Dedicated to my friend, Monique, a.k.a. author, OTHERSIDE of california, whom I'm sure we'll see some great stories from in the future!


Jerry does his stand-up routine.

Jerry; Last night I saw the most amazing, and yet, the worst show of my life. There was action and adventure and comedy and horror all mixed into one jumbled, fractured, sloppy mess with no decent ending to the story and sometimes unconvincing dialogue. No, I wasn't watching the latest Steven Seagal opus. I was in bed, sleeping. That's where I was held captive, for seven hours of weird and wonderful, and sometimes downright bizarre visual events. Do you know how downright disturbing it is to be forced to watch your father shower with his clothes on next to Barney the Dinosaur? Later on, I dreamed that I was running away from somekinda monsters or ogres or Republicans- I can't remember, but (mimes walking in slow motion) my feet felt like they weighed a hundred pounds each and I couldn't run, even though I was terrified that the monsters would get me, and that, if I may honk my own horn, I'm usually pretty fast when it comes to running!. Lucky for me, those two losers were just as useless at running and they never caught me- but the fear was still there. What a great horror story- will they catch me, are they around the corner ready to eat me or register me as a Republican? And after all that...I woke up. Huh. I thought back to what I dreamed and I said out loud; "Well, that sucked!' I felt cheated! How did my story end? Did I get away from the monsters, did my Dad get too friendly with Barney or were they discussing politics in the shower? I'll never know. And that's what dreams are; the most imaginative movies ever...but without a beginning or end, so you feel cheated at never knowing how the story will end! And just like it's gross when you step on gum in a real-life movie theater floor, think how gross it is to wake up from your dream theater to find half a cup of drool on your cheek plastered across your pillow! Now that's a nightmare!


On a beautiful Spring morning, George and a lovely young woman are sharing laughs and French pastries, amid a friendly French accordion player serenading them. They each take a spoonful of their desserts and feed it to one another. George doesn't quite get all of it in his mouth and it drips down his chin and onto his lap, but the young lady doesn't seem to mind George's sloppiness.

Monique; I can't tell you how happy I am to be with you, George.

George: And I'm sooo happy to be here in Paris with you, Monique! Hey...thanks for paying for everything!

Monique; It's my pleasure, George! Anything for you, my love.

George; Can I have more cake?

Monique; I'll buy you twenty cakes if it'll make you happy, my dearest!

George; You're the most beautiful woman I've ever known, Monique!

Monique (nodding); I know.

George; I've never been happier! Not when the Yankees won their 27th World Series Championship, not when I spilled my 7-Up on Paris Hilton, and not even when I bought my first Lamborghini on Craig's List! It's all about you! It'll always be about you, Monique! And I really like how you pay for everything!

Monique; What use is money...if I can't spend it on the only man I've ever loved?

George and Monique stare into each other's eyes, lean in and are about to kiss when...



George's eyes pop open and he sits up in bed, looking around confused. He's in his sloppy, messy bedroom in his small New York apartment, and there's no sign of 'Monique' because he was just dreaming about her. He shrugs his shoulders, checks the clock, and flops back down to go back to sleep.

George (mumbling): Paid for everything...*snort!* I could ever find a woman like that for real!


Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer are gathered for lunch together.

Jerry; So where's this new boyfriend of yours, Elaine? What's his name, Cashmere-something?

Elaine; It's Casimiro, not 'Cashmere'! He's Portugean.

Kramer; You mean 'Portuguese'.

Elaine; Yea, yea, whatever. He's just got a great toosh, that's all that matters!

Kramer; Whoa! Waitaminute! Back up...did you cay he's Portuguese? And his name is 'Casimiro?

Elaine; Yeaaaa. You just said it a few seconds ago yourself! So what?

Kramer; Oh, honey, you gotta break up with that guy! He's bad news! Notícia muito ma! (Leaning over towards George) That's Portuguese for 'Very bad news'!

George; Yea, I figured that!

Elaine; But why is he...(lifts her fingers in the air to mime the 'quote-unquote' sign)...'very bad news'?

Kramer; Because, my little pumpykin, 'Casimiro' translates into 'Great Destroyer'! Oh, yeeeeea!

Elaine (unconvinced); Ah, what the heck. I still like his rear-end.

Kramer; I'm serious here, Elaine! You could be in great danger from the Great Destroyer? What's his last name?

Elaine; I'm not telling you! Just forget it, Kramer- he's very sweet. He wouldn't hurt a fly, let alone eat a planet!

Jerry; It's probably Casimiro G. Destroyerumplemeir, to trick us mere mortals.

Elaine picks up a spoonful of mashed potatoes and flings it onto Jerry's shirt. He looks down at the mess, and wipes it off very slowly, annoyed.

Jerry; Very mature. I'm sure you two will be very happy together- just don't come to us when he starts levitating! Well, now that we've established that Elaine is dating the Son of Satan, what about you, Georgie-boy? How's your dating life going with...what did you call her? Oh, yes! 'Tonya The Yawn-ya'! Did she put you to sleep while on a date yet?

George; If she had, she would have done me a favor, Jer! I gotta tell you guys...I've met the most fantastic woman! She's my dream girl! The woman I've been waiting all my life to meet! We went to a French cafe, the birds were singing, the sun was shining, we were stuffing our faces with expensive French cuisine, and she paid for every nickel of it! It was, bar none, the single best date I ever been on! Everrr!

Kramer; You mean every franc of it. Or maybe Euro. I think they keep changing it every week.

George; It doesn't matter! She's fantastic and I'm crazy about her! And the feeling's mutual! She's already told me that she loves me!

Jerry; So she's suffering from dementia?

Elaine (thinking back); Wait a minute! What French cafe? And what sunny weather? It's been raining off and on all week, and when it hasn't been soaking the city, it's been just cloudy and the sun hasn't shown up at all! When did you see this chick?

George; Last night.

Jerry; That, my friend, was not the sun, it was the Moon! Not nearly as bright and nowhere near as able to keep you warm!

Kramer (concerned); Unless the Great Destroyer made an appearance because of your connection with Elaine?

George; It's none of that. She's literally my dream girl!

Jerry; Why? Because it was free?

George; No, no, no, no. My dream girl, understand? I had a dream about the Perfect Woman.

Elaine; Oh, oh, oooh! Rightrightright.

Kramer (leering) ; I dig!

Jerry; Free date, leaving home but not really, and she's probably got a pinkish hue...yep! That's your Perfect Date.

George; You guys are just jealous that I met my Perfect Match and you're all single or dating Satan Junior!

