Title: You'll Never Have To Be Alone
Summary: Carlos gets attacked for being gay, what pain does he have to go through? Will his friends be there for him?
A/N: This story isn't about me, it isn't about Big Time Rush. It's about raising awareness for homophobia, for the abuse people all over the world have to go through and live and die through everyday. It's real, and it's horrible and we can put a stop to it. Runs with Werewolf's campaign is ingenious and such a great idea. So this story is for that. I am a proud and out lesbian and nothing will ever change that. I'll fight for my right to love. Period.
This is my first Big Time Rush fanfic and I find it fitting that it's for a cause as great and life-changing as this.
WARNINGS: ABUSE, BEATING, RACIAL SLURS, FOUL LAUNGAGE, NUDENESS, BLOOD, AND NON CON! THIS IS VERY SICK AND VIOLENT YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!
Well here's the story. This is for the: I'll hold you through it all cause.
It had been a long and tiresome hockey practice. But Carlos didn't care. All he cared about was that it was Friday and he got to spend the night with his best friends and boyfriend. James Diamond and Carlos Garcia had been dating secretly for the past 6 months. Logan and Kendall knew of course and so did their parents but the boys thought it best to hide their relationship. Some people still weren't accepting of homosexuality. And to be honest no one wanted a Matthew Shepard incident on their hands. Carlos didn't want anything bad to happen to James. He loved him so much, so they kept their love a secret.
"Carlos," James whispered his name softly. The sign of a smirk was on the taller boy's face. Carlos got up and followed his boyfriend to a more sectioned-off part of the locker rooms. As he turned the corner he felt himself being pushed up against a group of lockers. James had his large hands roaming his shirtless upper body. Lips descended upon the Latino's and Carlos moaned quietly into James mouth. The pretty boy sure knew what he was doing when he kissed. He felt James' tongue map out sensitive spots in the smaller boy's mouth. Carlos' hands threading through James' perfect hair. James' hand came up behind Carlos' head to deepen the kiss. He tilted his head back as James' tongue slid down his jaw and he bit on his jugular sucking lightly.
"Mine," James growled into his neck. Possessive bastard. Carlos smirked and pulled back smiling.
"Yours," he said happily. Carlos sighed knowing that they had to pull apart before someone got suspicious and came looking for them. He gave James a quick kiss on the tip of his nose before releasing his boyfriend.
They both smiled serenely at each other before they straightened what clothes they had on and walked back towards the more populated part of the locker room.
"There you guys are, we wondered where you had wandered off to," Kendall Knight said with a knowing smirk. He was truly happy for his friends. They both deserved to be together. To have each other.
"Okay so I have to go get notes from Mrs. Sanderson and you two," Logan pointed to James and Kendall, "Have detention today. You should have known you would get caught. That prank was clearly not thought out," Logan said with a smug look on his face.
"Awww Logie, that's only because you refused to help us. If you had helped we wouldn't have detention," Kendall said throwing his arm around the shorter boy's shoulder.
"True, Carlos are you coming?" Logan asked looking back at his friend. Carlos had just pulled on his jeans and was straightening his long sleeve shirt before looking up at his friends and shaking his head.
"Nah I need to talk to the coach I'll meet you guys in an hour in front of the school," Carlos replied.
"You sure dude?" James asked a small amount of concern on his face. That was James for you always overprotective.
"Yeah man, I can take care of myself," Carlos said before winking sexily at his boyfriend.
"Okay but don't be late! It's movie night at my place," Logan said with a smile. And with that he watched his boyfriend and best friends leave the locker room.
"Hey fag," Carlos froze. He had never been spoken to like that in his entire life. Part of that might be because he wasn't out. But he had never even heard that would used before. He stiffened and continued shoving his hockey gear into his locker; maybe if he didn't acknowledge them then he would be OK. But he wasn't. As he went to stand up he shoved face first into his closed locker. It was painful but he had taken checks into the board more painful. So he would live.
"Answer when you're spoken to Spic!" Carlos hated that word he pushed all his weight back and was finally able to turn swinging his fist out. It connected painfully to an older boy's jaw and he stumbled back with the force of the blow.
"I don't respond to assholes, dickhead," Carlos growled. He looked around to see that he was surrounded, all of the senior hockey players had stayed behind; there were probably around five or six of them.
And only one Carlos.
He was pushed again into the lockers only this time is was his back side that became friends with the cold hard metal.
