I: The Jump
You know your life has hit rock bottom when opening your eyes in the morning is enough to make you want to cry. When as soon as you know you've survived through the night, your heart sinks in your chest. I lay in my bed wondering just why I'm waking up to live through another day, why I have to endure more of this painful torture, wondering where the God I once believed in went and why he isn't helping me anymore. I roll over and stare at my wall, trying to fight off the deep throbbing which has started behind my eyeballs. Every day is the same thing, and I am so tired of it all.
I stand up slowly, remembering that today is the day I've decided to get this whole living thing out of the way. There will be no more waking up, wondering why I'm still breathing. I'm putting a stop to everything because I am done. I'm horrible at being alive anyway, so I figure I'll probably be a much better corpse. Everyone I've ever loved hates me, the love of my life is a cheating piece of shit, even if I lost everything for him. It's his fault my entire family has decided to act like I suddenly never existed in the first place. It's been months since I received my last phone call, and that was one of those 'wrong number' calls. I'm literally left with no one...for some reason I can't figure out, he was left with all our friends too.
I also know for a fact that my sister has given birth to her first child, but no one has even thought to tell me about it. Before this whole mess, I was the uncle of that kid and now, it won't ever know I existed.
Oh yeah, and did I mention losing the job I worked my ass off to get and spending months jobless afterwards? All that work for nothing because now for some reason I can't even get fucking Burger Palace to hire me. I've stopped praying long ago, so now my nights are just silent gaps of pitch black darkness, before the sun rises up through the window again.
Walking out into my barren living room, I stare at the open balcony door and wonder what it would be like to jump, though I don't think I could do it. That takes an amount of guts I don't have. It's definitely a sure way to die, seeing as I live on the 18th floor...
The way I've decided to go, is with the good old slitting of the veins. I've never had a problem with blood and pain, so I guess this is alright. I make my way towards my empty kitchen, knowing exactly which knife I'll use to finally call it quits. When I get to the drawer, I realize this is a stupid way to try and commit suicide. I mean, what if I don't die? There is always a chance that you'll survive when you do it this way, always a chance that someone might find you and call the EMTs. Plus, I do owe my landlord like three months rent and he's been coming to bust my balls about it every day for the past two weeks around this time. Every time I've opened the door those past three months, I never had any intention of paying him, because I knew that soon enough I'd be gone from this damned, wretched place anyway. I have no idea how he hasn't noticed. I mean, I look like death and my apartment is completely empty. Everything I owned, I through out after Hayner left. I couldn't stand the sight of that shit, every piece of furniture reminded me of him.
I decide to write my suicide note first, though why I'm even bothering with one is a mystery to even me. No one important is going to read this, it's not like my mother will suddenly show up and realize how bad she's hurt me, not like Hayner would suddenly leave Olette and come back to me. I decide to just grab a post-it note and scribble 'Fuck the world, it sucks anyway.'
I peal it off, tossing the rest of them onto the carpet and walk towards the balcony, sticking it on the door before walking out onto the cold cement floor. The wind out here is gusting crazily, the traffic down below almost invisible to me. I take a deep breath and move to stand closer to the railings, gripping it tightly in my hands. This, right here, would be a sure way to die. There is no way in hell they are scraping me off the ground alive if I jump from all the way up here. I might as well die with courage, die in a way that takes a little backbone. I inhale for one of the last times.
I look up when I hear someone shouting something, and see a few people on a balcony across from mine, watching me curiously. I wonder if they can see the completely empty apartment behind me, or if they can tell I'm about to jump. I lick my lips, the cold wind ruffling my hair in all sorts of directions and I take my last look at the clock tower.
I had played for years with my brother inside of that thing, every summer we'd have our own hang out in there and just live it up. I remember this one kid who had played with us this one summer, he had bright red hair and the craziest green eyes. I know there was something seriously wrong with him, I can't really remember what it was, but Sora and I were horribly scared of him. His skin was really pale, he looked sick all the time and he had these sharp, little teeth. Not to mention he had facial tattoos and was like, what, ten years old tops?
Regardless of the weirdness of him, he was fun to play with, always managing to get us ice cream or sneak us into movies. I don't remember what happened to him, but I know his house burnt down and he disappeared after that.
I take another breath and realize those people are still watching me. It's not like I want to traumatize them, but they aren't going back inside and I have to do this now. I can't stand staying here one more day, the memories of my life are just too much for me to bare and just thinking of what my future is going to be like makes me cringe. I can't wait for the sweet relief of death, when I forget everything, my soul finally being released from my body. I'm not sure what the after life will be like, but it's got to be better than this. I'm hoping you just disappear after you die, because that's what I've wanted most for the past two years.
After I smack into the ground I want everything to be over. This has been it and my existence is over from here on out. The end of the line. I don't want none of this heaven bullshit because God can just suck it now. I don't want to exist anymore.
I hoist myself up onto the railing and I hear the people start freaking out, they are all screaming at me and I look up at them. I feel I make eye contact with one of them, from all the way across the distance and I swear to god I see that redheaded kid again for a split second, before I let go of the railing and toss myself over the edge. I can hear them screaming as I plummet downwards, the air gushing into my mouth and almost suffocating me. The feeling of falling is so intense, I have no choice but to hold my breath or else I'll be sputtering the whole way down. My heart is hammering crazily in my chest as I anticipate the landing of this jump, as I wait to feel the impact. By now, there are hundreds of people looking off their balconies from all the apartments around me, and I really wish they wouldn't just stand and watch.