Jerry; You're not dating her, George! You can only see and interact with her while you're unconscious! How's that an improvement over us? Besides, it was just a one-time dream!

George; Ho, ho, ho, my friend, how little you know! We've actually been on three dates! I've dreamt about Monique three times!

Elaine; They were just dreams, George! They're not real dates! They don't really count! Otherwise a younger version of Harrison Ford and I are secretly king and queen of South America!

Jerry; But South Am-

Elaine; A dream, Jerry! It's not supposed to make sense!

Jerry; Actually George getting his date to pay for everything constitutes his usual, real-life dates, but you see where we're coming from, George? You might never dream about...'Monique'...again, and you'll be right back to Tonya the Yawn-ya.

George; No way! Never! Monique and I have something special going here! This is just the start of a beautiful relationship! We've made plans to go other places and I intend to make her the happiest woman in the world! I'll see you guys later.

George leaves the group, tossing down a few bucks to pay for his lunch, leaving the three others staring at one another in surprise and concern.

Kramer; So...what does the Great Destroyer do for a living? Besides eat whole worlds for breakfast?

Elaine; Very funny. He owns a home repair company. They replace windows, doors and garage doors on houses.

Kramer; Oh, yea, really? That's great! I've been itching to fix up my apartment! Maybe Casimiro can help me out?

Jerry; Kramer, listen to your own words for once- you live in an apartment! Elaine's devil-boyfriend only fixes up houses!

Kramer; An apartment is just a house stacked on top of other houses!

Jerry; No, it's not. You can't just make arbitrary renovations on a unit that doesn't belong to you! You only rent it!

Kramer; Oh? Then it's a little too late to stop Newman's arboretum, isn't it! Luckily for you, my plans aren't as grandiose!

Jerry; You won't get away with any plans, since you're not allowed to fix up your apartment to the extent of what the Great Destroyer can offer!

Elaine; Ooookaaay. That's it. I'm going, too!

Jerry; Just when we were about to establish Kramer's alibi for when the building sues him for damaging his unit?

Elaine (removing a few dollars for her lunch); No, because you're teasing me too much about my new boyfriend.

Jerry; Well, I admit that you're a step up from a dream girl, but-

Elaine (holding up a silencing finger); Tut! Tut-tut-tut! Silencio! Zip-it! Just for that...Kramer? Here! (Pulls out Casimiro's business card from her purse) I'll give you Casimiro's work number and you can work out with him what you want to buy.

Kramer (giving her a thumb's-up sign, and snatching the card from her hand) ; Groovy!

Elaine (leaning over Jerry and winking at him with a smile): Enjoy the sweet sounds of construction!

Elaine leaves, so Jerry and Kramer look at each other.

Jerry; Well, now that they're gone, let's talk about this impending disaster of construction that's not to going happen!

Kramer (checking his watch); Oh, hey, look at the time! Where has the day gone? Sorry, Jer, but I gotta meet Newman for a...a thing. Seeya!

Kramer puts some money on the table to pay for his meal and leaves. The waitress comes by and hands Jerry the check, which he examines, his face crumpling into annoyance seconds later.

Jerry; Buggers didn't pay for their whole bills!

With frustration, Jerry pulls out his wallet and prepares to pay for two-thirds of the check, rather than just his small portion.


It's night time, and light traffic passes by on the street below.


The room is still sloppy and messy, and we see that the phone jack has been unplugged to prevent unwanted calls. George is wearing a sleep mask to ensure that his sleep is undisturbed. He's mumbling in his sleep, so we know he was successful at dreaming about his 'girlfriend' again.

George; Free kayak rides up the

George's image goes wavy and out of focus as we transition to a shot of what he's dreaming...


George and Monique appear to be the only two people present at an expensive-looking, elegantly-designed fancy restaurant, other than a waitress with very large, partially-exposed cleavage and long stocking-clad legs. As expected, George ignores the beautiful waitress in favor of his 'dream girl', Monique. And even though their table is exposed to the open air of the high mountain top, neither seems to notice how cold they should be, or even interested in the massive 100-pound chocolate sundae at an adjoining table, syrup and cherries slipping off it from the sheer size of it.

Monique; This has been the best date yet, George! You've never been more handsome, more interesting to talk to!

George; I know.

Monique is distracted by activity behind George. He looks over his shoulder and is immediately concerned, as the intruder is none other than famous actor George Clooney!

George Clooney (grasping her hand in his and kissing it while on one knee); Hello, my dearest Monique! I'm so sorry I haven't returned your calls! I've been a fool to ignore you! I was too busy making mediocre movies and trying to cure World Hunger, but I'm here for you now, my love! We can finally be together as Fate has decreed!

Monique; I'm sorry...who are you again?

George's look of despair at potentially losing her to the famous Hollywood actor is replaced by a glimmer of hope.

George Clooney; I'm George Clooney! You're lover-boy! Your perfect match!

Monique (looking at George Costanza and holding his hand in hers); I only have eyes for this George!

George Clooney; Are you kidding me? Who's he? What has he ever done with his life? Do you realize who I am? I'm George Clooney! I'm Danny Ocean of 'Ocean's Eleven', 'Ocean's Twelve', 'Ocean's Thirteen', 'Ocean's Eleven Versus Godzilla', Doctor Doug Ross from the 'ER' TV series! Heck, I've even been Batman!

Monique (with sarcasm and annoyance): Yes, 'played' Batman! And you ruined the franchise!

George Clooney; B-but, Monique-!

Monique; Buh-bye! Bye-bye, loser!

George Clooney gets to his feet, shoves a turkey drumstick from George's plate into his mouth and leaves, hopping off the edge of the mountain to do so.

George (handing Monique's a chicken wing); Now, then, where were we?

Monique; I was telling you how great you are!

George; Oh yes. Obviously!

Monique looks over George's shoulder, and he's surprised to find another guy interfering with their date. This time it's...

Monique; Heavy Metal rocker Alice Cooper? What are you doing here?

George (mumbling); It better be to serve us extra bread sticks!

Alice Cooper; I'm here to serve you extra bread sticks! (He sets down a basket of food on the table, then falls to his knees and grabs Monique's hand) And also to proclaim my eternal love to my dream girl!

George; No way, mascara-face! She's mine!

Alice Cooper; Yours? Why would such an awesome chick want to hang out with a lump of plafluffaluff when she can date a rrrock starrr? What do you say, baby? I'll show you Rome! Paris! Tokyo! But, first we'll cash in this 2-for-1 coupon at Burger King! Why don't you and I break outta this lame place and rock the world! I drive a Kia!

