I'm probably the last person who needs to start a new story but with how dark some things have gotten on the show, especially with The Bullet in the Brain, I think it would be nice to lighten things up and have a laugh or two to forget our frustrations. This story is just one giant exaggeration of some recurring story lines, and how people acted in certain situations, meaning that this is all for laughs, and is not to be taken seriously. It is written in script form simply because that is the only way I can guarantee writing a lot in a little amount of time. And since this intro is long enough already, I just want to say I hope you find this little story humorous and as always am open to my readers' suggestions.
Disclaimer: I do not own Bones. Just borrowing.
Happy reading! :)
Another average day in DC. BOOTH and BRENNAN are at the Royal Diner, seated at the counter. They are awaiting their meals and their colleagues. BOOTH is once again rambling on about Hannah, and BRENNAN is so desperately trying to look happy for him.
BOOTH: And then Hannah says "Ask me? I thought you said axe me!" (laughs hysterically)
BRENNAN: I don't get it.
BOOTH: Axe me. You know, axe me, ask me. Kind of sound the same.
BRENNAN: Well, asking someone to axe you and asking someone to ask you would be totally different scenarios.
BOOTH: I know. That's what makes the joke funny, Bones.
BRENNAN: Well, I don't think it's all that funny.
BOOTH: That's because you have no sense of humor. And that's also why I'm dating her and not you.
BRENNAN: I'm not jealous, if that's what you're insinuating.
BOOTH: Why yes. Thank you for noticing.
BRENNAN: Really, Booth. Can we just not talk about Hannah?
BOOTH: Why? Jealous?
BOOTH: Jealous! You should change your name to Jealouserance Brennan.
BRENNAN: I might not have a sense of humor, but I know that's not funny.
BOOTH: Whatever. What time did you say Sweets and Daisy were meeting us for lunch, again?
BRENNAN: Lunchtime, Booth. They should be here any minute.
BOOTH: Yeah, well, I don't know why Sweets has to bring Daisy along everywhere he goes, anyway. He's bad enough without her.
BRENNAN: They're engaged again, Booth. I'm sure he just wants to spend time with her.
BOOTH: Yeah, which worries me deeply.
BRENNAN: I know you don't like Daisy, Booth, but could you please just be nice when they get here? Sweets is in charge of making sure we stay together as partners on the job, and I don't want you getting him upset.
BOOTH: Did you just admit that you're afraid of Sweets?
BRENNAN: No. I said I don't want you to get him upset.
BOOTH: Why not?
BRENNAN: Well...because, he's our friend! He's certainly your friend. And if he's upset with us he might want to sever our partnership.
BOOTH: Sweets wouldn't do that.
BRENNAN: He could.
BOOTH: Well, I'm not worried about him, ok? Sweets is not a threat. And who cares? I love Hannah.
BRENNAN: I like being your partner.
BOOTH: Yes, but that is strictly professional. It's not physical like me and Hannah's is.
BRENNAN: Wh...this job can be very physical when we go out into the field.
BOOTH: But going out into the field isn't as much fun as having sex with my beautiful girlfriend that I like a lot, all right? You get me? I don't care if we're moving too fast. And besides, it's worth it to see you squirm so jealously.
BRENNAN: I do not squirm. And I'm certainly not jealous.
BOOTH: Then why do you care so much that Sweets doesn't have the FBI split us apart?
BRENNAN: Because we are an intelligent and unbeatable crime-fighting duo and I don't want to see our reputation tainted.
BOOTH: Well, I certainly don't have to worry about my rep being tainted with a beautiful blonde next to me, (after seeing Sweets and Daisy) Hey, Sweets! Glad you could join us.
SWEETS: Hey, (taking a seat). Thanks for meeting us here, guys.
BOOTH: Yeah, no problem, Sweets. Always glad to see my pal.
DAISY: Hi, Agent Booth! Dr Brennan! (waves excitedly)
BRENNAN: Good afternoon, Miss Wick.
BOOTH: Yeah, hi, Carey.
BOOTH: That's what I said, Cassandra. Now take a seat, would you? You're embarrassing me.
DAISY: (to Sweets) Boy, Agent Booth sure can be a bully.
SWEETS: He's not usually like this, it's just because he doesn't like you.
DAISY: (sadly) He doesn't?
SWEETS: It's actually more like he hates you.
BRENNAN: So, Sweets, Miss Wick. What have you two been up to all morning?
