Show | Pairing | Rating : Buffy the Vampire Slayer | Buffy and Spike | originally T but may rise as the story continues.

Summary: Starting from Season 5, Episode 4 'Out of my Mind'. Mainly following the original storyline but focused more on Buffy and Spike, and some scenes we didn't see.

Disclaimer: If I owned Spike then I wouldn't be writing stories about him, would I? Obviously not mine. All characters and some plot line belong to Mutant Enemy and 20th Century Fox Film Corporation.

Chapter: 'Pseudo, head, Buffy'

I need to stop this, Spike thought as he walked along the main street of Sunnydale. Coming out here and staring at all the delicious looking humans, I can't eat them so why do I bother.

Spike chucked down the cigarette he was smoking and stubbed it out under his boot. Also Buffy wouldn't like me doing it…

Spike had given up on trying to get Buffy out of his head long ago. He wasn't in love with her, never that, no. He just couldn't stop thinking about her.

He was sure that it was the Slayer attraction. Most vamps never stuck around long enough to see it but they were actually all chemically drawn to the Slayer, some pheromone or something that Slayer's released. It made it easier for the girl to find vamps so she could kill them.

Except Spike had stuck around, and his theory was the longer you were around the Slayer without tasting her, the more hung up about it you got.

He stopped walking outside a sidewalk clothing shop, staring at the mannequin in the window. It's got blonde hair.. he thought, and small features, kinda looks like Buffy..

Before Spike knew what he was doing he had picked the lock on the window and grabbed the mannequin. It's too big to carry all the way home, but I don't need the body, I'm not that perverted.

Carefully Spike screwed the head off of the base and walked down the street with it, laughing at the weird looks he got from passer-bys.


The next night Spike was enjoying some quiet time at his crypt before Harmony got back. He has been staring into the eyes of his pseudo, head Buffy for half an hour, and yes he did realize how pathetic that was…

… but he hadn't seen her in days and he missed her smile.

Harm came in the door and he shoved the head away, not wanting the disapproving looks he had received the night before when he bought it home.

"Hi baby," she said carrying in bags filled with clothing no doubt.

"Hello sweetbreads, have fun?"

She started prattling on about some shopping store and its sale, "you paid for it?" he asked looking at the huge bags she bought in.

"No, I just killed the clerk, still, bargain's a bargain." Spike shivered in disgust of the girl behind him. Harmony disgusted Spike so much on so many levels. He hated himself for keeping her around but he needed the release that sex brought to him. Harmony could spend hours gaggingly asking him how pretty she looked and he could take it - as long as he could pretend in the cold darkness of night, that she was someone else, someone better.

Spike had zoned her out for a while, not wanting to hear anything else about shopping, or -God help him- shoes, but was thrust back to reality when he heard "… recruiting his brethren to kill the Slayer."

"How's that?" he asked, not sure if he heard her correctly.

"Apparently he got recruited by some big nether wig and now he's on a mission. You think they might actually do it? Kill her?"

"God that would be… pleasant." Spike could finally get the chit out of his head, he could get the blasted chip out and return to the glory days. Him and the world.

"Well, if they do I think we should do something, like a gift basket or something." Spike got up and grabbed his duster from the floor, "where are you going?"

"To get a decent seat," he said, walking out of the crypt. "If the Slayer's going to die, I'm going to watch."

Spike knew Buffy and her little Scooby gang would be at the Watcher's shop this time of day so he set his course in that direction. Briefly as he walked through the cemetery he asked himself if he could actually watch the Slayer die.

Of course I could, he scolded himself, I want the chit dead, she's nothing but a hassle. Hell, I'd do it myself in a second if I could. Maybe I could even get a sip in after the nasties are finished with her, he thought.

Although some part of him knew he was lying even to himself.

A/N: Gapfiller chapter. Sorry 'bout that. Thank Wolfgal97 for the update as she left me such a nice review :)