Author's note: Hey everyone! First off, I am so, so, so sorry for taking so long to update. It's just unforgivable that I've taken this long to update. I don't have one reason, but writer's block was a big factor, as well as school and all the other stressors in my life. Then I thought it was going to be ready in late January, but I wanted to add another scene, but it just wasn't coming out right! I then realized that it wouldn't work with this chapter so basically that was another delay for basically nothing SORRY! Please, read on, I hope you enjoy!
"They're not sitting with us are they?" Gilbert asked his tablemates. Or, he appeared to ask his tablemates. They probably couldn't tell if he was actually speaking to them since his eyes were pretty much glued to his tray. But really, how could he help it if pushing around his cut up bits of waffle was much more bearable than watching the twins walk away from them?
"It seems so," Arthur answered quietly, before resuming his hushed conversation with 'Tinkerbelle' or whoever. Gilbert wasn't exactly sure which ones of Arthur's friends were present at the moment. All he knew was that he was not sitting on any of them.
"Um, yeah, okay. Unawesome then," he muttered, still not looking up.
Although he was trying with all his might to ignore the fact that Alfred and Matthew were apparently ignoring him, his peripheral vision ended up screwing him over. He watched out of the corner of his eye as the two of them walked past, accompanied by both Yao and Carlos. Yao was trying to give Alfred some sort of breakfast pep talk of sorts, but his patient was giving him no response. Not realizing he was now full on staring, Gilbert watched them walk farther and farther away. It got to the point that he was actually craning his neck to follow with his gaze.
True to his word, things were still definitely unawesome. Not awesome in the least. Somewhere in the small, hopeful part of his mind, he had told himself that the situation would be better in the morning. Of course, everything was still shitty. Honestly, what did he think was going to happen? It was like he was back to square one with those two. Hell, Alfred probably hated him all over again now, and he wouldn't be surprised if Matthew did too. He clenched his fist around his poor, plastic fork at that thought.
What if they never sit with you again? a small voice in his head asked. But, no, they came back last time. Maybe they do that. Maybe that's their thing. Arthur doesn't seem concerned…but if they don't come back… What if we're not friends anymore? As soon as that thought crossed his mind, he immediately started to feel his chest tighten. Something about that one thought was almost beyond comprehension. The mere thought of losing them as friends brought an explosion of anxious blathering to his mind. How could he never talk to them again? What would happen if they never forgave him and they just kept avoiding him forever? The fear of losing their friendship seemed to bring greater pain than any of the past friendships he had actually lost. There was something that he absolutely did not want to lose. He couldn't lose. He just couldn't…
"Bloody hell, Gilbert, you think your hash browns are mashed by now!?" Arthur asked loudly.
"Just shut up!" Gilbert yelled instinctively, suddenly realizing that he had been slamming his fork repetitively into his potato side dish for some time now. Feeling the eyes of several staff members on him, he scooped up some of the decimated hash browns. "I mean, um, yes!" he said, still rather loudly, shoveling them into his mouth. "Tastes awesome this way!"
"Yes, ah, very well," Arthur said awkwardly, obviously confused by Gilbert's behavior.
"Weirdo," Lovino muttered as he turned to the next page in his book, not bothering to look up.
"How's your crappy romance novel there, Lovi?" Gilbert snapped at him, irritated by his roommate's comments and itching to dig at someone, anyone, to take his mind off the current situation.
"Better than listening to your crybaby whining," Lovino shot back. "God, just get over it already, will you?" He growled sighing loudly as he returned to his novel.
"Like you've gotten over Antonio?" Gilbert said under his breath. Usually, Lovino's remarks didn't faze him but he just wasn't in the mood to take it. That asshole knew he was upset and had to point it out. This just wasn't the day that he would take all the petty shit that Lovino dished out. Who cares if he went a little below the belt?
Lovino slammed down his book on the table, glaring at Gilbert with a look that could curdle milk. "Fuck you," he spat. "Seriously, take your whining, crybaby ass and go fuck yourself, fucking bastard!"
"Lovino, watch your mouth!" Arthur hissed, butting in. "The fairies won't tolerate such language and—"
"Shut the motherfucking fuck up!" Lovino yelled. "I'm not going to sit here and take shit from an albino fucktard who has no friends!"
"What is that supposed to mean?" Gilbert snapped, so angry that he was about to start mashing his potatoes again.
"Fuck you, that's what that meant." Lovino growled before yelling even louder, "You're a fucking social retard and I'm fucking done with your whiny ass shit!" He stood up from his chair, knocking it over in the process. The yelling coming from their table had already caught the attention of several staff members, but by some sick twist of fate, it was Antonio who finally decided to step in try to take control of the situation.