BOOTH: And do not say having sex because I will shoot you both between the eyes before someone else can.
DAISY: Well, me and Lancelot were watching Valentine's Day. And you can start calling me Mrs. Sweets now, Dr. Brennan.
BOOTH: Please don't.
SWEETS: I think it's cute.
BOOTH: Yeah, well, I don't. Daisy Sweets? Yuck. Somebody get me a bucket! Now Hannah Booth is different. (to Daisy) It doesn't sound crappy like your name does.
SWEETS: I think Daisy Sweets sounds better than Hannah Booth does.
BOOTH: Yeah, well, nobody cares what you think. You're the weakest link in the chain.
SWEETS: Caroline told you about that?
BOOTH: Caroline told me about what?
DAISY: Ok, this is getting weird. Can we talk about something else?
BRENNAN: Yes, let's not talk about Hannah.
DAISY: It's supposed to rain today.
BOOTH: God, you are so boring.
DAISY: Excuse me?
SWEETS: What Agent Booth means, Daisy, is that he likes talking about sports.
BOOTH: No, I meant she is boring. And you don't need to correct people every time they talk, all right? It's almost annoying as Daisy being alive is. Which is an unfathomable amount. And it's certainly not getting you any friends. What are you, like, speaking to 78 percent of all the people who actually can stand to be around you for more than four seconds?
BOOTH: What? I was quoting you.
BRENNAN: That's not true.
SWEETS: It's ok. I've learned by now not to take anything you guys say to heart. I know you all really love me on the inside and outwardly discard me when you don't need my assistance just because you care.
BOOTH: That's not true. That's not true at all. We discard you because you are no longer of use, end of story. It's not that hard.
BOOTH: What? I was quoting you!
DAISY: Um...I'd like something to drink.
BOOTH: And I'd like to be naked with Hannah, but we don't always get what we want.
SWEETS: Speaking of Hannah, Booth. How are you two doing? Still living together?
BOOTH: What...why do you say it like that?
SWEETS: Like what? I'm just curious.
BOOTH: No. No, that wasn't a "just curious" question. That was an "I don't think you're going to work out" question.
DAISY: Well, Lance doesn't think you and Hannah belong together.
BOOTH: Shut up, Sally! Nobody asked you.
BRENNAN: I really think we should converse over something other than Hannah and you two having passionate sex in the shower.
BOOTH: Nobody said anything about passionate sex in the shower.
BRENNAN: Well, somebody did, because I certainly wasn't thinking it.
BOOTH: You know what? I'm done talking about this. (at waitor who is placing their orders in front of them) Thank you so very much.
BRENNAN: Yes, thank you.
SWEETS: Can I get some coffee? I was up all night having sex with my wife-to-be.
DAISY: Oh, Lancelot. I love you! (smooch) I'll take some too, please.
BOOTH: Last thing you need is coffee.
SWEETS: (at the sight of food being placed in front of him) What's this? I didn't order this.
BOOTH: Ah, that was me. I took the liberty of ordering your favorite for you. (wink) Homeboy.
DAISY: Well, what about me?
BOOTH: What about you?
DAISY: You didn't order anything for me?
BOOTH: You ain't my homeboy.
SWEETS: It's ok, Daisy. I'll share with you.
BOOTH: Yeah, Cindy. Take another thing away from him.
DAISY: Baby! What's he talking about?
SWEETS: I don't know, Daisy. (to BOOTH) But he better stop it.
BOOTH: Oh, wah wah wah, your needs. Shut up and let me eat this sandwich in peace.
BRENNAN: So, Sweets. How have you been feeling? I know after you got Heather Taffet's blood and brain matter all over you during her transportation, you were very upset.
BOOTH: For God's sake, Bones! Just let him eat his food.
SWEETS: Actually, I'm not so hungry anymore.
BOOTH: Ugh. Now ya see what ya did, Bones? He's not gonna eat and he's gonna be talking about stuff nobody cares about, and later he's gonna be complaining that he's so hungry and blah blah blah. And it'll be all your fault my day is ruined.
SWEETS: Wow, Booth. I didn't know you felt that way.
BOOTH: Well, of course you did. You just choose to ignore it.
SWEETS: That's very true.
DAISY: So, do you miss Maluku, Dr. B?
BRENNAN: I'm starting to.
DAISY: Yeah, well, I don't! I couldn't handle being away from my Lancelot again! I'd rather be dead.
