Disclaimer: A peanut is neither a "pea" or a "nut"... Discuss...

"Duude...! " Ben wined as the two hero's of the entire galaxy walked out of their own dressing rooms that were hidden behind the scenes at the downtown Bellwood Mall. "Why do you of all people get to be the awesome big guy, and I get stuck wearing the stupid tights!"

Kevin just lightly chuckled at the hero next to him, as he began to button up the last part of his overly large santa costume, making his outfit officially complete with it's fuzzy rimmed hat, placing it carelessly on the top of his head. "Ya know? For some reason, it seems like I've already had a similar discussion like this with Gwen a few days ago." Kevin finally said, thinking that his friend over there, most likely had already heard about his infamous 'adorable' story from his cousin.

But the hero looked back at him slighty confused.

"Apparently not." Kevin heavily sighs. "Seriously, Ben. Do really need to know the reasons as to why I got to be 'The Awesome Big Guy' this year? I mean, if it's that important to you," He shrugs. "I guess I could shed some light on the subject."

"Enlighten me." Ben said, furrowing his brow, as he folded his arms across his chest, not really amused at the moment for being stuck in the most ridiculous elf costume known to the whole human race. It just wasn't fair. So 'uncool' for a hero to be wearing such a thing.

"Ok." Kevin simply says, while shrugging his shoulders once more, this time a bit more casual. "But a word of advice." He points a finger of warning toward Ben, deepening his voice in all seriousness. "Do not mention any of this to Gwen, or you'll be askin' to get your butt kicked into next tuesday."

Ben twisted his face up in amusement at this, while sarcastically winking one of his eyes, then points his extended index finger swiftly back at the ex-con. "Riiight." He snickers under under his breath, and whispers. "I promise to keep it on the down-low for ya, champ."

Kevin, thinking that the hero was actually serious, quickly replies, "As long as we understand each other, then I guess were good." He slightly leans in closer to Ben, and starts to shift his eyes all around the back of the room, almost as if he were scanning for any close by eavesdroppers that may have had the intentions of hearing the older boy's deepest, darkest secrets, and if anybody had found out about these so called 'dark secrets', the universe would eventually crumble at the, 'so called' intruder's power, if and when he or she had gained said 'secrets'. So... In other words..

Kevin was just being paranoid.

But even sometimes, Kevin, can be quite decieving... He was a professional at keepin up certain appearences after all.

"Now, the whole reason why, I, Kevin Ethan Levin-" He began, lowering his voice a bit more, while putting a hand upon his chest as if he were making a solem vow. "Got to be the almighty big guy himself, was because I was born awesome... and it is because of this fact, that you, Ben Tennyson, got to wear the feminine lookin' tights."

""What!" Ben chokes out, harshly pushing Kevin farther away from him. "That's your enlightenment? Give me a freaken break, Kevin. I mean, that had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I'm stuck wearing tights, and you're not!"

Kevin laughs even harder at Ben's reaction, while he fiddles with the irritating black furry mittens he had been forced to wear that day. "Stupid fuzzy stuff." He quickly changes the subject. But, it doesn't stay changed for long, and Kevin goes right back on topic, placing that signature grin of his back upon his face. "Or, maybe they just took a good hard look at you, and figured that you were just a really ugly girl." He chuckles under his breath finding Ben's expression at the moment, quiet humorous. "I personally think it sounds quite accurate actually." He pressed on.

Ben twisted his face up in disgust on that senario, slowly shaking in his head in mock disappointment. "You are one derranged, cruel, and evil little person, Kevin. I hope you realize that." He glares back at the raven haired teen, as he stepped out of the little room and into to the hallway.

"Yeah." Kevin dreamily sighs, following close behind. "It's one of my better qualities that I'm quite proud of."

"Again.. Derranged!" Ben said as he walked a bit faster, ahead of Kevin. At this point, it was better to stay away from the guy, before the hero would finally lose it, and risk getting beaten into oblivion by his own cousin's boyfriend. What could have made the situation much, much worse though, was the fact that he was wearing bright green tights at the time, that, plus the beat down along with it, would have made him seriously look bad.

.. And Ben can't be having that now can he?


Kevin sat in the chair that was made especially for Santa Claus, the big man himself. Quite thankful that he didn't get screwed over like Ben did, and be forced to wear such girlish attire. Man, did he luck out on that one. Although, come to think of it, if Gwen had been around, she would've most likely made the retort of, "Well, girls also wear bright red, and fur, Kevin. So, technically that makes you every bit of girl as Ben is, with him wearing tights." Kevin sunk slowly in his chair, cringing at the thought.

"Ok, Kevin." Ben interrupted, still quite upset with what he had to wear that evening. "Your first kid is up."

"Yep." Was all Kevin had said in return. He was for some reason, mad at his imaginary Gwen for poking fun at him.

The rope that seperated the hero's from the little monsters had been taken down, and the first child of the evening came dashing at mad speeds down the red carpeted isle. Screaming his head off in one the most annoying, high pitched screeches. Kevin and Ben automatically covered their ears on hearing such a sound. Not even a single alien that they've delt with and defeated in the past, had so much screaming power as this kid did.

"Sanna! Sanna! Sanna!" The Kid cried. Flopping himself down a bit too harshly on Kevin's lap.

Kevin in return, just glared down at the kid.

"Kevin!" Ben whispered a bit too loudly. "Act jolly, happy, or something! Your supposed to be the Santa Claus, for crying out loud. Remember?"

The raven haired teen shook his head as if snapping out of a trans. "Oh..! Right." He whispers right back, suddenly having the feeling of a little twitch on his nose, and he begins to relieve it by lightly scratching it . "Uuh... Ho. Ho. Ho, and stuff." He sniffed, putting on his best fake smile for the small child.

The kid was quickly disappointed. "What kinda Sanna are you supposed to be?" He said, eyes narrowing, showing the man he was sitting on, that he wasn't the Santa Claus the younger boy was hoping for.

"An awesome one." Kevin bites back with the same sencerity as the kid had in his voice. "Now tell me what you want, before I change my mind, and decide to feed you to one of my man eating reindeer for lunch."

The kid, who was still sitting on his lap went totally wide eyed, most likely scared out of his own mind. Also believing that this imposter Santa, really did have a man eating reindeer. It was obvious, that the little child was too afraid to even move.

Kevin smiles in accomplishment toward the hero elf in tights standing next to him. The ex-con was genuinely enjoying himself. More so, than he ever expected to.

Ben on the other hand, slaps his palms against his face out of pure horror, and embarressment. To the brunette hero, no child, good, bad or just down right evil, deserved to feel the wrath of 'Kevin Claus' and his ten ultimate man eating reindeer.

...Because it was obvious to everyone, that ol' Kevin Claus here, was just one sad, bad, derranged little man...

Oooh... I just love my derranged Kevin Levin. Don't you? Lol!

Review if you love Christmas stories in Jeburary... (January+February= Jeburary... January is pretty much over, and February has only just begun. So... Yeah, guess I'm derranged as well. Lol!)

Please review! :D

Laughs to the people,

The Spoon. :D