Edward scares me. He's a sparkling pedophile. After my sister said she would marry Edward, I drew up this list.
Late edit: When I wrote this, I was under the impression Edward died of the regular flu. Not the Spanish flu. Sorry if I offended anyone.
Reasons why these HP guys would make better husbands than Edward
1. He actually died for his friends. Edward couldn't even kill himself.
2. He never tried to kill Ginny. Nor did he ever say he wanted to. In fact, he left her so she wouldn't be killed.
3. When Ginny dated *insert name here* he never threatened them. Edward was all 'Bella will never be free for anyone but me' to Tyler. He also never called Dean the n-word. Edward called Jacob 'the mutt/dog'.
4. He never flaunted his wealth. Edward does. That's so douchey!
5. He has his mother's eyes, which are green and awesome. Edward's eyes are the color of pee.
6. Harry and Ginny had lives outside each other and got to grow up. . Harry didn't force her to marry him as soon as she hit the legal age and knock her up during the honeymoon. They had careers and then settled down.
7. His kid's names are awesome. Lily Luna owns Renesmee Carlie
1. He has freckles! Edward is marble. You can't play connect the dots with marble!
2. He can fly (granted he's on a broom, but still…)
3. His temper never nearly killed Hermione. Nor did he ever threaten her life.
4. While he found Hermione annoying when they first met, he never hated her.
5. HE BEAT A TROLL! Edward is a troll! Ron beat a troll at eleven, a basilisk at 12, helped uncover a conspiracy at 13, battled Death Eaters more than twice his age at 15 and then again at 16, 17. He was attacked by brains at 15! Edward only talked.
6. He destroyed a Horcrux!
7. He has made me laugh and not because he was stupid.
1. He actually has a tragic past but never made a big deal out of it. Edward got the flu, became a vampire and used that as an excuse to be a jerk. He's so sweet! He never hurt anyone, even when they totally provoked him. He didn't freak out when Ginny found someone else at the Yule Ball
2. Dude, his grandma is totally cooler than Esme. She was old and fought in the Battle of Hogwarts.
3. He married a Hufflepuff. They are awesome. Edward married Bella, who would put the Hat on. It would yell SQUIB and she would be banished to Flich's darkest corner….
4. While he isn't 'god-like', he is adorable. Even with scars.
5. He stood up to powerful dark wizards. He was tortured, beaten, and had a flaming hat put on his head and he never gave in. In fact, he pulled a sword from said hat and killed a snake. That OWNS everything Edward ever did.
6. The GOF movie? Yep owns Edward at Prom.
7. He survived being dropped out a window. Yep, a window.
1. Their family is cooler than the Cullens.
2. They are brilliant! Hello, they created innovative products, and started their own business when they were Edward's age.
3. 'We'll send you a Hogwarts toilet seat'. HAHAHAHAHA. Has Edward ever said anything half as funny?
4. Fred died fighting. George lost his twin and was able to move on. He didn't run away to Italy to kill himself.
5. Being a Beater is a very dangerous position. There are basically flying bowling balls flying at you. Edward would refuse to play. The twins enjoyed it.
6. They make gingers sexy. Enough said.
7. They pwned Umbridge, were able to be successful dropouts and got Peeves to listen to them. Only people to do so ever.
1. He was unwilling to kill Dumbledore.
2. He fixed the Vanishing Cabinet
3. He was loyal to his girlfriend and friends.
4. When Crabbe died he was upset
5. Even though he hated Harry and co. he was unwilling to sell them out in DH.
6. He was a pretty cute ferret.
7. Scorpius is a cooler name is Renesmee
Anyone want me to continue? Maybe do a list with the generation before (ie, Sirius, James, Remus, Arthur. Maybe even Voldy?)
Check out my other HP fic!