Suddenly, DAISY is shot between the eyes. For the second time in a week, SWEETS is splattered with human remains. This time it's a tad more personal. DAISY slumps down onto the counter, dead. SWEETS and BRENNAN look shocked. BOOTH continues on eating his sandwich like he hasn't noticed anything significant has happened in the last three seconds.
BOOTH: (with mouth full) What?
BRENNAN: What? Daisy just got shot!
BOOTH: Damn. They put the wrong kind of cheese in here. (to waitor) HEY! I didn't ask for provolone. I asked for swiss.
BOOTH: What, Bones? Can't you see I'm busy?
BRENNAN: I don't think she's alive.
BOOTH: What are you talking about?
BOOTH: Who is Daisy?
SWEETS: My dead fiancée!
BOOTH: She can't be your fiancée anymore if she's dead.
SWEETS: I don't think you're seeing the big picture here!
BOOTH: I don't think you are, either.
BRENNAN: Look, can we not argue about this right now? We've got to get her remains to the Jeffersonian. We have to figure out cause of death.
BOOTH: Yeah, yeah. Just let me get this cheese thing settled out first.
SWEETS: Booth! This is no time for you to immitate a "Don't bother me, I'm eating" commercial!
BRENNAN: I don't know what that means and I'm agreeing with it! Booth, you have to stop eating now. One of us could be next.
BOOTH: She annoyed herself to death. Don't worry, we're safe. (takes bite of sandwich) Mm. That is good.
SWEETS: Man, I don't believe this! (smacks counter) You're supposed to be my homeboy, Booth!
BOOTH: That's right! And as your homeboy, it is my duty to point out when something good happens in your life. (points to Daisy's motionless body) Good thing. (to Sweets' outfit) Not so good.
SWEETS: I can't believe this! You are so insensitive!
BOOTH: I'm not insensitive! I'm realistic. And you're just a crybaby.
SWEETS: Daisy is dead!
BOOTH: Yeah, but I'm busy, so we'll celebrate later.
SWEETS: Ugh! I hate this day! (runs out of restaurant, in tears)
BRENNAN: Should we go after him?
BRENNAN: Booth! Daisy was just assassinated. Who do you think I'm talking about?
BOOTH: Well, you're definitely not talking about her mother, I can tell you that.
BRENNAN: Sweets is very upset with us.
BOOTH: He's not upset with us. He's upset at the world. It happens. He'll get over it.
BRENNAN: You are unbelievable.
BOOTH: You better believe it.
BRENNAN: We have to follow him. He could do something irrational.
BOOTH: I don't think it'd be that irrational, I mean, he is Sweets.
BRENNAN: Who do you think would do this?
BOOTH: Who? I think the real question here is who wouldn't? Come on, Bones. Let's be realistic here.
BRENNAN: Do you think Broadsky did it?
BOOTH: I hope so. That makes for a good story.
BRENNAN: Well, I think we need to investigate.
BOOTH: And I think we need more paid-vacation days but you don't see me complaining. (takes a drink)
BRENNAN: Solving this murder really means a lot to Sweets.
BOOTH: Why do you even care? I told you, Sweets isn't gonna split us up.
BRENNAN: I don't care about that, anymore! This is bigger than that.
BOOTH: I love Hannah, Bones. And she's not a consolation prize. This is real.
BRENNAN: Nobody is talking about Hannah! I'm talking about figuring out who killed Daisy by shooting her from a distance and the first step in doing that is bringing her body to the Jeffersonian and figuring out cause of death. Why won't you help me?
BOOTH: I would have helped you if you'd just asked.
BRENNAN: Well, then. Will you help me?
BOOTH: Well, not now, Ms. I-Like-To-Doubt-My-Friends. You lost your chance. (hint, hint)
BRENNAN: I don't believe this! Sweets was right! You are insensitive!
BOOTH: Yeah, yeah. Just because you're jealous doesn't mean you got to take your anger out on me, all right?
BRENNAN: Ugh! (grabs her sandwich and throws it at his face)
BOOTH: Hey! What the hell, Bones?
BRENNAN: You're not a nice man! (runs out of restaurant, angrily)
BOOTH: Hey! Don't leave this here! (looks at dead Daisy) Guh. I guess I should probably take you to the lab, then.
BOOTH arrives at the Jeffersonian twenty minutes later. He deposits DAISY onto a table and finds his friends. He is holding a bag from McDonalds.
