A/N: I got bored and my muse brought me an ancient Glee Kink Meme prompt from LJ... I was unable to find it to fill it there, but you guys still win, right? Yayyyy! It somehow turned into this really long smutty yet fluffy invention so it's been broken into three parts. Here's the first! Let me know what you think.

"I know right? And Melissa has gotten so fucking fat, like we can even lift that heifer anymore," Santana said with a harsh laugh, her cell phone pressed close to her ear, head tilted over the edge of the bathtub to avoid dropping her phone in the water.

Brittany sighed, dragging her hands through the mass of bubbles in front of her and pouting. This was supposed to be a relaxing bath, just the two of them, after yet another brutal Cheerios practice. But once the water had been run and both girls had been immersed, their backs against opposite ends of the porcelian tub, Santana's stupid phone had gone off. And of course it was Quinn, wanting to bitch about the other girls on the squad, so she had answered. Brittany had listened to them tearing down the other girls for the better part of ten minutes and was growing weary of the talk. Couldn't they have any moment just to themselves? Most of their day was spent with the Cheerios or Glee Club. This was supposed to be just for them, alone. Deciding she had enough, she had a brilliant idea.

"No, like her thighs are huge. I have no idea why Sue hasn't put her on a water-only diet," Santana went on. Brittany was giggling about something or other, so she glanced over at her girlfriend to give her a death glare. "Britt, this is Cheerios business. Can you be quiet?"

"Don't you like my tower? It's the Waffle one," Brittany said chipperly, brandishing her hands at a pile of bubbles she'd constructed to look like one of the most famous pieces of architecture in the world. Santana flicked her eyes at the "tower" and then sighed, rolling her eyes as she covered the phone's speaker with her hand.

"Eiffel Tower," Santana corrected lightly, not caring that Brittany got it wrong but knowing it was her job to make sure Brittany didn't repeat that little gem to the outside world. She furrowed her brow at the placement of Brittany's work, a slightly disgusted look on her face.

"And it looks like you made a dick out of bubbles. Total turn off." Santana turned away again, her elbows on the edge of the tub. She went straight back into her conversation with Quinn. "Just Brittany. Yeah, we're hanging out." She looked over at Brittany again; this time the blonde had made herself a bubble beard and swooped her blonde locks into a tilted mohawk.

Brittany beamed at Santana, thinking that surely her adorableness would inspire the brunette to get off the phone and spend some quality (and hopefully sexy) time with her.

"We're just doing... stuff," Santana said returning to ignoring Brittany. "Anyway. What'd you think of that pop up tuck of Fay's? She's actually getting good; I kind of hate her."

Frowning, Brittany sighed again. This was boring. A bubble bath with her girlfriend. Boring. Any time that was spent naked and was boring should probably only be when they were sleeping after sex. Then and only then was something like this allowed to happen.

Taking a look around the bathroom, she spied a rubber duck up on the shelf beside the mirror, where Mrs. Lopez kept her lotions at. She was pretty sure the duck was supposed to be a decoration, but Brittany decided to test it's functionality, stepping out of the tub momentarily to retrieve it. Santana didn't even notice, too engrossed in detailing a few tweaks on their Regionals routine to Quinn. Brittany clambered back in with the duck in hand, accidentally stepping on Santana's leg (not that she acknowledged it, still yammering on the phone). Once she was settled back in the water again, she set the duck to float in the space between her and Santana.

"Captain Ducky reporting for duty," Brittany chirped under her breath, her eyes trained on Santana's face. If Santana wasn't going to pay attention to her surroundings, well, that was her problem. She drew her hand back in the water, and with her palm sideways she swiped hard, causing a miniature wave that sent the duck straight into Santana's chest, the duck bouncing off of her breasts and tipping over head down into the water. Brittany's smile faltered when she saw the look Santana was giving her. She was pretty sure if looks could kill, she'd be dead or at least in intensive care.