"Is something the matter, guys?" He asked, looking like he was trying to act casual, but it was obvious that he was on edge.
"Yes, something is the matter!" Lovino yelled, kicking the knocked-over chair. "It's this motherfucking fuckface!" He screamed, pointing at Gilbert, who just rolled eyes.
"Fuckface? That all you got, Lovi?" he snickered.
"Now, let's try to talk this out and get to the bottom of this." Antonio suggested, looking back and forth between the two roommates. "Should I get Dr.—"
"Fuck that!" Lovino snapped, before raising his voice once again. "Take me away from this fucking asshole douchebag!" He turned away from the table in a huff and started walking towards the cafeteria door with Antonio not far behind.
"Yeah, go spend some time with your boyfriend, Lovino!" Gilbert called after them, hoping to get the last word.
Unfortunately, his plan backfired as Lovino practically ran back towards him.
"Shut your fucking mouth you fucking idiot bastard!" He screamed, banging his hands on the table. "You don't know anything! Your motherfucking birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory! Fuck you, you motherfu—"
"Lovino!" Antonio scolded, obviously trying to coax him away from the quickly escalating situation.
Gilbert was completely shocked and enraged by Lovino's comments. "Fuck you!" he yelled. "Now I see why everyone hates you so much. Maybe I'll move out. LIKE ALL YOUR OTHER ROOMMATES!"
"BE MY GUEST, ASSHAT!" Lovino screamed back. "I'm like being alone anyway," he spat.
"Is that what you tell yourself to get to sleep at night?" Gilbert hissed. "That's the reason you aren't in a relationship isn't it? Or is it because you're a CRAZY BASTARD!"
"Guys, cool it." Antonio warned. The two of them were beginning to get closer and closer to each other, getting dangerously close to screaming in each other's faces. Gilbert failed to notice that the rest of the table's occupants had already been removed by other staff members.
"Fuck you! Fuck you! FUCK YOU!" Lovino screamed, lunging forward. Fortunately for Gilbert, Antonio easily caught the enraged Italian.
"I'm calling Dr. Edelstein," the orderly said matter-of-factly as he placed himself forcefully between the fighting roommates. "This has gone far enough and—"
"Don't bother, I'm done with this shit," Gilbert said, glaring at his roommate. He pushed past Lovino and Antonio towards the exit of the cafeteria. Surprisingly, no one attempted to stop him.
He could hear Antonio speaking in the distance, "Let's just let the situation cool down for a moment…"
Gilbert was right, this morning was possibly the most unawesome ever. Worse than unawesome, even. This was perhaps the worst morning he'd had in a long while.
And he didn't even have any alcohol. Great. Just great.
Gilbert stormed down the hallway, lost in his angry thoughts. He couldn't believe some of the shit Lovino had said. Granted, he may have said some terrible things too, but he couldn't imagine that his roommate would betray him in such a way. Why did this keep happening to him? Aside from West, practically every relationship he formed ended in flames. Fuck, even his relationship with his brother was volatile at times. However, he never expected practically all the friends he made here to dump all in one day. Well, that's what you get for making friends in the nuthouse, he thought bitterly as he turned the corner and stomped into his room. Just a bunch of no-good, crazy, ass—
"Oof!" he cried, startled by the fact that he had suddenly run into something—or someone—upon entering his room. "What the fuck!" he yelled.
"Bruder, do you really have to use that language?" Ludwig asked. He looked slightly displeased and uncomfortable…wait? West was here? Gibert stared for a moment at his brother, who was standing awkwardly in the middle of the room. It appeared that West had just recently arrived, because the staff members had yet to tell Gilbert anything about his brother coming for a visit. However, it was very strange that West had not called ahead before visiting. Usually, his brother liked to schedule all of his plans weeks in advance, keeping meticulous lists of activities. It was not like him to do anything remotely spontaneous.
"West? What are you doing here?" Gilbert asked, sounding slightly accusatory due to his left over rage from his fight with Lovino.
"Visiting you of course," Ludwig huffed. "I found out that I had a little time off since it is Saturday and I thought it would be a good time to discuss—"
All of the sudden, Gilbert realized how rude he must have sounded before. His brother appeared to be a bit put off and seemed a little…nervous? Gilbert wasn't sure what he would be nervous about, but chalked it up to anxiety from the spontaneity of the visit. Or maybe he had already sensed that Gilbert was in a bad mood and was gearing up for another of their spectacular fights. Not wanting his brother to leave, Gilbert decided to start damage control.
