THIS IS CRACK! *crowd cheers*
Lolleth! This one-shot is a gift for my darling, my adorable, my randomtastic SilverXStarlight. She recently recovered from a severe case of S.A.D (Sasuke-Angsting-Disease) and this couples as her 'get well' gift as well as a celebration for her recovery into joyous-ness! XD
I also had a case of S.A.D but I'm working through it. My dear Silver has been an incredible doctor. :D ~ *happy grin*
But now I present this cracky-totally-insane-random-OMGWTF one-shot to you all! Note: It won't make sense, it is completely pointless, there is no plot, everyone is insane, there's some SASUNARU LOVIN'!...how could it get any better than that? 8D
Warnings: Swearing, INSANITY, crack, OOCness, YAOI and O.C's!
Disclaimer: People, if this is what happened in a Naruto episode, I'd never be able to take any of the characters serious again.
Sasuke curled closer to himself, snuggling deeper into his dark blue blankets, and a sad sigh escaped his lips. Even though his eyes were closed, he was far from asleep. He had been feeling rather sad lately, and he wasn't sure why, but all he knew was he felt like staying in bed and living up to his expectations of emo-ness.
And that was his plan for the day. He had it all planned out. He'd already collected food and stored it under his bed in case he got hungry. He had several books to read if he got bored of vegetating under his blankets as well as his music. And in case of the bathroom well...he'd always known that cork would come in handy one day.
Burrowing even deeper into his warm, blue cocoon, he sighed again and started to wallow in his sadness, beginning his day of-
There was an ear splitting crash and Sasuke bolted up in bed, clutching the sheets to him like a naked lady in those old movies, and he even imitated their usual high-pitched shrieks before his abandoned manliness caught up with him and silenced it.
His eyes widened as he saw his window was completely shattered, and that a head wearing a black helmet with bright orange spirals was sticking through it. The person lifted their head, and bright, amused blue eyes looked out through the plastic of the helmet. Sasuke didn't even need to see the mouth to know it was pulled back in a bright grin.
"Naruto..." he breathed, before furrowing his eyebrows. "Did you just head butt through my window?" he demanded angrily.
Naruto blinked, looking up at the shards of glass still hanging onto the frame and then the rest scattered around the floor. A gloved hand reached up and rubbed over the smooth helmet as the blue eyes closed.
"Eheheh...uh, no?" Naruto's muffled voice called hesitantly.
Sasuke growled and slapped his hand back, searching for something to throw at his imbecile of a friend. His hands found one of the heavier books he'd stored, a school textbook, and with all his strength, he hurled it at the boy climbing through the window.
Naruto had pulled his helmet off and looked up just in time to see Sasuke make the throw. With a hiss he ducked, narrowly avoiding the book before he snapped his head over his shoulder to see it soar out the window.
From where Sasuke sat, he heard a loud cry of pain from outside as someone yelled "The sky is falling!" before there was a squealing of tires, another voice shouting "OH GOD!" before there was a resounding crash with beeping horns and sirens blaring, and still over it all another voice, obviously stoned, called out "I can see my spleen! Haha! Awesome!"
Naruto stared out the window, his blue eyes wide and his hands held up in Sasuke's general direction, unmoving. Sasuke stared towards the window too, his lips thinned out and a bead of sweat dripping down the side of his face as he listened to the commotion outside.
After a moment, Naruto turned back to him and twitched his head with a soft hum.
"I always knew textbooks were deadly." He said lightly before flopping down onto the edge of Sasuke's bed and grinning upside down at said boy.
Sasuke tilted his lips up in a sneer. "What are you doing here, moron?" he asked.
Naruto's grin widened. "I have come to steal your Snuggle-Buddy collection." He said.
Sasuke's eyes widened and darted towards the top most drawer of his dresser, where he kept his precious Snuggle-Buddies, before they returned to the blond teen on his bed.
"You wouldn't dare..." he began, but Naruto was already shooting towards the dresser, cackling madly. Sasuke scrambled out of his bed, slipping and falling to his knees before he regained his balance. As he looked up, he saw Naruto plucking his three favourite plushies from the drawer.