"Seriously this isn't cool, just let me go and we can all go about our day like this never happened," Carlos tried to smile, tried to play it cool. But he was scared. He was outnumbered and honestly he was the smallest player on the team. All of these guys were Seniors 17 and 18, and he was only 15 and a sophomore.
This wasn't fair.
"We'll let you go… after we've had out fun. And hey! If you're lucky you might get to leave here alive." The captain sneered. Alive? Wait a minute. Were they going to try and kill him? Panic started to flow into his veins and Carlos started to fight hard, trying hard to throw the hands off that had him pinned to the locker. He was bucking wildly when he felt a sharp blow to his temple. Son of a bitch. One of the guys had smashed his head with his own hockey stick. Something sticky and warm was flowing from his forehead down into one of his eyes. He knew it was blood and his head was swimming badly.
"Cover his eyes, I don't want to fag to see what we're going to do to him," Sam said smirking viciously. Sam was the team captain. He was their leader. He felt pain as hockey tape was wrapped around his head, pulling at his hair, covering his eyes. He still had blood dripping down into his eyes like red tears down his cheek. He couldn't see. Carlos started to freak out again. Yanking his arms trying to get away from the people that were going to hurt him.
"Stop, come on please let me go," he pleaded. He was so scared. What if they actually did kill him? What about his friends? What about James? Oh god, James. He needed to get free so he could see James, even if it was for just one last time.
"Nope I saw you sucking face with Diamond Carlitos. Gays like you should be burnt alive… killed." He whispered into Carlos' ear.
"Oh god, please! PLEASE! Let me go, come on I grew up with most of you. You all know me! You don't want to do this Sam please," Carlos pleaded. Suddenly he was violently thrown to the cold floor his knees connecting painfully with the tile. He let out a muffled groan.
"DON'T say my name you little bitch!" Sam spat. Suddenly he felt pain on all sides the guys were kicking and punching Carlos. Every once in a while his head would connect painfully with the floor. He cried out, it hurt bad, so bad. He really wished his friends would burst in and save the day. But he knew it wouldn't happen. Logan was with his favorite teacher and Kendall and James had detention. James. He wanted his James. He felt like a little boy crying out for his mommy. He needed to get through this for James. So he could be held in his arms again, so he could kiss him and tell him just how much he loved him.
He started to pull his arms up and went to rip the make-shift blindfold off of his face. Before he could he felt a kick to his head that left him seeing white and his arms were pulled out in front of him and bound with more hockey tape. He was completely vulnerable now. Sitting on the floor, no sight, no anything, and the pain was starting to overwhelm him. He felt like he could just fall asleep. Did that mean he had a concussion? He remembered Logan telling him to never fall asleep if he had one. Carlos struggled to stay awake, waiting to see what they were going to do to him next.
All of a sudden he feels someone gripping his jaw tightly, forcing him to face up towards his tormentor. He doesn't need to see to know the guy is smiling. It makes him sick.
How could they do this to him? What had he ever done to them?
"Now Carlitos, you're going to listen to what I have to say and you're going to do whatever I tell you, and I'll let you go… got it?"
Carlos doesn't move. He doesn't want them to win.
"GOT IT?" Sam screamed nails drawing blood in Carlos jaw as he starts to shake the boy.
"No." Carlos spits out. "I'm not going to listen to you, or do what you say. You don't own me," Carlos cries out as his hair is grabbed and he's dragged across the floor. He can hear laughter and he's dropped roughly onto the floor. He feels different kind of floor now and he realizes that he's in the showers. His hair is pulled again and he can feel hot putrid breath on his ear.
"By the time I'm done with you, you'll never want to be a fag ever again. You'll swear your straight as a board," he whispers in anger. His voice is shaking and he sounds like he's gone mad.
And the scared little boy is back. He prays to every God he knows for James to come and save him, for this to be a dream, or to pass out. He doesn't know what they're going to do next but he doesn't want to be conscious when it happens.
Please God please help me I don't know why this is happening. Please save me-
Carlos' thoughts are cut off when he feels hands all over him. His clothing being ripped from his body until he is left laying on his back his hands tied in front of him in nothing but his dark red boxers. He shivers the floor is cold and he's so terrified. He can feel even more hands on him now. Rubbing up and down his chest, and pulling violently at his nipples. He cries out in pain. It hurts so badly. He feels large rough hands caressing his inner thighs, moving scarily close to his member.
"No, please I don't want this!" Carlos yells.
