"You are going to soar to incredible heights, Shinchiro."
We sat on the ledge of a few feet high wall overlooking the ocean. The sky had been painted in stunning shades of yellow and orange as the sun set beyond the horizon. The still ocean reflected this beauty in a slightly rippled fashion, as gentle waves kissed the shore. This was peace and beauty beyond words. Noe sat only a few inches away from me. Her emerald eyes somehow reflected the beautiful view in front of us, and dazzled me.
I had never really noticed or wondered if I ever had any feelings for her. She was just there. The cooky girl who I caught when she jumped from a tree. Now, the fact that I somehow felt my heartbeat in my fingertips, and I for some reason couldn't take my eyes off her, made me question myself. The gentle breeze played with a few of her tendrils, taking on a life of their own. She was beautiful.
"Why are you so determined about flying?"
She was still gazing at the ocean, a faint smile resting on her pale lips. She turned towards me, and her smile widened. She exhaled and answered me as she turned her gaze back towards the ocean.
"Because everyone deserves to be great and soar, to feel free and reach incredible heights. To be the best they can be. Especially you, Shinchiro."
I stared wide-eyed at her. She chuckled softly as my flabbergasted expression caught her eye.
"Do you disagree?"
I cleared my throat at my slight embarrassment.
"No, I suppose that makes sense."
We continued sitting there upon the ledge overlooking sanctuary. She and I had started going out not too many weeks ago. It all started with me and a deal with her brother. He asked me to go out with her, in exchange that he would date the one I loved.
The one I love doesn't love me back.
Noe had accepted my proposal of dating, and we seemed to be on good terms. I don't know if she had deep feelings for me. Her brother was now dating the one I loved, Hiromi. The most beautiful creature on this earth. She had lived with us for many years now, ever since her parents died. I think I loved her from the start, all these years. My love never died. So why was Noe the one who was now sitting next to me, in this romantic setting? I never quite understood.
"Am I really the one in your heart, Shinchiro?"
This question came out of the blue. I was caught off guard and shot a look of slight terror and mostly pain in her direction. She hadn't wavered. She was still overlooking the ocean. I hoped she couldn't sense the tension that was building up inside me. What do I say now? Crush her, or be honest? Maybe she knew as well as I, that I didn't really want this.
"I…I…I…" That was all I could say. She looked at me, no tears in her eyes. Just curiosity and sadness. She really wanted to know.
"I care about you, Noe." That was as good an answer I could give.
She shifted her position and was know sitting on her knees facing me, her face only inches from mine. Her emerald eyes pierced my heart. This girl deserved better. She leaned closer, shifting her weight to rest on her hands. She gazed into my eyes, as if looking for the desired answers.
"Do you really?" She asked. Her voice had now turned husky and was pulling me closer. Closer and closer, towards the warm embrace of her lips. I wanted to taste her, however wrong that was. At that moment, I desired Noe. I didn't say anything, let the sound of the waves calm me, as I lifted my hands to rest on both her cheeks. I never took my gaze away from her eyes. She looked at me questionably. Not being able to anticipate what was coming.
Here it goes.
I pulled her face towards mine, and met her lips with slight pressure. I could tell she was shocked at first, but she wasn't struggling.
She gave in.
She closed her eyes, and rested both her hands in my arms. After countless moments, I broke away, but still held her face in my hands. She smiled another faint smile at me. Understanding swept through her gaze.
"It's not me you love, is it?"
I tried to keep a straight face. How can she tell from a kiss? What made her realize? I exhaled in slight frustration. I dropped my hands, and she moved away.
"So I was right…" she whispered.
Her words of certainty hung in the evening air. She didn't look hurt. She only looked like she understood. And that she was sad that she did. I tried to explain it all. I was about to, when her words cut me off.
"It's Hiromi you love, isn't it?" Her eyes were closed, and the faint smile had disappeared. Maybe she was trying to mask the sorrow which lay in her eyes. We sat in many minutes of silence before I responded.
"Yes, but my heart wavers when I'm around you, Noe."
She seemed to understand. Understand what I felt, and what I meant. What a beautiful human being.
She nodded slightly before murmuring, "I see."
Did she? Did she really see the pain this caused me? Having to hurt her. We sat in silence for a long period of time. I wanted to break this silence. Try to explain why it was Hiromi who was in my heart, and how if I had met Noe first, she would have easily taken her place. But I didn't. All I did was sit next to her in silence.
"Noe, you have to know…"
"It's okay," she interrupted.
That was all we said. I wish we had said more. I wish I had said more.
"I think I have to head back." I said quietly. She only nodded softly, her legs swinging and hair swaying softly in the wind.
I got up and left, walking slowly away from a beautiful creature. While I was leaving I could hear her singing softly to herself a song which has from then on haunted my mind.
"There's a roach under Shinchiro's shoe… There's a roach on Shinchiro's head…"