Monique (removing Alice Cooper's hand with only two fingers, as if she's touching garbage): How old are you? Like eighty or something?

Alice Cooper (beginning to cry and make his famous eye paint run down his cheeks); Is that a problem?

Monique; I'll never leave George! He's my soul mate! I've never loved a man like I've loved George Costanza! Just go away!

Alice Cooper stands up and is escorted out of the restaurant by talk show host Regis Philbin, who's dressed in a Burger King uniform. George couldn't be happier and just stares back at his dream girl until one more unwanted visitor shows up, swinging into view and landing in the middle of their table.

Spider-Man; Greetings, web-slingers! I'm here to claim my new girlfriend, Monique, from this-

George (standing up, picking up Spidey and throwing him out a window); Okay, okay, that's enough, guys! I'm Monique's boyfriend and none of you stand a chance, so stop intruding!

Finally alone again, and smiling blissfully at each other, George and Monique continue their date as the sexy waitress returns to serve the main course, which she rests on their table. It appears to be a fifty-pound turkey with all the fixings, making George's mouth water.

Waitress; Shall I carve the bird, sir?

George; Yes, please!

George looks at her legs, his eyes rising to see her sexy French maid outfit (even though she's a waitress)), her ample cleavage and finally her face. Except that her face has been replaced by that of Kramer's!


George yelps, sitting up in his bed.

George; YYAAAH! Oh, man...oh, man. Kramerrrr! You idiot!

George flops back down into bed, in the hopes of re-starting his dream date dream.


Day time, the next day.


Elaine is working, her desk is a mess and she's on her phone, just as her co-worker, Lynda, shows up.

Casimiro (voice-over on the phone); Greetings, phone caller! I am not at home at the moment! But I would be more than happy to hear from you! Leave a message in a clear voice and be sure to enunciate! Go for it! Ciao!

Elaine; Uh, hi, Casimiro! It's Elaine. I'm just calling to see if we're still on for Wednesday night? Let me now. Bye-bye. Um...ciao!

Lynda; Hey, Elaine. Here it is- your iPod programmed with a couple dozen Portuguese songs.

Elaine (reaching for it and taking the iPod from Lynda); Oh, great! Thanks, Lynda!

Lynda; Funny. I wouldn't have pegged you for Portuguese. But then again, Calvin down in the Mail Room thinks you're Armenian!

Elaine: I'm not Portuguese, but I am dating a Portuguese guy.

Lynda; Ohhh!

Elaine; Yea, I figured I should see what I'm getting into first, and at the very least, I can let him play with my iPod.

Lynda (winking); Or something else! So...what's the deal with Puddy, then? You guys are finished?

Elaine; Yes.

Lynda; What does that make now? Fifteen break-ups?

Elaine; Yea, yea, yea, I know, but too many irreconcilable differences were popping up that he didn't display before.

Lynda; Elaine...everybody farts!

Elaine; I know, I know, but I draw the line at farting in bed while asleep! And then giggling about it! And then there was that weird obsession he began to develop about the speckles on his Pop Tarts, and using a tweezer to remove as many of them as he could before he ate the whole box by himself! Uh-uh! He and I are done, and I've got a new boyfriend in Casimiro!

Lynda; Mmm! So what's he like?

Elaine; Tall, dark, and handsome, with just the hint of a raspy, sexy voice!

Lynda; Oooo!

Elaine; Yep, yep! He owns his own home renovation company and he must drive his people like slaves if his voice is as worn out as it usually is by the end of the week! Then it's back to normal by Sunday night, but just as adorable! Only thing is he's not the easiest guy to get in touch with. Just had to phone his answering machined at home, since I gave my hipster doofus friend his business card with his work number on it.

Lynda; He's not in the Yellow Pages?

Elaine; Maybe, I forget the name of his company. It doesn't matter. Thanks for the iPod songs.

Lynda; No problem. Now I gotta get some serious work done!

Lynda; On the Urban UFO Umbrella campaign?

Lynda; Heck, no! Gonna surf E-bay for new shoes!

Lynda leaves Elaine's office, who starts to get back to work until she pauses, checks her own shoes that she's wearing, pauses, gets out of her chair, and checks the hallways for her boss, J. Peterman. Seeing that the coast is clear, she brings the E-bay website up on her computer.

Elaine (mumbling and keying in a search): Dolce Gabanna...leather pumps...

J. Peterman appears suddenly at her door, making her jump and fumble with her computer to erase the E-bay page..

J. Peterman; Elaine! Word on the street is that you're of Portuguese descent! Why didn't you tell me this pertinent information before? I've had your company file updated just now to include your country of origin! Eu promovê-lo-ia imediatamente ao vice-presidente sênior se eu tinha sabido aquele!

Elaine; Um...okay. But, I'm not Portuguese.

J. Peterman; Oh, pesaroso sobre isso! Eu significo Português-Americano!

Elaine; Uuh...right. Ciao!

J. Peterman looks confused, then walks away, unsure.


It's day time, a couple days later.


Jerry is sitting on his bed, getting dressed. So far he's only wearing a t-shirt and underwear, and is putting on his socks. He pauses and looks around his room, then gets up and shuffles items around his dresser, cologne on one side, his wallet in the middle, and a pile of ties on the right side.

Jerry (mumbling); Now where the heck did I put my watch?

Kramer (voice-over); It's underneath your ties.

Jerry; Oh, okay. Thanks, Kramer. (Reaches for the ties, pauses, and spins around, wide-eyed at a hole in the wall that separates his bedroom from Kramer's apartment. He leans in and stares into the hole, which is small, about the thickness of a pencil, but it's still shocking to Jerry that it exists) Kramer! What the hell are you doing spying on me?

Kramer; I'm not spying on you, buddy! I'm...watching your back.

Jerry; Kramerrr! What's this hole doing here? Does it have anything to do with your stupid home renovation plans?

Kramer; Yeah, well, sorry about that, pal. I got a little carried aware with the drill and it accidentally went straight through the wall. My bad.

Jerry; When did you do this? I never heard you drilling!

Kramer; Course not! I did it when you were out. Last night. Hey! How was your gig at the Chuckle House?

Jerry: Never mind about the gig! You're telling me you drilled a hole into my bedroom last night, and only now you're willing to 'fess up to it?

Kramer; Well, I was waiting for you to wake up! But every time I checked in, you were still snoring!

Jerry; You were watching me sleep?

Kramer; Yepper. Oh, and FYI, Jer, don't wear the underwear you're wearing now if you're going outside- there's a bleach stain on your left cheek!

