Prompt for this was found on a Livejournal community, if anybody can point me in its direction I'd be most grateful.
Ratchet is captured by the Decepticons and reprogrammed to be their medic. With the Autobot sensibilities gone, would he actually go through with all the threats he used to give the Autobots...
"Procedure: complete. Medic: Decepticon."
Megatron allowed a smug smile to cross his faceplates as Soundwave stepped out into the corridor. "Excellent."
The metallic thud and following yelp of pain wiped the smile off his face as he jumped to one side to avoid being run over by Hook as he shot out of his own medbay as if the entire Autobot army was on his aft.
Slumping against the wall the Constructicon raised a hand to his dented helm. "I'll stand by my original assessment Sir, keeping him will be more trouble than it's worth."
"I don't recall asking you." Megatron said as the Constructicon edged away from him.
"You had me suppress some of his emotional subroutines and some of the medical programming, specifically the bit that includes, 'do no harm' so that he would survive as a Decepticon. You thought he was dangerous as an Autobot? Hook gave a derisive warble. "Just don't expect me to pick up the pieces."
Glaring at the departing back of his first medic, his contemplation of whether blasting him for his insolence was worth it or not was disturbed by the medbay doors sliding open.
A quick glance around showed that Soundwave was in the process of making a tactical retreat, leaving him to deal with his newest recruit alone.
"Me." He replied as he slid his optics over the gleaming black and red chassis. Hook and Soundwave had done a good job with that at least.
Red optics narrowed as the medic gestured into his newly claimed domain. "I need to do routine maintenance on all you slaggers, Hook's records are terrible. You might as well lead by example."
"I think not. I..." Whatever else the Warlord was going to say was cut off with a well placed wrench to the helm.
"We're DOOMED!" Several pairs of optics flickered over the mech before returning to their energon rations. Dead End predicting doom was a rather frequent occurrence.
"The medic's out to get us. He'll offline us all and use us for spare parts!" This announcement got slightly more attention, however it was mainly for the spectacle of Dead End diving behind Astrotrain and curling into a shivering ball of metal.
"He's probably listening to this right now and plotting." The arrival of Breakdown and Wildrider, both of whom proceeded to follow their fellow gestalt member into hiding was slightly more suspicious.
"Hook is out to get you?" Astrotrain asked as he shifted to try and see the three Stunticons taking refuge behind his chassis.
"The Autobot medic?" One of the Seekers asked with a frown.
"Yes. No. He's Decepticon now. "
"Ratchet is a Decepticon and is out to get you?"
"Fragging right I am. Get your slagging afts back to my medbay or I will weld them to the roof."
Raising an optical ridge the medic waited, wrench tapping idly against his free hand, for his current victims to comply with his orders; the rest of the rec room was so silent you could hear gears turning in processors.
The three Stunticons slunk out of the room with Dead End clinging desperately to Wildrider's chassis. With a smirk the medic followed them at a sedate pace.
Dirge casually summed up the thoughts of most of the rooms occupants quite neatly as he let his helm drop into one of his hands and morosely stared into his half empty cube of energon. "We're doomed."
"Owwwww. Watch the fraggin' doors would ya"
"Slag it, this is all your fault."
"My fault? You were the one being an aft."
Some things on board the Nemesis were so commonplace they didn't even get a second glance.
"How are we meant to go on patrol?"
"You should have thought of that before."
"I should have thought of that? Why didn't you think of that?"
If the argument was considered a normal occurrence, so too was the multiple requests from other annoyed cons in the rec room for them to shut up.
This time however the request by an irritated group of Combaticons trailed off halfway through.
"Yeah yeah. Laugh all ya want glitches." Runamuck said as he glared over the cons in the rec room and flashed them a rude human gesture.
"Hey watch it!" Runabout yelped as he ducked.
"Ratchet?" Blast Off managed to get out in between sniggers.
"Who else?" Runabout said as they finally made it to the energon dispensor. "It's entirely his fault." He said gesturing at Runamuck.