"NO! Leave Terry-Turtle, Sasquatchula and Dr. Lickums alone!" he yelled despairingly, chasing after the blond as he ran off with the turtle, white baboon and long tongued ant-eater plushies in his arms.
Naruto darted through the halls and clattered down the stairs, skidding on the last one and doing a very majestic version of the splits that left him in manly tears and sounding like he'd just sucked in a truck full of helium gas.
Sasuke followed after him, calling out for his precious Snuggle-Buddies the whole time.
When they reached the living room, Naruto spun around and threw the toys into the air.
"GO GET THEM DUCKY!" he yelled, his voice resembling that of a chipmunk instead of a man.
Sasuke sprung into action immediately, jumping onto the couch. The springs sagged under his weight before groaning and pushing back up with such force, Sasuke was launched into the air.
He stretched out his arms, catching his fluffy treasures. However, he had been moving forward when he was launched, and there was no soft landing waiting for him.
There was, however, a fan in his way. The contraption attached to the roof was right in his path, and Sasuke instinctively reached out to grab it. He caught a hold of it and clenched his eyes shut, expecting the whole thing to break away from the ceiling. However it seemed that even the fan of the Uchiha household was a stubborn jackass, as the thing only groaned briefly and stayed firmly stuck to the roof.
"Woot! Go Sasuke!" Naruto cheered in his chipmunk voice, pumping his fists in the air. Sasuke smirked and neatly dropped down, his Snuggle-Buddies held safe in his arms.
Naruto looked up at the fan in excitement. "I wonder if it'll take my weight!" he squeaked before jumping on the couch and launching himself at the fan, grabbing it and holding on. The thing only creaked for a second before it once again refused to break.
"AWESOME!" Naruto cheered.
Sasuke smirked and walked over to the switch on the wall, flicking it.
"Payback, dipshit." He called as the fan began to rotate, Naruto holding on for dear life.
"Whoa, hang on a minute Sasuke! L-Let's talk about t-this!" Naruto squeaked as he began to swing around and around. After a few minutes in which the fan really picked up speed, he was soaring in a circle, his legs flying outwards. And he started laughing too, his chipmunk voice ringing through the room.
"WOOHOO!" he cheered.
Sasuke rolled his eyes and looked down into his arms. "He's such a doofus, isn't he Terry-Turtle?" he asked, and moved the plushie's head in acknowledgement.
Just then, Itachi, Sasuke's older brother, walked into the room. He stopped and stared up at Naruto, his head following the circular motion Naruto was going through.
"Why is Naruto swinging around on our ceiling?" he asked curiously, his head still swinging around.
"He's turned our fan into a type of ride." Sasuke supplied blankly, ignoring Naruto's high pitched voice calling out in excitement.
Itachi hummed in understanding before finally groaning, looking down and covering his eyes with his hands.
"Oh shit, I'm dizzy now." He moaned, and Sasuke snickered. "I'm hungry too." Itachi said, straightening up. He turned and waltzed-literally waltzed- into the kitchen, humming as he went. When he reached the door, he did a pirouette...and his foot crashed against the metal dustbin near the kitchen entrance, sending him stumbling into the room and garbage spilling over the floor.
"Oh go jump into a blender you tinny bastard." Itachi cursed before disappearing from Sasuke's line of sight.
Sasuke shook his head and moved over to the couch, sitting down with Naruto whizzing about over his head.
"Hey Sasuke?" Itachi's voice called from the kitchen.
"...Where are the graham crackers?" Itachi called, his voice holding a slight whine to it.
"They're in the cabinet." Sasuke called back, relaxing in his seat and fidgeting with the stuffed toys in his arms.
"They're not there! I don't see them!" Itachi whined.
"They're right in front of you in the cabinet! Which cabinet are you looking at?" Sasuke yelled back, annoyed.
"Can't you just come in here Sasuke?" Itachi called and Sasuke growled.
"No! I'm busy!" he yelled back, shuffling back into the couch.
There was a moment of silence, and Sasuke sighed in relief even as Naruto hiccupped and giggled while he zoomed about overhead. And then a loud crashing from the kitchen had Sasuke flinching on the couch, looking around at the windows expecting another helmeted head to pop up. However, soon Itachi's whining could be heard again.
