Aaaand voilà, here's the last one! I hope you've enjoyed this little trip to decaf-land, and if you have, telling me about it in a review would make me eternally grateful! ;)

Characters are the property of the BBC, yadayadablahblahblah...

Five times Ianto Jones put Jack on decaf... and one time he didn't.


'No, no, no, no, NO' Jack was muttering to himself, groaning out loud when the coffee maker started spitting out grayish-brown liquid from all sorts of improbable places. He decided to try another method, and hit the top of the machine hard – after all, that had been the best way to handle computers back in the 90's. The result, however, was not what he'd been looking for…

'FUCK!' he yelled when the coffee maker got its revenge by covering him in the hot, disgusting liquid, which would have needed a lot of good will to even resemble coffee. Jack worked hard to restrain the aggressive feelings he was experiencing for the inanimate, but decidedly evil machine in front of him, which was currently emitting a sound that he thought was as close as a coffee maker could get to laughing. He knew he was in trouble already, and although the damned machine was driving him insane, he knew that if he harmed it any further, he'd face more trouble than it was worth. Ianto would not be happy.

Sighing, Jack took a step back, and examined the chaos in front of him. He had woken up to dreams of dead colleagues in the early hours of the morning, and hadn't been able to fall asleep again. He had briefly considered waking Ianto up for some early morning 'exercise', but had thought better of it when he saw how peaceful the man next to him looked. Jack had stroked Ianto's hair off his forehead, thinking back to the previous week, which hadn't given the pair of them much time to sleep, not to mention other 'activities'.

So, Jack had decided to let Ianto sleep for a little while longer. Then, he had come up with the brilliant (or, in afterthought, disastrous) plan of making Ianto a cup of coffee for when he woke up. Ianto was always the one to bring everybody their coffee and whatever else they needed, so Jack was quite pleased with himself, and with the prospect of being the one to make Ianto coffee for once.

And now, fifteen minutes later, here he was, being spat on by an evil coffee maker, which, incidentally, was Ianto's pride and joy.

'You evil piece of shit, you know he's gonna kill me, right?' Jack said, and glared at the machine.

'You think?' came a voice from behind him, and Jack swallowed audibly. He hadn't expected Ianto to show up quite so quickly; he'd been planning on cleaning the kitchen up a bit, and maybe even making up a cover-story for the damage to the coffee machine, probably including rift activity and some sort of very complicated alien tech. As it was, however, he spun around to meet the eye of a very displeased-looking Welshman.

A very unclothed Welshman, Jack couldn't help but notice, despite the seriousness of the situation. Ianto was only wearing a pair of delightfully tight boxers, and under normal circumstances, Jack would have been quick with an appreciative comment. These, however, were definitely not normal circumstances.

'Ianto!' Jack noticed his voice has suddenly become very high. 'Ianto,' he tried again, attempting a more manly voice this time. 'I didn't know you were awake!'

'I wasn't,' Ianto replied drily, 'until you started shouting up here. I thought a weevil had escaped, but I see the attack was of a... different nature.'

Jack hung his head, ashamed of himself. He felt like a scolded puppy. Oh, how wrong it had all gone, and now Ianto would be angry with him for a week, at the very least.

'A week of decaf?' he asked sadly, finally looking up at Ianto.

His expression not changing, Ianto replied 'Oh, I think you deserve something else altogether.'

And then he stepped forward, his face breaking into a big smile, and he kissed Jack hard. Jack, more surprised than anything else, was happy to return it.

When Ianto finally broke the kiss, he touched his forehead to Jack's, and looked him in the eye.

'Don't worry, Jack, I'm not mad. Just... promise me something, okay? Don't ever try to make me coffee again.'