BOOTH: Where is he?
BRENNAN: He's with Angela in her office.
BOOTH: Well, how's he doing?
CAM: As good as anyone could be when their loved one was murdered prematurely.
BRENNAN: Oh, I think you mean when their loved one died prematurely.
CAM: I know what I meant.
BRENNAN: Are you implying that you expected Miss Wick to be murdered?
CAM: Eventually. Wouldn't you? I mean...
BOOTH: I'm with you on that one, but I don't think we should mention that in front of Sweets.
BRENNAN: You both knew this would happen?
BOOTH: Not knew. Wanted. Now come on. Let's go see Sweets, and then go..."solve this murder".
BRENNAN: Well, when you say it like that it sounds as if you don't plan on solving it.
BOOTH: It's not that I don't plan on solving it. I just don't want to.
BRENNAN: Why not?
BOOTH: Because, whoever did this, I applaud them!
CAM: Yeah. This might be the only murder I condone.
BRENNAN: I cannot believe you two.
CAM: And I can't believe this didn't happen sooner.
BRENNAN: I can't tell if you're serious or not.
BOOTH: Oh, you know Cam, Bones. She's always serious.
BRENNAN: Wh...is this a joke?
BOOTH: Does it sound like one?
At ANGELA's office.
BOOTH: Knock, knock.
HODGINS: (opens the door) Booth, hey. Thank God you're here.
BOOTH: How is he?
HODGINS: Not too good. He's in shock. I don't think he ever saw this coming.
BOOTH: Poor sap.
HODGINS: No kidding. Hey, Sweets. Look who's here.
BOOTH: Hiya, Sweets.
ANGELA: Booth, finally.
BOOTH: Sorry. Huge line at the McDonalds drive thru. How ya doing, Sweets?
SWEETS: As good as anyone could be when their wife-to-be dies.
BOOTH: I'm sensing some attitude here.
SWEETS: I'm not okay, if that's what you're asking.
BOOTH: Not what I asked at all. (throws bag at Sweets) I got you a burger and some fries since you didn't eat at the diner.
SWEETS: (opens bag) There's no burger in here.
BOOTH: Oh, right. I didn't eat that though. It must have fallen out of there.
SWEETS: Right. Well, thanks for the fries, I guess?
BOOTH: No problem. I expect to be reimbursed for the food. You owe me two seventy-five, plus tax. And for the soda, too, but I didn't drink that either. (Steps into the doorway) Eat up, buddy. Feel better. (leaves, then peeks head back in room a moment later) Oh, and uh, I'm gonna give ya a few extra days to pay me back since you just lost your fiancée and all.
SWEETS: (sarcasticly)Thanks, Booth. You're a pal.
HODGINS: Yeah, Booth. What a pal. Why didn't you give me an extra day when my fiancée died?
ANGELA: What fiancée?
HODGINS: What fi...sh? What? Who said anything about fish?
ANGELA: Fish? Nobody said fish.
HODGINS: Oh, hm. Then I must be hearing things. Man, I really need help. (clears throat) Sweets, uh, help.
ANGELA: Sweets just lost his fiancée, Hodgins.
HODGINS: Raincheck, then. That's fine too.
ANGELA: You're an idiot.
BOOTH: Right. I'm glad I'm leaving Sweets in such capable hands. Make sure he finishes his fries. (leaves)
ANGELA: (turns to Hodgins) What fiancée?
In BOOTH's office at the FBI.
BOOTH: So, how much do you think Broadsky got paid to kill them both?
BRENNAN: Who would want to kill Daisy?
BOOTH: Want to rephrase that question?
BRENNAN: I don't understand why someone would shoot the Gravedigger, and then Daisy. It doesn't make sense.
BOOTH: Well, that's easy. Two major threats to society.
BRENNAN: I don't understand.
BOOTH: It's simple, Bones. Taffet dug graves. That one's obvious. But Daisy? She could annoy you to death. In fact, I think she's done it before. Sweets said she and her parents were not on speaking terms and Sweets believes she once had a brother.
BRENNAN: That's ridiculous.
BOOTH: Ridiculous, but likely.
BRENNAN: Ok, so you're saying that someone is trying to elimate people who sin? Taffet by burying her victims alive and Daisy by...?
BOOTH: Murder by contact, but she doesn't mean to do it. It's an unconscious thing.
