Chapter 19: Lethargic
Mike slowly made his way out of his bed, his eyes still wide. He didn't feel as though he had control of his actions any longer. He felt as though he had become a robot simply performing pre-programmed functions, since that's all that was left, a shell of a person, only surviving, and not truly living. As he stood up, he couldn't help but glance out his window. He wished he could just fly away. Just leave all of his troubles behind. All he wanted was the perpetual darkness that was his life to go away. His entire life had been a lie.
Mike walked over to the door of his room and he placed his hand on the knob. He relaxed his eyes. He could tell they were bloodshot and stressed, but there was nothing he could do about that. He turned the knob and opened the door, and sure enough, there lay Blur on the ground in front of him. Mike could see the change in his eyes as they made eye contact. Blur could tell something was wrong.
"Mike, are you okay?" Blur asked him worried. Mike simply looked back at Blur, not sure of how to respond. There was a part of Mike who wanted to lie and say he was fine, the same part of him that had lived in denial all of his life. But there was also a part of Mike that wanted to confess everything to Blur, the part of him that craved encouragement and even pity. It was the same part that he had hidden from for years, the part that made him feel weak and vulnerable, the part that was catching up with him.
"I… Blur, come in here." Mike said with a low voice as he lethargically walked to the end of his bed and took a seat, placing his hands on his lap, heavily slouched. Blur complied and flew into the room and then on to the bed next to Mike. When Blur had entered, Mike stood up, closed the door, and went back to his place on the bed.
"A few days ago, I got the tests results back for that blood work I had gotten." Mike said to Blur calmly. He didn't know where the words were coming from, since his head seemed to be devoid of all thoughts.
"What did they say?" Blur asked, feeling worry surmount in his chest.
"…" Mike could feel his lip quiver for a moment as he felt tears build up in his eyes. "I have cancer."
Blur's eyes widened as he looked at Mike. He saw the exhaustion in Mike's slouch, he saw the fear in his face, and he saw the hopelessness in his eyes. Neither of them cried, but neither said anything either. After several moments of silence, Mike slowly got to his feet and walked to his bathroom. Blur watched him as he made the trip. Even his very step seemed to be a reflection of his disposition.
Mike used the bathroom, and then walked in front of his sink. He rinsed his hands as he stared at himself in the mirror. His eyes were as red as he had ever seen them, and his face a picture of utter exhaustion. Mike could feel a slight urge to cry, but he didn't care enough anymore. Why bother? It wasn't as if crying would help him. It couldn't even make him feel better, so why do it at all? Regardless of his feelings, Mike could feel his eyes moisten. He didn't know if the emotions display was because of the pain, or if it was because of the hopelessness, but it didn't matter.
Mike washed his face with cold water, and looked back in the mirror. He let out a heavy sigh and dried off. He left the bathroom and saw Blur sitting where he had left him. Blur looked up at Mike with heavy eyes. Still, they remained silent; all words seemed to go by unspoken. Mike walked over and sat on the side of his bed. He looked down at his lap, not sure of what to do. He let his body fall sideways and his head landed on a pillow. He brought his legs on to the bed, and he laid there on his side, facing away from Blur.
"Mike… I'm… really sorry." Blur said not sure of how to console him.
"…It's fine." Mike responded, little energy audible in his voice.
"Who else knows?" Blur asked him after a few moments of silence.
"A few friends, that's it." Mike responded.
"I'm guessing that's what Lucy was upset about yesterday."
"Yeah," Mike responded.
"… Is there anything I can do?"Blur asked.
"I don't think… there is." Mike had wanted to say he didn't think there was anything anyone could do, but he decided not to. It didn't seem right to worry Blur like that. Then again, Mike wouldn't be able to hide his depressed state very long if things continued like this.
As their conversation slowly turned back into silence, Mike's thoughts began to return to an understandable state. Although he didn't want to admit it to himself, he wanted to call Lucy. He wanted to ask her to come over, hell, he would be willing to beg at this point. It just seemed as though she was the only person whom he could really talk too, since she was the only person who could understand. They were a lot more alike than he had ever really realized before. Of course, they may not have been quite as alike in the past, but things have a tendency to change, as was plainly visible to him given recent events.
As Mike pondered calling Lucy, his thoughts began to go in another direction. A direction that filled him with fear, made him sick to his stomach, and made him cringe. He knew that he was going to have to call Sandy and be honest with her. Of course, the more he talked to Lucy the more complicated things became. Originally, it was just the cancer plaguing him, but now he was beginning to have feelings for Lucy, something he was ashamed to admit. He was so tired, so very, very, tired.