Jerry; Kramer! Cover up this hole this instant! And stop spying on me!


Kramer looks embarrassed, and nods at the wall, and lowers himself back onto the head of his bed. We see that his wall is littered with dozens of drill holes- the result of his inability to operate a drill properly. There are even a few drill bits stuck into the wall that he was unable to remove. He sighs and picks something out of his teeth, looks partially over his shoulder, thinks about something, then turns around and on his knees leans towards the hole.

Jerry (voice-over behind the wall); I mean it, Kramer! The peep shows ends now!

Kramer cringes at being caught, and flops back down into bed, pauses, then pulls a bowl of corn flakes and cucumbers onto his chest to munch on.


An early evening view, as the sun begins to set.


George is having another wonderful dream, and this time he and Monique are having pizza and wine beneath the expanse of the Sistine Chapel, which both of them are admiring.

Monique; It's so wonderful, George! Such amazing painting!

George; You're the only work of art I have eyes for, Monique!

Monique; And who would have thought that Leonardo da Vinci had such talent that he could capture such a life-like versions of the kids from 'South Park'?

George; It's nothing compared to your cute little wool cap and parka!

Monique (stares up at the ceiling and squints); Is that the Road Runner by da Vinci?

George (looking up); Yes. It's the painting where the Coyote finally captures and eats him!

Monique (looking back at George): Well, it was about time! He spent so much money on Acme products! It's breathtaking! I don't know how this date could get better!

George (snapping his fingers); Allow me!

Monique is surprised and then delighted when the Beatles and Elvis Presley appear and jam together, singing not one of their hits, but the theme of 'The Road Runner' TV show.

Elvis; If you're on a highway and a road runner goes 'beep-beep'! Just step aside, or you might end up in heap! Road Runner, Road Runner runs on the road all day.

John Lennon; Even the Coyote can't make him change his ways.

Paul McCartney; Road Runner, that Coyote's after you!

John Lennon; Road Runner, if he catches you, you're through!

Paul McCartney; Road Runner, that Coyote's after you!

Elvis; Thank ya, thank ya, verra much! Is somebody at the door?

John Lennon; The Coyote's gonna get George!

Elvis; And maybe tie him to one of those Acme catapults!

Frank Costanza (voice-over); GEORRRRRGE! OPEN UP! And stop defiling yourself if that's what you're up to!


George sits up in his bed, wearing his sleep mask, unsure if he dreamed hearing his father's voice, until he hears it in 'real-time', once again accompanied by more door-pounding.

Frank Costanza (voice-over from behind the front door); Comeoncomeoncomeon! I also have to urinate something fierce!

George gets out of bed, annoyed that his sleep and his dream of another fun date with Monique has been ruined. Putting on his glasses he angrily jumps out of bed.


George unlocks his door, and is nearly barrelled over by his father who makes a mad dash to the bathroom, barely able to yell out,

Frank; Get yourself dressed pronto! It's too late in the day to be sleeping, but not late enough for your mother to knock our heads together if we don't pick her up in 10 minutes from the Schneikels!

George (sighing and shoving the door closed, and then sarcastically); Good morning, Dad. Nice to see you, too, Dad. I'm sure Monique wouldn't approve of your intrusion, Dad! Lousy, friggin...

Frank (voice-over from the bathroom); Who're you talking to? AAAAH! What did I tell you about buying Irish Spring soap? You know that stuff's made by Japanese gun-runners!


A day-time shot with plenty of traffic.


George is driving with his mother in the front passenger seat, and his dad in the back, but leaning forward so closely, that he's virtually in the front of the car with them.

Frank; ...and that's how I learned that if you drink Pepsi, V-8 juice, White Lightning, and gin you're in for a looong night!

Estelle Costanza; Huh! You're telling me! You were acting so crazy that I nearly divorced you because of it!

Frank; Okay, so George, be careful not to go too fast for the next three blocks- I need to check something out.

George; What?

Frank; I lost a five dollar bill around here somewhere on Sunday afternoon and I want to get it back!

George (incredulous): A five-dollar bill? Not a chance! You'll never get it back!

Frank (gently slapping Estelle on the shoulder): You know he gets that cynicism from your side of the family! You know that, don't you?

Estelle; Better the cynicism than the obsession over TV Guides and Cat Fancy! I don't understand it! We don't even own a cat! Why do you even read that trash?

Frank: HEY! I sent in a witty single-frame cartoon to them to be published and I'm damn well going to keep buying their damned magazine until they publish it! How else will I know when to buy extra copies to show all my friends?

Estelle (sarcastically); You mean you're waiting to buy one extra copy?

George (laughing and making snorting sounds); Good one, Ma! Anyways, Dad, this city is too crowded and greedy to let a five dollar bill, let alone a one buck to lie around ignored! It's long gone- trust me!

Frank (sighing and clasping his hands, looking upward); What has society come to? There was a time when I could have gone back there three weeks later and found my money still on the ground!

George; Yeah, well, the post-apocalyptic world of the 'Planet Of The Apes' hasn't happened yet, so until we make it to the 40th century, yer outta luck!

George comes to a halt at a red light, and ignores his parent's banter as usual, then something catches his eye. His mouth drops open and he raises a hand to cover it in surprise.


We see that George's Dream Girl, Monique, is on a billboard advertising a vacation get-a-way to California. She's just as pretty as the woman in his dreams, an exact match.


George can't take his eyes off the woman on the billboard, even as the light changes in front of him.

Frank; Green light, George. Green-light-George! ! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD-!

Estelle; George! Get moving before your father has a cow and bursts a blood vessel!


George's tires spin like crazy and burn rubber before the car lunges forward.


George accidentally floors the gas too much as he's shocked back into reality, pushing his mother, wide-eyed, back into her seat, and throwing his father slamming back into the back seat from the acceleration. George quickly taps the brakes to slow down and return to the proper speed, even as he keeps twisting his head to look up in shock at the billboard overhead, until he drives past it.

Estelle: Are you insane? What the hell was that about?

Frank; If anybody cares...I just cracked the hard-boiled egg I was carrying in my pants!

Frank reaches forward and gives George a smack in the back of the head.

George: OWW! Stop it!

Frank; You owe be one hard-boiled chicken egg!

George drives on without comment, his face clearly showing confusion at seeing someone that he thought was a creation of his own mind show up in reality as a real person.


An early evening shot, as we see night beginning to make the landscape of the streets darken.


Jerry is already sitting at the usual table as George enters, looking exhausted. He flops down at the table and picks up a menu.

