A/N: Just as a warning this is something my friends and I came up with for school. The assignment was to take a given scene from R&J and modernize it... We kind of went crazy with it. My main job was "translating" the Shakespearian text into how we speak since I was the only one in my group who'd ever read Shakespeare by their own free will. As I said though, we went a bit nuts with it... It's written as a script since we were supposed to present it. The scene is the one where Mercutio and Tybalt are killed

Benvolio: Let's bounce, Mercutio, before we meet the Capulet's. I don't wanna fight.

Mercutio: LOL, banana split. You dig the brawls, brah.

B: Oh really? That's what you think.

M: You're like: "Oh look! A person! Let's fight!"

B: You are too. Thou art PMSing.

M: No, thou art PMSing.

B: Takes one to know one, bitch!

M: Pffft!

Enter Tybalt and creepy blokes

B: OMG! Tis the Capulets!

M: OMG! I don't care.

Tybalt: *to blokes* I'll BRB.

Petruchio: 'Kay Tybles!

T: *gives P a dirty look**to B and M* How YOU doinnnn?

M: What's it to ya?

T: Just being friendly. A word?


M: *to B* No Benvolio, no. *to T* Speak.

T: You've been costing Romeo 50 cents extra for going over his text limit.

M: I don't text! Not since I got Twitter!

T: Twitter is Facebook for old people.

M: Oh no you didn't! *pulls out light saber*

B: Girls, you're both pretty. Let's go home.

M: NO! First... We CATFIGHT!

B: *facepalm*

Enter a skipping Romeo

T: Here come MY maaannnn~!

M: He's not your friend. Check Facebook!

T: *to M* You are a baaad cookie.

B: Can I be chocolate chip?

T: NO, you idiot.

Romeo: Can I be a cookie?

M: Chill amigas.

T: You're just jealous because you're not a cookie. *pulls out cookie*

M: I'll fight you for that.

T: AVADA KADAVRA! *thrusts cookie towards M*

R: PROTECTO THE COOKIE! *points wand at cookie*

M: Neither can live while the other is hungry!

R: Benvolio! Do something!

B: *pulls out feather* En gardie!

*everyone facepalms*

P: Stop fighting! I'll take that cookie *takes cookie* and EAT IT! *bites cookie dramatically*

T: GASP! This is all your fault! *points at M* I will have my revenge! *tickles M to death*

P: Come on, Tybles!

*T and P run for it*


*R runs after T and tackles him*

R: *points wand at T* AVADA YOUDIENOW!

*T dies dramatically*

R: *hears sirens* ...BYE! *runs for the hills*