Merlin ducked another lightning bolt that hit the tree. It left a large black burn mark and Merlin gulped...that could have so easily been him.

"Prepare to die Merlin," Morgana smirked with her annoying simpering smirk.

He was about to say something incredibly witty back at her, something like 'you said that last week' just to rub it in that he was better than her. It was literally on the tip of his tongue. But just as he was about to open his mouth the sound of thundering horses could be heard.

"I'll save you Merlin!"

"Oh god no!" Merlin groaned. There before him was Arthur, Lancelot and Gwaine riding towards them. He had barely managed to get rid of them earlier that day and now he'll never be able to fight Morgana with them watching.

Gwaine was the first to jump of his horse, he moved swiftly in front of Merlin with a sword in hand. "Prepare to die, you evil hag!"

Morgana raised a perfect eyebrow at him. "I beg your pardon?"

"Gwaine, I forbid you to kill her," Arthur ordered.

"What? But she was going to kill Merlin!" Gwaine yelled.

"Oh come on, Arthur!" Lancelot cried out. "Just because she's your sister-"

"It has nothing to do with her being my sister," everyone snorted at that, they knew what a softie Arthur can be , "it has everything to do with the amount of times that she has tried to kill my father, Gwen and Merlin – who is my best friend."

"Hell no, Merlin is my best friend not yours!"

"Actually I believe he is mine."

As the three idiots (as Merlin has started to fondly and rudely call them in his head) bickered, Merlin edged away from them and closer to Morgana.

"Are they always like this?" Morgana asked.

Merlin sighed heavily as he remembered the constant bickering over who gets to have his service today, who is his best friend, who gets to protect him, who is the better fighter, who was better looking. It was enough to make him run away screaming and to tell that bloody dragon to find someone else to fulfil this stinking destiny. Seriously what on earth was fate thinking when they decided he had to be the magical mediator and try to resolve all the arguing between three childish men that like to hit each other with swords?

"Unfortunately," he groaned.

"Hmm...What idiots," Morgana said distastefully.

"I think I should get to kill Morgana because she tried to kill me last week!" Gwaine shouted.

"Gwaine, she tried to kill all the knights, not just you. So therefore I should be allowed to kill her too!" Lancelot snapped.

"Hello, future king here! I should be the one who proves his strength and right to rule the throne by murdering the pretender."

"It's hardly pretending if your father admits to being a very naughty man," Gwaine smirked.

"Why you-"

Merlin sighed again as Lancelot was trying to restrain a furious Arthur from killing a gleeful Gwaine. "Where's Leon when you need him?" Merlin muttered. Then he remembered that Leon has never actually done anything to stop the bickering, he just ignored it. Horrible little git who thinks he can leave Merlin to fix the knights bickering problem. "Why me?" was his next question.

"What on earth are you on about? I should kill Morgana because I'm the better fighter, you two would just get your arses killed," Arthur said. Merlin blinked, he obviously missed part of the argument as the three now had their swords out at each other.

"Err, hello! I saved you from that Griffin, and I remember pulling you out of several hundred soldiers' way last year and then-"

"If you're the better fighter," Gwaine interrupted Lancelot, "then why did Merlin come and ask me for my help in your quest. By the sounds of it even Merlin doesn't think you're up to fighting a dead man."

"I think he asked you to help him not me," Arthur scowled. "But I'm the one that lost count on how many times I defeated a monster or person who was trying to destroy my kingdom. You just lost count how many pubs you've been in."

Gwaine shrugged. "At least I'm not an uptight virgin which is why I fight better."

"You don't fight better, I do!"

"No I do!

"Me! I'm the best!"

"Merlin!" the three idiots said together turning to face the silent manservant and Morgana. "Who is the better fighter?"

Merlin looked at Gwaine's at ease but still angry face, Arthur's uptight and ready to kill posture, Lancelot's clenched fists and turned to Morgana. He fell onto his knees and clutched her silk dress in his hands. "I beg you!" he pleaded. "Kill me now!"


Morgana looked highly amused. "I think I'll just leave you four children to it," she drawled. And then with a blast of wind she disappeared into thin air cackling loudly like the hag Gwaine accused her of being.

What a bitch! Merlin knew there was a reason he hated her and there it was glaring at him in the face holding a sword.

"Well, Merlin?" Arthur asked in a dangerous voice.

"Gaius is the better fighter since he killed Morgause!" Merlin blurted before running away. He was sure his home village was in this direction. Surely his mother wouldn't mind a visit...a very long term visit.

In the meantime Gaius can deal with the mess Merlin's bitch of an enemy created.