Standard disclaimer, I don't own them, please don't sue me. ;) Blame the plot bunnies not me. :P
Albus Dumbledore was utterly confused. Never in his entire life had he had such an baffling few hours. No matter how hard he thought about it, he was completely unable to explain why it was happening, and for a man who could normally understand everything, no matter how obscure, this was a most bemusing feeling.
It had started mid morning and had been going on ever since. Every single woman in the castle seemed to have gone completely insane, apart from Minerva who was busy at a meeting that morning. Albus couldn't understand why, but the female students would eye him oddly, and then giggle and mutter things like, "Whoever would have guessed it ?" or, "I always thought he was with McGonagall ..."
The female staff were even worse, and after experiencing their strange behaviour Albus had seriously contemplated calling in a psychiatrist to test for mass insanity. First Rolanda Hooch had lept out as him as he strolled along a passage, slammed him against a wall, and pinched his bottom. Then before he could protest she had slapped him on the shoulder, saying glibly, "Just testing." Then vanished round the corner, leaving him to rub his rear and wish that she had been a little gentler.
Albus had only barely recovered from his encounter with Rolanda, when Pomona Sprout cornered him in the greenhouses, ran muddy hands over his torso and enquired whether he would like to fertilise her. She had then winked at him saucily and said, "Just testing." Before adding that Filius would be terribly jealous should he ever find out.
Staggering blindly from the greenhouse Albus had bumped into Sybill Trelawney, who enveloped him in a haze of alcohol and cheap perfume, while planting kisses all over his face and beard. Before a stunned Albus could prevent her she pressed her lips against his briefly, then announced triumphantly that the tea leaves had been right, and she would have known anyway, but was just testing to make sure. Trying to rid his mouth of the taste of stale alcohol with a few well placed sherbert lemons, Albus gazed after her bemused as she staggered off in a flurry of flowing floral gowns, nearly tripping over Mrs Norris the cat on the way.
Albus ran his hands through his silvery hair despairingly, 'Had his entire female staff gone insane ?' Then wondered forlornly why it couldn't have been Minerva who had just kissed him. Several minutes passed while Albus was lost in dreams of what it would feel like were Minerva to ever kiss him. He had loved her for so long, but was quite convinced that she could not possibly love him.
Emerging from his daydream Albus had the brilliant idea of consulting Poppy Pomfrey, Hogwarts healer, and strode rapidly towards the hospital wing. Poppy was busy checking that all the beds were made, and everything put away properly when Albus entered, seeing Albus she greeted him with a wide smile. Albus breathed a sigh of relief, at least Poppy seemed to be behaving normally.
"Ah Albus, excellent, I was just about to send for you." Poppy said brusquely. "It's time for your medical ..."
"My what ?" Albus asked uncertainly. He couldn't recall Poppy ever having given him a medical before.
"Of course you'll need to undress first ..." Poppy said in sultry tones as she advanced on him with a strange glint in her eye.
As Albus backed away nervously, Poppy soothed "There's no need to be shy you know ..."
"Madame Pomfrey really ..." Albus admonished, then jumped like a startled rabbit as Poppy ran her hand up his thigh, and cooed in honeyed tones, "Now be a good boy and take all your clothes off ..."
Albus' mouth opened and closed uncertainly, then he shot round Poppy, who had pinned him against one of the beds, and fled from the hospital wing with his silver hair and beard flying in the wind. As he shot down the corridor he could faintly hear Poppy calling after him that she had been just testing.
Albus didn't stop running untill he reached the sanctity of his study, and then he slammed the door hard shut vowing never to emerge again. For some minutes all Albus could do was sag weakly against the door gasping desperately for breath and shaking slightly. Once he felt able to move he staggered to his favourite chintz armchair and collapsed into it, unwrapping one sherbert lemon after another with hands which trembled. He had no idea why every woman in the school seemed intent on accosting him in such unwanted and uninvited ways, or what they could possibly be testing for, but he was thouroughly sick of it. If only Minerva was here to rescue him.
Albus spent the next few hours hiding in his study, he even went so far as to ignore all knocks on his door. In the case of one particularly determined visitor who knocked persistently on his door for what seemed like forever, he even dived under his desk and hid there, almost afraid to breath. Albus knew it was irresponsible of him, cowardly even, to hide like this espeicially with Minerva busy, but he just didn't know how to cope with what was happening.
Eventually Albus decided that he really couldn't leave the school to run itself, and ventured cautiously from his office. Gathering his courage Albus proceeded as normally as possible on his rounds of the school, he simply couldn't help pressing himself into the nearest alcove or hiding place every time he saw a woman coming though.
Immersed in wondering about his staff's odd behaviour Albus suddenly found himself outside the staffroom. This was the last place he wanted to be, at any moment one of his female staff members might emerge and do goodness knows what to him. Just as Albus was about to turn and vanish down the corridor, he heard Minerva's strident voice stating firmly, "And I'm telling you that he isn't !"
Albus breathed a sigh of relief, he would be safe with Minerva. Stepping into the staffroom he saw Rolanda, Pomona, Poppy, and Minerva arguing loudly. Albus smiled to himself tenderly, Minerva loved a good argument and would do almost anything to proove that she was right, even when she was wrong.