"All that matters is that you're here!" he said, trying to lighten the mood a bit. It sounded forced, but he really did feel better with his brother visiting, Seeing Ludwig did a full one-eighty to his mood. Finally something good was happening to him!
"Yes, well, Gilbert, I have er, something to tell you," Ludwig said, motioning for him to sit down on the bed. Gilbert just stared at him, confused with his tone. Suddenly, he started to get a bit nervous, fearing the worst. What news was West planning to tell him? Was Gilbird okay? Apparently, Ludwig caught his panicked expression, "Now, don't take it the wrong way. It's not something to be upset about…hopefully." he said slowly, looking like he was expecting his brother to start yelling any moment. "But, I mean…Feliciano and I have something to tell you."
"Wait…what? Feliciano?" Gilbert said, confused, but slightly relieved that their conversation couldn't be too distressing if it involved his brother's overly happy partner. However, he did not notice Feliciano when he walked in the room. Then again, he didn't really notice Ludwig either, that is, until he ran straight into him in a blind rage.
"Hello!" Feliciano called cheerily, appearing from behind Ludwig. Gilbert jumped upon seeing him, wondering how he could have been completely unaware of Feliciano's presence.
"Oh hi, Feli…" he said, suddenly feeling slightly nervous. It had been a long time since he had seen Feliciano face to face. "I want to talk to you about something, I guess. About that dinner…"
"Oh that's okay, Gilbert! I forgive you!" Feliciano quickly chirped happily.
"Uh, okay then?" Gilbert said, confused. Apologizing was easier than he thought. Did things like this usually go so smoothly? Maybe, just maybe, this would turn out to be a good day after all.
"Feliciano is moving in with us," Ludwig blurted out suddenly.
"What?!" Gilbert yelled. Apparently, he was wrong about today. Yet again, the shit was hitting the fan.
"Gilbert, we want to move forward in our relationship and—" Ludwig said quietly. "I thought you were okay with this. Us together…"
"I am!" Gilbert snapped, not sounding very convincing. "But where is going to sleep, huh? Because he is not staying in Vater's room. Nobody is staying in there! Nobody, West! If you do anything to that room, I swear to God, I'll—" he ranted, getting more and more upset. He and Ludwig had a nonverbal agreement about that room. It was off limits. It's not like they needed to use it. Ludwig stayed in their old bedroom while Gilbert was content to sleep in the basement. Neither of them had close enough friends to entertain the prospect of a guest room. Gilbert himself never ventured past the doorway. He assumed West dusted its contents occasionally, but nothing more. In that room, everything was how their father left it. Gilbert liked it that way. That's how it supposed to be. Distressing thoughts of someone who was not his father occupying that room filled his head as he ranted frantically to his brother. His fight with Lovino was probably not helping his composure either. "I'll…I'll…" He sputtered, helpless in his emotions.
"Bruder, relax!" Ludwig said, reaching out to grip his shoulders. "He's going to be staying in my room." He said firmly.
"In your room? Sleeping with you?" Gilbert asked.
"Yes," Ludwig answered hesitantly, as if he suspected his answer could lead to another outburst. Once he was sure Gilbert wasn't going to yell again, he released his grip awkwardly.
"Well, that's fine then." Gilbert said suddenly. Even he was surprised with the relief he felt. Was he really okay with what his brother had proposed?
"Uh, that's good then, ja?" Ludwig said quietly, appearing to be a bit confused. "But Gilbert, are you feeling ok—"
"Veee~ Yay!" Feliciano cheered, speaking over Ludwig's inquiry. He grabbed Ludwig's arm and began jumping up and down happily. "Thank you, Gilbert! This is a happy day, yeah?"
Yes, it did seem to be a happy day. That is, until the warm feelings in the room were shattered by Lovino bursting through the door. "What the hell is going on here?" he screamed.
"Lovino!" Feliciano squeaked. "I was about to ask where you were…I have some news to tell you and—"
"What is he doing here?" Lovino asked, glaring at Ludwig.
"Uh, that's my—" Gilbert started to explain, but was cut off by the enraged Lovino.
"I didn't ask you, asshat!" Lovino yelled. "Fratello, can you please tell me why that motherfucking, potato-eating, Nazi rapist is in my room?"
"Fratello!" Feliciano cried. "Please, I told how I feel about you calling Ludwig names. He's a nice man and doesn't deserve—"
"What the fuck did you just call my brother?!" Gilbert yelled.
