A/N: I own nothing Twilight but my copies for the movies and books (okay maybe more then that). If I had been lucky enough to have owned that BD would not be PG-13!


That was it. I had turned around and made a complete three sixty with myself. I was finally beginning to feel whole again. As if I was able to function like a normal person again as everyone else does on this fucked up planet.

But now I felt as if the hole had been punched back in me, only this time it was bigger. This one hurt a hell of a lot more.

I had gotten to the point that I truly believed as though I was never going to feel this kind of pain again. I was right to a point.

This was worse. More intense.

I had only taught myself to deal with this kind of pain one way. There were only two things that I was sure of that would be able to take the pain away at the moment. One that I was sure that I could get my hands on for sure right now. I did not have time to search and wait around. I needed numbness as soon as quick as possible.

Walking to the bar, even the ever so loving bartender could tell that I was in no mood for fun. My face was no doubt puffy and red from anger, sadness, and all around emptiness.

"Two double shots of Tequilas please." I plopped myself up onto the stool.

He nodded his head, setting the shot glasses on the bar and poured the amber liquid in. "Wanna talk about it?"

"No." I took the first glass and through it back, then immediately followed it with the other. Looking back at him I nodded my head for two more.

I knew that I was somewhere that I could easily be found. But I was hoping that they would think that I was smart enough to go somewhere harder to be found. Hell maybe they would even think that I had just went home. Or what seemed to be called my home for the summer. I was still trying to figure out what home really was now. I was here, in this god forsaken tiny ass town. Stuck. No where to turn. I had no one to go to anymore. I just felt lost.

No one but the little glasses in front of me. I shot the next one back.

Fuck it, let them come find me. I knew by how I heard them yelling after me as I ran out on foot they were going to come look for me. They could find me. Say their peace or what it was. I had no intentions on remembering anything at all from this minute on. The heat was increasing in my stomach and I was sure it was not going to be much longer till I began feeling the effects.

It was bad enough that I was stuck with the memories for the last six months and everything I had been through. What's one more hump?

There was one person who would really be able to help me with all this. The one person who could draw it out and make me understand it all. But she was gone. I couldn't ask her. She was the one person there no matter what.

Crap, I need more shots already. I waved for more. This time he took his happy time. Obviously trying to get me to slow down. That was not going to happen.

That was how I spent my evening. Missing her, and what advice she would have for me tonight. How she would sooth me. What her words would have been as I filled her in on me falling in love with him. Not only him but his entire family. My sudden feeling of belonging somewhere again.

Two more shots back. How many was that? Nine I think. Hey! I know that these are not all doubles. Fuck it. I can't feel anymore now as it is.

The release I was looking for was beginning to sink in. I was feeling loose and free for a while. Openly talking to what few people I did know in the bar. I was maybe even having a little bit of fun.

That was until I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Bella."

Fuck. I tripped over my own feet, falling on my face only able to look at my shoes. Of course with my luck it would be him who finds me.

SO what did you think? YEAH YEAH I know that it was not easy to tell whos POV it was but that was the effect that I wanted there. Mysterious huh? During this I wil have both E & B POVS tho. I have the first chapter done and I am going to try and figure out what schedule I want to do with this. I don't want to update both of my things on the same night.

At first I was not going to start a fic until I completed the blog story, until 107yearoldvirgin told me that if I do it she'll beta me. Lets just say that as soon as the happened I started taking some notes and went to the computer that night and started writing. I don't think that it's everyday that one of your fav fic writer offers that! couldn't pass that up!So with giving in I found a tiny idea of what I could do with this and everything expands more each day.