"Brittany, seriously! Keep the damn duck on your side of the tub!"

Well that didn't work. Brittany gave an unhappy hum, tossing the duck over onto the floor. She sat and glared at Santana, her arms folding over her chest. Since when did Santana not like to play with ducks? Seriously, who didn't like to play with ducks? Wait, the duck wasn't the point here. Santana was ignoring her for a phone call. A dumb phone call she could definitely continue later on, when they weren't naked and soapy in the same vicinity. Staring down Santana, her face softened.

She was so pretty out of her Cheerios uniform, and without the pony tail Sue made them wear. The ends of her hair were wet, and they clung to her skin, loose curls falling into shape on tanned skin, which reminded Brittany of those fondant vines people made to decorate cakes they made on the Food Network. She liked cake. Her eyes fell downwards, and her smile returned full gear. Santana's boobs were in plain sight, and that was always nice. They were two pretty serious forces, especially after that boob job Brittany still wasn't too sure on the reason behind. They kind of bobbed in the water, like big, round marshmallows. She pondered if cake could float for a few seconds before settling on yes as the answer.

Cake and boobs were happy thoughts, and her happy thoughts soon turned to sexy thoughts as she watched Santana react to something funny Quinn must have said, loving the way the corners of her eyes crinkled as she grinned and the obnoxious sound of her shrieking laughter. Shrieking should probably always involve her, she decided, bending at the waist and lowering her upper body into the water, still smiling.

She was done wasting time on these childish tactics: it was time to get super serious up in this tub. Giggling, she ducked her head under the water.

Santana sure noticed this, one eye brow raised as she watched the blonde delve into the water in front of her. She waited for her to re-emerge, but she didn't.

"Uh, Quinn... Listen, I'mma have to call you back... Brittany's..." Suddenly a few bubbles surfaced, and Santana's eyes flew open wide. "I'm pretty sure she's drowning. Okaybye."

She flung the phone off in some direction she couldn't identify in her panic, reaching for Brittany's shoulders and bringing her up out of the water, giving her a little shake as she did so. Brittany sputtered a few times as she came up and her arms flailed, and Santana fumbled for words, her disbelief at what had just happened too great for speech at that point.

"What were you doing?" she finally asked, almost shrieking. "Are you trying to kill yourself in the fucking bathtub? You're not a frickin' mermaid, we've gone over and over this! You, human! Breathing under water, bad!"

"Well, it's not like they showed Ariel trying to go down on Prince Eric in the movie so I was kind of just going it on my own there," Brittany replied, recovering from her momentary lapse in judgement. She had no idea how mermaids did this sort of thing, but it must take some special training. She couldn't even find Santana once her head was underwater. On the plus side, she did get her girlfriend shrieking after all. It was close enough to a win.

"Oh Brittany." Santana sighed heavily, drawing Brittany into a hug and resting her chin on her shoulder, shaking her head slightly. Sometimes she wondered how she didn't have a head full of grey hairs thanks to her best friend.

"You weren't paying attention to me; I had to do something," Brittany lamented, blinking back what Santana knew were mock tears meant to make her feel bad. It was kind of cute, and she did regret putting off Brittany time for stupid crap. The girl did almost kill herself trying to get her to notice her. She kissed Brittany softly before pulling away, a mischievious look on her face as she crinkled her nose at her girlfriend.

"Since neither one of us are mermaids, and never will be..." She looked at the other girl pointedly, and Brittany nodded in defeat, unhappily agreeing. "And I was kind of a dick ignoring you for Cheerios stuff, I'll show you how we can still do... that... in the tub. Fair?"

"Very fair!" Brittany agreed wholeheartedly. Her eyes stung a bit, so she rubbed them uselessly, finding it didn't help at all. "My eyeballs are burned."

"It's the bubbles, baby. During your near death experience you must have gotten some in your eyes," Santana explained, grabbing a washcloth off the side of the tub and running the faucet, dampening the rag with fresh water.