"Of course he is !" Yelled Rolanda who seemed to be under the impression that the louder she shouted the more likely she was to be listened to. "Damm it Minerva I've told you already ..."
"Didn't respond to any of us at all, not interested, so he must be ..." Poppy tried to intercede calmingly.
"See ?" Bellowed Rolanda. "I told you he was !"
"And I'm telling you that he isn't !" Snapped Minerva. Seeing Albus standing in the doorway she added firmly, "And I'm going to proove it right now !"
Albus stared at Minerva in bewilderment as she took a flying leap over the armchair and strode towards him determinedly, then she pressed her mouth fiercely against his and all rational thought left him.
As Minerva felt her lips meet his mouth, she could scarcely believe that she was doing what she had dreamed of doing so often - kissing Albus Dumbledore. 'Was she insane ? He would probably fire her for this.' As Minerva felt how soft and warm his mouth was beneath her's she couldn't help but give into her passion, and press her mouth harder against his, even being so brave as to run her tongue along his lips invitingly. To her astonishment Albus seemed to be responding. 'She had to be wrong ... he couldn't possibly love her ... he could probably have any woman he chose why would he want her ... she must be mistaken, after all it was a long time since she had done anything like this ...' Determined not to loose her controll again Minerva ended the kiss and pulled away from Albus, then thinking that she really ought to say something said as firmly as she was able, "Just testing to see if you really are gay."
"Well I am very happy my dear ... if a little bemused ..." A confused Albus answered, as he tried to rid himself of the longing to grasp Minerva round her delectable waist and kiss her again.
"No ! You Fool ! GAY ! You know ... prefer men to women ..." Minerva snapped impatiently.
"Well I have always enjoyed the company of both ..." Albus answered.
"You mean you're bisexual ?" Minerva gasped in shock.
"I beg your pardon ?" A truly mystified Albus asked.
"Oh for heaven's sake !" An exasperated Rolanda snapped, thrusting the morning newspaper under Albus' nose. "Here. Read this." She ordered.
Albus gasped as he saw the headline Rolanda was pointing to - 'Shock announcement by Harry Potter Author - Albus Dumbledore is homosexual !' Underneath was the sentance - 'In response to a question from a fan Rowling announced that Dumbledore is actually gay.' "Oh ... " Albus muttered, "Oh ... and to think that all these years I thought gay meant happy ..."
A small portion of Albus' mind vaguely registered the three women explaining how they had been testing him to see if it was true or not, but most of his thoughts were occupied with thinking of how wonderful Minerva's kiss had been, and desperately hoping that she would kiss him again. He was so occupied with his silent longings that he barely even heard Minerva telling her friends what she thought of them and their behaviour.
Suddenly Albus had a brilliant idea, and eyes twinkling brightly he said as nonchalantly as possible. "Well I suppose I could be gay without knowing it ... after all I've never really thought about it ... " Feeling Minerva's gaze on him he added mischeviously, "I suppose this means that I'll have to start liking Severus, perhaps he could pretend to be you ... of course he'd have to wear a dress ... perhaps I should go and ask him ..."
Minerva who had been staring at Albus in disbelief promptly snapped, "Nonsence Albus, anyone who kisses like you just did is clearly not gay !" Realising what she had just said, Minerva clapped her hand over her mouth in horror and blushed bright red.
Albus' eyes gleamed in delight, it was working perfectly. As casually as possible he said, "Are you sure ? Perhaps you should test again ..."
Minerva's eyes locked with his for a brief moment, and then as though accepting a challenge, she pressed her mouth to his.
This time Albus was ready for the touch of her lips, and he put every ounce of pent up love and longing into his response. As he felt Minerva tremble against him he knew that his feelings were returned, and wrapping his arms round her waist he drew her tightly against him, and deepened the kiss further, letting his tongue slip into her mouth as her lips parted for him.
When they finally broke apart they were both trembling and breathless, oblivious to their friend's delighted glances, lost in their own world where only the two of them existed. With a hand that shook Albus caressed Minerva's face tenderly, noticing with delight how wonderfully smooth and soft her skin was. His gaze locked with her's speaking a silent message of love for her alone, and as her oh so green eyes swirled with passion, he swept her into surprisingly strong arms and whispering, "We have so much lost time to make up for my love ..." Carried her off to his chambers.
As they lay blissfully entwined in each other's arms later that day, Albus murmured. "Well I suppose we should thank Miss Rowling really ..."
"You are joking aren't you ?" Minerva sounded appalled.
"Well she did finally get us together didn't she ?" Albus said mildly. "After all if she hadn't made her little announcement you never would have kissed me, and I never would have known that you loved me too, would I ?"
"Barmy old coot ..." Minerva said fondly, and then kissed him again, much to his delight.
A random idea which took possession of me yesterday and refused to let me do anything else untill I had written it. Please make a writer's day and make me feel that my work in writing this is worthwhile by reviewing, all reviewers get sherbet lemons which I just happened to borrow from Albus while he was otherwise engaged. ;)
I agree with Minerva, we definitely shouldn't thank JKR for her announcement. ;) I actually wouldn't have minded if she had made anyone other than Albus gay, Severus for example, I quite like Snarry. :D