BRENNAN: You actually believe this?
BOOTH: Well, yeah, Bones! Of course I believe it. Taffet got what she deserved. Maybe it wasn't exactly how I pictured it, but the victims finally got the justice they've been waiting for, and now she can't hurt anyone else. Do I believe it was the right thing? Now, that's a totally different question.
BRENNAN: I understand why Kent would pay Broadsky to kill Heather Taffet, but for killing Daisy? It doesn't make sense.
BOOTH: Yes, it does, Bones. I just explained it to you.
BRENNAN: No, it doesn't, Booth. How would Kent even know about her?
BOOTH: Word of mouth?
BRENNAN: (dramatic-like) No, Booth. No. It doesn't add up.
BOOTH: Hm...you're right. There's got to be more to this case than we thought. Quick! To the Mystery Machine!
At the same place where BOOTH talked to Broadsky the day before.
BRENNAN: Where are we?
BOOTH: This is where that whole chase scene happened. When I hurt myself.
BRENNAN: I don't understand. Why are we back here?
BOOTH: Because, I wanted you to see. It's kind of nice, isn't it?
BRENNAN: What's kind of nice? The thought of you hurting yourself? Or the thought of you not catching Broadsky?
BOOTH: Not that! The land! It's beautiful, isn't it? And it's all mine.
BRENNAN: That's what you brought me out here for? To look at a bunch of land?
BOOTH: Hey, hey. It's not just any land, all right? It's my land. It's very special to me. And I would appreciate if you could show it some respect.
BRENNAN: Respect, schemschpect! (spits) You are unbelievable! We should be solving a murder! Not planning where you're gonna build your mansion.
BOOTH: Yeah, great idea. And I was thinking about adding an indoor pool with a swim up bar and televisions on the bottom, that way I can watch myself on TV when it airs on MTV Cribs.
BRENNAN: I don't know what that means, but I do know this is a waste of time.
BOOTH: This is not a waste of time. I just thought a little fresh air would do us some good, being cooped up inside all day. Gotta keep your mind fresh, Bones. I want this murder to be solved as much as you do.
BRENNAN: No, you don't. You don't even care.
BOOTH: I do care!
BRENNAN: Not about Daisy!
BOOTH: Okay, you got me there. But I care about Sweets! He's my homeboy.
BRENNAN: You are incredible.
BOOTH: Thank you. And besides, we've already covered the important part. We know Broadsky killed the Gravedigger, right? That's all we really care about.
BRENNAN: How about who killed your homeboy's fiancée?
BOOTH: He'll get over it.
BRENNAN: You are amazing.
BOOTH: Thanks. And for your information, Bones, the only thing me or anyone else really cares about is how much Broadsky got paid for a combo deal. I mean, I wish somebody would have offered me the money. I would have done it myself. In fact, I would have done it for free, and I was planning to, but it was Sweets' birthday so I thought I'd wait it out and see what happened. And look what did happen. I didn't need to break a sweat.
BRENNAN: You are...
BOOTH: Running out of adjectives?
BOOTH: Hey, you don't mean that.
BRENNAN: You're right. I don't. But I am angry with you.
BOOTH: So be it. As long as Daisy's dead and away from Sweets, nothing can bring me down!
Interrogating Room at the FBI. KENT is dressed in the same orange jumper as Taffet was the day of her appeal.
BOOTH: How much did you pay Broadsky for?
KENT: I told you. I gave the guy two million to take her out.
BOOTH: No. You already told us about Taffet. I'm talking about the other one.
KENT: What other one?
BOOTH: Daisy. Daisy Wick. She was an intern at the Jeffersonian, engaged to be married to one of my homeboys.
KENT: Oh, I'm sorry.
BOOTH: I'm not. Listen up, buddy, and you listen well. I don't normally say these things to people like you (and I certainly never believe they should be released from incarceration) but this time is different. You shouldn't have paid for Broadsky to kill Taffet. Kind of a waste since she was on death row, anyway. But the second one is just...bravo. I don't care what your motives are, just, bravo. You've done the world a good deed.
KENT: I don't know what you're talking about. I didn't kill no second girl. I already told you that.
BOOTH: Of course, I know you didn't. But paying someone to kill someone for you, kind of the same thing.
KENT: I beg to differ.
BOOTH: Well, it's in the same category.
KENT: Well, I didn't pay him for that. I gave him the two million for Taffet, that was it. I didn't ask him to finish off anyone else.