George; Oh, man, I gotta tell ya, Jerry- Monique is wearing me OUT! Wooo! We've been everywhere and seen so many celebrities that I can't remember all of their names! My dates with her are just becoming more and more extravagant and exciting!

Jerry; You do realize that you were unconscious during all of them? So how could you be exhausted? You were lying down asleep the entire time!

George; Yea, but it's like a semi-surreal reality-bending encounter that feels sooo real that I wake up as tired as if I'd really been to the Alps or the Vatican or the Enterprise.

Jerry; The Enterprise? Which one?

George; The Original and the best! No bloody A, B, C, or D!

Jerry; Or E! Or NX-01!

George; You got that right. But here's the thing- I'm driving my psychotic parents somewhere yesterday and who do I see on a billboard? Monique! Turns out she's a real-life hot model! I must have subconscious memorized her features and transposed them into my dreams! Do you realize what this means, Jerry? My dream girl exists! She's as real as you and I!

A waitress comes by a pours coffee for Jerry and one for George.

Jerry; Real, huh? So what're you gonna do? Track her down and date her for real?

George (laughing and making a snorting sound; Yea! Like I'd have a chance with a woman like that? Not to mention the inevitable drop in quality of our dates! Somehow, I think my dream girl Monique and I would have more fun in a fictional trip to Venice to watch U2 jam for us than the real-life Monique and I would have checking out Tony's Pizzeria and Deli next door to the local Hooter's!

Jerry; So where is this billboard?

George (looking nervous): What? Why should I tell you? I'm keeping Monique for myself!

Jerry; Why? Now that we've established that she's a model, and I'm in show business, she and I might hit it off pretty well, and then I could show her a good time! Asleep or conscious!

George; You keep your dreams outta Monique's life, buster! She's mine!

Jerry; Okay, okay, I'm just kidding you. Anyways, shouldn't you be getting ready for your real-life date with Tonya The Yawn-ya?

George (sounding depressed): Yea! Gotta listen to her ramble on about lame things like-

Jerry; Her feelings? Her hopes and dreams and interest in you?

George; I was about to say her lame job at the laundromat, and the oh-so-interesting customers that visit through the day. Hey, you know what happens when a quarter gets stuck in a machine and a customer can't get it out?

Jerry; Probably.

George; Well, I definitely do! She's told me the same stupid coin-retrieval story six times! I can't wait for this useless date to end so I can go home, get some sleep, and have a real date with Monique!

Jerry; Well, good luck with that, Georgie-boy. Maybe your coffee with keep you awake for your Tonya Yawnya-fest!

George (coughing and sputtering as he swallows a sip, pushing the drink aside); Coffee? What was I thinking? I need decaf! I can't drink anything that'll keep me up and away from my dream girl!

Jerry (checking the menu); Then you might want to keep away from the 'bean burrito surprise'- that'll keep you awake for another reason!


Night time with some traffic outside.


Elaine is in bed and looks annoyed, considering whether or not to call Casimiro. She flips through a Yellow Pages, but can't find his company, so she phones his home number.

Casimiro (voice-over on the phone): Greetings, phone caller! I am not at home right now...

Elaine (impatient and holding the phone away from her); Bloody cheerful Portugarean rezzzer frickin'...

Casimiro (voice-over on the phone); ...Go for it! Ciao!

Elaine; Ciao, yourself, ya- (sound of answering machine 'bleep', and Elaine's suddenly sounds cheerful) Casimirooo! Hiii! It's Elaine! I was hoping you'd call to confirm our date on Wednesday, but my calendar now says 'Thursday'! Thursday night! Not sure why you're not at home at 8:30 at night! So give me a call tomorrow- in the morning or by 12 noon, to arrange something, okay! I've got a surprise for you! Lots of songs and crap on an iPod I programmed personally for several valuable hours! See ya! Byyyye!

Elaine hangs up, and picks up a TV remote.

Woman (voice-over on TV); Ladies! Does your man make faces at your noodles?


Night time with only a few apartment lights on.


Jerry enters his apartment, turning on the lights and then the TV to watch a ballgame. He tosses his jacket onto a hook on the wall, checks his phone for voice messages and then approaches his bedroom, only to stop in his tracks, back up a couple steps in absolute shock, pause, then slowly step forward again.



We see that the small hole in Jerry's wall is gone, but now it's been replaced by a very obvious two-tier window! It's as big as one found in a house, measuring three feet high by three feet wide. Jerry enters his bedroom and knocks urgently onto the window. Seconds later, the bottom of the window slides up, and Kramer appears, hanging his head and hands over the frame and out into Jerry's bedroom, a big smile on his face.

Kramer; Hi, buddy! What's new?

Jerry; What's newww? I'll give you one freakin' hint!

Kramer (grinning widely and tapping the frame of his new window); Yea, yea! She's a beauty, ain't she? I got it from Casimiro, who had his people install it!

Jerry; So he really is living up to his nickname of 'The Great Destroyer', is he?

Kramer; What destruction? This is an improvement, Jer! Now we can talk like real neighbors all the time! It's the American Dream to converse with a neighbor whilst hanging out a window! I was just going to hang the window on my wall and stick a big photo of the city behind it to simulate a view of Park Avenue, but Casimiro convinced me to blow out the wall and share my new window with you! I thought you'd appreciate it, too?

Jerry; Kramer, this is crazy! You're not authorized by the building to rip out holes in the walls and install windows that belong in a house! And I sure as hell don't want you having free and easy access to my bedroom! A drill hole was creepy enough, but this-!

Kramer; I thought we were friends?

Jerry; We'll be trial participants if you don't get that Portuguese Destroyer on the phone right now and have him tear that thing out and fix my wall!

Kramer; All right, all right! Geez, Jerry, I thought you'd be impressed! Look at the quality and workmanship of this thing! Solid as a rock!

Kramer slaps the frame again, then accidentally makes the top portion slam down across his back, forcing him to dangle out into Jerry's room, pinning Kramer into it. Jerry leaps forward and tugs at Kramer a couple times to help him get out of his window frame, then exhales deeply and stands up.

Jerry; Oh, what the hell. I'm staying overnight in a hotel. Seeya.

Kramer; Jer? Jerry! Jer, I'm still stuck!

Kramer struggles to free himself from the window, grunting and twisting as he does so.

Kramer (whimpering); Oh, mama! It's just like when I was 8 years old!


A night time shot.


George looks frustrated and bored as he pulls up to Tonya's apartment, and he barely looks at her, checking his watch.

George; Okay, see you later. Have a good night.