"Of course you want this, you're a fag and we're all guys. Don't worry Carlitos we won't do this to you, so long as you admit that you aren't gay," Sam said cruelly. His big hands moving up and down his hips slowly. Carlos lets a sob escape his lips. He wants to cry so badly, just curl up away from the shame and away from the pain.
But he can't. He has to stand up for himself. For James.
"No! I am gay! And I'm in love with James Diamond! And nothing you will EVER do to me will change that!" Carlos screams. He feels proud of James and his love for him. Proud that he's standing up for his right to love. Proud of who he is.
But pride can only get you so far.
"We'll see about that sweetie," Sam cooed. Carlos groans in pain as he's punched hard in the jaw. Lip splitting and blood running down his chin. He feels hands pulling his tied up arms above his head and holding them firmly there. All of a sudden his boxers are yanked down his legs and pulled off. He's laying there in fear, naked for them to see. His cheeks heat up in shame and embarrassment. He tries to close his legs and curl in on himself but he feels two more people spread his legs so wide is hurts. Hands holding him down leaving him helpless. And then he hears a sound that will haunt him the rest of his life.
A zipper being pulled down.
"No! Please stop! I don't want this! I've never done this before please, PLEASE!" Carlos pleads and begs like his life is on the line, and in a way it really was.
"Nope, you're gay remember? Stupid whore you're going to get what you deserve, let's see how much you like men after this," Carlos feels a large thick member leaking pre-cum along his inner thigh moving closer to his most private area. He starts so sob crying so hard his tears are leaking past the blindfold and down his cheeks.
"Please-" he starts. But a finger is pressed to his lips and Sam is by his ear again. .
"Shhhh… it's okay Carlos. We all know you're going to love this. Don't worry I'll try to make it good for you baby. Just pretend I'm your little faggy boyfriend James that should help right sweetie? Just be quiet and enjoy," and then he's in him. Carlos is screaming so loud he thinks his whole body will break. Sam thrusts as rough as he can into the small boy. Blood seeping out of his torn hole. Carlos is screaming and crying. Snot and tears running down his usually happy and carefree face.
"Oh dios por favor, detente! POR FAVOR, ¡ALTO! Me duele, me duele! Por favor, déjame ir! AYUDA! JAMES POR FAVOR AYUDA ME!" He's thrashing as hard as he can. Screaming in his native tongue his accent thick.
"You're so fucking tight Carlitos; your blood is great lube. You're tighter than any girl I've ever had. Get used to this. You're a stupid fag, and you're lucky we haven't killed you yet. Worthless. Fucking. Slut!" Each word is punctuated by a harsh thrust. It hurts so bad Carlos wants to die. He's never cried to hard in his entire life. As if being brutally raped isn't enough he feels a knife carving into his flesh. He screams again the blade going so deep. It feels like they're carving words into his chest. Finally after what seemed an eternity of torture Sam comes. His hot seed filling up the small used up boy beneath him. Sam laughs as he pulls out harshly. Semen and blood splatter out onto the floor. He feels himself being lifted up and suddenly his bound arms are hung over a shower head. His feet don't even touch the floor and Carlos just cries head down, as he hangs there. His limbs screaming in pain. His backside is on fire and blood is dripping down his once smooth thighs. Dripping down his chest from the word that will forever be scarred there. Never to be healed. Like the pain on his heart Carlos feels so heavy and pained.
"Hope this teaches you a lesson Carlitos, this is what happens to fags like you," With that Sam and the others all exit the locker room. Leaving Carlos broken, bleeding, and barely conscious hanging in the showers.
WITH KENDALL, LOGAN, AND JAMES
"Where the hell is Carlos!" James complained for the hundredth time.
"Dude chill, it's Carlos I'm sure he just got distracted with something," Kendall said easily. They were all sitting on the front steps in front of the high school waiting for Carlos.
Just then Sam Anders and the other hockey team members came out of the school all at once. That's weird thought Logan. What are they still doing here?
"Hey Diamond! Lose track of your fag boyfriend princess?" Sam mocked before walking leaving with the other players. They all had cruel grins on their faces. James didn't like that look. He was already up and running towards the locker room. Kendall and Logan hot on his heels. He slammed into the locker room causing the door to smash into the wall.
"Carlos! Hey are you in here?" James screamed. He didn't hear any responses. Kendall, Logan, and James all looked around. It was Logan that started walking towards the showers stopping dead at the sight before him.