"Oh, you didn't hear?" Lovino snapped. "I said he's a motherfucking, potato—"
"You're dead." Gilbert growled, before yelling, "YOU'RE DEAD!" He stepped closer to his roommate, but Ludwig quickly blocked his way.
"Bruder, no." he warned. Gilbert simply huffed in response, but remained where he was.
"Fratello, please be happy! Ludwig and I are moving in together!" Feliciano called out somewhat happily, apparently in a misguided attempt to smooth things over. Gilbert couldn't comprehend why in the world Feliciano would think that revealing that information would somehow make the situation better. Unsurprisingly, Lovino did not take the announcement very well.
"What the fucking fuck?!" he screamed, even more angry than before. "You can't do this to me! Betraying me for that German scum! How dare you!"
"Fratello, please calm down!" Feliciano pleaded, appearing disheartened that his attempt to calm down his brother had not worked. "Please don't be angry…"
"Calm down? Calm down?! CALM DOWN!?" Lovino yelled. "How can I be calm when my little fratello is moving in with a disgusting potato bastard?!"
At that moment, Antonio appeared in the door. "Oh, Lovino, there you are!" he said, sounding somewhat relieved. "When you just bolted on me I was afraid that you and Gilbert had started fighting again!"
Lovino didn't even appear to notice that Antonio had entered the room, he simply continued to rant, "I can't fucking believe that you're moving in with that asshole! Does that mean you're moving out the flat above the restaurant? Fine! Just leave me for that German bastard!"
"Will you shut the fuck up about my brother?!" Gilbert yelled, side-stepping his way around Ludwig. He had been quiet for the sake of his brother, but he couldn't take any more of this shit!
"I can say whatever I want to!" Lovino snapped. "Your brother is taking advantage of my innocent fratello! I won't stand for my poor, sweet, Feliciano to be tainted!"
"So that's how it is, huh?" Gilbert growled. "You never were my friend were you? How could I not see what a horrible person you really are?"
"No, no…Gilbert that's not true!" Feliciano butted in. "Let's all get along, please?"
"Fuck no! I'm not dealing with this asshole any longer!" Gilbert yelled.
"Good because I'm done with you and your bastardo brother," Lovino snapped back. "You're a whiny sack of shit who fucking freaked out at me for nothing because you're fucking crazy!"
"I'm not the one who keeps losing roommates!" Gilbert growled. "And guess what? You just lost another one!" With that, he stormed out the door, stomping down the hall without a clue where to go.
Gilbert sighed to himself as he continued to stomp down the hallway, glaring at any staff that showed concern. "I'm fine okay!" he screamed a nurse as she passed by. "Just fucking leave me alone…"
Suddenly, he heard the creak of a door and a soft whisper, "Gilly?" The noise appeared to come from a nearby closet door that was open just a crack.
"What?!" he yelled at the closet door, not caring if anyone was actually there or if he was hallucinating in his rage.
"Come here…" the voice whispered again.
"Why?" Gilbert asked, now confused as he stared at the inanimate object he was talking to.
"We need to have a hero meeting!" the voice said louder, but the outburst was followed by a loud shush! Gilbert suddenly thought he recognized the voice behind the door, as if the vocabulary was not enough of a clue.
"Alfred?" he asked, creeping closer to the door.
"Hurry! Get in here!" the voice, which probably belonged to Alfred, hissed. Gilbert numbly stepped up to the door and stood by the slight opening. All of the sudden, an arm shot out from the closet and dragged him within. "Oof!" he cried, slightly startled by the movement. The closet door closed with a soft click behind him. He shuffled around until he found a place to sit around the brooms and cleaning supplies in the janitorial closet. Apparently, the cleaning staff had no concept of locking doors. Either that, or someone around here was excellent at picking locks.
"What are you guys doing here?" he asked once he was comfortable. Of course, the small space was completely dark save for the sliver of light peeking out from under the door. Despite this, he faced the silhouettes that he was now positive were the twins.
"What we usually do in closets!" Alfred answered.
"Make out?" Gilbert supplied, not really thinking about his answer.
"Ew no!" Alfred said loudly. Matthew shushed him again.
"What? That's what I did in high school…you know make out with someone in a closet? Or behind the bleachers. Or in the bathroom. Or in city park. You know, anywhere that your strict father can't find you…" Gilbert mumbled.
"Mattie is wondering if you're feeling okay today, Gilbert?" Alfred answered.
"I'm fine!" Gilbert snapped. "What makes you think I'm not okay?" His previous bad mood clouded his awareness that the twins were finally talking to him again and the fact that he was currently ruining every moment of their reunion.