"Oh no-OH NO! Oh Sasuke! You need to come in here-OH GOD! Sasuke! Oh it's a mess! You need to come in here Sasuke! It's leaking everywhere! " Itachi's slightly panicked voice called.
Sasuke growled loudly. "Then get a dishtowel, dammit!" he roared back.
"There aren't any Sasuke-OOOOOOH! It's going under the fridge! Oh no! Oooooooh, we are gonna have ANTS!" Itachi wailed.
Sasuke slapped a hand to his forehead, sinking deeper into the couch and mumbling 'Why me?'
"O-Oi Sasuke...I'm feeling s-sick now!" Naruto moaned form above him.
That was the only warning Sasuke got before the blond let go of the fan. With the dumb luck that Naruto was known for, he soared straight into the couch, landing right beside Sasuke and causing the couch to sink under his weight.
Unfortunately, it also caused the springs underneath Sasuke to shoot up.
The raven yelled out as his head smashed against the roof, his jaw clacking together harshly before he collapsed back to the couch, sending Naruto a few feet into the air briefly before the blond landed and Sasuke jolted slightly, his hands shooting up to grip his head in pain.
"Ow, you dumbass!" he growled, kicking at Naruto's legs until the blond scrambled off the couch.
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to-Oh hi!" Naruto stopped at the doorway, looking down the hall at whoever was there. His blue eyes narrowed in confusion. "How did you get in? The front door was locked and you didn't knock."
Sasuke lifted an eyebrow and moved to see who was there. When he did he held back a loud cry of 'OH GOD WHY? WHYYYY?'
"Hmph. Perhaps it was destiny that led me into this home. Mere things like locks and bolts are no match for the power of fate." Neji Hyuuga said, flipping some of his long chocolate hair over his shoulder and smirking.
Naruto blinked slowly. "...You used Hinata's sewing kit to pick the lock didn't you?" he asked blankly.
Neji scowled. "Who's the psychic here, you or me?" he growled, stomping past Naruto. "Anyway, where's the barbeque?" he asked.
Sasuke blinked. "Barbeque? What barbeque?"
Neji whipped around dramatically, his hair flowing and his eyes shining with slight indignation.
"I received a message, sent with the power of the technological gods by a nature loving lad, that this household was holding a fateful celebration of gathering and sustenance, and that one such as my humble self was invited to share in the festivities!" he declared, and Sasuke stared incredulously as he heard harp music playing in the background.
Both him and Naruto looked over their shoulders out the window and saw an old lady sitting on the back of a pick-up truck, playing the harp before the truck started up and drove off, taking the music with it.
For a moment, the boys continued to stare out the window before they turned back to Neji.
"So, basically, Kiba sent you a text message saying the Uchiha's were having a barbeque, and you decided to rock up for the free food?" Naruto stated, and once again Neji scowled and crossed his arms.
"Dumbass...but yes, basically." He sighed. "So, where's the food?"
"Kiba was pulling your leg. We're not having a barbeque." Sasuke deadpanned.
Neji stared at them, his already wide eyes growing even wider.
"I do not."
With a dramatic growl, Neji flipped out his cell phone and pressed a speed dial. The line was picked up almost immediately.
"Yo, Kiba here!"
"YOU LIED TO ME!" Neji wailed.
Naruto and Sasuke tilted their upper bodies back at the outburst, as if the sound alone forced them backwards. Neji began stomping around, yelling out curses to Kiba who they could clearly hear was laughing uncontrollably on the other end.
"You told me...you said...OH DAMMIT KIBA YOU ALWAYS SPIN ME RIGHT ROUND!" Neji called dramatically, spinning in place as if to emphasize his point.
Sasuke glanced at Naruto, the blond returning the look along with twirling his finger near his temple to indicate what he thought of Neji's mental state.
While the Hyuuga continued to spin and declare what Kiba did to him, Sasuke prodded Naruto's shoulder and jerked his head towards the kitchen, indicating they get away from the brunet before whatever weirdness he had became contagious.
Once inside, they saw the kitchen was a total mess with half the drinks that used to be sitting peacefully in the fridge now splattered over the walls. Food boxes, tin cans and kitchen utensils littered the floor and counter and the tap above the kitchen sink had been ripped clean off, water now spurting out in a makeshift fountain.