Tonya; That's no way to say 'good night' on a date!

Tonya takes George's face his her hands and plants a long, passionate kiss on his lips, which she enjoys with her eyes closed, although George is checking his watch again, and clearly just wants to leave. Finally she releases the kiss.

Tonya (demurely); That was niiice!

George (impatiently); Yep, swell, good enough, see you next time.

Tonya; George, wait a minute. We've been on a bunch of dates and I was thinking that we should take our relationship to the next step.

George; Oh. Okay. Next time we'll go to a restaurant that serves wine.

Tonya; No, silly, not that! What I mean is, I'm attracted to you, and I know you're attracted to me-

George; Eh.

Tonya; So I was you want to come upstairs?

George; Upstairs? I could use a little visit to the bathroom...

Tonya (giggling and messing up his hair playfully): You're such an obtuse sweetie! (she removes her glasses and stares directly into his eyes) No, George, I mean...upstairs! As in, do you want to spend the night?

George considers this, looking like he's ready to reject the idea, until he stops himself.

George; Spending the night...having a good night's sleep...Yes! Yes, I think that's a great idea!

Tonya (giggling); A little bit of sleep and...hee-hee...whatever else!

George guns the engine and backs up very rapidly to park in the visitor section.


We see the en suite bathroom light turn off as Tonya appears, silhouetted in a sexy nightie. She steps towards her bed, bumps into a chair and nearly knocks over her night table lamp as she paws her way to her bed where George is already.

Tonya (playfully); Georrrge? I'm coming for youuu! And I'm wearing a little something I ordered on-line from Victoria's Secret, just for this special occasion! (She gets into bed, and leans over George's form) George? I just want you to know that you'll be...well, my first! What do you think of my choice in lingerie?


George is asleep and oblivious to whatever charms Tonya possesses. She considers waking him up, but she's too shy to do so, so she reluctantly slips under the covers and gets comfortable.

George; Mmmm! Moniiiique! Best kiss...I ever had!

Tonya leans over and sits up, shocked and angry as she hears George muttering.


We see a partially-dressed George shuffle back to his car and unlock it. Dressed only in his pants and holding all of his clothes after being kicked out of Tonya's apartment, he shrugs and gets into his car, humming happily to himself, as he knows he'll have a better time tonight in his dream world with his dream girl than he would have with Tonya. He departs, a potted plant thrown from Tonya's balcony narrowly missing his car.


George is asleep again, and smiling in his sleep.


Fade in from a blur as we zoom in on George and Monique smiling and talking in the famous landmark. He's feeding her an abnormally-large slice of pizza the size of an open newspaper, until he notices that she's looking around beyond him, her smile obviously becoming forced.

George; Something wrong, my darling?

Monique; Nothing, George. It's just Sistine Chapel...again!

George's smile fades and he immediately becomes embarrassed as he remembers having already brought his Dream Girl here before. A shadowy figure arrives and George looks up to see that it's his father, Frank Costanza, dressed as a waiter.

Frank; And, sir? You credit card.. she'sa expired! You gotta paya witha you base-a-ball card collection!

Frank slaps George in the head, just like his real-life father likes to do.


A day-time shot.


Jerry enters his apartment with a bagful of groceries, placing them in his kitchen. He removes a box of cereal, leering at it like it's a sexy woman.

Jerry; Choco-Berry Crunch-Bombs! Mmmm! Tooth decay and a plastic locomotive train engine! I love America!

He reaches in blindly and feels around with expectation, until his face falls from disappointment. He grabs a bowl and pours the entire contents of the cereal into the bowl, but there's no prize. He shakes the box, looks inside, then reads the box, frowning.

Jerry; Five proof of purchase box tops and ten bucks? So all I have is tooth-decay and ten essentials vitamins and minerals? You guys suck!

George barges in, upset and pacing as Jerry makes himself a bowl of cereal.

George; Jerry! Jerry, I'm in big trouble! Big, big trouble! I really need your help this time!

Jerry; What? Derek Jeter trying to shake you down for your lunch money at work, again?

George (indignant); No!

Jerry (disappointed); Oh.. too bad. I was really hoping to try and put somebody into one of those 'figure-four' wrestling leg lock holds. I don't think those moves actually hurt anybody!

George; Then how would that help me if it doesn't hurt a bully?

Jerry (shrugs his shoulders); I might make a new friend. What's up?

George; I've hit a road-block with my girlfriend! She's starting to complain that I'm bringing her to the same places more than once! She's getting bored with me, Jer!

Jerry; You've only had three or four dates with Tonya and I told you not to take her to that restaurant that doesn't serve wine!

George; Nonononono! Not Tonya! Monique! I've started bringing her back to these fabulous, expensive, extravagant places, but she's starting to notice that the thrill is gone since we've already been to the same places!

Jerry (stares at him and pauses); Did you just call her...this Dream Girl of yours...your 'girlfriend'?

George; Yea! So what? Aawww, what's the use! I'm on the inevitable downward spiral that every relationship I've ever had is doomed to experience! If I can't think of new, exciting places, then Monique will-

Jerry; Break up with you? Dump you?

George; Welll...

Jerry (cupping his hands around his mouth to bellow); George! She's not realll! You're just dreaming about her! You can't control your dreams!

George (getting impatient); Oh, yea? Oh, yea? Well, let me tell you something, bucko, (Jerry mouths the word 'bucko' to himself, looking confused) I can! and I will! These dreams are so vivid, so realistic-

Jerry; Yea! You at the Eiffel Tower with Monique and Lieutenant Uhura! That'll happen in real life!

George; Fine, mock me. Be jealous of me! But, just remember! 'Monique' may be my Dream Girl-slash-girlfriend, but that woman's face is very real, and I won't stop thinking about her or trying to find out what agency she works for so we can actually meet! Then I won't have to dream about her, I'll actually be able to date her!

Jerry; Then you can dream about her as you guys drive past expensive places, and you get her to pay for lunch at Monk's Cafe!

George; Okay, okay, funny boy, that's enough. So can you help me out or not? I'm thinking that if I peruse an encyclopaedia or two my subconscious mind will zero in on some interesting places and events and she and I will wind up there.

Jerry (shaking his head); Naw, never did buy an encyclopaedia. But I've heard Kramer mention his set. Just be careful not to let your subconscious mind zero in on the Spanish Inquisition! I doubt Monique will enjoy front row seats to that!

George exits Jerry's apartment, leaving his door open as he knocks on Kramer's door. Kramer answers seconds later.

Kramer; Hey, George! How are they hanging?