"Mattie saw you and Lovino fighting in the cafeteria…" Alfred explained, sounding a bit dejected.
"Wait, you noticed that?" Gilbert asked. He saw the shadowy figure of Matthew nod across from him. Because, really, how could have anyone not noticed the spectacle at breakfast? "But I thought you were mad at me?"
"What?!" Alfred asked loudly, clearly surprised. Matthew shushed him once again. "We weren't mad at you? What made you think that?"
"You didn't sit with us at breakfast," Gilbert said matter-of-factly. After all, it made perfect sense to him. Why else would they ignore him?
"That's silly!" Alfred laughed. Suddenly, Gilbert could hear Matthew faintly whispering in his brother's ear. "Mattie says that we were just having a difficult time. But that's fixed now, because we're going to stay in this closet until lunch is over. Right Mattie?" Alfred paused to let Matthew talk, but his twin did not appear to say anything. After awhile, Alfred just answered for him. "Right!"
"Right…" Gilbert mumbled.
"So, Gilly? What happened?" Alfred asked, sounding a bit excited. Gilbert could hear Matthew whispering again. Alfred whispered quietly back "Oh right!" before adding, "But if you don't want to talk about it…it's okay!"
"Lovino's just a motherfucking asshole, that's all," Gilbert said simply, his anger still prevalent in his tone.
"Oh…Mattie says that he can sound mean sometimes, but he doesn't think Lovino really means it!" Alfred said, somewhat gently.
"Oh he meant it alright," Gilbert growled. "He freaking called my brother a Nazi rapist for fuck's sake!"
"You're brother's here?!" Alfred said happily, only to be hushed once again.
"Yeah, he came to tell me that his boyfriend's moving in," Gilbert explained bitterly. "Who, apparently, is Lovino's brother. That's where the shit hit the fan: Lovino started screaming about how Ludwig was some filthy scum trying to take advantage of his brother and all this bullshit. It was fucking ridiculous." His rant ended with silence as a response. After a while though, he heard a long string of whispers coming from Matthew once again.
"Hmm…good point, Mattie," Alfred said, obviously to his brother. "Mattie says that he thinks that I would try to protect him in a situation like that. I am the hero after all, and I have to make sure that my brother is safe hands!"
"Yeah, but you don't even like it when people stand too close to your brother, let alone date him!" Gilbert replied.
"But brothers always look out for each other…" Alfred said quietly. "Wouldn't you do the same?"
"Yeah…well…Lovino's different…a fucking asshole of a difference!" Gilbert retorted. Suddenly, footsteps were heard outside the closet door.
"Everyone, shush!" Alfred said, somewhat loudly. Apparently he was unaware that he was the loudest of the three. As the footsteps drew nearer, they could make out a conversation being held.
"Well, that could have gone…better…" one of the voices said with a sigh. Gilbert recognized it instantly as Ludwig's.
"That's my brother…" he whispered to his companions. Alfred just shushed him much louder than necessary.
"Lovino will come around," a second voice answered, sounding obviously like Feliciano. "He's just trying to be protective."
"I swear it took a miracle for Gilbert to accept our relationship," Ludwig said, sighing again.
"Miracle…yeah right," Gilbert huffed.
"After the incident at the dinner table…I really didn't think things would ever work out," Ludwig admitted.
"Aw, Ludwig, but it did! You just have to be optimistic!" Feliciano chided.
"You didn't understand half the things Gilbert said…" Another sigh from Ludwig.
"It couldn't have been that bad, Luddie!"
"Believe me, it was."
Gilbert could just feel the accusatory look Matthew was probably, maybe giving him. Or, maybe he was imagining it. "What? I didn't do anything nearly as bad as Lovino!" he hissed, regardless of if he was being judged or not.
"After today, I'm just not sure of how things are going to turn out…" Gilbert listened sadly as Ludwig's worried voice faded away as the pair walked towards the exit of the hospital. He swore he could faintly hear "I wish I could have said goodbye to him…" but it could just have been his imagination.
"I'm not as bad as Lovino, okay?" he said forcefully.
"Okay, Gilly! We believe you!" Alfred chirped loudly. Matthew didn't even bother to shush hum this time.