Amongst the clatter and clutter and mix and mash, Itachi sat crossed legged in the middle of the floor, a box of graham crackers in his hands while he munched them slowly, moving his jaw much like one would see a cow do.
Naruto opened his mouth, undoubtedly to question, but Sasuke slapped his hand over the blonds' mouth before he could make a sound. When he met questioning blue eyes, he shook his head slowly.
"Some things are best left unknown." He whispered meaningfully. Naruto arched an eyebrow, but when Itachi let out a low 'Moo' sound, quickly nodded and the two darted out of the kitchen, past the ballet dancing Hyuuga on the phone, and up the stairs to Sasuke's bedroom.
Sasuke had tried, in vain, to crawl back in his cocoon the moment he'd entered his room, but it seemed Naruto was having none of that. The blond had protested loudly against Sasuke's actions, and when the raven had managed to reach his cocoon, Naruto began protesting physically.
Currently, he was gripping the waistband of Sasuke's boxers, trying to pull the pale teen off the bed. Sasuke has his fingers and nails sunk into the sheets while his toes dug into the mattress. His body was almost bent in half as Naruto pulled on him, but he stubbornly refused to let go.
"Let go Sasuke!" Naruto snapped.
"You let go!" Sasuke snarled back.
"Then I'm not letting go!"
"You can't just stay in bed all day!" Naruto huffed, pulling harder.
"Oh yes I can!" Sasuke tightened his grip, hissing like an angry cat.
"Oh no you can't!"
"Oh yes I can!"
"Oh no you can't!"
"Oh yes I can!"
"BANANA CREAM PIE!" Naruto shrieked.
"Wha-?" Sasuke was thrown off by the random outburst, and his grip faltered. That was all Naruto need. With a loud war cry that sounded a lot like 'WAKA WAKA!' said really fast, he tugged on Sasuke's boxers once more and the raven teen was pulled away from the bed. He crashed into the blonds' chest and they tumbled to the floor, Naruto landing on his back and Sasuke landing on top of him, his back to Naruto's chest.
Sasuke tried to escape, but Naruto wrapped both his arms and legs around Sasuke's torso, sticking to him.
"Naruto, get off!"
Sasuke rolled until he was on all fours, Naruto stubbornly clinging to him like a baby monkey. They wrestled on the floor, Sasuke trying to pry the blond off of him and Naruto clinging on like a leech fused with a baby monkey, his blue eyes narrowed defiantely.
"I GIVE UP!" Sasuke yelled, collapsing on top of the blond after his twenty-second failed attempt at getting the other to let go. "I FUCKING GIVE UP!"
Naruto grinned triumphantly, despite how tired he was. It took a lot of effort to hold onto Sasuke. The guy was so long and lanky, his arms and legs were like that of a spiders'. Every time you pinned one down, the other three would shoot up.
He panted for breath, his back against the floor and his arms still wrapped around Sasuke's body. His legs had slackened and were now loosely wrapped around Sasuke's waist. The raven teen was fitted between his legs, and his arms were resting on either side of the blonds' head.
Sasuke looked up, blinking when he noticed just how close he was. His nose was practically rubbing against Naruto's, and he could smell the scent of Miso ramen on the blonds' breath. Big blue eyes stared up at him, and Naruto's cheeks tinged pink as he realized their position.
"Uh..." Naruto began.
"We..." Sasuke started.
"Should start dry humping as soon as possible!" A dry voice said. Sasuke snapped his head around, attempting to move, but before he could a foot pressed against his lower back with crushing power, forcing him to press against Naruto. The two teens gasped at the sensation, and Sasuke let out a high pitched squeak when the foot on his back began rocking him, literally forcing him to grind against the blond beneath him.
Struggling to get away as well as keep focused, he looked over his shoulder and growled.
"The hell are you doing Sabaku?" he snarled, the glare ruined by the bright blush on his cheeks.
Gaara Sabaku nonchalantly shrugged, not removing his foot from Sasuke's back. "Just speeding fate up a little bit. Seriously, you guys have eye-raped each other so much it was getting disturbing." He said, his voice bored.
Naruto groaned from underneath Sasuke, his fingers clenching against the raven's back. "G-Gaara...even so...this isn't right!" he huffed.
