I fear I am losing my memory of him. Sometimes I can't recall the colour of his eyes, or the sound of his voice. I see him only in my dreams, and not very often. I am worried that I am losing my beautiful dream—the only thing allowing him to find me in Elysion. But I have faith in my heart. I have faith that one day he will come to me, not in dreams, but in reality, as he once did. He was the one who allowed me to form my own Pink Moon Crystal- the real source of my powers. But he is gone.
No, he is not gone. He still lives, in Elysion. I wonder sometimes how he will come to me- riding on Pegasus, his magnificent ride? Or maybe he won't come at all. How can he find me? For I am now living in the 30th Century, the time I'm supposed to be in. What time is he in? I try asking my mother, or Pluto. Neither of them knows. Or at least, they don't want to tell me.
My name is Princess Usagi Small Lady Serenity. But you can call me Chibiusa- that's what Usagi called me. She's my mother. Well, she's who my mother was, before. It's a long story. I guess you probably know already anyway.
I'm not so small now, though. Ever since my Pink Moon Crystal was created, that amazing day, I've grown, just as any other person would. I'm about nineteen now, I think. And I'm lonely.
The palace is beautiful, but stark, and empty. The Sailors, my mother and my father have regular duties to attend to. I'm usually left alone. My guardians often spend time with me, but I feel like they don't really know me. I spent so much time in the 20th Century that I still don't feel comfortable in my own time. It's been years, but I still feel like that's where I belong. I try and wonder what they're doing now, but then I realized that it's not happening anymore. Well, it is, but it's complicated- Sailor Pluto explained it to me once but I don't think I'll ever actually understand.
That day felt different. I saw something in the clouds, in the twinkle of the sun, that reminded me of Helios. As I put away my diary and left my room, I breathed in deeply, as if I could sense Helios' presence in the air.
"Good Morning, Princess!" Diana, Luna and Artemis said, in unison, as they always did.
"Good Morning! There's something in the wind today. I feel something coming- something good!" I said.
It seemed like they might have known what I was sensing, but they didn't want to tell me. But I often felt that I was surrounded by secrets in this place, so I, as usual, tried not to pay any mind.
I entered the Grand Hall, where I found a lot more activity going on than I expected. I was not told of any meetings that would be held, yet there was such a crowd that I couldn't even see the throne, where no doubt my beautiful, ever graceful mother was delegating from. I always found it so strange to see the stark contrast between her graceful self, and the clumsy Usagi I knew from the 20th Century.
"The matter will need to be discussed in private with the Princess. Please, we do not arrange betrothals without consulting the person in discussion! She will decide for herself," I heard my mother say.
I closed the door quickly after hearing that, out of breath from the shock. I was shocked and hurt that they would even allow such a thing to be mentioned, knowing how I felt about Helios.
I ran back to my room, hot tears streaming down my cheeks. I opened my drawer, intending to get my diary and write some more. Instead, I found myself reaching for the key. The key that takes me back to the 20th Century. It was so easy to escape everything.
Without even thinking, I walked through the Space-time Door. It didn't take long for me to reach the other side of the fourth dimension, to the 20th Century. At last, I thought, I am home! Usagi would never force me to decide about marriage.
Rei and Usagi were bickering, as they always did, this time about decorating a poster for Minako's concert—I had gone back to around the time Minako was trying to become an idol.
"Maybe I could help?" I hazarded. I didn't want it to seem too unusual that I'm here.
It was too late, though. Everyone was staring at me, and their jaws all dropped.
"Chibiusa? Is that you?" Ami asked. Right, I forgot, I thought, the last time they saw me I was years younger.
"Who else? Of course it's me! Oh, I've missed you all so much!" Everyone hugged me. I felt more welcome there than I had in my own home for a long time.
"You're so beautiful!" "And tall!" "When did this happen?" "Oh, look how long your hair is!"
After exclaiming over how much I had changed, they all realized that I was not supposed to be there.
"Wait… why are you here? Is something wrong? Is Neo-Queen Serenity in trouble? Are you okay?" Usagi and Mamoru were very worried. But I didn't want to tell them what happened, to have to think about it- I had gone there to escape.