George; Um...fine, fine. Look, Kramer, can I borrow some of your encyclopaedia books? I really need to do some research!

Kramer; Oh, okay. it that infected thing again? I thought you got rid of it with that prescription?

George; Not that kinda research! I need to look up some places and historical events.

Kramer; Oh, okay. What letters?

Jerry; N, U, and T!

Kramer; Huh?

George; Just anything, Kramer, anything! I'll trust your judgement!

George returns to Jerry's apartment, as Kramer walks back into his apartment, closing his door behind him.

Jerry; You ever notice that you can't get toys in cereal any more? They've really phased out a lot of stuff since we were kids!

George; Yea! Time was you could find a toy car or plastic plane or comic book or something inside cereal! Now what do you get? Nine essential vitamins and minerals? Biiig deeeeal!

Jerry; They've upgraded to ten!

George; What's the tenth mineral or vitamin?

Jerry; I think it's Kryptonite! Kids don't seem to have the energy we used to have!

Jerry and George watch as Kramer appears from Jerry's bedroom, flipping through an encyclopaedia book.

Kramer; Okay, George, here's Book One for the letter 'A', and Book Two, which covers the letter 'G'.

Jerry (looking back and forth between Kramer and his bedroom door); Kramer?

George (ignoring Jerry); Shouldn't Book Two be the letter 'B'?

Kramer (ignoring Jerry, who's still looking back and forth between him and his bedroom); Not with this series!

George; Why? What encyclopaedia series is this? (Kramer hands him both books) 'The Encyclopaedia...Burttanica'?

Jerry; Kramer, what's-?

Kramer (ignoring Jerry); It's the creation of the brother of my friend, Bob Sakamano! His brother, Burt, is publishing his own books! Hence, The renowned 'Encyclopaedia Burttanica'!

George; That still doesn't explain why the letter 'G' is the second book?

Kramer; He-

Jerry; It doesn't matter! Kramer- how the hell did you come into my apartment from my bedroom? I went on the road for two days so you could get rid of that stupid window in our adjoining wall! Are you telling me you didn't remove it yet?

Kramer; I did as you asked! rid of it...

Jerry; Then how did you...? (Jerry doesn't wait for an answer, so he runs over to his bedroom, and yells from inside it) KRAMERRR!

George and Kramer join him, look at a furious Jerry, then at the wall that he's pointing at. Sure enough, the window is gone...and replaced by a full size door!

Kramer; Oh, yea, that. Well, Casimiro gave me such a sweet deal on it I couldn't say 'no'!

Jerry (shaking his head at the floor, and then to George); He really is 'The Great Destroyer'!

Kramer hears his phone ringing, and uses the new door to enter his apartment, much to the frustration to Jerry.

Kramer; Yooo! Kramer here!

Jerry slams the door behind him, making Kramer start and nearly drop his phone.

Elaine (voice-over on the phone); Kramer, it's Elaine! I need you now! I need a favor!

Kramer; Oooh, babyyy!

Elaine (voice-over); Not that kinda of favor, ya little-...never mind. You know that business card of Casimiro's I gave you? Do you still have it?

Kramer; Well, sure! He and I have become very good friends since then! He's a great guy and I've gotten a couple sweet renovation deals from him! (Jerry appears from the new door, staring angrily at him, gritting his teeth, making Kramer fumble slightly with the phone) But, I might, uh, need to call him again...once more...

Elaine (voice-over) Great! Can you give me his work number? I need to call him right away! And I need his company's address!

Kramer; Okay, sure.


Elaine is writing down the information.

Elaine; Great! Thanks, Kramer! I owe you one! (pauses, listening to his request, her face crumpling in disgust) But not that one! Never gonna happen, mister! I gotta go now...Bye! (She hangs up, and stares at the phone) That was just plain creepy! I don't have a subscription to 'Famous Monster of Filmland' magazine! (She picks her phone up again and dials a number) H-hello? Can I speak to Casimiro, please? What? What night-time shift? This is Three-Star Window And Door Installation, isn't it? Right. And Casimiro's not your boss? (Elaine holds the phone away from her ear as the person on the other end laughs hysterically out loud) Right, not the boss. Verrry interesting...


An early evening shot as traffic drives by.


Elaine cautiously walks down a hallway, empty of people other than a drunk passed out in a corner. Elaine pauses and looks at him and leans down to drop a dollar into the homeless man's change box. Seconds later he farts in his sleep, and Elaine nearly takes back her dollar, but quickly changes her mind. Down the hall she reaches a worn-out office door with a cheaply-made crooked sign on it reading 'Three-Star Window and Door Installation'. She inhales deeply to get the courage to enter, turns the knob, and goes inside.


The foyer where a secretary might work is empty, but Elaine can hear voices from an adjoining room. She slowly makes her way forward and into it, where she finds a half dozen people speaking into headsets as they sit at individual cubicles in front of old computers. Office doors on the other side of the room are closed, but none of them have the name of her boyfriend on it, which seems prove that none of them belongs to Casimiro. Elaine listens in to one of the telemarketers on the phone.

Telemarketer; Listen, dummy, I know your phone number and I know where you live! If you want to avoid big trouble you'll buy some windows from my company! What? Seven windows for the first floor! That's pretty good. Thanks, Dad!

Elaine hears a familiar voice and approaches it, finding her boyfriend talking into a headset.

Casimiro; We can get a salesman there on Thursday to go over the estimate...excuse me?...Why would you want to know if our windows are 'breakable'? No, I don't think that's a good idea! Welll...we'd have to keep sending out salesmen and installers every week! It'll get really expensive for you, ya big koo-koo! Hello? Hel-aawww, sshhh-!

Elaine; Casimiro?

Casimiro (turns around to see who is talking to him, and nearly falls out of his creaky chair); -hhugarr! Elaine? Wh-wh-what're y-you doing here?

Elaine (looking down at the cubicle): What are you doing here? I thought you owned the company?

A couple co-workers burst out into laughter, the one seated beside Casimiro turning around in his chair.

Fred; Casey? In charge? Bwahawhawhawhaw! He's in charge of getting coffee re-fills around here! And speaking of which-

Fred holds out a paper coffee cup which Casimiro slaps away, with embarrassment.

Casimiro'; Funny, guys, funny! I was just...just checking the programming on this computer! Yea! (bends down, touches a couple keys, and accidentally shuts it off). Whoops. Yea, well, that's all set for going back on-line tomorrow. For, uh, Yannick. This is actually Yannick's computer and headset!