Sasuke nodded, feeling his breathing speed up while heat pooled in his stomach.
Gaara stared down at them for a moment before sighing and lifting his foot off. "Fine, be that way. But just know that Cupid is sad, and he's going to bite you in the ass later." He informed, sauntering off to the window.
Sasuke rested his forehead against Naruto's shoulder, catching his breath while the blond did the same. The two of them crawled apart, blushing and thinking of ugly images to rid themselves of their 'problems'.
Once they'd succeeded, they rounded on Gaara, intent on yelling at him. However, they paused when they saw him crouching by the shattered window, his green eyes wide and a horrified-yet-murderous look on his face as he stared out at something secretly.
"Gaara? What're you doing?" Naruto asked. Gaara glanced at him quickly and motioned for them to come over. When they were within view of the window, he hissed and told them to get down. They crouched, creeping over to join him at his spot.
"Gaara, why are you hiding? What's out there?" Sasuke asked huffily, annoyed. Gaara waved his hand for silence, peering out the window before scowling.
"That bitch over there has been following me since this morning. She's up to something, I just know it. Well...she won't get me!" Gaara hissed, glaring at someone on the streets below.
Sasuke and Naruto shared a confused look before the lifted themselves up enough to peek outside, Gaara right behind them.
The streets were almost empty except for a group of people near a crash site( a textbook lay innocently on the sidewalk three feet away), and an old lady with a walking bar making her way sluggishly down the street towards them. She took one step equalling about two inches, every ten seconds.
"Gaara, are you nuts? She's just some old lady. I highly doubt she's following you." Naruto whispered.
"She's plotting something!" Gaara insisted behind him.
Sasuke snorted. "I doubt that. She can barely walk properly, what could she possibly do?" he hissed.
Gaara didn't answer, instead reaching into his back pocket and pulling out a slingshot and some small stones. Slowly, carefully, he held the slingshot up and aimed for the old lady.
Naruto and Sasuke just caught sight of the slingshot out of the corners of their eyes, and immediately spun around, pushing it back.
"Gaara, are you insane?.! You can't shoot at her!" Naruto whispered frantically, trying to get the red head to drop the slingshot.
"It's me or her, dammit!" Gaara snapped.
Sasuke cursed and yanked the deadly toy away, tossing it onto his bed.
"Don't be stupid, she's just an old lady. She's probably going home to drink prune juice and eat tapioca or something!" he snapped.
Gaara growled and stood up. "I'm telling you, she's-" he was cut off when red exploded on the side of his face, and he stumbled to the side, crying out in pain. Sasuke and Naruto yelled out in shock before realizing it was just a paintball that had splattered on Gaara's face. The red head was crying out, rubbing at his eyes.
From outside the window there came a loud cackle.
"That'll teach you not to mess with Granny Chiyo, you young hooligan!" The old lady shrieked triumphantly, waving the paintball gun she was holding in the air and dancing around her walking bar.
Gaara let out a loud roar. "Fucking old hag! I'm going to shove that fucking walking bar up your wrinkled ass, you fossilized dinosaur!" he roared out the window. The old lady only laughed manically and hopped onto a passing motorcycle, firing another paintball at Gaara. He only just managed to duck as the bright pink ball zoomed past.
The door to Sasuke's bedroom opened and Neji stuck his face in.
"What is-BY THE POWER OF SHAMPOO!" Neji shrieked as pink exploded on his face and hair. He slammed himself out of the room, screaming wildly and reaching up to claw at his face.
"I'M BLIND!" he yelled, running into the wall and bouncing off before tripping and slamming into the bathroom door.
Sasuke stood up, shaking his head. "This day is so weird. Everything is insane! This is madness!" he said loudly.
"THIS IS SPARTA!" Itachi yelled from downstairs before something crashed. "Mr. Fluffy-Doodle! NO!"
Both Gaara and Naruto turned to Sasuke. "Who the hell is Mr. Fluffy-Doodle?" the inquired in unison. Sasuke sighed loudly, running a hand through his hair.
"It's his pet hedgehog." He heard another wail from downstairs and frowned. "Well...it was."
The three looked down, offering a moment of silence to the poor hedgehog.