"James-" Logan started but he was at a loss for words. James and Kendall came up behind him both gasping in horror at the sight before them. Carlos handing from one of the shower heads bleeding, bruised, and obviously unconscious. He had the word FAG carved into his once perfect chest and blood running down his thighs. Bruises marred his face and body. Blood ran down his chin and his forehead. He was blindfolded and tears ran down his cheeks cutting into the blood.
"Baby," James breathed and that was it, he was running towards Carlos trying desperately to lift his bound arms off the shower head. He was struggling for a few seconds before he felt Kendall and Logan come up to help him. With the three of them they were able to pull Carlos down. James sat on the floor holding Carlos in his lap. He wasn't moving.
"Carlos, baby, come on you need to wake up. Please baby please be okay," James started to cry. He started to pull the tape from his eyes as Logan worked on his bound arms. Kendall had left only to return with a couple towels. Spreading them over Carlos for modesty purposes. After he was finally unbound and the blindfold was removed James looked down. He couldn't believe this had happened to Carlos. Carlos was the sweetest person he knew. He was always so kind and caring; he would never hurt a fly.
Yet someone had hurt him this bad.
James looked up at Kendall and Logan all of them had tears running down their faces. Logan was the first to dial nine-one-one telling the operator where they were and the condition on their friend. After hanging up he gasped as Carlos started to cough his eyes opening.
They were dead. His once beautiful mahogany eyes were dead. They didn't shine with life like James had always remembered they had.
"Carlos, what happened? Can you tell us?" James coaxed the poor traumatized boy.
And Carlos did, leaving out the rape. He cried as he told them how they had called them a fag, how they had caught him and James making out, how they had beat him with a hockey stick, and how they kicked him until he couldn't breath. He told them how they carved into his skin and how they had stripped him. He told them how humiliating it all was and how scared he was. His friend's hearts all broke. They had never seen Carlos this upset, and here he was sobbing barely breathing.
Then Carlos told them something that had them all furious. More furious then they had ever been.
"They wanted me to admit I was straight to say that I didn't love you. They said they would stop hurting me if I did," Carlos began.
"Its ok Carlos you did what you had to, to stay alive-"
"So… I told them I loved you so much and they hurt me so bad. But its ok, I'm not ashamed of you," he said between sobs.
"I just love you so much I don't care how much they hurt me, I told them that no matter what they did it would never change how much I loved you and I felt so proud to say that. It felt so good to stand up to them. But I paid for it James they… they ra-raped me. Sam he ra-raped me. I tried to fight him but he was so big and th-they held me d down I'm-I'm so sorry Jamie I'm so sorry," Carlos cried violently. His breathing coming out in sporadic panic-stricken breaths. James' grip on Carlos tightened in sickness. He felt like he was going to be physically sick. He looked up rage-clouded eyes mirrored in Kendall and Logan's. They all had that look, the look of revenge. Silently they vowed that no one would ever hurt Carlos again.
"Shhhh… its okay baby, I'm proud of you, you stood up for yourself, and don't worry Sam's going to go to jail for a long time. You'll never have to see him again. I love you so much Carlos. I won't let you get hurt again. I promise I'm so sorry I couldn't save you," James cried gripping Carlos to him like a lifeline.
"Yeah buddy you know we have your back. Remember pee-wee hockey and I promised all of you that we would stick together? Well we will. We'll get through this. You'll be okay, you're safe with us," Kendall said putting a comforting hand on his shoulder.
"Exactly! Carlos we all love you and we're going to stick by you we promise." Logan said with a small smile. They could hear sirens approaching.
"I know, I just felt so alone through it all. Like I was in a room full of people screaming my heart out but no one could hea- hear me," Carlos hiccupped as he started to cry again.
"Oh Carlos, you'll never have to be alone ever again, we'll be here for you, and we'll stand by your side forever," James promised, pressing a kiss to Carlos forehead.
"I love you Jamie." Carlos whispered, gracing James with a small smile.
"I love you too Carlitos," James gave Carlos his two-million watt smile and the small group of friends all looked at each other. They would get through this… together. They would help Carlos and they would stand side by side through it all. So none of them would ever have to be alone ever again.
P.S. Ok… so that's the end of that. I actually cried while writing this, I must be losing my cold hard shell if I'm freaking crying over this. Sighs… anyways, I hope you all got the message in this. No one should ever have to be alone and go through such pain just because they love someone of the same gender.
Fight for your right to love whoever you want to love.
Oh… and sorry if the Spanish sucked. I used a translator.