She leaned Brittany back against the edge of the tub and carefully began to wipe at her face, removing the soap residue from around her eyes.

"Better?" she asked, folding the washcloth and laying it back where she got it from.

"Much. Now about this non-mermaid tub sex thing..." Brittany's face was broken out into a grin, and Santana had to laugh. She was incorrigable, to say the least.

Santana adjusted herself so that she was sitting on her haunches, and she grabbed Brittany's legs, dragging the blonde's bottom half up and resting it on her thighs, her long legs a tangle behind Santana as they wrapped around her waist. Brittany giggled, excited to see how Santana was going to work this out. Brittany's mound was above water level, only just slightly. Santana decided it was probably enough, and lowered her mouth to her girlfriend's center, her eyes flicking up to Brittany's face.

Brittany's eyes were closed; despite wanting to see how this was done, her eyes still burned a little and it felt better to keep them shut. But she could definitely feel what was going on, and she gave a little squeal as she realized that Santana's mouth was near her core, the ache living there was almost too much, rivaling the burn in her eyes.

Soon her eyes were forgotten as Santana's tongue was released from her mouth, trailing up and down the hairless cleft between Brittany's legs, just barely grazing the parts of Brittany that were throbbing for attention.

"I almost drowned myself for you, and you tease me?" Brittany asked in a breathy whine, her legs tightening around Santana, the muscles of her thighs pressing in on Santana's hips.

Knowing perfectly well what she was doing, Santana kept on, running her tongue up Brittany's part, for a mere second hovering over her clit before continuing upwards, over her pubic bone and towards her belly button, up futher until her mouth was between Brittany's breasts, then up more, Brittany's arms stretching over the side of the tub in anticipation, realizing where this was going.

Pressing her lips into the soft skin of her girlfriend's underarms, Santana happily lingered there for a few long moments, knowing it was one of Brittany's biggest turn ons. She didn't indulge often, what with all the dancing and rigourous cheerleading routines they did almost every day, but they were in a bathtub, so it was probably safe.

Brittany moaned at her touch, delighting in such a rarely given pleasure. Santana was always amused by how vocal Brittany was, and with an expectant giggle started working her way back down the blonde's body, tender kisses in a cascade over her smooth torso. She ended up where she started, except this time she didn't mess around.

"Don't forget who had to save your ass," Santana replied, a throaty chortle escaping her lips before they met Brittany's awaiting core.

Automatically Brittany reached her hands down, twisting her fingers in Santana's dark tresses, massaging her scalp as Santana set to work, her tongue sliding and gliding through her folds, flicking her clit rapidly each time she moved upwards. Soon her head was bobbing furiously, and Brittany was completely unable to help herself, panting and moaning, vocalizing the pleasure she was feeling from her girlfriend's expert ministrations.

Santana doubled her efforts as Brittany's hips started to twitch, feeling the muscles in her backside jerk against her thighs.

"Is that good? Do you like it?" Santana asked hurriedly, her voice husky from lust, returning right back to what she was doing. She already knew Brittany was enjoying herself, if the trembling quake of every muscle in her body was any indication.

"Oh god, yes, Santana, yes," Brittany keened in reply. The brunette now had her lips firmly attached to her clit, tapping against it with the tip of her tongue as she sucked, making muffled kissy noises as she did so. "Fuck, Santana! I'm too close, too close!"

Brittany had learned quickly from their first forays into sexy time together that she should never say she was almost finished unless she wanted the experience to come to an end. It was always better if she let Santana make her body wait, since Santana was the absolute best at making her body writhe and blurring her vision. And that was before the orgasm.

At Brittany's utterance, Santana pulled back, releasing Brittany's clit and kissing upwards, Brittany leaning up to catch her mouth in a hungry kiss.