In a church down the street, the organ player turned the volume up to play the funeral march, and the music floated through Sasuke's window as they had their moment of silence.
"...Well, now that we're done mourning Mr. Fluffy-Doodle, what should we do?" Naruot inquired brightly.
Sasuke opened his mouth to suggest sleeping, but he was distracted when Gaara rummaged in his dresser.
He watched in silence as the red head withdrew the shotgun he kept in his underwear drawer for emergencies.
Gaara tilted his head, holding up the shotgun as if making a toast. "I'm going to borrow this." He stated, before heading for the window.
Sasuke watched as the red head stuck one leg out. "You do realize this is the second floor, and you can't just go walking down the street with a shotgun." He pointed out. Gaara paused, thinking.
"...You're right." He murmured, walking out of Sasuke's room, dropping the shotgun back in the underwear drawer.
Naruto and Sasuke waited and soon enough Gaara returned holding a large wooden board with nails sticking out one end. A sadistic grin was curving the red heads face as he headed for the window again.
"This way I can climb over to the fire-escape easier, and it'll prolong the torture." He said, once again beginning to climb out the window. When he was clinging onto the drain pipe, he looked up at Sasuke and Naruto who were staring down at him.
His green eyes grew wide and mystical as he began speaking. "You didn't see anything!" he said in a creepy voice, lifting his hands to make circular motions in the air. He forgot that he needed to hold onto the drain pipe, and the moment he lifted his hands he fell down the rest of the way, landing with a loud thud into a pile of discarded, thin cushions someone had left there.
"Ouch! Motherfucker!" Gaara cursed.
A motorcycle sped by, the old lady on the back screeching with laughter as a green paintball exploded on Gaara's crotch.
"AAH! YOU FUCKING FANNYWIPE! I'M GOING TO MAKE A CHESS SET WITH YOUR WOODEN TEETH!" Gaara roared as he clutched between his legs.
Sasuke veered away from the window, not wanting to witness any more. Naruto followed suit and the two of them sat down on his bed, sighing in unison before the plopped back down.
"You know...sleep does sound like a nice idea right now." Naruto mumbled, closing his eyes. Sasuke yawned in agreement, and the two crawled further onto the bed, collapsing together in the middle and slowly drifting off into a peaceful sleep.
Sasuke scrunched his nose, jerking his head away from whatever was tickling his face. He groaned angrily when it persisted and cracked open an eye.
Bright green met his, and for a moment he stared up at the person hovering over him.
Then he let out a high pitched scream.
The person jumped back, and Sasuke saw that it was a teenage boy wearing...wearing a shiny purple fairy costume. Complete with glittery butterfly wings and a stick with a glowing star on the end.
Sasuke gaped as the person fluttered back to stand in the middle of his room, grinning and flicking their shoulder length red hair backwards.
"Who the hell are you?" Sasuke demanded, clutching his sheets tightly.
"My name is Kao, and I'm the Testicle Fairy!" The person said, snickering.
Sasuke blinked slowly. "...The...the what?" he asked weakly. Kao sighed, fluffing out his shiny skirt.
"The Testicle Fairy, dumbass. As in, I come into boys rooms at night and steal their testicles." Kao explained, grinning when Sasuke went three times paler than usual.
"...You're joking...right?" he asked, squeezing his knees together under the sheets.
Kao laughed and waved his wand, causing sparkles to float in the air in the shape of testicles. "Silly boy, of course not! But don't worry; my twin brother is on his way to help! He's the Boob Fairy."
"I don't have any boobs!" Sasuke yelled.
Kao frowned. "I know that, stupid. If you had boobs, I wouldn't have any testicles to collect. What I meant was my brother would give you some."
Suddenly, there was a loud pop before another red head, this time wearing a pale green fairy outfit, appeared.
"Behold! I am the Boob Fairy, Kamurou! And I hate my job!" He drawled with mock enthusiasm, floating over to his brother. "Okay, let's get this over with and go home. 24 is on and I'm not missing it for this shit."
Kao nodded and pointed to Sasuke, who was watching with terrified eyes. "That Ducky over there is the target. I take his testicles, you give him boobs and then we can go home and perv over our dear Jack."
The two fairies advanced, and Sasuke scrambled back, screaming.
"WAKE UP ASSHOLE!"
