know…"
"Going to what?" A new voice snapped on the line, using the phone from the living room.
"Sebastian? Hang up the phone right now!"
"Not until America finishes what he was going to say!"
"No, fuck you! And as a matter of fact I do have balls, ask England! He licked them clean in the meeting room!" And with that the line dropped.
England stared at the phone numbly before hanging up himself. He walked into the living room where Sebastian was, his face as white as a sheet, "The Prime Minister and the President are very serious about this special relationship, aren't they?" Sebastian questioned.
England nodded dumbly, "Yes…extremely. Sebastian, why are you lying naked on my couch?"
Sebastian and his nakedness...
So for those who are familar with the series I'm sure you caught some of the scenarios and lines I took from a couple of the episodes. I couldn't help myself though! Little Britain Abroad was my favorite episode with Sebastian. I hope that isn't too much plagiarism...sorry in advance if it bugged you.
I'm not sure if this counts as a crossover, I don't really want to label it as one, but I might change it. I don't know, what do you guys think? I actually had a really fun time writing Sebastian, he's basically like the worst England fanboy in the world I could imagine. He's always been my favorite :)