Fred; Casey, Yannick left a month ago for a much better job! (looks up at Elaine from his seat) He's telemarketing for carpet cleaning!

Elaine; You're a telemarketer? You don't own this window and door company?

Casimiro; Well, not as such, right now, but-

Fred; Casey also drives a crappy car!

Casimiro; Shut up!

Elaine pulls her boyfriend aside from the annoying Fred and is about to say something when she glances back at Fred, then back to Casimiro.

Elaine; 'Casey'? You told me your name was 'Casimiro'?

Casimiro; It is! Just not here, around these guys! Do you have any idea what 'Casimiro' translates into in English?

Elaine; I'm guessing 'lying telemarketer'! Good-bye!

Elaine turns around to leave, but Casimiro quickly grabs her arm to stop her.

Casimiro; Elaine, waitwaitwait! Look, the truth is, is that I had a great time with you on our dates and I'm really attracted to you! But when you started telling me all about your high-power job at I felt so ashamed that I was just a telemarketer working for minimum wage-

Elaine; Minimum wage?

Casimiro; - and only part time hours at that-

Elaine; And part-time? Sorry, Casimiro, I-I don't think this is going to work out. Sorry.

Elaine is about to leave when she's blocked by a man exiting one of the closed offices, who hands Casimiro a piece of paper.

Bill; Here ya go, Casey! Great work with that place on Ogden Avenue! Ten windows! Keep up the good work!

Elaine (snatching the paper from Bill's hand when she sees that it's his pay check, then her mouth drops from shock) Lemme see that pay check! Whaa-? Fourteen hundred dollars? This is your pay?

Casimiro (gently taking his check from her); Yea, well, with bonuses and stuff. I've done better. And once your friend, Kramer's check clears, I'll already be half way to this total!

Elaine (experiencing a change of heart and wrapping herself around his arm); Ya know...Casey...I'm not such a snob that I would never date a telemarketer! could I ever do without that cute little tooshy of yours?

Casimiro; You''re not mad that I lied and told you I owned the place?

Elaine; Do you fart in bed when you're asleep?

Casimiro; No. Not that I know of.

Elaine; Then I forgive you! What do you say you and I grab a bite to eat when your shift is over?

Fred's voice; Casey already crashed his computer! You guys might as well take off!

Elaine; Great! (She takes his hand to lead him out of the office, but stops at the door, noticing the name of the company) Say, Casimiro, tell me- why is this place called 'Three-Star Window and Door Installation'? I mean, only three stars? Usually places want four or even five stars in their name?

Casimiro (shrugging); Don't let anybody else know this but...our windows and doors are kinda poorly constructed and installed!

Elaine nods and pulls him out of the office.


Jerry is getting ready for bed, shuffling over to his bed, stopping to frown and growl at the door he's sharing with Kramer's bedroom, mumbling curses under his breath. He gets into bed, turns off the light, and begins to get comfortable.

Jerry's eyes blink open as he hears a little creaking sound, so he sits up in bed and turns on the light. No sound. He shakes his head, turns off the light, falls back into bed and gets comfortable.

Seconds later, the creaking returns and Jerry's eyes open, just before we see the door slowly fall down onto the side of Jerry's bed, causing him to yell out in surprise. As Jerry fumbles with the door on top of him, Kramer appears in his Batman pyjamas at the door frame, and looks just as surprised. He and Jerry's eyes meet.

Kramer; Don't worry, buddy. I'm on this. I've got loads of scotch tape in the bathroom!

Kramer leaves, and Jerry sighs in frustration, lying back in bed with the door on top of him.


George has unplugged the phone, donned his sleep mask, and is smiling in his sleep, before he suddenly frowns and begins to toss and turn.

George (mumbling); No...noooo! Don't leave me,'t leave me for...Burt Sakamano! Terrible writer...too many typos...Dad! Stop it...give the wrench back to the bunny rabbit...Ma? Why did you start the Korean War?...And get out of that crazy Samurai outfit...'cause I said so!...I got eighty credit limit of five bucks each...lemme search the sidewalk for them..dropped some three weeks ago...move the bunny, Dad...can't see my pants...why does the bunny have my pants? Crazy wabbit...beep, beep! Beep, beep...ow. Anvils hurt alot...Ma...why're you Alice Cooper's lead guitarist?...Kramer?...gimme back my ears!...I need them to wear my glasses!...beep, beep...


Jerry is doing his stand-up routine.

Jerry; When you stop to think about it, you and I and everyone today is so spoiled when it comes to reference material for our dreams. Think about it- you have families and friends and you know about famous personalities and celebrities, and famous cities and places. Maybe one night you'll dream about being Luke Skywalker flying over Cleveland in a robot polar bear! The next night, you're serving cookies to Ben Franklin, who's discussing kites with Oprah! So how boring it must have been long ago to have been Adam and Eve! All they knew was each other, the Garden of Eden, and the Almighty. That's it. Adam could wake up and tell Eve, 'I had a dream about you.' And Eve would ask, "Really? What did I do?' And Adam would be like, 'Not much. Talked about being my rib at one time, but and I just sat around and did nothing but stare at that forbidden tree!'.


We zoom in gradually to a very large, very old passenger ship, which is obviously the infamous Titanic. As we zoom in to the front of the ship, we see a couple, a man and a woman leaning over the railing, and although it's an exact recreation of the Leonardo Di Caprio / Kate Winslett scene from the classic movie, the closer we get the more obvious that it becomes that it's not them. Instead of Dicaprio and Winslett, it's George and Monique.

George; Isn't this amazing, Monique? Just me and my soul-mate out here! I'm the King of the Worrrld! I'm the King, baby! It's all about me! Memememememememememe-!


It's sunny, with the famous 'Hollywood' sign in the background establishing that the condo is in California.


A very attractive young woman is seen tossing and turning in her bed, before yelping out loud and sitting up in her bed. She looks around her surroundings, flips open the covers on one side of her bed to establish that she's alone, then rubs her head.

Monique; Not again? (She reaches across to her night table and picks up her cell phone, and makes a call. She pauses as she waits for the contact to pick up). Hi, Mom, it's Monique.'s happened again! I had another nightmare with that short, stocky, balding guy with the glasses! He keeps calling me his 'soul-mate' and taking me to all these famous places! Mom, I'm really scared that I'm going insane! Yes...yes, I will. I'm quitting modeling forever, and moving back home! These modelling jobs are giving me terrible, bad dreams! What? No, I've never met him in my life! Who'd want a to date a real-life cheapskate like that, anyway? Every dream I had with him he made me pay for everything!"