"Thank you, thank you," Brittany moaned against her girlfriend's lips, her hands cupping Santana's face and allowing her to kiss her harder, tasting herself on the brunette's tongue. She leaned back a little bit and smiled. "I taste sweet."

"You always do, baby," Santana retorted with a smirk. "Are you ready to let me have some more?"

Brittany nodded, grinning widely, the momentary reprieve all she needed to regain control over herself. Santana trailed a hand down the taut expanse of her abdomen, stopping at the juncture between the blonde's legs. With her pointer and middle fingers she parted her folds, exposing Brittany's inner workings to her eager mouth. She probed around gently inside, her tongue searching her cavern for that sweet spot. Finding it easily, she earned herself another flood of wetness and a guttural moan from the girl underneath her mouth.

This satiated her thirst but inflamed her hunger for winning further favor with the blonde, moans just not cutting it any more. Removing her mouth and slipping her thumb into her girlfriend, she let out a shuddering breath from her own want and desire burning between her legs.

"Help me out here, Britt," Santana said breathily, scooting backwards in the tub and pulling Brittany along with her, her thumb still burried inside the blonde.

To keep herself from falling back, Brittany stuck her arms out behind her with her weight supported on her hands, elevating her hips upward into Santana's hand. Those years of dance and Cheerios sure paid off as far as flexibility went.

Santana gave a heavy sigh, her hips twitching involuntarily as she stared down.

"Oh, fuck me..." she whispered in awe, biting her bottom lip to hold back a whine.

With Brittany fully exposed out of the water, her sex was clearly visible to Santana. It wasn't often they had sex in the light, and it was even less often they were in a position to where she could watch her own handiwork. The sight of Brittany swollen and throbbing, pulsing around her digit made her breath catch in her throat and caused a twinge in her own sex. Bringing her fingertips together, she swirled them experimentally around Brittany's clit, her thumb pushing in further as she resiled her wrist, a satisfying, wet babble from Brittany's sopping center as she moved her entire hand.

"Santana, don't stop," Brittany whimpered, her hips rolling and jerking as Santana went on, speeding up her pace but never becoming frenzied, her movements methodical and rhythmic. She had no intention of ending Brittany's experience, and continued on with constant prodding from her girlfriend.

"Keep going, keep going..."

Her urgent whispering gave way to gasps and shortened breaths, pushing her pelvis upwards into Santana, desperate for friction as her own body secreted more lubrication.

Chancing a blow to the nose, Santana dipped her head down and sucked the fluid away, lapping it up as quickly as she could so that she could gain better traction, increasing the enjoyment for her partner and then pulling away again, watching Brittany's body react.

Brittany groaned in appreciation, recovering the sensation that had been lost temporarily and shortly after let out a squeal. Santana knew it was almost time, Brittany's eyes squeezing tightly shut and her mouth hanging open, and she reached her other hand down to touch herself as she continued pleasing Brittany, her own need too much to ignore as the blonde climaxed, jumping and jerking over the tops of her thighs and under her hand.

As Brittany screeched her name, Santana thrust in a few more times, circling their clits in unison harder and slowly letting up until Brittany stopped moving, the muscles around Santana's thumb still quivering as she tried to rebound. With a satisfied grin she withdrew her hands from between Brittany's legs and her own. She then laid them over the tops of the blonde's thighs, massaging milky skin until Brittany's breathing returned to normal, her eyes opening halfway as she smiled lopsidedly at the brunette.

"Your turn?" Brittany husked, reaching a hand to wrap around the back of Santana's neck, pulling her forward so she could kiss her, nipping soflty along her jawline.

Santana nodded hurriedly, every fiber of her being wanting Brittany to be touching her the way she knew only she could. As much as Santana was an expert at Brittany's body, Brittany knew as much if not more about hers.

"Good." Brittany moved away, gently pulling herself back and off of Santana's lap. She got on her knees, and took both of Santana's hands in hers, rubbing the backs of them with her thumbs.

"Now stand up."

A/N 2: Shall we go on?