This is my first A-team fic, any mistakes are my own I dont have a beta. Face is so proper all the time I just had to pick on him. I love the guy and all but I wanted to make this funny. I dont mean to pick on him. Hope you all get a giggle from this. And any flams I get I'll cook more beans. :) Enjoy!
"That sure was a good meal, the best dinner I've had in a long time." Hannibal said putting a cigar in his mouth. He had even enjoyed the apple pie with the cool whip on top.
"Yeah, too bad we didn't find out about it sooner." B.A. said smiling. He had eaten a whole blueberry pie with ice cream with 3 tall glasses of milk all by himself, and he had even gotten one boxed up to go. He'd eat that later with some more milk.
"Yeah those beans were the best." Face said jokingly. He actually hated beans, as it was a staple in the orphanage when he was growing up. But the girl was so pretty he couldn't hurt her feelings.
"Ya know ya didn't have to eat them just cause the waitress put them in front of you." Murdock was fishing for something in his pocket. Then tried to pull his finger out as it got stuck in the hole...maybe that was where it had gone he thought.
"Well she insisted that I eat them. Said that she cooked them herself. So I just had to eat them." He grabbed his stomach feeling movement.
B.A. let out a laugh. "I bet, right out of a can."
Hannibal laughed also moving his cigar around his lips. "Be nice B.A." He looked back at Face seeing him grabbing his stomach while bending over slightly. "Are you alright kid?" He wondered if they had any rolaids in the med kit.
"Huh? Yeah. I'm fine. Just a small stomach ache." He bent forward a little more. "Ugh. Ow." He grabbed his stomach harder and rested his head on his knees. He was sure his insides were exploding.
Hannibal turned in his seat and put a hand on the young mans shoulder. "What's the matter?"
Murdock looked over at Face pulling his hand out of his pocket. "I don't think them beans liked him very much."
"Shut up fool! At least he didn't carry on a conversation with his beans." B.A. gave Face a quick glance then back to the road.
Face suddenly looked up. "O wow."
Murdock leaned in closer. "What?"
"I feel fine." He smiled. "Must have been gas in my stomach or something."
"Yeah you do look a little airy today Face. Ha ha!" B.A. seemed to be in a good mood.
"Are you sure?" Face nodded and Hannibal turned to face the front. "If you say so."
Murdock studied Faces' face. "You sure? You look a little peachy. Don't you agree Billy?"
Face smiled. "I'm perfectly fine." He sat up but then his smile faded away as he turned red. He shifted uneven to one side then the other. "Oh o." He squeezed his butt tight, but it was a losing battle, he wouldn't win.
"What?" Murdock saw the look on his face.
Faarrrttttt! The sound was wet, loud and long. Face ducked his face down, wishing he was elsewhere as he couldn't face anyone.
Murdock's eyes widened looking at Face. The fumes wafing from Face were thick and purple he thought...and the smell... "Ew. Thats nasty." He said under his breath as his eyes began to water.
Face looked up turning redder in the face. Hannibal turn around facing the front chewing on his cigar harder than normal. He was holding his breath, wondering how long he could last before he passed out from lack of oxygen.
Then the smell hit their noses. "My god!" B.A. yelled as he rolled his window down as fast at it would allow. He was sure that smell would turn his gold green.
Hannibal finally ran out of air, and sucked on his cigar hoping it would help with the smell not wanting to be rude by rolling down his window. He pulled the visor down with the mirror in it and looked at Face with it. The poor boy was as red as a cherry.
Murdock suddenly turned in his seat and looked to the back. "Billy! How dare you do such an awful and foul thing." He flicked his fingers. "Now come here so I can put you outside."
"Shut up you crazy fool! Don't go blaming something that aint there. God Murdock you stink! What the hell did you eat?"
"It wasn't him." Face said covering his face with his hand. "Sorry."
"Don't stick up for him Face. I know it was him." Sticking his head out the window some.
Faaarrrttttttttt sqeeeeekkkk. It came again, and this time it was even worse. Hannibal thought about mustard gas, and this was worse than that.
"Damn it Murdock!" B.A.s upper lip curled as tears flowed down his dark cheeks.
"I'm telling you B.A. it wasn't him."
"Are you saying it was you Face? Cause I know it came from back there." The smell got worse catching B.A.s gag reflexes.
"Um. Well ye..." Another one ripped and he shifted uneasy once more grabbing his stomach.
"Can we pull over somewhere?"
Hannibal reached over and rolled the window down just an inch. "Pull over up there B.A." Seeing a store up ahead.
Murdock got on his knees. "Come here boy, time to go outside."
Errrkkk. This time it was small but smelled worse than the others where was the MPs the rescue them? Murdock looked up at Face pleading with him to hold the next one.
"I'm sorry." Face said in a whisper as he sunk further into the seat. "O God."
B.A. was now gagging. "I don't think I'm going to make it that far before I pass out. And its all your fault fool! If you don't stop that then your going to find yourself on the side of the road tied up!"
"Can you hurry up B.A.!" Face yelled wishing he was somewhere else at the moment.
Hannibal looked back at the kid feeling sympathy for him. "Its going to be OK kid." If B.A. didn't stop now, he was jumping out and deserting.
"Now that was a very bad dog. Why would you do such a thing? And to blame poor old Facey of all people. Why not B.A.?"
"You'er going to pay for that fool! No blaming Face for that, he wouldn't do that. Or me! No one could ever smell that bad but a crazy man." Leaning his head out the window further his long feather earrings blowing in the wind.
"I smell like a crazy man?" Face said as he rested his head on his knees feeling dizzy. If only he could just die, that would solve the problem. If he survived this he would never eat another bean.
