Author's Notes: written for the darkship prompt meme (yeah, that thing? Still exists. I never really finished it), the prompt: "it's just skin."


22nd Letter

She can do this. Really, it's going to be easy.

Puck's on top of her this time, not like when they first made out – she doesn't mind. She's glad to let him take control, actually, and... okay, she's not thinking that way.

"Jesus, Berry," he says against her mouth as her hands easily glide southward, over his ass. "You musta done some exploring or somethin' with St. Douchebag, 'cause you are seriously..."

"Going further? I know," she smiles before returning to kissing him, tongues wet and slick against each other. "Touch me."

For a second, she thinks about Jesse. He pressured her, and he wound up breaking her heart, but everyone has flaws, right? It would have been better to have just lost it to him. At least there were genuine emotions there. She wouldn't feel so god damned naive about all this.

She guesses she just has to make up for it now.

Puck's hands come onto her breasts easily, and she moans, arching to his touch. "You like that, Rach?"

"Yes."

She was so stupid with Finn, raising various progressions of sexual attention onto a pedestal; making landmarks out of physical contact. And of course, he'd give all that away in a night to a girl he hardly likes. He's just that type.

So she can be that type too. Isn't that normal? At least she has friendly affection for Noah.

"Ow," Puck says, drawing her attention. "Rachel – try not to bite me."

She nods. "Oh. Sorry."

Finn likes the bites; she should–

This isn't about Finn. Well, okay, yes it's about Finn but he's not here so she should stop thinking about him.

She kisses his neck and he rubs up against her thigh; she can suddenly feel his erect pe–

No, no, that's not the right way to put it. Her clinical words have to place if she's meant to be normal, and throw sex around like it's going out of fashion – she has to be sexy. It's his cock. His hard cock. There, much better.

"Rach, no offense or anything, but what the hell are you doing?" he asks as she bucks up toward him, grinding against it. She frowns in confusion. "Seriously, since when do you move this fast?"

"Since when do you question a girl who's offering to put out?" she retorts, grabbing him by the neck again. "Come on, Noah. I know you want it. Never give up on a challenge, right? That fit your masculine bravado?"

He breaks away. "This just about Finn? Evening the scores or something?"

"Well, of course," she snaps. Isn't everything? She put so much into being his girlfriend, and the one thing she expected from him – that he was hers, and he held the same opinions on his body she did – turned out not to be true. She has to reevaluate their situation; shake things up make them better.

"Are you guys still together? I don't really follow any drama here anymore."

She scoffs. "Technically." She doesn't want to break up with Finn, but she also doesn't want to convince Puck not to have sex with her. Not for the first time, Rachel feels her life would be easy if she were Quinn Fabray. Or, for that matter, Santana Lopez.

"This is a fucking bad idea," he tells her.

"And you'd know all about bad ideas," she snaps, before dragging his mouth back to hers. "Come on, Puck. Consequences will be consequences. Just let me..."

She kisses him again and he gives in, hand clutching her side. Good. She wants to just do this and get it over with – she needs to.

She made such an image in her mind for her and Finn; of mutual love and passion, of somewhere neither of them had been before, of sex being the ultimate expression of their love. But no, he gave it away to someone he hardly even cared about while he was meant to be in love with her. A horrible shrew like Santana Lopez had that with him, and no matter how hard she tries, it will never be the same for her.

Well, fine. If it must be ruined, she will desecrate it completely – she'll be a slut, like him. She can do it. It's just fine. People like Puck and Santana, who sleep around with whoever will take them – aren't they happy?

Except Puck pushes her away. Oh dear. "Is something wrong?" she asks. "Did I bite you again?"

He sighs. "I did this to Finn once before. I can't do it again," he says, and her stomach churns a little. "I'm sorry, I have to go."

And go he does. She stares at the blank space that was Noah Puckerman, slowly getting a little bit furious – it gets even worse when she realizes how relieved she is.

Of course. She doesn't get to just trade her virginity away without caring and try and fix things, but Finn does, and like always, he is just so fucking special.