"No, no! Everything is fine in the 30th Century. It's just that it had been so long… I really missed you all! It's been six years for me since I've seen you!" It had only been about two years for them.
Immediately Usagi's face turned into a smile. She drew me back into her arms. Mamoru, however, still seemed concerned. But, knowing how I was I suppose, he decided not to say anything.
"Oh honey, we've missed you too! Of course, you were a little girl the last time I saw you! We thought that the next time we'd see you would be as a baby…" Usagi blushed. Then she looked me up and down, taking in this new, mature me. "How are we going to explain this to Mama…? And you can't exactly be going around in your princess gown now can you?"
"Oh, well, I came pretty spur the moment. I didn't think about any of that. Usagi, maybe I could borrow some of your clothes? I think that I should fit into them pretty well now. I don't have Luna-P anymore. I don't know what to do about Ikuko-Mama…"
Mamoru, always thinking off me, spoke up, "Chibiusa can stay with me, I don't mind! You can take the bed, I'll just sleep on the couch."
With everything settled, Usagi led me to her room to change, and we were very careful not to bump into Shingo or Ikuko-Mama. I picked out one of her dresses that I had always really admired, and slipped it on. It fit perfectly. After I have changed, Usagi came back into the room.
"Well, Chibiusa, I was hoping that we could talk? I'm so excited that you're here! It seems strange that you're about the same age as me now, but I really want to get to know you again! What have you been up to in Crystal Tokyo? Have you… met any… boys?"
I glared at her. "I don't want to talk about it," then, pausing to see the disappointment on her face, I said, "Most of my time has been spent being diplomatic. Sitting in on meetings in the grand hall. Honestly, it's been pretty boring. It's much more fun around here!" I decide just to ignore the other question.
"Oh, the life of a princess…" Usagi's eyes lit up, no doubt trying to recall her life as Moon Princess. "I'm sure you're doing wonderfully! You're so well spoken now!"
We returned to where everyone else is. Ami spoke up, "Hey Chibiusa, why don't we go for ice cream, just like we used to? Or are you too old for that now?" I didn't realize how difficult my being older would be for them to accept.
"No, Ami, I would love ice cream. We don't have it very often in the 30th Century. We go sometimes, but you're all usually too busy. I really missed us being able to spend time together, like we do here."
Everyone looked at me with sympathy. But I didn't want sympathy. And once I thought about it, I realized that this wasn't where I wanted to be. I wanted to be with Helios.
After having a good time with everyone at the ice cream bar, I hugged everyone goodbye. I had decided that I should return to my own time. There were lots of tears, everyone was crying. They knew that this was probably the last time that they would see me for a long time. It was night, so Mamoru insisted that I still stay the night at his apartment, stating that I should not travel through the Space-time Door when I'm tired. I still remembered the fear and anger I felt when I was lost in the fourth dimension, and I didn't want that to happen again.
I sensed, however, that one of the reasons Mamoru insisted I stay was so that he could talk to me before I left.
"Chibiusa… why did you come here? I love you, and I will always love you, as my daughter. So I'm concerned, as a father to his daughter. This wasn't a planned journey, something happened, that made you want to escape. What's wrong?" Mamoru was always so sensitive; he knew exactly what to say.
However, I didn't know what to say. I knew that I shouldn't reveal the future, especially when it was not something disastrous that required their help. I thought deeply, then said, "The problem is that I'm lonely. I miss Helios. The older I am, the harder it is for him to find me in the dream world. I fear that I'm forgetting him. I worry that he is forgetting me. Mamoru, I love him. I love him with all my heart, as I have since the first time I met him all those years ago. That's all I can say."
"If you love him, you won't forget him. And he loves you, so he won't forget you. Have faith! It took Usagi and me two lifetimes to be together. We still remembered the love we had in past lives. It may have taken some time, but it was still there, just as strong… no—stronger. Love overcomes everything. Sailor Moon has proven that time and time again; when others believe the only way out is destruction, she turns to her love. Her love for the world, her love for me, her love for her friends, her love for you."
