Just came up with this little thing, let's just hope I actually make it to 6 ;) Suggestions on what Jack could have done to deserve decaf are welcome, as are reviews!

Torchwood etc doesn't belong to me.

Five times Ianto Jones put Jack on decaf... and one time he didn't.


'I trust you will enjoy your week sans caffeine, then, sir' Ianto said, and turned to leave the office.

'Come again?' Jack replied, looking sincerely puzzled.

Ianto turned, and looked back at Jack levelly.

'Decaf. For a week.' was all he said, before leaving the office.

Jack was completely mystified. What had gotten into Ianto? Was this some sort of attempt to make him follow a healthier diet? Because that would just be...

Oh, he thought. Right. That.

There had been an... incident the previous night, involving an interrupting phone call, made by Ianto's sister, and some less-than-discreet sound effects during it, made by Jack. Jack knew Ianto had been annoyed – he had made it quite clear with his refusal to resume their previous activities after making up an excuse for his sister and quickly finishing the call – but Jack could never have imagined that Ianto would take to such drastic measures.

Jack considered his situation. Ianto had said he'd put him on decaf for a week, and the man was nothing if not consistent. It suddenly dawned on Jack just how screwed he was – and that was definitely not in a good way. He gasped as the image of him, buried in paperwork, and not even a proper cup of Ianto's heavenly coffee to get him through it, flashed through his head.

In less than a second, Jack was out of his office and rushing down the stairs, where the archivist had disappeared only minutes before.

'Ianto!' he shouted, racking his brain for something, anything, that could appease his own personal coffee god.