The punch that was thrown never landed as they overbalanced and the crunch of metal impacting the floor was broken by twin groans of pain.
"You remember the old rule number one?" Swindle asked as he peered down at the twins.
"Eh, don't annoy Megatron unless you want your aft handing to you in little pieces?" Runamuck asked as the twins attempted to lever themselves back off the floor.
Swindle nodded, "Aye, that rule. It's now number two."
Vortex sniggered as the now conjoined twins finally made it back to their peds. "New rule number one: Obey the medic at all costs."
"What has he done this time?" The Constructicon medic had over the past few planetary revolutions become accustomed to rude interruptions from mechs who had run afoul of Ratchet in a temper.
Glancing up from the datapad he was reading, to the doorway of his quarters at the mech who had yelled, he froze.
Looking back at his datapad he rebooted his optics.
No. He was still seeing what he thought he had seen.
"Yes, yes, wonderful, you know who I am. Now can you fix it?"
"He's reprogrammed your alt mode." Hook was quite impressed he managed to maintain a straight face as he looked over the other mechs new appearance.
"Yes" the words were forced out through clenched denta. "Can. You. Fix. It?"
"It'll cost you." Hook grinned; at this rate he'd have enough favours to buy the entire Decepticon army.
"Fine." Onslaught ground out as Hook gestured him into the Constructicon quarters, the medbay now being firmly in the grasp of Ratchet.
"I'll need you in your alt form to access the transformation sequence." Well, that was a lie, but there was no way he would let the other mech get away without him having some good blackmail material.
Hook snorted as the other mech folded down into his newly modelled alt mode, he had to hand it to Ratchet, mech might be insane but his work was absolutely beautiful.
Commiting the images of the fluorescent pink and yellow moped into his databanks Hook set to work.
"I am going to murder that medic."
The cold, emotionless statement interrupted Megatron and Starscream latest argument as Barricade clunked into the control room.
"You will not..." Megatron trailed off as a piece of armour hit the floor with a dull clang, his anger slowly giving way to surprise.
Taking the opportunity to slink away from the previously irate Warlord Starscream tilted his helm. "What did you hit?"
Barricade spared him a murderous glare before advancing on Megatron, "you will rein in that maniac before somebody offlines him."
"Attempting to offline Ratchet: impossible." Both Barricade and Megatron ignored the addition to the conversation from the comm. station where Soundwave was monitoring the airwaves.
"What exactly did he do this time?" Megatron asked wearily as he took in the state of one of his premier warriors. "It looks like you hit a wall at around three hundred miles per hour."
The snarl that ripped from Barricades vocaliser had even Megatron taking a prudent step backwards.
Unsubspacing a long chain like bit of metal he held it up. Long spikes glistened as it twirled in the light.
"The organics call them stingers; they use them to stop car chases by shredding the tires and causing the vehicle to lose control."
"And you ran over one of these how?" Megatron asked with a fair amount of trepidation, quite sure that he didn't really wish to know the answer.
"The fragger covered the corridors near his medbay with them. He got sick of Wild Rider using it as a shortcut and almost running him over. Fragger didn't think to tell any one else they were there."
"I'll have a word with him." Megatron quickly assured Barricade to avoid having to have his comm. officer put back together after the enraged warrior tore him apart.
Barricade snarled before stomping back out of the control room, several bits of bent and cracked armour left in his wake.
"Soundwave, where are Frenzy and Rumble?" Megatron glared at his comm. chief as he awaited a response. "I ordered them to report here."
"Casseticons: unable to comply"
"Casseticons: unable to report to this location" Soundwave clarified as he pulled up the security logs onto one of the terminals. Ravage huddling at his peds in a small ball of metal.
"Why are they unable to get here?"
"Casseticons: pranked Ratchet."
"I think I see where this is going..." Megatron said as he peered over Soundwaves shoulder at the security footage of all Soundwaves cassettes bar Ravage securely welded to the rec room ceiling. "You haven't tried to free them?"
"Soundwave: has no wish to join them."
"I need them for a mission."