As the trio's conversation faded into a slightly awkward silence, Gilbert couldn't shake the feeling that, yes, he was as bad as Lovino. Maybe even worse. After all, he was the one who purposefully instigated their argument. And, at least Lovino didn't break anything in his rage over his brother's relationship. Despite this, he couldn't stop being mad at his possibly now former roommate. He thought that he could trust Lovino on some basic level. He thought that as his friend, Lovino never would blatantly insult his beloved brother. Not when Lovino knew how important West was to Gilbert. He was so upset and frustrated; all he could do was revel in his thoughts and allow himself to slip into a rough sleep in the darkness of the tiny closet space.
A bright light suddenly shone into the small space, waking Gilbert up from his troubled sleep.
"Found 'em!" Carlos said loudly, speaking into his radio. "Beilschmidt is here too," he added. "Hello, boys. What have we talked about regarding unauthorized areas?" From the look on his face, this was a topic that Carlos often discussed with the twins. He was clearly not amused with the situation.
"If it's unlocked it's unlocked, right?" Alfred said. Gilbert wasn't sure if he was being cheeky or if he really was that ignorant of the rules.
"No, Alfred, you have been told to stay out of places like janitorial closets." Carlos sighed. "Most of the staff have been looking for you this past hour."
"Hour?" Alfred asked. "Did we miss lunch?" Gilbert didn't miss Matthew's wince at his brother's hopeful tone.
"No," Carlos said firmly. "But all three of you did miss morning group, and it seems to me that you want to eat your lunch in your rooms today."
"I don't want to go back to my room," Gilbert snapped. He doubted that the orderly would take his request seriously, but he was ready to put up a fight. Seeing Lovino again sounded like the worst possible thing he could do at the moment.
"Oh right, I heard about that," Carlos said, sighing heavily. Unlike Antonio, Carlos made it quite obvious that he didn't take very much bullshit from patients. "Quite a show you two put on at breakfast, huh?"
"It wasn't a show. And I'm not going back to my room." Gilbert repeated. Really, he was not in the mood anymore shit today. He wasn't just going to march back into the room and start another argument with Lovino. He couldn't tolerate anymore interaction with his soon-to-be ex-roommate. Not today, at least. Maybe not ever. Now that he had seen the true side of Lovino, he was done with their relationship. It wasn't worth it to him to be in yet another friendship full of fakery and spite. If Carlos wanted him to go face Lovino, he would have to drag him kicking and scream—
"Okay, now. Come on, let's go," Carlos said loudly, clearly not one for patience. Gilbert looked up, snapping out of his thoughts to glare fiercely at the orderly. To his dismay, Alfred and Matthew had already gotten up and out of the closet. When had they moved? He didn't remember noticing them walk past him. Gilbert watched as they stood slightly behind Carlos, resigned to following the orderly. They stared at him expectantly, identical expressions of worry evident on their faces.
"I said—" Gilbert protested yet again.
"I know what you said, Gilbert," Carlos replied forcefully, cutting him off. "And I said, 'fine, but we're going to go to the nurses' station to get your medication first.' Now, are you going to follow me, or do I have to help you?"
"What?" Gilbert asked, confused as to how he could have missed that part of their conversation. He got up anyway, figuring that anywhere was better than going to his room.
"We're going to get meds," Carlos said, sighing with what seemed like relief when Gilbert finally appeared to be cooperating. "Were you even listening half of what I said?"
"Not really," Gilbert said, shrugging. However, he was still trying to figure out how he had completely missed an entire part of their conversation. Was he so caught up in his thoughts about his fight with Lovino that he had missed what Carlos had said? Also, he also didn't remember Alfred and Matthew getting up next to him. This new information was starting to alarm him and—
"And there he goes again!" Carlos sighed, walking over to Gilbert and grabbing his elbow gently. "It's time to go," he said firmly as he began directing Gilbert towards the direction of the nurses' station.
"What?" Gilbert asked, surprised that he was suddenly moving along with Carlos' guidance. He yanked his arm away from the orderly in a huff. "I can walk myself, thanks."
"Fine." Carlos sighed, shaking his head. "As long as you keep walking, we won't have any more problems. Sound good?"
"Yeah," Gilbert huffed, following Carlos and the twins down the hall.
He was pretty much sick of this day and ready for it to be over. Not only had he just ruined his relationship with Lovino forever in one morning, he also missed out on what little time he had to spend with his brother. After all the shit Ludwig witnessed, Gilbert could pretty much kiss anymore visits goodbye. He was probably back to square one with Feliciano too. Hating someone's brother is not really the best way to have a good relationship with somebody. And now Feliciano was moving in! Gilbert was so surprised by the news and so angry about the events proceeding that he hadn't even had time to process this new development in his—or, more accurately—Ludwig's life. Poor Feliciano, with the way things are going, things were never going to work out. Gilbert will never be the pseudo-brother-in-law he deserves. Hell, so far every one of their conversations have ended in yelling and Gilbert stomping off somewhere. And honestly, if Gilbert's antics weren't enough to put strain on Feliciano and Ludwig's relationship, Lovino's outbursts and general hatred of Ludwig surely would.