Hannibal shook his head. "We're almost there."
B.A. finally pulled over getting out of the van first. He fell to his knees wheezing and choking. "What a rotten fool!"
Hannibal got out and opened the side door. "Face, you alright?"
"I think I'm going to die of embarrassment." The colonel was taking this way to well.
Murdock wanted to get out of the van but didn't want to disturb Face. So he dug inside of his jacket and pulled out a sock. "Well there you are Socky! Could you cover my nose for me?"
Face looked up at Hannibal. "I don't feel so good." His voice not more than a whisper.
"I know. Come on there's a Walgreen's just over there." He helped him out of the van and they walked to the store. As he reached for the door he heard another noise. He looked down at Face. "Its going to be alright. I've heard worse things than that." They stopped and let two women go through the doors first. He never thought that Hannibal could make a situation worse until now.
Face thought he was going to die of embarrassment as he felt another one rip. The two girls looked at him in disguist. He pointed at Hannibal nodding his head a little.
They arrived at the bathroom and Hannibal opened the door just as Murdock came running up. "Anything I can do?"
"Yes. Go find something for his stomachache."
"Yes sir!" He took off down an isle.
Hannibal smiled as he and Face went inside the stall and shut the door. "Now I'll be right here if you need me." He leaned against the sink and looked in the mirror at himself.
"Yeah yeah. I know." He really did like his leader but sometimes he just didn't know how to leave him at peace. He sat on the toilet feeling his stomach once more. "Hannibal, I think you should leave."
"Oh-no, its fine." Then he heard it. "On another thought I think I hear Murdock calling. "Feel better kid." Once outside the room he met up with Murdock. "Did you get it?"
"Yes I did. And its suppose to be really good too."
"Then go give it to him."
"Hey Facey!" In a singing voice he called out as he entered. "I found you a little something. Where are you?"
Face banged on the side of his stall. "Over here. I hope what ever it is its good."
"Oh it is." He bent down and slid the box over to him. "I once took some of this stuff. Made me feel all better inside. I hope it makes you feel better too." He pinched his nose. "Eww."
"What the hell is this!"
Murdock jumped. "Something for your tummy." Pulling his shirt over his nose.
"This is not for men you idiot!" Face yelled causing Hannibal to run in.
"What happened?" In a worried voice. "Face?"
Murdock shrugged his shoulders. "What do you mean Face?"
"It's for women! Its Midol!" He threw the box over the stall where Hannibal caught it.
He looked at the box. Indeed it was Midol. "What where you thinking?" Turning to face Murdock. His problem isn't from that girly monthly problem, Murdock.
"It says for stomach and bloating. And I thought I took some of that once." He put his hands in his pocket feeling a little foolish.
"It also says for women." He pointed it out.
Murdock looked at it closely. "Yes well, I was in a hurry. And I don't think I'v ever seen that stuff before. Forget what I said before."
"I'll go find you something Face."
He headed off when Hannibal grabbed his arm. "No its OK. I'l go get something. You stay here." He said firmly.
He watched him leave the room. He stood there for a moment then reached in his pocket and pulled out a ping pong ball. He threw it across the room and caught it when it came back.
Face moaned. "Could you stop that please?" He started to sweat more. His voice was getting smaller. 'Whats wrong with me? That pretty girl must have dropped the beans before she gave them to me. Who knows what a dirty floor can do to a guy.' He thought to himself. Then the noise stopped. "Thank you." But then just as the words left his mouth Murdock started to sing. "O-no not again, Murdock please!"
"I'm a little mouse sitting on a piece of cheese that I got from Captain Kangaroo."
"What are you singing?"
"Beats me. It just came to me." Then he started another one. "Oh did you see that cat in the window with the machine gun?" He said to himself in a high pitched voice. "Well I sure did buddy." In a low one.
"Murdock! Cut that out or I'm going to throw you out of this room! I need some quiet!"
"OK OK. But did you know that the walls can hear us?" He patted the wall nearest him, and then put his palm over it. "Be quiet." he whispered.
"No they can't."
"Yes they can. The wall to my left just told me to leave."
"Well that is a very wise wall. I agree with it."
"And the right wall just said that its closing time."
"No it did no..." Then it came over the speakers 'This store will close in five minutes. Please take what you have and check out'. "Thats creepy. I can't leave now. I'm not done." He said in a serious tone.
Hannibal opened the door. "Hurry up Face. They're locking up. Here." He tossed pepto bismol at Murdock who slid it to Face.
Just a little over three minutes Face emerged from the bathroom. "Alright I feel a little better." He swayed toward the front door. Hannibal went over to him and put an arm around his shoulders. "Thanks."
"Anytime. Lets go find a motel and then you can rest. I think you got a little food poisoning."
"Then how come Murdock doesn't have it?"
"Like B.A. said he played with his beans the whole time."
"But they begged me not to eat them. What was I suppose to do?"
Hannibal smiled and pulled out another cigar once they were outside. "Too bad the beans didn't tell Face not to eat them."
Face rolled his eyes at him. "Very funny. Not everyone can hear things like that."
They walked up to the van. "Hey guys. Ya'll took forever. I think I finely got the van aired out." He looked at Face leaning on Hannibal. "Whats the matter with you? You look sick."
"Thats because I am sick. All that was me."
"You mean the stinking up my van?" Raising an eyebrow.
Face nodded. "Yea. Sorry big guy."
"No problem man. It wasn't that bad anyway." He smiled and went to the drivers side."
"Hey you owe me an apology." Murdock demanded.
"I don't owe you nothin fool! Now get in the van."
A/N Thanks for reading hope you liked it. Please leave a revew. I'd make my day.