Mamoru stared at me; full of love, and of passion. He saw my eyes, and knew that there is more to my troubles than this. But he also knew why I could not tell him everything. So instead of asking me more questions, or speaking any more, he pulled me in and hugged me. Crying, I fell asleep, in my father's loving arms, and I knew that I was safe, and that everything would be all right.
I woke up early in the morning. Mamoru was in the kitchen, singing while he cooked. He smiled at me, then handed me a plate. On it was a smiley face made with eggs and bacon. It reminded me of when I was younger, in the 30th Century; my father would make this all the time. Thinking about it now, maybe when he was making it for me, this was the moment that it reminded him of.
I was ready to go back. I transformed into Sailor Chibi Moon (though I was not so Chibi anymore) at Mamoru's insistence- he wanted to make sure that I made it back to the 30th Century safely.
"Please, be safe. And don't give Neo-Queen Serenity and King Endymion too much grief! You look beautiful, Chibiusa. I look forward to the day we meet again," Mamoru whispered. Even he was near tears. He hugged me, and then I was gone.
I made it to the doorway that leads to the 30th Century. But for some reason, the key wouldn't work. I had never had this problem before, and I was at a loss for what to do. I called for Pluto—it was, and is, her duty to guard this door. But then I remembered that she wasn't here when I went to the 20th Century. She never came; I was totally alone.
I then realized that there must have been something wrong for her not to be here—maybe the same reason why I couldn't return home. But with no way of returning home, I could not do anything to help. I resolved that the best thing to do was to go back to the 20th Century, but I had spent too much time there and got so confused that I couldn't determine which door was the right one to go back. So I stayed in place, in front of the door to the 30th Century so that I would not get lost. Eventually, I fell asleep.
I am in a forest. I recognize this forest, I feel that I have been here before, but I cannot remember when. I find that I am running, running to a place that I know I need to get to. I am at a clearing in the forest now, standing in a shallow pond. Directly in front of me is a white horse. I know where I am now. The horse extends its beautiful wings, and I know that it is Pegasus. I climb on him, and we are flying. Somehow I know that we are flying back to my home, that somehow Helios is guiding me back.
When I awoke, I was in my bed. Someone was standing beside my bed, looking down at me and smiling. He was so beautiful. I started to cry.
"Helios… you're here! How did you…"
"How did I find you? I've been here for some time. I wanted to make sure the time was right. I came to ask your parents' permission… " I gasped. I felt terrible—it was Helios who had proposed the betrothal to my parents! "They gave their permission, but naturally said the choice was up to you. But someone overheard, and suddenly all these people were filling up the Grand Hall to see what was happening. Someone saw you step into the room, but by the time I turned around you were gone. And then we learned that you had gone back to the 20th Century…"
"I have been here, Small Lady," Pluto stepped into the room, "Helios wanted to ask for my permission also; he knows how close we have always been. But once you were in the fourth dimension, with the key, there was nothing I could do. If you enter without my guidance, you must exit the same way. The reason the door would not open for you was because of the confusion in your heart."
"So… I decided to help you to find your certainty," Helios said, as he slipped something into my hand. Now I am certain. I looked at the ring in my palm, and placed it on my finger.
I looked around me. Everyone was there: my mother, my father, all of the Sailors, Diana, Luna and Artemis. Everyone was smiling, most people were crying. I realized that I had never been alone. Everyone who I love, and everyone who I went back to the 20th Century to see, was there with me still. And best of all, Helios was finally here.
Now we are married, and inseparable. Sometimes when I wake up, I am afraid that he will not be there; that everything was only in our dreams. But he is there, beside me, and always full of love. Mamoru was right; our love has remained strong, spanning the centuries.
"I told you so," my father, King Endymion, smiles.
Love truly does overcome everything. I know that now. Somewhere, in a distant past, Sailor Moon is keeping the world safe with her love. Her love for the world, for her friends, for Mamoru, and for me. With Helios at my side, I will live, and one day rule, with that same mindset. I love this world. I love my friends, past and present. I love Helios, with all my heart and soul. And I love the daughter I am carrying; I cannot wait for her life to begin, so I can share my love for the world with her.