Sasuke blinked open his eyes and gasped right before something collided with the side of his face. He fell over to the side from the force and hit the floor with a loud groan.
"Oh shit! Sasuke, you alright?"
Sasuke rolled over and looked up into the concerned face of Naruto peering over the edge of the bed. He blinked, trying to get his bearings before gasping and shooting up, almost headbutting the blond.
"Oh my God I had the fucking scariest dream ever!" He gasped, grabbing Naruto's shoulders and shaking him frantically. "There were these two fairies and they were-"
"Hold the fuck up!" Naruto shouted, grabbing his arms and stilling him. One blond eyebrow arched high and blue eyes stared at Sasuke cautiously. "You had a nightmare...about fairies?" he asked slowly.
Sasuke blushed. "Well when you say it like that..." he mumbled before shaking his head. "But it was scary! They were after my testicles!" he paused. "...Well, one of them was. The other one was supposed to give me boobs."
Naruto stared at him, reaching up to pry his hands off his shoulders. He patted Sasuke's hands gently, nodding and smiling kindly.
"Yes, of course Sasuke. Would you like to talk about your feelings? I'm sure we can get you some help." He said in a gentle voice.
Sasuke scowled and hit him upside the head. "I'm not mental." He snapped.
Naruto nodded. "Of course you're not. Now, have you heard any little voices? Maybe they're telling you to burn things?" he continued in that same gentle tone.
The door burst open and Itachi ran in, holding Neji over his shoulder.
"Sasuke, I have excellent news!" he announced.
Sasuke stared at him. "Why do you have Neji over your shoulder?"
Itachi turned his head to stare at the unconscious boy. "This is Neji? I thought it was one of this fur coat things. There was so much hair." He mumbled. Without much thought, he rolled his shoulder down and Neji collapsed to the floor, snorting loudly upon contact before curling up into a ball and sleeping peacefully.
His hair and face was still pink.
Naruto crawled over, and gently prodded the Hyuuga, checking for injuries while Sasuke looked at Itachi.
"What's the 'excellent news'?" he asked.
Itachi smiled. "I'm doing dinner tonight, and we're having pizza!" he announced.
Sasuke and Naruto sent impressed looks his way.
"You're making pizza?" Naruto asked in awe.
Itachi snorted. "No. I'm making a phone call and someone else is going to make the pizza and then deliver it." He corrected.
Sasuke slapped his forehead. "Itachi, get out of my room." He sighed.
"Fine! Be that way! But one day, Veronica and I are going to get married on top of a mountain!" Itachi said.
"Who's Veronica?" Naruto asked, completely lost.
"Itachi get out! And stop watching those flash things on YouTube!" Sasuke yelled as Itachi bounced down the hall.
"...Who's Veronica?" Naruto asked again, turning to Sasuke. The raven only shook his head and fell back on the bed.
His whole day was ruined. It was already the evening! The entire day, he'd been so busy trying to deal with all the madness around him he hadn't even had time to...to...
Sasuke shot up, staring with wide-eyes at the opposite wall.
He hadn't been depressed the entire day! His unexplained depression was gone.
"Hey Sasuke, are you okay?" Naruto asked, standing up and looking down at him. Sasuke grinned and jumped, knocking the blond to the ground.
"Oof! Sasuke?" Naruto cried, confused. He blinked rapidly when Sasuke kissed his forehead.
"Thanks moron. You cheered me up." Sasuke said, smirking.
Naruto furrowed his eyebrows. "Cheered you up...Wait, YOU'RE DEPRESSED?" he yelled, sitting up. "Don't worry Sasu! I'll cheer you up if it's the last thing I do! BELIEVE IT!"
Downstairs, the song 'Ode to Joy' started playing loudly; Itachi's voice accompanying the opera singing and accentuating Naruto's declaration.
It seems his day wasn't over yet.
. . . . O_O the crack is everywhere.
XD LOL! Hope you enjoyed this nonsense even a bit, and may it help prevent anyone else from suffering from S.A.D in the future!
Kao: Hi there all you boys, I'm Kao and I'm the...Hey, where're you guys going? *looks at feeling readers* ...hmph. Fine then. Be that way. *storms off, trailing sparkles as he goes*