"Suggestion: Megatron rescue cassettes. Reason: Soundwave not suicidal."
"And so Primus help you, I will turn you into an overgrown toaster you winged maniac."
Mechs for several corridors winced, glad that the medic's ire was focused on a different slagger, meaning they were relatively safe, for now...
The slight concussive wave of displaced air in one of those corridors announced the abrupt arrival of Skywarp, an offline Thundercracker propped up in his arms; the now all too familiar dented helm speaking of what had befallen him.
"Sorry Screamer, you're on your own." Skywarp muttered as he hauled his unconscious wingman back to their quarters. "You want to argue with Ratchet feel free, but we're not getting involved, we're not that slagging stupid, are we Thunder?"
The steady intake of air into a cooling system was his only answer. "Thought not." Warp said as he reached their door. "We'll go unweld his aft tomorrow yes?"
There was no audible answer but Skywarp didn't seem to need one as he manoeuvred himself and his companion through the door.
"Skywarp, Thundercracker, report to the control room."
Wincing at the ringing in their audios from the very loud, very annoyed, base wide announcement from their glorious Leader both of the mechs in question were off the berth and halfway to the door before they noticed the absence of their Trineleader.
"Wonder what he's done this time?" Thundercracker asked as he checked his internal chronometer. Barely a quarter of a planetary cycle since he was offlined in medbay, even Skywarp would be hard pressed to get into trouble in that short a space of time.
Flicking his wings in a shrug, Warp popped them both up to the corridor outside the control room.
Getting close enough to the door to trigger it the two Seekers cautiously peered around the door; seeing both Megatron and Soundwave present without any visible weaponry activated reassured them that the situation was safe enough to step into for the moment.
"Ah, finally. What exactly would you know about that?" Glancing at each other both seekers warily peered around the Warlord at the item he had indicated.
"It's. Well. It seems to be..."
"An organic bread toasting machine in a size large enough for Devastator to use." Thundercracker filled in when Skywarp suddenly trailed off with a snort of amusement.
"And you have no knowledge of how it came to be here?" Megatron asked in a rather neutral tone that suggested he had an answer and was merely awaiting confirmation.
Thundercracker frowned as Skywarp started sniggering beside him. "No, Sir."
"You were offline." Warp managed through his laughter, "but Ratchet threatened to turn Starscream into a toaster if he kept arguing with him."
Thundercracker frowned before turning back to stare at the toaster.
He wasn't the only one.
Both Seekers and Warlord turned to regard the communications officer in disbelief.
"Toasters: unable to talk. Starscream: quiet."
"We are agreed then?"
The gathering of cons was a strange sight. Usually attempting to destroy each other they had come together for a single purpose: to return the Medic of Doom to the Autobots before he offlined them all.
Megatron frowned as he looked over his troops as they efficiently gathered energon from the powerplant they were raiding. They were too quiet. Even Starscream hadn't protested any part of the plan.
In fact, they had been like this for several planetary revolutions.
He sighed as the red and blue truck crested a nearby hill, an assortment of vehicles spread out behind him.
"Before you start blasting each other, we," here Starscream indicated the cons who were calmly subspacing energon cubes in preparation to retreat, apparently unconcerned about the Autobots slowly closing in, "would like to point out that your medic has been with us for the past few months."
"Ratchet." Prime growled as he powered up his weaponry. "What have you done to him?"
"Not much. But you can have him back." Onslaught said as he poked the form of an offline mech at his feet.
Megatron and Prime glanced at each other as they both spoke at the same time, surprise on both of their faces.
"He's a menace." Hook said. "In the interests of giving you a fair warning, we did change a few of his programs."
"Decepticons, retreat." Starscream said as they finished subspacing the energon, leaving the unconscious medic behind them.
"I think you've been outvoted." Prime said as Megatron stared after his retreating cons before common sense kicked in and he followed them.
"Starscream, you will pay for this." He said over the Decepticon comm. frequency as he caught up with his troops.
"Negative: Decision unanimous. Ratchet: had to go."