A/N: I'd like to thank Aebbe for being a good beta.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
WHEREAS it Hath Pleased the Almighty Sorting Hat
Dear Father and Mother.
WHEREAS it hath pleased the Almighty Sorting Hat by it's decease and in it's unquestionable wisdom and mercy to sort our most well beloved cousin, Lily Luna, daughter of Harry James, Lord and Head of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Potter, by Ginevra Molly née Weasley, rightfully and solely into the Ancient and Honourable House of Slytherin, Now Know Ye that I, Hugo Arthur, son and heir of Ronald Bilius, scion of the Noble and Most Ancient House of Weasley, by Hermione Jean née Granger, hath by necessity of preserving Good Conscience and Family Honour, to prevent the effusion of blood, and for the avoiding all other inconveniences likely to grow should our most well beloved cousin, the aforesaid Lily Luna Potter, become the next Dark Lord, I hath adventure my person using all powers, means and avenues available to me to insure that such an eventuality may not come to pass, I hath therefore come to be sorted into aforesaid Ancient and Honourable House of Slytherin.
Given under my Hand and Seal at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, this First day of September, in the year of Our Lord two thousand and nineteen.
Your loving son,
P.S. I have officially broken the record for longest sorting in the history of the school at twenty-seven minutes.
P.P.S .Mummy PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! Don't let Dad disown me! I LOVE YOU Mummy!
Dear Mum and Dad,
Guess what? Hugo has officially broken the record for longest sorting EVER! 27 minutes! I was beginning to worry that the Hat would sort him into another school entirely!
When it did finally sort him the whole hall give such a great big tremor that I thought the very foundations of Hogwarts were crumpling with the news that a Weasley had NOT been sorted into Gryffindor!... But then I realized it was just Uncle Hagrid falling off his chair (which had me worried for a moment, he's SO old and he wasn't looking so good last week, but then he got back up and sat down again like nothing had happened so I knew he was OK). Not that I can blame Uncle Hagrid for falling off his chair mind you, I almost fell of mine and I was praying for this outcome! I just can't imagine being in a different house then Hugo!
I got to go now, Hugo's just realized WHERE we've been sorted and is being... Hugo.
P.S. It's Slytherin by the way.
P.P.S I know Uncle Ron will be... displeased with our sorting but he's not going to blast us off the family tree, is he? Or kill us by "ripping our intestines out of our bodies and hanging us with them before serving the rest of us up for Christmas dinner, so that Grandma hasn't got to cook this year," end quote, is he? (Yes Mum, you've always sad Hugo was creative.) He not going to, right? Good, just wanted to check.
P.P.P.S. Daddy can you please have a word with Uncle Ron just to be on the safe side? Thanks!
P.P.P.P.S. While you're at it, can you also have a word with James too please? I don't want him getting any ideas. Thanks again Daddy!