I close my eyes and then it happens. I smash into the pavement and I can feel everything, every single bone in my body shatters and my skull bursts open, my brains spilling out and what freaks me out is that I can feel it. I can feel everything and I want to scream out in agony. It is so much pain, so much unbearable, burning and just soul wrenching pain. I can't breathe, but the feeling isn't as uncomfortable as you'd think. As much pain as I'm in, I'm not suffocating. I don't feel the need for air, but it's almost like a natural reflex to keep trying to suck oxygen into my lungs. I can't move any part of my body though and I watch people from unblinking eyes as they all surround me, my guts bleeding into the pavement.
"Oh my god...he's dead!" A girl screams and I want to laugh because I'm not dead. I'm still alive, I mean...I must be. The horrible pain is still going, and I can still feel everything. I wish it would just stop, but it doesn't. It scares me because I don't want to be stuck like this anymore. I don't want to be able to think and process anything.
"Holy shit, that's nasty!"
"Someone quick, call 9-1-1!"
"Little shit owed me rent money!"
My eyes scan the crowd as the people slowly move away from me, the sight too gruesome for them to stay looking any longer. Then I see something I've never seen. A black hole opens up in the middle of the air, thick, curling smoke bursting from the centre of it and flames dance along the edges. I stare, fascinated until I see a long leg coming through. What the hell is going on?
Seriously, what the fuck? I'm even more confused when I watch that kid, you know the scary one from the clock tower step out. He walks up to me, but no one else seems to see him. With a smirk, he kneels down by my head, "Hello Roxas, nice day for a bungee jump, no?" Here he sticks his finger in his mouth and pulls it out again, testing the winds before smirking down at me, his once sharp little teeth, a lot larger and a lot sharper than before. I realize he is no longer in the body of a ten year old, and instead towers over everyone else at a height I'm not sure of. He reaches down and I feel his hand sliding into my back, his nails slicing the skin as easy as they would jello. Quickly, his fingers curl and I want to scream in pain. A loud crunch comes from deep within me and the world goes black for a second. I feel relief, until everything comes back and I'm standing right beside the redhead.
This is where I can see myself, laying on the ground and the sight makes me gasp out in horror. There is blood everywhere, and my mouth is just gaping open, much like the middle of my skull. I stare at all the grey matter splayed all across the asphalt, blood still oozing from my nose, ears and mouth. I feel sorry for whoever has to come and clean me up, but I'm glad it's all over with. I turn to the redhead and cross my arms, completely confused. I guess I was wrong in hoping for no heaven, though it's not like I would be getting in. I know for a fact that he isn't an angel here to lead me to God, because every good former catholic knows suicides don't get into heaven. Plus, the mere appearance of the man (if you could call him that) should be telling enough. I guess I'm doomed to eternal damnation, and he's just here to guide me to hell.
I look over at the redhead and my eyes trail along his huge form. He's only huge in the sense of being really tall, and I'm willing to guess he measures in at an easy 7 feet. The rest of him, like his limbs are rather gangly looking. I shift and look at his face to catch him just staring at the busted up body. It creeps me out, the way his eyes, with slit pupils linger on the bloody mess of my former self. Finally, he looks away and stares directly at me. "You humans are really quite the contraption," he says, his eyes trailing up and down what I suppose is my new body. I haven't really had a chance to look at myself, but I figure I'll find time later...it doesn't feel much different that before, except for now I can't feel my heart beat or when I take a breath. The tone he says that thought with, makes it seem like it's a sudden realization and he nods in approval before turning and walking away.
I stay behind just watching him, until I feel this sudden pressure in the middle of my stomach and then a sharp jabbing pain that makes me fall to my knees. I groan , grabbing at my abdomen but nothing will ease the pain. I stand up and stagger forward and realize this helps. I start walking quickly, feeling less and less pain each time. I realize the further away from the redhead I am the more it hurts when I look up and see he waits for me to almost catch up, before walking away insanely quick. Every time he does this I get left at least 10 paces behind and the pain is just so horrible. I hurry, trying to keep up and every time I manage to get a little close, he leaves me in the dust again. Then the bastard finally stops and gives me enough time to actually get back at his side, the pain finally easing and I can straighten up. He's smiling in this satisfied way when he takes in the amount of agony I was in, before looking towards the ground and opening another one of those dark, black portals again. "Well, come on then..." He motions for me to step into the hole but I hesitate and take a step backwards instead.
"Why do I have to go with you?" I ask, scrunching up my nose and sending him a very nasty look. What if I have unfinished business here on earth? I must be a ghost now, seeing as I haven't vanished, so can't I just drift away and go haunt something? I mean, if I'm going to be left feeling 'alive', I might as well use my time up somehow.
Here he starts to chuckle, a dark, rumbling sound from deep within his chest and it gives me the chills. His eyes snap open and he's suddenly right in front of me, and if I could breath, the heat coming off his body would be suffocating me, I can feel it burning my skin as he seems to hover before me. A sharp, black, pointed tongue peaks out and laps at the air like a lizard's, before darting back into his mouth, "Because Roxas, your soul belongs to me."
A/N: Okay, I was trying to get into the groove of the crime fic I told everyone about, but wow...that just wasn't flying.
Then suddenly, I got this idea.
I hope it's interesting, because I'm starting the second chapter...I have a few ways to take this. I'm even considering making it a main priority after Brotherly Love is finished.
Tell me what you think guys, ultimately, it is you who give me inspiration to continue :3