What if Gilbert (or Lovino…or both) caused them to break up? Would Ludwig ever forgive him? Probably not. Or, an even more terrifying option, what if Ludwig and Feliciano got married?! What if they couldn't stand him in the house anymore and kicked him out? Gilbert sometimes suspected that life would be easier for Ludwig without his older brother living in the basement, but…would he really give him the boot? If Gilbert couldn't be nice to Feliciano…Ludwig might choose his lover over him, his very own brother! What if they figured out he was the problem? What if they already have? Wouldn't it be easier to get rid of him? What would happen to him if he didn't live with Ludwig? He couldn't hold a job, couldn't pay rent. He couldn't live in this place forever. What if that was their plan? Just leave him here so they could live in peace together?
He stopped walking abruptly and turned around in the completely opposite direction.
"Hey!" Carlos called. "What do you think you're doing now?!"
Ignoring the orderly, Gilbert just sped up his pace. Honestly, he didn't have an answer for Carlos. He didn't know what he was doing, exactly. He just knew that he had to do something. He just wasn't sure what. He figured that heading for the exit was probably his best bet. It didn't even faze him that he had little idea where the front door of the hospital actually was, but he figured he would find it eventually. As long as he was heading in the direction away from his room, he should be doing okay, right? Maybe he just wanted to get away from here. Away from his room? Away from Lovino? Or, maybe, he just wanted out of the hospital. Maybe he just wanted to see his brother. He didn't even get to say goodbye this time. Shouldn't he try to catch up with Ludwig and Feliciano? If he did, maybe, just, maybe, he could make things right? Maybe, if he just caught up to them…they wouldn't kick him out in their inevitable post-marital bliss. Maybe he wouldn't lose his brother then.
His fast pace picked up until he was all-out running through the halls, not knowing where he was or where he was going. As long as he kept moving, he would be alright. He figured that as long as he kept going forward, he would find the way out. He just had to concentrate, which was strangely getting harder and harder. The longer he ran the more scared and panicky he felt. If he couldn't find West, nothing would ever be okay again. He just had to figure this one thing out with his brother, then he would be fine and everything would finally be okay and…
He stopped abruptly to stare at the locked door in front of him. Fighting back the urge to yell in frustration about the dead end, he slowly turned around, reading to start he search all over again.
"There you are, buddy." Antonio said, now suddenly in front of Gilbert. "Carlos said you just ran off, so I went looking for you."
Gilbert just stared at him, currently trying to figure out a way past the orderly.
"Come on, let's go." Antonio instructed, gently, reaching forward towards Gilbert, who instantly shied away.
"My brother…" he mumbled quickly, still trying to restart his search efforts.
"Left over an hour ago." Antonio answered, despite the fact that Gilbert wasn't really asking anything.
"What…?" Gilbert said quietly, not really noticing as Antonio gently guided him back toward the area he was previously so desperately trying to get away from.
"So Gilbert, I hear that you had quite the eventful morning today," Roderich said, staring at Gilbert across his desk as if the simple statement would lead to conversation.
"I guess so," Gilbert mumbled, averting his eyes from his questioning doctor. When Antonio found him lost in the hallway, Gilbert had assumed that he would be taken directly to the nurses' station. Instead, he found himself dropped off at Roderich's office. He stared at the two paper cups placed in front of him on the desk, too pissed off and frustrated to make a move.
"Are you going to take your medication today, Gilbert?" Roderich asked, quietly but with a bit of force to it. He didn't seem particularly pleased, but he voice didn't reflect very much emotion. Gilbert figured that it was some bizarre therapist technique. Or, his doctor was just trying not to cause him to blow up again. There was no doubt that Roderich had been notified of the events that took place earlier. Honestly, Gilbert was surprised that he hadn't been forced to apologize to Lovino yet.
"Gilbert?" Roderich asked, looking expectantly at him. His gaze kept alternating between Gilbert and cup of pills.
"Sure, fine, whatever." Gilbert grumbled, knocking back the pills in one go. He purposely forwent the cup of water. It kind of hurt on the way down, but he was beyond caring at this point.
"Thank you," Roderich said, as if Gilbert was doing him some kind of favor. "Now, since you are refusing to return to your room, you're going to have to have your lunch in here today. Is that okay?"