BOOTH: Well, I would have, but this scene isn't about me. What my question is is how much did you pay him for both?
KENT: I already told you, man, I didn't ask him to kill anybody else! Not that escort, or that intern. I didn't do anything. He's the one who called me.
BOOTH: And he just didn't mention it?
KENT: No! He said nothing about any girl. He said Taffet. I said yes, why not. She deserved it.
BOOTH: Maybe so, but not as much as Daisy Wick did.
KENT: So what's the purpose of this conversation?
BOOTH: To make this investigation look serious.
Jeffersonian Medico-Legal Lab.
BRENNAN: Can you believe how insensitive Booth is being?
ANGELA: I don't know, sweetie. Hannah is kind of hot.
ANGELA: I said Booth is just having trouble getting his head around everything. After all, meeting with Broadsky did shake him up, remember?
CAROLINE: Yeah, and it also got his shoulder dislocated and his leg hurt.
CAM: (grips clipboard tighter) Ms. Julian. Where did you come from?
CAROLINE: That's none of your business, cherie. What is your business is figuring out how this poor little girl died.
BRENNAN: She was shot in the head.
CAROLINE: And you figured this out how?
BRENNAN: I was there. I witnessed it.
HODGINS: Yeah. And so was Sweets.
CAROLINE: Dear Lord, that boy has seen everyone die.
ANGELA: Poor thing. I'm worried about him.
CAROLINE: And I'm worried about figuring out who did this.
BRENNAN: Uh, Booth thinks Broadsky did it.
HODGINS: Makes sense. Assassinations are always planned conspiracies, just like JFK's.
WENDELL: I like hockey.
CAROLINE: Mmkay. Y'all get back to work now, ya hear, cheries? Or I'll beat you over the head with a frying pan. (exits)
HODGINS: I've always liked Caroline.
Sweets' office at the FBI.
SWEETS: I don't want to go out, Booth. I'm depressed.
BOOTH: Exactly the reason why we're going out, Sweets. Ok? Your fiancée just died.
SWEETS: Thank you for reminding me.
BOOTH: I'm just trying to cheer you up, all right? So let's go get a drink or two, and soon you won't even remember her name.
SWEETS: (outraged) But I want to remember her name! I love her.
BOOTH: Love-ed. Past tense. She's dead, remember? And who cares? You're better off without her, anyway!
SWEETS: You are so insensitive!
BOOTH: I'm not insensitive, Sweets! I'm realistic. You're just a pansy.
BOOTH: And Daisy? Fo-get about her. You can do better. Hell, you could date Fisher and do better (laughs) and trust me, that's saying a lot.
SWEETS: You are mean, Booth and I'm not going.
BOOTH: Yes, you are.
SWEETS: No, I'm not. (crosses arms over chest, defiantly)
BOOTH: Don't make me hurt you.
SWEETS: But you did hurt me! You hurt my feelings!
BOOTH: Ok, so don't make me do it again in another context. Come on, Sweets. I'm trying to be a good homeboy here. You gotta meet me on the same page.
SWEETS: Oh, we're not on the same page. No, we're not even in the same magazine! Ok? Because my girlfriend...that I love...still love...We were gonna get married, ok? We were gonna be happy together forever and ever! And now what? She's dead. Just like Taffet. Just like your sensitivity. Dead. D-E-A-D, dead! And forgive if I'm not ok with that, all right? It's a little hard to grasp.
BOOTH: Would you quit being so naïve, Sweets? I saw that bullet coming miles away. I had a feeling. Was about to text you "Today's the day, today's the day!" but I restrained myself because I knew you weren't smart enough to put two and two together like we were.
SWEETS: We? Who is we?
BOOTH: Well, you know...me and the team.
SWEETS: All of you had feelings that Daisy would die today?
BOOTH: Well, not Bones. But everyone else, yeah.
SWEETS: I cannot believe this!
BOOTH: I know, me neither. Why are you still arguing with me? I don't have all night. Get your coat, and let's go.
SWEETS: No! I'm not going. I'm not going anywhere with you!
BOOTH: Don't be like that.
SWEETS: Don't be like what? Depressed? Depressed that my fiancée is dead? Because if so, please let me know, and I'll go have a 'little talk' with Hannah and see how you like it, ok?
