Burt Gummer Vs Zombieland

ch 1

the beginning


Eight Months Earlier...

It was a good day in Perfection Valley; Jodi had finially married Larry. El Blanco was happily swimming about the outer markers, picking off the last of the mutant man-eating rabbits. The land grant management had finialy come through with Burt's writen request to purchess the unwanted Land that that slime-slug, Melvin Plugg was trying to 'unload'. What Burt had not been able to buy out right, he seized under eminent domain.

With Jodi's help, He set up a Barracks style Bunker at the edge of town for his 'survivalist' training school. Sometimes, his weekly roster was greater then the 'Graboid Sufari' that Tyler ran. Infact, this week he was looking at a two to one sign up, and a three week waiting list.

There were few days it was great to be Burt Gummer, Survivalist Supreme. And today was looking like it was going to be one of the best.

Granted most of his 'weekend warriors' were overpaid suits that were doing this more to round out a resume for a Fortune 500 company then anything else, But then they paid the $250 for the basic course and $500 for the full week course. The Basic was just Friday night to Sunday night, then they were allowed to eat at the Dinner, sleep in the Motel and leave Monday morning. The Full Week course was Friday night, through to the following Thursday night.

Burt did not enjoy the Week course, so he required a minumum of five students for the basic course, and twelve for the Full Week. The Basic bought you roughing it half a mile from town, the Week included; hunting with just a knife and your wits, Target practice, and 'basics of ammo'.

This was a Week Course with thirty people showing up. A Japanese business man saw the news bites on the 'graboid invasion' a few years back, and thought that a week long 'camp' would build a better team inter personal relationship.

He got to go 'Boot camp' on a bunch of Suits. Burt grinned.

It was a good day to be Burt Gummer

The 'virus' hit Bixbee in the early hours of the morning, a wandering, train hopping, 'hobo' bit the mailman, and the race was on... within hours the Police and City Officials were infected, by Nightfall, the whole town was dead... or running.

Most of the Runners were heading towards Perfection.

Burt was looking over the thirty Japanese suits. They had arrived two hours earlier and had swarmed the Store and tourist pits that Jodi and Larry ran. Cameras clicking, bulbs flashing, their high voices raised in their birdsong of a language. He stood with his thumbs looped through his belt, his twin colts, glinting in the morning sun. At first the tourists thought he was a something like a maniquine made to look like the real Burt Gummer.

Until Jodi brought him a cold Coke. It was one of those new Coke Zeros, that Jodi had just doubled her price, and Labled as Bert's Favorite. Before he could say anything, she whispered, "Shut up and drink it. This one is on the house." When everyone of the Tourists saw that it was the real Burt, and he was drinking the Coke Zero...they rushed to buy a few themselves.

Burt just shook his head and sipped his Coke.

Just then the 'Blanco Scope' sounded. Turning his head to peer at the monitor, Burt saw that the big 'worm' was heading towards the town. It looked to be herding something. Looking over at Tyler, "You up to running out to see what has gotten him so riled up."

Tyler looked at Jodi and Larry as they were working over time trying to meet the demands of their clientale. The two were shouting in a pidgewin of japanese, english, and hand-signs to get to across the ideas they had. The Tourists were shouting and waving back.

"Yeah, you got an hour before they are ready, and my next two tours are light, I will just double stuff them and leave them to Jodi's mercy." Tyler grabbed his cowboy hat and jumped onto Burt's Starboard runner as Burt swung up into his Cab.

Twenty Minutes later the Truck crested the rise to see a group of Hikers on the tall pile of rocks. A group of dirty straglers waved their arms at those on the rock, as El Blanco grabbed them one at a time. Opening his door, but stepping out, Burt peered down at the group with his 'field glasses'. Turning his head to look at Tyler, who was mirrored of him. The gentle wind brought the sound of grunting and growling, but not screens, as the two ton worm ate the funny looking people.

As Blanco ate the last one, Burt pulled up to shouting range. "Ahoy there!"

"thank god!" a woman cried back. "Have you been bit?"

Burt looked at the Blanco meter, noticing that the worm was away from them and town. The worm knew the sound of the trucks, and took an interest in what they were doing, but if Burt were to join a group of his 'prey', the worm moved on. Burt might not let 'him' gorge 'himself' but there was always a goat or something for him to eat he gave over quickly.

Besides there were more funny movments this way...

"What do you mean bit?" Tylar asked.

"the Zombies." a goth teen yelled back, pointing to where the 'people' that Blanco had just ate had been standing.