Gilbert was pretty sure it didn't matter if he said it was okay or not. Unsurprisingly, his silence was taken as an affirmative, and a nurse came in several minutes later with a tray of food that looked suspiciously like it was supposed to be macaroni and cheese. He picked up the plastic spork he was given and began poking at the dish, disturbed by its rubbery consistency.
"So, I heard your brother visited today," Roderich said after several moments of silence. Gilbert stopped shuffling the macaroni around long enough to give him an annoyed look. Couldn't he just eat one meal today in peace? He'd rather not relive the events surrounding his brother's visit at the moment. Or ever really. He didn't want to think, let alone talk about Lovino, Feliciano moving in or his how his brother's relationship will inevitability lead to his eviction.
One would think that his reluctance was obvious. One would think. Still, Roderich persisted, "How did it go?" his bastard doctor asked as if he didn't already know how it went.
"Shitty," Gilbert grumbled, returning to his macaroni. The only bright side to eating lunch in his doctor's office was that Roderich couldn't try to make small talk by asking what Gilbert had had for lunch that day. Which was a stupid approach to small talk anyway. Roderich was such a stupid, awkward idiot sometimes.
"Care to explain what happened?" Roderich pressed further. Gilbert just wanted him to shut up. Seriously, he just wanted to eat his lunch and then go to sleep until this horrible day was over. He chose to disregard the fact that he was currently refusing to return to his room and thus did not have a place to sleep. At this point, the couch in the common room sounded fine. Even if Dora Explorer was blasting on the TV. He didn't care. Fuck, he would even settle for crawling under a table like Kiku.
"Hmm, Gilbert, care to explain?" Roderich prompted again.
"Lovino," he finally deadpanned, not looking up from his food.
"Lovino what?" Roderich asked, "Come on, Gilbert, we've got to talk about this."
"Why?" Gilbert snapped. "I thought we only had to talk about what I wanted to here. Isn't that how this works?" He finally decided that finishing his lunch may make the horror of this conversation end quicker. Taking a deep breath, he shoved a large sporkful of macaroni in his mouth, chewing defiantly.
"We have to talk about what happened this morning, Gilbert," Roderich sighed, clearly getting a bit exasperated. "Because in the span of a few short hours, you managed to violate several hospital policies."
Gilbert just glared at him, chewing through the huge amount of macaroni he decided to take in one bite. That clearly wasn't a good idea.
"Fighting with other patients, going into unauthorized areas, missing group therapy, disobeying staff members—" Roderich listed off, staring at him accusatorily.
"God, Roddy, fuck, I know!" Gilbert shouted after finally swallowing the wad of macaroni. "Can you just get off my case right now? Why can't for one second, I get a break today?!" He was just so tired of everything going wrong. Why couldn't even his therapist get the hint that he was having a bad day and maybe just lighten up on him? Or just leave him alone? Couldn't he see that his patient was ten seconds away from banging his head repeatedly on the desk just to get some respite?
"Ah, I see," Roderich said quietly as if he was just now making an outstanding discovery. "I understand that you have probably had a hard time today, and I am sorry for pushing you."
"Finally," Gilbert sighed. He supposed that he should count the concession as a victory, but he was too beaten down to care anymore.
Roderich ignored his comment, but cleared his throat before continuing, "Well, we can put off talking about what happened today until our scheduled session on Monday, but remember, we will have to talk about some of the rules you broke due to your actions."
"Thanks, I guess…" Gilbert mumbled, not quite satisfied with the outcome. After all, he still would have to have an inevitably awkward conversation with Roddy about breaking the rules again, but at least there would be no more therapy today.
"And, you'll have to go afternoon group today," Roderich added.
"Shit…" Gilbert grumbled, picking at his macaroni once again. "Can I at least stop trying to eat this crap?" He pleaded.
Roderich looked at him for a moment before sighing, "Eat your apple and carrots. Then you can go."
There you go, Gilbert. One good thing for today. Not having to eat nasty macaroni. Yay.
Author fun time: I hope it was worth the wait? I feel so bad about how long I've left this. I think I have to really think about what needs to be in what chapter because the free-form semi-planned out kind of thing is definitely not working well anymore in terms of time management.
On the note of reviews, I will probably respond to new ones, but reviews from the last chapter are now so old that it feels weird responding…but I read them! Thank you thank you thank you! For the reviews! They still kick my butt! Even after a long time! Thanks for sticking with me, and thanks for the love. I write because I know people love it.