BOOTH: Hannah. (facepalm) Shit! I forgot all about her. (reaches into pocket) I was supposed to meet her for dinner. Here, (tosses keys at Sweets) I'll get Bones to give me a ride. I'm gonna be a good homeboy and let you take my car to the bar, all right? But you're just borrowing, you're not keeping it. And don't get too drunk because I need the car back by ten and in one piece. You get a scratch on it and I will literally pull my gun out and shoot you in the head, myself.
SWEETS: (emotionally) Well, good! If that lets me see Daisy again then it's fine. Maybe I want you to kill me!
BOOTH: (sigh) Really, Sweets, I do not have time for you to get suicidal on me. Now do you want the car or not?
At the Royal Diner. BRENNAN and ANGELA are grabbing a late dinner together. They are sitting at the booth by the window, trying to avoid the seat on the island where earlier that day DAISY was murdered.
ANGELA: Do you think Broadsky did it?
BRENNAN: No. I don't know. I don't know what I think anymore.
ANGELA: Well, think about it.
BRENNAN: None of this makes sense. Broadsky had no reason to kill Daisy. He hardly had reason to kill Taffet.
ANGELA: He did that because he's holding a grudge with Booth. Probably for stealing a girlfriend or something.
BRENNAN: Do you really think so?
ANGELA: Well, yeah, I mean, come on. Broadsky's not that bad. But Booth is a total hunk! I'd trade Hodgins for him any day!
BRENNAN: I won't tell him you said that.
ANGELA: That would probably be a good idea.
BRENNAN: Well...there is one thing I do know.
ANGELA: What's that?
BRENNAN: I hope your chlid doesn't end up being a murderer.
ANGELA: Aww. Thanks, sweetie. That's so nice.
BRENNAN: I am a very kind person.
ANGELA: Mhh-hm. So, where's Booth? Why didn't you invite him?
BRENNAN: Because, I dropped him off at his apartment. He said he had some important stuff to do.
ANGELA: Really now.
BRENNAN: Yes. But I'm sure it's totally harmless to our relationship. He promised he'd get serious about the case.
BOOTH and HANNAH's apartment. They are in bed. Naked.
HANNAH: (giggles) You're the best, baby.
BOOTH: I love me too, babe.
HANNAH: (puts on Bones' sunglasses) How do they look?
BOOTH: Better on you, that's for sure! (trying to assure himself) I love you.
HANNAH: I love you too, baby. (passionate smooch) So, I hear one of Temperance's interns is dead?
BOOTH: Yeah, Sweets' dumb girlfriend, Craisy.
HANNAH: Oh. The one who went to Maluku with Temperance.
BOOTH: That's the one. I mean, when she left I thought for sure we'd heard the last from her. Which is a good thing, you know, because she's just...hm.
HANNAH: Well, I'm sure your friend Lance is upset.
BOOTH: Don't call him that.
HANNAH: That's his name, isn't it?
BOOTH: No, his name is Sweets, and it's just weird how you even know that. How do you know that?
HANNAH: I'm a journalist, Seeley. (creepily) I know everything.
BOOTH: True. But don't call him that. I know it's your hobby calling everyone by their first name, but for God's sake, that is not allowed. And can we please stop talking about Sweets while we're naked? It's ruining the moment.
HANNAH: Kay. (runs finger down his jaw line seductively) I missed you today.
BOOTH: Oh, I missed you too.
HANNAH: I was so lonely without you.
BOOTH: Yeah? And what did you...do...today?
HANNAH: Oh, nothing. Certainly not sniping your friend's girl if that's what you're thinking.
BOOTH: Not what I was thinking at all.
HANNAH: Good, because I was hoping you weren't.
HANNAH: But that would make a great story, huh?
BOOTH: Yeah. Hey, Hannah?
HANNAH: What is it, Seeley? (gnawing on his neck)
BOOTH: Um...I was just thinking...
HANNAH: What, babe?
BOOTH: I was thinking...maybe...maybe we should...(thinks twice) nevermind. Let's just have sex.
HANNAH: Can I write a story about your friend's loss?
BOOTH: Why not!
And so BOOTH and HANNAH continue to enjoy eachother's presence for the fourth time that night.
Only time will tell if the team can solve this case. Will Sweets ever stop seeing people die? Will Angela's baby become a murderer? Will Caroline ever stop being so goddamn awesome? And most importantly, will Booth ever stop being such a jerk and just dump Hannah already? We'll have to wait and find out.